Ahahahahahahah
I thought I was gonna get to sleep tonight. But then Batiuk, out of no where, drops a giant weird bombshell onto the internet and goes back into his comic hole. Cindy’s pregnant? What? How?!? WHY???!!?!?
I mean, people joked about this at the beginning of the week, and I even ventured a guess that the Summers-Jarre family was going to extend via adoption of some kind. But CANCER seemed more likely. Ten years ago this would have been a stretch.
A quick google check tells me that this is technically possible. Women into their 70’s have conceived via hormone treatments and IVF, usually with eggs donated from another woman. But those women had to put in a ton of money and time. Cindy’s pregnancy would make her newsworthy, (which she might love) and put her on the list of the oldest mothers to ever conceive.
But more than all of that, what is the point? Why do this now?
If this had been a proper plot point in the last ten or so years of Funky Winkerbean, there might have been a story that could be told. Cindy and Funky broke up partially because she didn’t really want kids, at least at the time, and she never was presented as regretting that decision.
So say if in 2017, in her new marriage with Masone, she learned that he wanted kids, or changed her mind. If we got a wacky on and off story for a year of them deciding to to for it, and we got a proper arc of her and Masone talking about it, and her actually facing what it would mean to be a older mother. And then telling Funky that she’s gonna be a first time mom when his son is all grown up and engaged. You can make jokes out of that. You can make a story out of that. A few weeks, here and there, for a year. Fine. It would be terrible, but not any worse than bribing the former president with pizza to stop a deportation.
But this is Crankshaft. This is 2024. When introducing Funky concepts the last year, everything has been more or less explained as if some readers might not know. How are they going to explain who Cindy is? Her prior relationship with Funky? Her age? Are we going to get some kind of insight into this momentous decision in the life of a character who has been around since before I was born?
No, we’re not going to get that. We’re probably not going to get anything! I bet we’re going to get a weird sticker book version of a Sunday strip of the Starbuck premiere, and all this will be forgotten.
Cindy’s pregnant. She’s sitting in her little convertible and she’s pregnant and we’re not going to probably know much more about it until a clip art Masone swaggers into the Valentine next year. And in a face we’ve seen a dozen times before smirk for one panel and spout one word balloon about his mystery miracle spawn.
And why in panel 1 of today’s strip did they pull a Byrne Cindy face from the 2007 Meet the Cast pages!?!?
Son of Stuck Funky 
All I see is another means by which Batiuk kicks Funky in the nuts for ‘making’ people hate his strip. He needs to blame the name forced upon him for his failings as a storyteller so we get Funky dying without issue for the ‘crime’ of being…..tolerant of an author insert he was slightly more popular than in high school. It’s like how Bull committed suicide because being a jock who mistreated Helmet Hair Les was punishable by stupid death.
Is this happening because Batty is mad that Funky was cancelled? So now he just moves FW into Crankshaft and pretends nothing happened.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
(Cs shuts off his ipad, and then proceeds to puke and jump out of a window)
I said “Oh no” and laughed! If it were April 1st, I’d think CBH was behind this! Even in the 1988 graduation year timeline, Cindy would be in her mid-fifties. Not impossible to be pregnant at that age, but highly unlikely. I’m hoping Mason was merely being a smart-ass and that TB is just trolling us.
Still Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
(Mitch walks up and suddenly says:)
Mitch: GYAAAAAAATTTTTTT!!
Max: Hannah, I told you that giving him unrestricted access on his iPad was a terrible idea
Besides Dan’s artswipe of Byrne’s artwork, I recognize Masone’s face in panel 2
With the disappointment I feel in the new direction the cartoonist is taking, I’d like to create a new type of comment. A Random Strip in Crankshaft History. I will obtain a random Crankshaft strip utilizing the GoComic “Random” button. I will comment on the random strip and render a verdict if it is better, IMO, than the present-day offering. I will stop if I ever discover a random comic strip that I judge worse or more offensive than the actual strip of the day. I am purposely leaving out details because I want to invite you to read those strips. Constructive comments and critiques are welcome.
Today’s Random Strip in Crankshaft History:
Crankshaft from February 16, 2013. Pam and Ed are in the kitchen. Pam is looking into the refrigerator while Ed is eating at the kitchen table. Pam asks, “Did you throw out the cheese that was in here?” Ed replies, “No, I had it for lunch.” In the second panel, Pam looks at Ed and asks, “Was it any good?” Ed replies, “I guess… I couldn’t find an explanation date”.
Verdict: The random comic strip is the last strip featured in a fortnight of one-off gags. The comic features a recognizable joke with another Ed Crankshaft malapropism. It’s not the funniest, but a respectable effort.
Crankshaft 05/18/2024… WTH? I have no idea what to make of this strip. Cindy Summers, who was in the same high school graduating class as Funky and Les. Cindy, who was married to Funky. Funky, who is now happily retired and living with his wife Holly in Florida. Holly, who was also in Cindy’s graduating class. Holly, who is the same age as Cindy, but appeared in the strip a few weeks ago as a dumpy senior-aged hausfrau. Cindy, who attended her 50th class reunion a couple of years ago in the Funky Winkerbean strip. Cindy Summers, a 70-year-old in the established canon is pregnant?
I think Batty is pulling our collective legs with this one.
Winner: Random comic.
Number of days without an appearance by Dr. Harry L. Dinkle: 7
With the old strips you could see why some people would read it. They aren’t in the same league as Bloom County or Peanuts, or Calvin and Hobbes, but still decently funny for a daily read.
With the current strips, you wonder if Batty is going batty.
I think we’ve gone well past the ‘wondering’ stage, and are now debating which specific form of age-related dementia he might have.
A few years ago, I felt Crankshaft was better than typical Kings Features Syndicate titles such as Hi & Lois, Blondie, and the Family Circus. Not quite as good as Zits, Bizarro, and Rhymes With Orange.
Since swapping syndicates, I feel, the title has, for the most part, sucked beef jerkies. With GoComics, it’s also facing tougher competition. Including those titles you mentioned that are now in repeats.
I wish I could talk to Batiuk in person. Then I might be able to determine if it’s a mental decline or just plain no longer giving a damn.
I think leaving it as “I couldn’t find the *expiration* date” would be funnier! It means that cheese is from the last century! (Much like the cheese this strip is.) Third panel: Crank in the ER, covered in his own vomit. With everyone, staff and patients alike, pretending to ignore him and smirking. Yeah, Bus Asshole, it’s called Karma.
What can I say? The current Crankshaft story arc is a confusing mess. With all of the teasing and jocularity during the week I can’t figure what’s real and what was supposed to be joke.
Was Masone’s declaration of Cindy’s pregnancy supposed to be purposely overheard by Max and Hannah? Was it a joke at their expense? If so, was the June Starbuck Jones premiere also a prank on Max and Hannah? What was up with Masone’s sinister grin? As some have noted, how could Max and Hannah have been taken completely unaware by Masone’s announcement of a blockbuster movie premiere. Maybe because there is no movie?
Is Cindy’s pregnancy real? Highly doubtful. Can a Hollywood blockbuster be successfully be planned and carried out in a matter of weeks? Highly doubtful. Will the “storyteller” completely bypass any worthwhile storytelling?
Cartoonists with a certain talent level such as Watterson and Schulz could effectively combine comedy and drama. See Calvin and Hobbes this week for an example. Calvin’s family home was broken into and robbed. Calvin is preoccupied with finding Hobbes. There’s humor interspersed among the family’s tragedy. Mr. Batiuk, you are no Bill Watterson.
I’m not sure if this mess of story arc is the result of a decline in quality or a regrettable decline in cognitive ability. It’s sad, and I’m not sure if I want to just unfollow Crankshaft, or watch it burn like Rome.
Ah, I think I finally “got the reference.” The burnings are Batiuk’s career going up in flames. I wonder if he knows how to play the fiddle.
I guess we’ll find out on Monday. Tomorrow will hopefully feature a special guest appearance from Ed Crankshaft.
Be Ware of Eve Hill,
I am answering this:
💥Go for walkies, you yappy dog!💥
on our most recent thread. I think you have accidentally tapped into the motherlode. Most people follow strips because they like the main character. There are some exceptions. I believe Barney Google was banned decades from his own strip for reasons. Recently, he has made a return. Opus took over Bloom County, but Bloom Cty did not have main characters so it was acceptable. Same with Charlie Brown and Snoopy. Peanuts was an ensemble strip. After his marriage, I don’t think Lil Abner remained the focus of his comic. But name any other strip that could survive without the title character. Blondie? Calvin or Hobbes? Dick Tracy? Garfield? Mary Worth? Prince Valiant? Brenda Starr? Rex Morgan MD? Alley Oop?
The only example I can think of is Judge Parker. The Judge was missing long time. (That strip is so messed up, it is a guilty pleasure of mine to follow it.)
I guess when taking out the main character actually works, it is because it still finds the funny.
TB mostly removed Funky, but struggled to replace him with humor or fascinating arcs.
Batiuk replaced Ed Crankshaft, but what he replaced him with makes FW look like quality writing. (I find a similar case in film medium. Most of the blockbuster stars have left Marvel. The Company has tried to replace them with other characters. Yet if ratings and box office is any measure, it is a failure. There are many reasons for that to be true, but a strong reason is the great characters were replaced by characters that nobody bought into.)
To sum up: The only reason I read CS is because of SOSF. If not for all of you I wouldn’t give it the time of day.
As to the “reality” of Cindy’s pregnancy, I’m assuming those are speed/motion lines in Panel Two, indicating that the Jarres are already driving away from the Valentine and on their way to surprise Cindy’s parents (Who should, canonically, be in their nineties and as such not the type one should spring shocking announcements on) with their good news, so it probably isn’t an in-strip prank.
That’s possible, I guess.
I’ve been all over the place with this one.
With Batiuk you never know. We may never hear even about Cindy’s alleged pregnancy again. The Batiuk equivalent of leaving a burning bag of crap on your porch and running away.
I’m starting to wonder if at some level Batiuk keeps forgetting how old Cindy is. Certainly he remembered she was an Act 1 teen who’s over 50 years past her HS graduation, but in writing her getting a love life with a prime Hollywood start he keeps glazing over the age gap and just lets the artists draw her younger and younger. At this point with her self-care it’s a lot less believable that she lost her original newscaster job for looking too old.
Though who knows, maybe Cindy stumbled upon the secret of the Leech Woman (as seen on MST3K!) to be able to gain the secret of youth by sucking out lifeblood from hot young males, but with more long-term conditions than the hour or so it lasted in that film.
That’s just it, though. We never saw Cindy put any effort into maintaining her beauty. All she ever did was sit around and mope oh boo hoo poor little me I’m getting old. Then she stays impossibly young anyway.
All the main characters are God Mode Sue. Remember when Les got mugged in New York? He sat down in the rain, pouted, and waited for the story to rescue him from his own uselessness. He didn’t have the wherewithal to call his bank, take the most basic steps to protect himself after being victimized, or even remove himself from the place he was attacked!
Life simply isn’t an obstacle for Les, because he knows Tom Batiuk is around every corner ready to save him. And so it is with Cindy, funky, and the rest of them.
Remember when Les got mugged in New York? He sat down in the rain, pouted, and waited for the story to rescue him from his own uselessness. He didn’t have the wherewithal to call his bank, take the most basic steps to protect himself after being victimized, or even remove himself from the place he was attacked!
I think Les was too overcome with grief during that time
“I think Les was too overcome with grief during that time”
Because of Lisa, or because he remembered the last time he was robbed? (When his mother threw out his comical bookies.)
I’m betting it was Lisa’s death
If it was Lisa’s death was the cause of his grief, that only gives him about, what, a thirty-year window?
Les is “overcome with grief” any time it’s convenient for him to be. He’s a classic manipulator/narcissist.
Now I will say that when Les was mugged in New York it was a bump and grab and he didn’t even realize what had happened. He might not have even known he was mugged. They also took his cell phone as well as all his money, leaving him with a just a lucky quarter he used to make a phone call. The time he spent moping impotently in the rain was really just as he waited for Funky to apparently fly to New York to get him.
I’m gonna give Batiuk this one.
Batiuk still bailed him out in the form of Funky driving 400 miles to rescue him (a pretty grandiose request) and Dead Lisa giving him a lucky quarter. Because of course it was THAT quarter, and not any of the hundreds of coins that go in and out of your pocket in life. Yeah, it’s human nature to remember events as more cinematic than they really were. But that’s the focal point of why Les is such a shitty character. He makes EVERYTHING about Dead Lisa.
Les needed to use his lucky quarter to get a ride back to his hotel, or somewhere safe to regroup. The artwork implies he still in a dangerous neighborhood and setting himself up for further victimization.
I got some of the details wrong, but I still think the whole thing is pretty gross. Or did he get mugged twice and I’m remembering a different incident? This shit is so repetitive I can’t rule it out.
I’ll TB that one up to the point that Les didn’t realize he’d been mugged until he remembered he was supposed to be home THAT DAY to pick up Summer. I don’t care for anything that implies.
Even so, it wasn’t that story arc I struggled so much with as the aftermath of it, where Les treats favors from his friends (such as those incessant rides to and from the airport) as something he’s entitled to.
Honestly, thanks to Batiuk thinking he’s oh-so-clever, Les comes across EVEN WORSE than he appears after a surface glance.
The first panel of the first strip there, the one where Les gets pickpocketed? The newspaper headline reads “SOLDIERS TAKEN HOSTAGE”. That was Batiuk’s big “hint” about why Wally wasn’t around at the start of Act III. (He’s acknowledged that strip specifically as such.)
In other words, Funky went from Westview to New York City to pick up Les… WHILE HIS OWN COUSINEPHEW WAS MISSING AND PRESUMED DEAD. You’d think Funky would have more important things to concern himself with, but… nope, gotta bail Les out.
Well, somebody has to give Les a free ride to the airport so he can take his free flight to Hollywood.
Every time I check in, I’m always so grateful re: not reading Cranskshaft. It is, however, somewhat comforting to know that BatYam is still a laughably full of shit hack who couldn’t write his way out of a soggy paper lunch bag. Cindy’s preggers, eh? Isn’t she like almost sixty by now? THAT was the best story arc he was capable of dreaming up for Mason and Cindy?
Boy, he’s been kicking Cindy square in the pelvis for years now. Act III was like one long revenge fantasy with some of those characters. Funky, Bull, Wally, and Cindy, the one he built up, then totally destroyed. He spent a big hunk of Act II on turning the vapid shallow popular girl in high school into the most accomplished one of the bunch, then in Act III he just blew her all up. Too old, too haggard, too jealous, too insecure, too desperate, regretted not hooking up with Les in high school…it was a litany of humiliations, and Batiuk payback.
She was the most popular girl at WHS, she was a famous TV network news anchor/journalist, she was an award-nominated documentarian, she was on the cutting edge of podcasting, she married a Hollywood superstar, but sure, let’s knock her up! How does Batom even write this crap with a straight face?
I’ve got a theory that this is another round of kicking dirt on Cindy. It’s… bad. Read on if you dare.
She’s going to lose the baby.
Cindy’s pregnancy will fail somehow. The story will never acknowledge that her advanced age made it a longshot under any circumstances. The story will also fastidiously avoid any discussion of reproductive rights, or refer to them so obliquely it’ll be meaningless, a la “climate damage.” Les will show up and make it about himself, as he always does. Then Tom Batiuk will go on his blog and posture for another Pulitzer nomination.
It’s usually Batiuk’s M.O. to tip his “prestige arcs,” but I doubt even the Akron Beacon-Journal will waste column inches on him anymore.
This is entirely plausible. How long has it been since Tom has done one of these tragedy arcs? Was it Bull’s suicide?
Ugh. He would do that, too. The only flaw I can see is that it might be too ambitious for BatHam, but the subject matter is snugly within his demented wheelhouse.
Or maybe she’ll give the child up for adoption, and Jessica and Boy Lisa will take the child in, thereby closing that contrived little circle of mirth. It’s prety funny how there were hundreds of possible ways he could have gone with “Cindy marries Hollywood superstar”, but thus far every single Cindy/Mason arc has been total dreck about Lisa, the excerable Cliff Anger, Ohio, and what a trainwreck Cindy is. He’s been writing for Cindy for fifty-plus years and STILL has no idea what to do with her.
Definitely a plausible, dark take that would probably annoy me for multiple reasons if he went in that direction.
I offer up a different theory: TB has officially made Cindy younger simply because he can. FW is over, Crankshaft readers did not read FW so they won’t know how old Cindy is, and Timemop is the explanation for everyone else. Hollywood Mason can now have the much younger trophy wife, and Cindy can have the same insecurities as before only with pregnancy. I can already hear “Mason won’t find me attractive if I don’t lose this baby weight.” And imagine her showing up on set 7 months pregnant if Mason is shooting a love scene. He can keep making Cindy the same shallow insecure gal as always, only this time she can blame it on baby hormones.
That’s about what i’m thinking too–this is his trying to forcibly make the Hollywood couple the age they appear as: maybe fortyish? Cindy’s pregnancy sounds to be ‘unusual’ as opposed to ‘act of God’. It is weird that he used her in the first place for this role, as has been noted before he generated several clones of her in sequence for each generation.
Maybe i’m just rationalizing everything into my pet theory of him cleaning up his mess and shoehorning the strip’s characters into an eternal present. I guess we’ll see if he wants a pregnant character (is there a strip where the baby is never born?), a young baby (hello Marvin), or just end the strip before it gets anywhere.
Cindy’s pregnancy will fail somehow. The story will never acknowledge that her advanced age made it a longshot under any circumstances. The story will also fastidiously avoid any discussion of reproductive rights, or refer to them so obliquely it’ll be meaningless, a la “climate damage.” Les will show up and make it about himself, as he always does. Then Tom Batiuk will go on his blog and posture for another Pulitzer nomination.
I don’t think Batiuk cares for a Pulitzer nomination at this point
If this were taking place during Funky Winkerbean proper I’d think a miscarriage would be likely. But Masone and Cindy are barely characters in Crankshaft, it’s both too ambitious for this late in the game, and taking place in the wrong stadium.
Other than Dinkle, every other Funky character who has made the ‘transition’ has been introduced in relation to and in support of a preexisting Crankshaft character. Even Masone is going straight from Max and Hannah and The Valentine to Dinkle’s house. Not even the arc announcing the pregnancy was about the pregnancy, and Cindy’s only had one line this entire year so far, and had like one line last year. She’s not Cindy Summers the former news anchor and used-to-be most popular girl in school anymore. She’s the wife of Masone Jarree, movie star and owner of The Valentine.
It’s 2024. Crankshaft *is* Funky Winkerbean proper. THE ASSIMILATION IS COMPLETE.
But you’re right: Cindy is incidental to the proceedings. And you’ve inspired me to find an even worse theory for the pregnancy.
Cindy is pregnant so Mason Jarre would have a reason to go to Westview.
I know that makes no sense, but it’s exactly how Tom Batiuk’s mind works. He has no clue which story elements need to be justified, and which don’t. He doesn’t realize that owning a business, and doing location planning for a major Hollywood movie, are valid enough reasons to go to a place. (Never mind that all this can be done remotely.) So this is what he comes up with. I can see the gears in his mind spinning.
This potential child must exist for some reason, and that’s as good a guess as any. Not that TB can’t raise a plot point and then abandon it, but this seems too forced to not have some long-term payoff.
I’d also make a side bet that if this baby is born, it’ll turn up as an extra in the movie, like the end of Revenge of the Sith. That would fit nicely with the timeliness of TB’s pop culture references, and with how the Westview Mafia operates. This whole movie is going to staffed with nothing but Westview people, Mason, and Marianne Winters. Just like the first Starbuck Jones movie was.
The Funky Crankerbean-ing isn’t truly complete until Dick Facey shows up
When Les married Cayla, there was a question about the shade of color for something for the wedding, as I recall, and Cayla then told Les that she was pregnant. The color in his face in response to her announcement was the precise hue that she wanted.
Of course, Cayla wasn’t actually pregnant (unless in the attic of the Taj Moore-Hal, there is something chained to the wall resembling the “retched” protagonist of Richard Matheson’s “Born of Man and Woman”), so is it possible that Cindy being pregnant is merely an example of something outlandish presented as such…such as premiering a “Starbuck Jones” blockbuster at a tiny cinema such as the Valentine?
Only time (mop!) will tell…
I had forgotten about that incident, though in Cayla’s case it did seem that she gave him the faux news for the sole purpose of getting a specific reaction. In the case of Mason’s delivery of the pregnancy news, there really doesn’t appear to be a context where this would be considered a joke. There’s no motivation for him to elicit a shocked reaction from Max and Hannah. Of course, we could see things play out the same way the Cayla announcement went – it will never be mentioned again.
Regardless of his well known limitations as a writer with regards to maintaining continuity, I can’t imagine that TB hasn’t given at least a little bit of thought to the implications of this pregnancy announcement. In addition to the obvious difficulty of having an older woman carry a child, this is going to completely change the dynamics of their relationship, if he cares to pursue it. Mason and Cindy have up to now been depicted as this freewheeling, affluent power couple, and the addition of a child to their family will change completely, unless they just hire a nanny and continue their life as usual.
I wish I could say that it will be interesting to see how this plays out, but I know that it will play out in the most boring, unsatisfying way possible.
Bobanero:
If the pregnancy is real, I suspect that Banana Jr. 6000 has called its resolution: Sadie Summers will not become a doting aunt.
If it’s forgotten, I will think Spiderly: Gerry Conway gave Spider-Man an ulcer in the early 1970s, and within a year, it went into oblivion, although it resurfaced decades later.
It’s looking like this week is all Mason-Dinkle-Barlow, so there’s a high probability that the pregnancy will not be mentioned again, much like the Mason I’m bi….polar joke, which was never mentioned again. Either that or Cindy will just show up 6 months from now with a two year old toddler.
A tip of the Funky Felt Tip (the Crankshaft Chalk?) to the “Kid Trick” Stephen King described in his *Danse Macabre* book!
I watched a sixty-five-year-old horror movie yesterday called “House on Haunted Hill,” and none of the five people summoned to the titular location for a party have met Frederick Loren, their host. The arrangements came through the mail or on the phone, or, in the case of Nora Manning, with a request from her supervisor.
That was in 1959.
Why, in 2024, does Mason need to come to Westview and see Harry Dinkle in person?
What do you say, Joe Walsh?
“I have accountants pay for it all…”
That was in 1978.
“Cell Phone Girl Lost Her License/Now She Don’t Drive…”
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
After yesterday’s nonsense, guess who’s back?
Fitness Girl has returned (after 3 years) (Also Crankshaft himself)
With the disappointment I feel in the new direction the cartoonist is taking, I’d like to create a new type of comment. A Random Strip in Crankshaft History. I will obtain a random Crankshaft strip utilizing the GoComic “Random” button. I will comment on the random strip and render a verdict if it is better, IMO, than the present-day offering. I will stop if I ever discover a random comic strip that I judge worse or more offensive than the actual strip of the day. I am purposely leaving out details because I want to invite you to read those strips. Comments and critiques are welcome.
Today’s Random Strip in Crankshaft History: My major complaint has been the absence of the strip’s eponymous character, Ed Crankshaft. It doesn’t make much sense to have a random comic comparison when the type of strip I want is present. Hi, Ed!
Number of days without an appearance by Dr. Harry L. Dinkle: 8
The GoComics Crankshaft archive doesn’t have many Sundays strips during the era I consider classic Crankshaft. Also, in my opinion, it’s not fair to compare a daily strip to a Sunday strip. Sorry about that.
Date ranges for the presence of Sunday comics in the GoComics Crankshaft archive:
July 2003 – December 2004
January 2018 – December 2021
January 2023 –
I wonder what that’s all about.
Idiot Crankshaft author-avatar Lillian McKenzie could write a book about it. GoComics and the Mystery of the Missing Crankshaft Sunday Comic Strips.
Re: Monday 5/20’s “Funkyshaft”: Hoo boy. Brace yourselves, gang, because at least one strip this week is going to look like a pair of egg-swallowing snakes competing to see which one can unhinge their lower jaw the farthest.
This will be less “snake eating its own tail” than it is “dog eating its own vomit.” But, same result.
Looks like Raphael is reading today’s strip in the New York Post…
Why does WordPress hate it when I post images now?
My first post is usually blank. I do exactly the same thing and the second try posts the image,
With the disappointment I feel in the new direction the cartoonist is taking, I’d like to create a new type of comment. A Random Strip in Crankshaft History. I will obtain a random Crankshaft strip utilizing the GoComic “Random” button. I will comment on the random strip and render a verdict if it is better, IMO, than the present-day offering. I will stop if I ever discover a random comic strip that I judge worse or more offensive than the actual strip of the day. I may purposely leave out details because I want to invite you to read those strips. Constructive comments and critiques are welcome.
Today’s Random Strip in Crankshaft History: Crankshaft from June 06, 2012. Andy, Rocky, and Ed are conversing in the bus garage. Andy says, “I hear they’re talking about taking away two of our calamity days for next year.” In the second panel, Rocky gapes and says, “Really?” Ed eyes Andy and quips, “Now that is a calamity!”
Verdict: The random comic strip is featured in a week of one-off gags, starting in the bus garage, and ending with Ed and his Dale Evans buddies. The comic features a joke that is not an Ed Crankshaft malapropism. It’s a serviceable joke. Hi Andy and Rocky! We haven’t seen you for a while.
Crankshaft 05/20/2024. Mason Jarre sits in his car talking to himself as he arrives at the home of “Claude Barlow’s biographer.” Cindy has inexplicably disappeared. The home of “Claude Barlow’s biographer” (we all know who it is, Tom) has a treble clef prominently displayed on the garage door. This is a joke that was funny the first time. After seeing it a few dozen times, the joke has lost its effectiveness. The Dinkle home may change color every time we see it, but that treble clef will be on that garage door every time.
Winner: Random comic.
Number of days without an appearance by Dr. Harry L. Dinkle: 0. I think we can safely assume the vile creature is lurking within that home somewhere.
I neglected to include yesterday’s random comic. Sorry about that.
Sorry, I couldn’t get my ‘Today’s Random Strip in Crankshaft History’ to post here today. The text must include a “discouraging word”, or something. Sorry about that.
Thanks for freeing one of my posts.
See ya later moderator!
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Dinkshit: Where the hell is Cindy?
Mason: Hell if I know. She went inside the gas station for a smoke.
(Inside the gas station, CsRoberto2854 is forcing Cindy to drink a whole jar of Jarate)
With the disappointment I feel in the new direction the cartoonist is taking, I’d like to create a new type of comment. A Random Strip in Crankshaft History. I will obtain a random Crankshaft strip utilizing the GoComic “Random” button. I will comment on the random strip and render a verdict if it is better, IMO, than the present-day offering. I will stop this feature if I ever discover a random comic strip that I judge worse or more offensive than the actual strip of the day. I may purposely leave out details because I want to invite you to read those strips. Constructive comments and critiques are welcome.
Today’s Random Strip in Crankshaft History:
Crankshaft from March 26, 2004. Ed is in the local public pool for a session of water walking. In the first panel, Ed is in the water, reaching for the ladder to get out of the pool. He says to himself, “Now I know why they call this water walking…”. In the second panel, an exhausted Ed clings to the ladder and continues, “Because it’ll be a miracle if I can climb out of the pool.”
Verdict: The random comic strip is part of a week-long story arc featuring Ed exercising at a local pool. In the middle of the week, Ed shares the pool with a well-known character. The random comic features a joke that is not the funniest, but is a recognizable joke.
Crankshaft 05/21/2024.
In the latest edition of Tom Batiuk’s new title, ‘Dinkle Days’, Mason Jarre is met at the front door by Harry Dinkle. There is nothing new here. We know Mason is searching for the leading authority on the classical composer Claude Barlow. We also knew that person is Harry Dinkle. No surprises. Dinkle sports his usual fat-faced, jack-o’lantern grin. A barely recognizable Dinkle in the third panel jokes he is the ONLY authority. Ha ha. (sarcasm implied). Something else we already assumed.
Winner: Random comic. The random comic features Ed. The current strip features Dinkle. ’Nuff said.
Number of days without an appearance by Dr. Harry L. Dinkle: 0.
Number of days without an appearance by Ed Crankshaft, the feature’s title character: 2
I like the effort you’re putting into these. And it’s an effective way to convince the truefans how bad Crankshaft has gotten.
Thank you!
There’s not really all that much effort. The strips are doing most of the work. The random strips for being more than decent, and the contemporary strips for totally sucking.
The last five weeks of Crankshaft should put to rest any doubts that King Features pulled the plug on Funky Winkerbean.
Oh, well. My ‘Random strip in Crankshaft History’ post is stuck in that fussy spam filter again. Here’s a tidbit I thought the Crankshaft snarkers might be interested in (or disgusted by).
Since the Centerville Hardware story arc ended on April 14th, more than five weeks ago:
Number of days featuring Harry Dinkle: 20
Number of days featuring Ed Crankshaft: 3
Oops. Thanks, moderator. I should have refreshed the screen before posting.
Today’s I Wanna Beat The Shit Out of Harry L. Dinkle, The Motherfucker Who’s The Band Director Equivalent of Steven Seagal/Funky Crankerbean:
Dinkle: I AM THE AUTHORITY, I AM THE LAW, I. AM. GOD!
(Sonic.exe comes up and snaps Dinkle’s neck like a toothpick with his right hand)
Sonic.exe: THAT’S MY LINE.
(Today was my graduation, even though I’m attending a 5th year in high school to prepare me for college)
Congratulations on your graduation!
My older brother attended another year of high school. He had focus and knew what career he wanted to pursue.
Congratulations and I mean that sincerely.