Since Crankshaft is still languishing in a Dinkle tinged purgatory, and since tornado watches had me part homebound today, (my neck of the woods was spared,) I spent some time with my Complete Funky Winkerbean volumes this afternoon. Because if Batiuk is gonna drag out the taxidermized horse of Claude Barlow, World’s Worst Composer, and whip the desiccated carcass around for a week, I’m gonna hide in my archives and soothe myself with digging through the dumb running gag’s origins.
Last month, I did a post on Dinkle’s history as an author where I touched on Claude for a bit. But at that time I still didn’t have the volume where I could definitively point to a strip as the first mention of the composer. On April 28, 1976 we get the first mention of a book on greatest band directors, which quickly turns, classic Dinkle style, into egocentric self-aggrandizement. There were only a handful of strips of Great Band Directors.
But on January 8, 1979 the book has changed to Famous Composers.
January 27, 1980, we get our first ‘Chapter 10, Claude Barlow’ strip. Interestingly, this strip is just a dumb keyboard/musical notation joke, no mention yet of terrible idiosyncratic music.
In January 5, 1981 we get our second mention of Claude Barlow, and our first week of the type of music puns we would be subjected to, off and on, for the next forty plus years.
After this first week Claude would show up fairly steadily, a few times a year, for either one-off Sunday Strips, or entire weeks of gags, for the remainder of Act 1. I won’t post all the strips, but I will note when they were, so you can get a sense of how often old Claudy boi got mocked.
Sunday, April 12, 1981
The week of November 9, 1981
Sunday April 25, 1982.
May 13,14,15, 1982.
The week of April 11, 1983
Sunday July 8, 1984.
The week of April 1, 1985.
Sunday July 14, 1985
The week of January 20, 1986
On Sunday January 11, 1987 we get the first mention of an individual biography for Claude Barlow separate from Famous Composers.
The week of February 16, 1987.
Sunday April 5, 1987
Sunday June 21, 1987. We see the first time Claude Barlow is mentioned outside a Dinkle book writing gag. Also this is the first time Dinkle is shown attempting to have one of his musical ensembles perform a Barlow composition.
July 16 and 17, 1987
Sunday August 16, 1987.
Tuesday November 3, 1987
As we can see, as the 80’s progressed, Batiuk became more and more enamored of Dinkle’s fail-muse. And on April 24, 1988 he established that Barlow’s most famous composition was ‘A Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall’. The marching band endlessly singing this ear worm during long bus rides was already a gag going back to the 70’s.
In the week of December 11 of 1989, Dinkle is shown starting a more scholarly work, ‘The Annotated ‘A Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall”
Before I close out today’s post, can I say just how BLOOD CURDLING and SPINE CHILLING this December week of Annotated Bottles of Beer strips is to read? Because, as I read it, I’m horrified by the revelation that, in a sense, I am Dinkle. We are Dinkle. This place is Dinkle, and Tom Batiuk is our Claude Barlow. Assured of our own genius, we carefully catalogue and dissect the voluminous work of an obscure and awful artist only really known for a single terrible thing.
It’s staring at the monster you’ve come to slay and it nods at you knowingly. It smiles, and it says, “Before you even knew I existed, I had already mocked what you would become.”
Son of Stuck Funky 
We have references to two kings in this series of strips, George II (who reigned from 1727-60) and George III (who reigned from 1760-1820, even if his son, the future George IV, served as Prince Regent in that final decade, due to his father’s madness).
Needless to say, they don’t match the dates of Claude Barlow (King Charles I was two years into his ill-fated reign when Barlow died in 1627, as Charles Dickens’s Mr. Dick would be the first to observe), and, to borrow a phrase from Queen Victoria, “We are not amused.”
However, I offer this poem, which is amusing, from Walter Savage Landor:
George the First was always reckoned
Vile, but viler George the Second.
And what mortal ever heard
Any good of George the Third,
But when from earth the Fourth descended
God be praised the Georges ended.
And a clerihew from E.C. Bentley (whom Lillian may know as the author of *Trent’s Last Case,* though I doubt it):
George the Third
Ought never to have occurred.
One can only wonder
At so grotesque a blunder.
On a more serious note, the four Georges’s actual reigns are:
George I: 1714-27
George II: 1727-60
George III: 1760-1820
George IV: 1820-30
The Twentieth Century Georges were actually second sons, who followed a brother who died before he could become Prince of Wales (the Duke of Clarence) and a brother who abdicated the throne (Edward VIII). Their reigns were
George V: 1910-36
George VI: 1936-52
During the long reign of Elizabeth II, a historian speculated that Prince Charles would take as his regnal name George VII; however, he became King Charles III.
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks…
George 3rd was a bird
He seemed to be a very happy fellow
Until he learned
He had a yearn…
His only wish to grow
Into Anonymous Sparrow.
SP:
Thank you.
Like Leo Rosten’s Mr. Parkhill in the final H*Y*M*A*N K*A*P*L*A*N story, I wonder whether I shall ever feel so honored again.
Praise from Sorialpromise
Surpasses the revels of Comus…
Anonymous Sparrow,
Wow! To think now I have been to my first Comus festival! I wrote about a festival in my third biblical fantasy story, *Sorial Reproof*. It was Walpurga’s Night, at least their version of it. The Children of the Nephilim honor the tiny insignificant Beag for standing up as tall as the little sprit could, and refusing to worship the fallen angels. They of course, had their revenge, but the other Children honor her each year at the Festival. The furious Maug Melech appears at the festival, and intends to punish the female Nonnie for killing Maug’s backward son Brownie-Claude by soaking him in boiling water. As he lay dying, she whispered into his hairy ear, “Tell everyone my name that I killed you. Tell them you were killed by Me, Myself, and I.” As you can see, it puts a damper on a festive occasion.
I am checking out a new 2017 version of *Secret Garden*. Supposed to be in Steampunk style. The only one I know that owns that style is Be Ware of Eve Hill. Schnikes! She rocks it.
I own the book. I love both of the 1949 and 1993 versions. It is hard to beat Margaret O’Brian and Dean Stockwell. (He was a personal favorite of mine growing up.)
Well, hello. I must be going.
SP:
Tom Batiuk would smile at this.
My first awareness of Dean Stockwell came from a comic-book, when DC made a claim about the originality of Garfield (“Gar” to you and me, and a friend to you and me, too, just like George, George of the Jungle) Logan in the “Patrol Postscripts” column in *The Doom Patrol *, and readers brought up Stockwell’s performance in “The Boy with Green Hair.” DC rightly pointed out that the then-Beast Boy not only had green hair but a green face and form!
Comics also taught me that in Shakespeare’s day men played the women’s roles on stage.
Still haven’t seen “The Boy with Green Hair” in full, but I have seen “Paris, Texas” twice. (And “Compulsion” once, which may be the best fictional take on the Loeb and Leopold case.)
I should rectify that, and also read *The Secret Garden* online, as I’m familiar with two other Frances Hodgson Burnett works, *A Little Princess* and *Little Lord Fauntleroy.” (Was the secret little? {Louise Fitzhugh gave us a *Long Secret* after *Harriet the Spy*} Or was the garden?)
“Comus” is the first name of Saki’s “Unbearable Bassington.” It’s also the title of a “masque” from John Milton.
Anonymous Sparrow,
Stockwell was quite busy from 1948 through 1950. He does *the Boy with Green Hair*. A very good antiwar film. Then *Secret Garden* in 1949. He is a stinker in this film, yet reforms nicely. He made one of my all time favorite films in 1950, *The Happy Years* with Darryl Hickman, Leon Ames, and very young Hamilton Camp, and Leo G. Carroll. I did not see the film until the late ‘60’s. Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In was popular and they had a catch phrase, Sock it to Them. Of all people, as the old Roman, Leo G. Carroll says this to Dean in 1950! Amazing. Last of all, Dean plays very well against Errol Flynn in *Kim*. Exciting film.
You mention *The Little Princess*1939. Such great acting. Horrid meanness by the authority. Tremendous sadness as she hopes against hope to find her father. I showed this to my grandkids 2 weeks ago. Still a powerful film.
It’s Thursday, yet the weekend beckons. Friday is my grandson’s 5th birthday. I hope as he grows up that he has people that he respects as much as I respect you and Be Ware of Eve Hill.
SP:
Yeats has a fine poem called “A Prayer for My Daughter” (it gave us the phrase “crazy salad”), but I think I like your hope for your grandson better.
My version of “A Little Princess” is a made-for-TV serial with Maureen Lipman (Jane Lucas from the “Agony” sitcom which got Americanized as “The Lucie Arnaz Show”) as Miss Minchin. A true heart-tugger, and a reminder that things were different in those days (much as Sam Weller is content to be Mr. Pickwick’s valet, so is Becky thrilled to be Sara’s lady’s-maid).
The information about Dean Stockwell’s career was much appreciated. I’ll have to look into some of the movies you mentioned, probably starting with “Kim,” because I have fond memories of another Rudyard Kipling-derived picture, “The Light That Failed.”
“Never worry, never think it funny/Errol Flynn shared screen space with Bugs Bunny…”
Barlow is Dinkle’s Phantom Empire in that he fixated on something cheesy to devastating effect.
Mason: “Now that I have chosen which composer’s music will be featured in my soon-to-be-released movie, can you please tell me about his music?”
“…even though I already know about it, because I used the words ‘atonal’ and ‘dissonant.'”
I would ask what’s the point, but we all know what the point is. It’s to make yet another character into yet another media superstar and indulge Tom Batiuk’s oddly specific Famous Writer fantasy yet another time.
Dinkle will end up scoring the entire film and use his old people band to record it.
And then win a Grammy.
And an Academy Award!
All while Mason could have saved enormous amounts of time, money, and (especially) aggravation by just buying a theremin.
I have a Theremin, I bought it from Bob Moog himself when he was in Asheville North Carolina. It’s a beautiful machine and Batiuk can’t have it. Never.
Theremin is way too beautiful of an instrument for Starbuck Jones to ruin.
By another strange coincidence, today is Robert Moog’s birthday.
With the disappointment I feel in the new direction the cartoonist is taking, I’d like to create a new type of comment. A Random Strip in Crankshaft History. I will obtain a random Crankshaft strip utilizing the GoComic “Random” button. I will comment on the random strip and render a verdict if it is better, IMO, than the present-day offering. I will stop if I ever discover a random comic strip that I judge worse or more offensive than the actual strip of the day. I may purposely leave out details because I want to invite you to read those strips. Constructive comments and critiques are welcome.
Today’s Random Strip in Crankshaft History:
Crankshaft from March 9, 2007. In a week-long story arc, Ed is driving the school bus and is trying to avoid an alpha mom in hot pursuit. In the first panel, Ed glances in the rearview mirror and says to himself, “Alpha moms are really tough because they engage in all kinds of sports… but sometimes that can be their downfall.” In the second panel, Ed has a mischievous grin on his face as reaches behind the driver’s seat and grabs a soccer ball. He says, “I’ll try the old soccer ball trick.” In the third panel, Ed tosses the soccer ball out of the driver-side window and says, “Sometimes they revert to form and chase after it.”
Verdict: The random comic strip is part of a week-long story arc where Ed is regaling his fellow drivers at the bus garage with a tale of a close call with an alpha mom chasing his bus. I thought Crankshaft’s method to avoid the alpha mom was funny.
Crankshaft 05/22/2024.
In the latest edition of Tom Batiuk’s new title, ‘Dinkle Days’, a fat-faced Dinkle listens as Mason Jarre explains what kind of music he is searching for. Dinkle confirms that Claude Barlow’s craptacular music is just what the doctor ordered. (Lord, grant me strength)
Winner: Random comic. The random comic features Ed. The current strip has Dinkle. Boo. Dinkle. Boo.
Consecutive number of days without an appearance by Harry Dinkle: 0
Consecutive number of days without an appearance by Ed Crankshaft: 3
Total number of days featuring Harry Dinkle since the end of the Centerville Hardware Story Arc on April 14th: 22
Total number of days featuring Ed Crankshaft since the end of the Centerville Hardware Story Arc on April 14th: 3
Note: Also in today’s 05/22/2024 comic, someone must have informed Dan Davis the middle of the garage door was the wrong location for the treble clef. Chuck Ayers always drew the treble clef all the way to the left. The whole point was to utilize the panels of the garage door to make it resemble a music staff.
Is Mason making Star Wars or Sharknado?
Mason is making a movie more excrementitious than Battlefield Earth.
Except that Battlefield Earth was inadvertently entertaining. This is more like Star Wars Holiday Special.
Really? Battlefield Earth must have gotten ̷b̷̷e̷̷t̷̷t̷̷e̷̷r̷ inadvertently entertaining towards the end. In two attempts, I was unable to finish the movie. The first time I fell asleep. The second time my mind kept wandering, so I shut it off. Then the month long rental (free) expired. Never tried watching the movie again.
BE is riffable/hate-watchable, if you go into it with that attitude. SWHS is so bad it’s physically painful.
By an amazing coincidence, both feature friendly bartenders.
The friendly bartender, the most popular character in a show so bad the entire cast is driven to drink.
Allegedly, someone uploaded the entire ‘Star Wars Holiday Special’ to YouTube. I’ve never felt the compulsion to look for it.
I watched the Star Wars Holiday Special for the first time this year while wrapping Christmas presents. I watched it with the Rifftrax and had a thoroughly enjoyable time. A much better watch than The Last Jedi.
Maybe Rifftrax could make it entertaining, but I’ve seen SWHS by itself. It is awful, dated even for 1978, and weirdly creepy at times. There is only one greater train wreck between talented people and an awful project in the history of television. That would be “The Wiz.”
Agreed. SWHS by itself isn’t so-bad-it’s-good, it’s an exercise in endurance. It’s terrible from beginning to end, seems to have no audience in mind, and isn’t funny, dramatic, or…anything. It’s a lot like Tom Batiuk’s work. Even the cartoon is terrible. Lucas has been quite vocal about his dislike of the special, but consider…when he put out the “special” edition of Return of the Jedi, first thing he did was add more songs.
Just out of curiosity–were the last couple of weeks the first mention of Starbuck Jones in Crankshaft?
This has got to be the first mention of Claude Badair.
The OMEA stuff, that also started when FW got axed, right?
He’s just bringing his FW obsessions over into Crankshaft one by one.
I seem to recall that when they were filming a Starbuck Jones scene in Ohio that Crankshaft drove his bus full of kids into the set, or something like that, but I think that was in FW not in Crankshaft.
That was in FW and it was an aged up Andy Clark driving the bus.
The best bit in that story arc was this Sunday strip where Holly inserts herself into the Starbuck Jones set to teach one of the Xaxians to spin around their spear a la her old flaming baton trick. Holly… who doesn’t have a kid at WHS anymore… who is neither married to nor related to nor especially good friends with anyone who works at WHS… who was not at all depicted as being a part of the WHS field trip to the Great Lakes Science Center in Cleveland until this one strip… She just seemed to materialize for a dumb gag. It’s peak Act III.
Also pulling off a demonstration no problem here but getting back in the game for a dedicated arc costs her weeks of physical recovery.
Granted, slightly different athletics but still.
The Claude Barlow gags were just as disappointing and annoying then as they were later. There was no worse fate for a SoSF guest author than to get a Claude Barlow arc. None.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
The only way this arc can get dumber is if Steven Seagal, ChrisChan or JC-the-Hyena wrote it
Go Dinkle! Go and Suck to the Extreme!
MONDAY: “Hello, is this 1950s tract house where me go? My car sure shrinked!”
TUES: MASON: “Hello, Man! I myself am also me!” DANKLE: “Yes, I am the man for which you look [BIRDS FLY OUT OF HIS MOUTH]” MASON: “Man—you head look diff! What Give?!”
WEDS: MASON: “Man, let me RE-introduce myself, in the 30 seconds since we met! I need—CRAZY MUSIC! MY GOD YOUR HEAD CHANGED SHAPE AGAIN!” (pulls out iPhone 22) “Note to assistant: ACID REAL GOOD THIS TIME!”
THURS: Mason SEES the awful music, SMELLS the melting walls, introduces himself again, is taken away to rehab.
FRI: Cindy gives birth.
You know what would be totally nuts, completely unbelievable, and yet still happen in this strip?
We’ve only seen 1 headshot of Cindy. What if the big surprise is she steps out of the Amazing Shrinking Porsche and–SHE’S 8 AND A HALF MONTHS PREGNANT?! Due the exact same day as the Star-nosed Mole Movie debuts?! And she–oh mi gawd, wait for it it’s SO GOOD–she gives BIRTH in the VALENTINE, or maybe in a MONTONI’S CAR? Those things would be exciting! Those have NEVER happened bef–
Oh. They did? More than once?
Well…kinda makes it even more likely then.
@billthesplut, I hope you don’t mind if I attach this to your comment. I forgot to post this the other day.
——————————
Did anybody else notice Dinkle left Mason hanging in the first panel of Tuesday’s strip?
Mason gets back at Harry in the second panel by insulting the length of his manhood with the classic Funky Winkerbean finger pinch gesture.
Harry demonstrates his finest panda impersonation in the third panel.
With the disappointment I feel in the new direction the cartoonist is taking, I’d like to share a new type of comment. A Random Strip in Crankshaft History. I will obtain a random Crankshaft comic strip from the GoComic‘s archive utilizing the featured ‘Random’ button. I will comment on the random strip and render a verdict if it is better, IMO, than the present-day offering. Certain details may be purposely left out because I want to invite you to read those strips. Constructive comments and critiques are welcome.
Today’s Random Strip in Crankshaft History:
Crankshaft from January 8, 2004. Today’s random strip features the classic manner Batiuk used to denote a memory flashback, the sepia-toned photo with the photo album corners. In the first panel flashback, two boys cower behind a snowbank and regret getting into a snowball fight with childhood chums Ed Crankshaft and Ralph Meckler. One of the boys says, “We never should’ve started a snowball fight with them!” In the second panel, time returns to the present day. Ed and Ralph similarly have a couple of neighborhood boys pinned down with snowballs. Ed strategizes with Ralph, “You keep ’em pinned down while I circle around behind ’em!”
Verdict: The random comic strip is part of a week featuring winter-themed comic strips. The last four comic strips of the week feature Ed and Ralph in a snowball fight with a couple of neighborhood boys. I prefer seeing the sepia-toned panel to indicate a flashback rather than the wavy-edged borders Batiuk has utilized lately. It’s fun to see that Ed hasn’t changed much in all those years, and still has his fastball. Also, in the Saturday strip, we see Ed’s mom in a flashback!
Crankshaft 05/23/2024.
One bad joke. Two bad jokes. Three bad jokes. Headdesk. I’m down for the count. Those are some bad jokes, Harry. Masone is smiling in the third panel because he clearly has an escape plan in mind.
Winner: Random comic. Hands down.
Updated current Crankshaft comic strip counts
Consecutive number of days without an appearance by Harry Dinkle: 0
Consecutive number of days without an appearance by Ed Crankshaft: 4
Total number of days featuring Harry Dinkle since the end of the Centerville Hardware Story Arc on April 14th: 23
Total number of days featuring Ed Crankshaft since the end of the Centerville Hardware Story Arc on April 14th: 3
Boo. Dinkle. Boo!
I’m enjoying this feature!
I suppose there’s 10,000-to-1 chance the “random” strip you use for comparison could actually turn out to be that same day’s strip. Or maybe a 1,000-to-1 chance it’s from the past week or two. Still — play those odds!
(I knew Crankshaft himself had been slowly disappearing from the strip, but only 3 appearances in the last 39 days? Wow!)
“Copy-wrongs” are what Andrews McMeel should call Davis’ art swipes.
Claude Barlow supposedly lived from 1543-1627. The first copyright law of any kind was in 1710. But I’m being a beady-eyed nitpicker again.
Imagine you’re Dan Davis. You’re supposed to illustrate Tom Batiuk’s scripts. Tell me you’re going to work your rear end off and make the best art ever.
In complete agreement here. Dan Davis is putting exactly the appropriate amount of effort, talent, and professionalism into this particular project.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
Masone, you can just hire John Williams to make the soundtrack for your shitty movie
If John Williams wrote the music, he’d probably win an Oscar which he would not share with anyone else.
Is Claude Barlow’s name a music pun that I’m missing, or is it just a riff on ‘low bar’?
I think “Claude” is supposed to call to mind “clod” as well, but maybe I’m giving TB too much credit.
So this whole week is just another Dinkle-at-his-typewriter arc, full of punchlines that make no sense given when Claude Barlow is supposed to have lived. (copyrights, heavy metal)
Yeah, it’s like he wanted to do a Claude Barlow arc, but he had to make it fit into the Crankshaft universe, and thus Dinkle had to be interacting with a Crankshaft character, so he made up this preposterous “Mason shows up unannounced at Dinkle’s house because he wants to use Barlow’s music in his latest sci-fi fantasy film even though it’s objectively terrible” plot scheme. Of course, Mason wasn’t a Crankshaft character either (he’s barely a FW character). Seriously, if I was a regular reader of Crankshaft before this Funkification began, I’d be plenty pissed.
You’re saying Tom Batiuk made up an entire Starbucks Jones III scenario just to justify a Claude Barlow arc.
I hate how plausible that is.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
Claude Barlow died centuries before Heavy metal was invented
I’m feeling disappointed with the new direction the cartoonist is taking with the Crankshaft comic strip. I want to share a new type of comment where I randomly select a strip from the Crankshaft’s archive using the GoComics “Random” button and then comment on it. I will then decide if the randomly selected strip is better, in my opinion, than the present-day offering. I might omit some details to encourage you to read those strips. I welcome constructive comments and critiques.
Today’s Random Strip in Crankshaft History:
Crankshaft from May 19, 2003. This comic strip features a week-long story arc showcasing Ed’s new glasses. In the first panel, Shane, one of the Roughriders, boards Crankshaft’s bus. He smiles and says, “There’s something different about you, Crankshaft!” In the second panel, Shane puts his hand on his chin as if in deep thought. Still smiling, he continues to tease, “Let me see if I can figure out what it is…” Ed cuts Shane off and tells him, “Grab a seat and sit down before they’re all gone, smart guy!”
Verdict: The random comic strip is part of a week-long story arc with a couple of appearances by the Roughriders, a few with his coworkers in the bus garage, and one featuring a classic Crankshaft joke. The random comic was a Monday strip and set up the remainder of the week. There is a strip that mentions Ed’s mentor, Pop Clutch!
Crankshaft 05/24/2024.
In the latest edition of ‘Dinkle Days’, Harry is spouting off dreadful one-liners like a lousy comic bombing on open mike night. To be fair, there were Dinkle strips like this in the early days of Funky Winkerbean. I wasn’t a big fan of those trips either. Then as now, this type of a strip is an interruption between the better story arcs.
Winner: Random comic. The random comic features Ed. The current strip features Dinkle.
Boo. Harry Dinkle. Boo.
—————————-
Updated current Crankshaft comic strip counts.
Consecutive number of days without an appearance by Harry Dinkle: 0
Consecutive number of days without an appearance by Ed Crankshaft: 5
Total number of days featuring Harry Dinkle since the end of the Centerville Hardware Story Arc on April 14th: 24
Total number of days featuring Ed Crankshaft since the end of the Centerville Hardware Story Arc on April 14th: 3
Ugh!
Well, I knew I was going to screw up at some point. The random comic wasn’t part of a one-week story arc. It was part of a four-week story arc where Ed failed his bus driver’s exam, failed his eye exam and had to get new eyeglasses.
2003 must have been before Batiuk created his arbitrary “Cartooning Rules.”
Luckily, I caught the error and was able to correct my comment on GoComics. Not so fortunate here on WordPress.
WordPress! (angrily shaking fish). We’re still thinking of you Duck. Miss ya. 😢
The “Crankshaft Fails His Eye Exam And Has To Wear Glasses For The Rest of His Life” storyline that BWOEH mentioned reminded me of a similar storyline from Funky Winkerbean that occured in 2002, instead featuring Cindy Summers complaining about it
Here are the strips
Wait, SHE SLEEPS WITH THEM ON?!
OH GROW THE FUCK UP YOU OVERGROWN WOMANBABY YOU’RE WORSE THAN ED CRANKSHAFT WHEN IT COMES SHIT LIKE THIS
Tom Selleck, Rivers Cuomo, Jonathan Davis, Buddy Holly, John Lennon,
The Daily Bleak
Woman Pretends to Be Disabled To Park In A Handicapped Space, Gets Arrested Because The Police Ain’t Fuckin’ Around
(Les comes up and punches her in the face with enough force it snaps her neck)
Really though, if her perception of the kinds of folks who wear glasses was shaped by Woody Allen, DSH, and Les, can we really blame Cindy for her seething hatred of them?
And I say this as someone who has worn glasses for about 3/4 of his life.
I think Cindy hates wearing glasses because she thinks it’ll make her look like a loser
Just curious, @csroberto2854, where did you get those Funky Winkerbeans strips?
My younger brother was supposed to start wearing glasses in the fourth grade, but he never wore them because he thought they were nerdy black plastic frames. He finally relented once he graduated from high school. He picked wire frame aviator glasses with tinted lenses. To hide his bloodshot eyes, I guess.
I got it from CK before it removed the FW strips by using the Seattlepi website (which didn’t make people use premium to view older strips)
Sorry, still being incredibly nosy. Did have some sort of automated script to copy the comics? You didn’t save them one-by-one? Did you? 😱
These strips remind me of my recurring dream where I’m the sole survivor of a nuclear war and the only reading material I can find are volumes of “The Complete Funky Winkerbean,” yet no matter how hard I try I can’t break my eyeglass lenses. “It isn’t fair,” I cry. “It isn’t fair at all!”
Oh, Cindy. Your life was never worth living.
Remember the Act III story when Cindy hinted that maybe she had a crush on Les in high school? That was a load of bull then, and these strips prove it.
Having wasted another week watching two idiots talk about how terrible Barlow was makes me wonder if music lovers are behind The Looming Burnings. They might set the world on fire to destroy the last traces of his works.
I’m feeling disappointed with the new direction the cartoonist is taking with the Crankshaft comic strip. I want to share a new type of comment where I randomly select a strip from the Crankshaft archive using the GoComics “Random” button and then comment on it. I will then decide if the randomly selected strip is better, in my opinion, than the present-day offering. I might omit some details to encourage you to read those strips. I welcome constructive comments and critiques.
Today’s Random Strip in Crankshaft History:
Crankshaft from July 12, 2023. Ugh. A post-syndicate swap comic strip had to randomly come up sooner or later. In the first panel, Mopey says, “So, Mr. Murdoch… our Atomik Komix crew is headed to San Diego for Comic-Con…” In the second panel, Mopey Pete continues, “And I was wondering if you’d like to come along with us?” In the third panel, Jeff smirks and gives a sideways glance to his grinning imaginary inner child. Jeff’s inner child implores, “Say yes! Say yes! Say yes!”
Verdict: The random comic strip is part of a two-week-long story arc where Jeff joins Pete and Mindy for a trip to the San Diego Comic-Con. There’s no joke in this strip. It’s just another chance for the artist to illustrate Jeff’s horrifyingly grinning inner child, “Rictus Homunculus,” as he came to be called in the comments. Only 23 comments on this strip? What happened?
Crankshaft 05/25/2024.
In the latest edition of “Dinkle Days,” Masone Jarre is leaving Dinkle’s home after discovering that Claude Barlow’s music is still under copyright. This has left many readers wondering what the hell the entire week has been about. Hopefully, at long last, our long national nightmare is finally over and a different story arc will begin on Monday.
Winner: It’s a draw! There is no winner! Both strips are terrible! I’m not sure which is more horrifying, Rictus Homunculus’s grin or the profile silhouette of Dinkle’s jack-o’-lantern grin in the second panel.
Updated current Crankshaft comic strip counts.
Consecutive number of days without an appearance by Harry Dinkle: 0
Consecutive number of days without an appearance by Ed Crankshaft: 6
Total number of days featuring Harry Dinkle since the end of the Centerville Hardware Story Arc on April 14th: 25
Total number of days featuring Ed Crankshaft since the end of the Centerville Hardware Story Arc on April 14th: 3
That’s right. A measly three appearances of the title character in the past 41 days! A mere three appearances in almost six weeks!
FREE CRANKSHAFT!
After shaking hands, Dinkle returns Masone’s finger pinch gesture from Tuesday.
The other day I joked Masone was mocking Dinkle’s manhood with the finger pinch gesture. After seeing the third panel today, I’ve come to the conclusion that was incorrect. They can only be comparing the size of their brains. Dinkle’s is smaller.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
(Mason realises that Harry cut open his hand, so he calls for help like a TF2 Scout player thats at 124 HP)
Mason: MEEEEDDIC!
(some doctor comes up with a giant healing gun, and bashes Mason with it)
Dr. Ludwig Humboldt (The Medic): How would you feel if your friends begged you to heal them when they dont have life-ending injuries?
The hurting is so much more rewarding than the healing.
I just posted this on GC, but I’ll put it here as well. Not because I’m afraid you’ll miss it, as you all so follow my deathless “It’s Called Writing!” prose. In fact, I hear most of you hand-write all I say in the finest calligraphy, then save it in the locket you wear around your necks. (I know it’s tempting to tell total strangers “It’s my SPLUT-LOCKET!”, but don’t, it just sounds kinda gross.) I do it so that I can either say “I TOLD YOU SO!” or completely deny it when I’m wrong.
“Just because the week is up doesn’t mean this arc is. We still have yet to see the premiere of this quarter-finished movie, and whatever insanity “Cindy is Preggers” turns out to be. And, as Star-Nosed Mole is a comical book character, expect at least a week with the Komix Korner Klan dimwits. And the afterparty will be at Montoni’s, so expect a week of THAT.”