Please Omit Flowers

146 thoughts on “Please Omit Flowers”

1. Damn.

   I didn’t want to believe you, but I checked my email for the newsletter, and sure enough…

   Really, I’m just at a loss for words. I don’t know how to feel. On the one hand, it might be fun to have one last snark off at something truly crazy. On the other hand…like…I hate Jeff, but I really am not looking forward to seeing Pam suffer and have to play the supportive spouse to a dying manbaby. So it’s not as bad as when he announced Bull’s death before that arc ran. That time I was genuinely sad, and actually had to have my bestie give me a hug for it.

   1. Same here. I find myself at a loss as well, because… wow.

      ”Hey everyone, big news! I control this strip and everything in it, so say goodbye to Jeff; he’s already dead!”

      Ugh.

   2. And now, Ed burning money on gardening tools he doesn’t need will be even less responsible.

      1. If Jeff dies, Crankshaft could use the garden tools to bury him. With the usual results. Which of course no one will try to stop. “What are you doing, Dad?” (Jeff’s corpse launches into space, Weekend At Bernie’s style)

         1. I can almost see that happening.

2. Well then. Another arc for Jff put on his scorecard for “O’Brien Must Suffer” experience points. Though instead of being a lovable family man keeping a space station together all by himself even as intergalactic war and espionage breaks out around him, it’s an average Ohio man whose suffered an immortal jackass bus driver as a father-in-law, escaping with his kids into obscure childhood nostalgia to weather the grill massacres.

   An arc like that will certainly help me keep my snarking seat warm, something I’ve spaced out a bit on as my writing intents have taken me elsewhere a bit (my nostalgic specialty that few others care about is group writing projects based on obscure marketing lore for Lego toys, what fun). But I can certainly see why this’ll feel even more Diabolos ex Machina-ous than Bull’s CTE sentencing in a way. Annoying as Jff is, he hasn’t created as much alleged harm as his strip peers have, his worst crime is being an easy mold for the Batton Thomas-style embodiments of his creator’s preferences. Also the fact that we know there’s a timeline strand wiped out by Time Mop (even if ventures like the Murania incident were folded into his middle age life) where he enjoyed getting to grow old is going to feel more bittersweet now.

   Still, there’s time enough at last to see more of Jff in his prime. Bring on his Canadian Football trip (a venture I wonder will feel any dated in a way as the world goes on)!

3. …..I’d thought that this was a cleverly crafted, brilliantly executed April Fool’s joke — until I read that newsletter. I actually sort of liked Jeff.

   I’m at a loss. Truly.

   It’s obvious that he cares nothing for his characters or the world he’s “master” of. We know that; we’ve known it for years.

   But it’s “a pleasure” he says.

   A pleasure. To write about Jeff dying.

   Wow.

4. WAIT. Doesn’t this completely negate the fact that we’ve seen him as an older man in Act III Winkerbean?! Or is this where a time skip comes in??

   I need to go to bed.

   1. Good question. But who knows? Batiuk is certainly not beholden by his own continuity.

5. As for the irritating mommy issues, Batiuk isn’t especially aware of what it looked like to be almost insanely desperate for because his funny books might not arrive on time or to endure a tantrum because a new writer came up with a new bullshit story about why Flash runs at Ludicrous Speed. Mrs Batiuk must have used the word unhealthy to describe something he saw as linking him to his dad.

   1. Pardon my typo – I didn’t mean to downvote you!

      1. If you accidentally downvote a post, just upvote it (from the same device) and the downvote will be removed.

         1. Didn’t seem to work. Now I’ve both upvoted and downvoted, and on a duplicate comment to boot!😜

            1. Hmm, it used to work that way. Maybe the newer template doesn’t do that. I’m sorry about that.

   2. Pardon my typo – I didn’t mean to downvote you!

      1. It happens so don’t worry.

6. Jeff? Prostate cancer? Do noodles even have glands?

7. Happy April Fool’s Day 😉

8. out of the things I’ve been expecting from Post-2022 Crankshaft, “Jeff’s Story” definitely WASNT one of them

9. I’m investing all my money in Tom’s latest venture, BATIcoin. It’s block-chain based and mined using the latest AI tech and four jointly linked 386 computers, running Windows ME. Comes preloaded with a screen saver based on The Hampster Dance.

10. Hmm.

    We have two misspellings of a city’s name (it’s Winnipeg, not Winnepeg).

    And we have “it’s” for “Its.”

    Tom Batiuk seeing himself as Charles Dickens keeps coming to mind, and Effingham Swan in Sinclair Lewis’s It Can’t Happen Here thought it best to burn Dickens’s books as he wrote a lot about bad schools and such.

    I doubt very much that Lisa’s Story did as much for breast cancer awareness as Dotheboys School did for correcting bad schools or Sairey Gamp did for making midwives more respectable…or that Jeff’s Story will do as much for prostate cancer awareness.

    (Or be as discussed and examined as Jaka’s Story.)

    I do believe, however, that this time no one will mix up medical records, or that if someone does, Jeff will call Amicus Breef and press charges.

    “Do not go gentle into that good night…”

    1. I doubt that “Jff’s Story” will do as much for prostate cancer awareness as the annual “Pints For Prostates/PSA-IPA” beer promotion does.

    2. Anonymous Sparrow,
       I will submit my missive through Be Ware of Eve Hill to correct all of my misspelled words. Should you find any after her rigorous inspection, the blame will deservedly all be hers. 🔮 « La tête qui porte la couronne est mal à l’aise »🔮 Apparently Shakespeare loses something in the original French. 😁
       My best friend passed away from prostate cancer. Then 3 of his ex-wives were diagnosed within weeks, all with prostate cancer. Obviously they complained to their doctors Each one was told by their doctor, “Don’t be upset. Consider yourself as a modern American medical miracle!” If it wasn’t for the honor of it, they would have refused.
       I need to shout out to Banana Jr. 6000. I had never heard of *Cologuard* until today. Thanks to him, I am edjumacated.
       AS, have you experienced the GoComics Keystone Cops routine? Singlehandedly, they have made Comics Kingdom superior in performance. That was not easy. I may only read Crankshaft on ArcoMax and abandon GC completely.
       I know you like television westerns. I have almost finished the first season of *Deadwood*. I only started it because I enjoy Timothy Olyphant. I saw him and liked him in *Justified*.
       I am still reading *Wind in the Willows*. Mole just got lost looking for Badger. 🦡
       You are appreciated!

       1. I see the Cologuard commercial on TV all the time. It’s off-puttingly oblique. They don’t really tell you how it works, but you can infer it. As Butt-Head would say: “Huh-huh. I mailed a turd. Cool.”

          Don’t get me wrong, cancer screening is important. But the whole process just seems… wrrrrrrrrong. It sounds like a bad 90s SNL skit. I didn’t even know you could mail shit anymore. After Anthrax and COVID happened, the postal service clamped down on that sort of tomfoolery. Cologuard should have partnered with UPS anyway, because “what can brown do for you?” would be some great marketing synergy.

          Their instructional videos on YouTube are just as vague as the commercials. (And yes, I looked up Cologuard on YouTube just to get a clear answer to this. That’s going to do wonders for my algorithm recommendations.) Fortunately, Cologuard hired an excellent jingle writer: Lil’ Jon. Lil’ Jon is good at getting to the point. He has a musical number about the product that you don’t have to be Sigmund Freud to figure out.

          It seems a lot easier, less invasive, and less embarrassing to just take a shit at my doctor’s office. Besides, it’s 2025: I should be able to text my shit by now.

          1. Banana Jr. 6000
             When will texting get to the 21st century? Again, thank you for the education. I have even had colorectal cancer, and I have never heard of it before today. At the hospital where I worked, we just had them use a pan. That is so last century!
             I enjoyed the comment about UPS.

             1. Wow, I’m glad you’re still doing well. The word “cancer” gets thrown around so much in the Funkyverse, that it’s easy to forgot how deadly and life-altering it is. Which may be the #1 thing I find off-putting about Funky Winkerbean: how casual and flippant it is about a deadly disease, even as it fails to ever be funny or insightful.

             2. Banana Jr. 6000
                You are so right about cancer. It sure is serious. But never play the victim. Life is too short. My surgery and chemo were WAY back in 2010. During my sessions, I had these chemo induced dreams of bwoeh and a certain maiden from Iowa catering to me. I hadn’t even been on SOSF yet. I don’t even know if SOSF existed yet. Be Ware of Eve Hill used a French accent. Weird right?
                Also, apparently CBH was experiencing guilt over the April Fool’s Joke. She spilled the beans. 🫘 I think you might have lasted longer! But it was perfection! Some of us even imagined going to TB’s website and reading that post. Both of you created a mass hallucination! Bravo! Bravo!

             3. Yeah, after I had a stroke myself I don’t find “Pmm and Jff” that funny anymore… but if people want to say it, it doesn’t bother me. Besides, I dish out enough abuse that I need to be able to take it as well. It’s just a little uncomfortable in my own head. We can’t be thin-skinned about these things.

                Humor and tragedy can be mixed, but most people don’t have the skill to do this. Richard Pryor was good at it. He did a lot of material about racism and drug addiction and other horrible things, but he never diminshed them. I feel like Funky Winkerbean diminshed its own subject matter by not taking it seriously, not having the characters take it seriously, and by using it for cheap joke fodder. Meanwhile, some comic strips mixed tragedy and humor (or at least narrative) very effectively.

          2. Yeah, after I had a stroke myself I don’t find “Pmm and Jff” that funny anymore…

             I’ll just point out that the Pm and Jfff thing that I employ whenever Jeff shows up isn’t making light of people who’ve had strokes. Hell, my mother had one last year and as a consequence can’t see anything out of one eye. This prevents her from being able to read now.

             I do it to make light of how appallingly terrible Batiuk is at showing a stroke victim, again a result no doubt of him doing absolutely no research into how stroke victims are affected by their strokes. A guy whose speech centers are affected would *overpronounce* vowels, not eliminate them from his speech. And if Batiuk tries to claim that it wasn’t Fred’s speech centers, but rather his motor cortex around his jaw, which *could* conceivably lead to him calling Pam and Jeff “Pm and Jfff”, that’s the only way it manifests itself, when the other effects of a stroke like that and the post-stroke QoL would be criminal for him to exclude when he addresses Fred.

             (Plus, Batiuk said it was a speech issue anyway, so forget about that last part)

       2. SP! You spoke French! There you go speaking that French again! Something strange comes over me when you speak French! When you speak French, it really drives me wild! (grabs SP arm and starts to softly kiss it)😘😘😘 I’ve warned you I’m not responsible for my actions when you talk that way! That French, it ripples from your lips! It inflames me! Bon soir! Ooh la la!

          Timothy Olyphant! U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens? Ooh la la part deux. Tell me more!

          1. La Petite Fifi,

             Le magnétisme animal est si difficile à contrôler en français ! Ça rend fou.
             « Anonymous Sparrow » et moi sommes affligés d’une surabondance. C’est dans notre sang ! C’est dans notre âme !
             « Méfiez-vous d’Eve Hill », promets-moi que tu seras comme « ComicBookHarriet », ignore-nous complètement ! C’est la vie!
             « Promesse Sorial »

    3. Come for the typical Crankshaft, Funky Winkerbean and Tom Batiuk bashing. Enjoy the Charles Dickens and William Shakespeare references.😂

       Can’t say I knew the Jaka reference, or even remember the character of Jaka at all, but one of my brothers read Cerebus for several years. I remember Elrod the Albino (who talked like Foghorn Leghorn), and the Cockroach (hisssss! Kick ’em inna stomach, punch ’em inna face! Hissss!).

       1. Fun fact about Foghorn Leghorn:

          He came from Senator Claghorn (he was from the South, son, from the South!) on the Fred Allen Show.

          But, as the Warner Brothers cartoons were copyrighted, whenever Kenny Delmar, who created the Senator, wanted to do the voice on radio, he had to contact Warner Brothers for permission to use the voice he’d originated.

          The Cockroach had several other incarnations in Cerebus. My favorite was the Moon Roach, who made me appreciate Marvel’s Moon Knight all the more when I read his adventures years later. (Honest to Khonshu!)

          (C’est vrai, Marc.)

          (Merci beaucoup, Frenchie. Neanmoins, Marlene me prefere dans l’autre identite de Steven Grant.)

          Elrod was briefly Deadalbino, who, like DC’s Deadman, could enter the bodies of others. (He thought the name had “panache,” a word dear to Cyrano de Bergerac.)

          Jaka was married to Rick, who got his own “Story” years later.

          1. Interesting. I’ll have to check out Senator Claghorn. Can probably find something on YouTube.

             Thanks for the Cerebus the Aardvark info. My younger brother probably stopped getting the comic in the early 1980s. Moonknight was one of the titles he read.

             You’re probably aware of this, but in case you’re not, Elrod the Albino was based on Michael Moorcock’s Elric of Melniboné. I was aware of the character because my older brother was an avid reader who enjoyed reading science fiction and fantasy, among other genres.

             Michael Moorcock was also a musician, and a lyricist for one of my husband’s favorite bands, Hawkwind.

             (Parlez-vous couramment français, ou utilisez-vous un outil de traduction comme SorialPromise et moi ? J’ai étudié le français au lycée, mais je suis loin d’être fluent.)

             1. BWOEH:

                My French is serviceable at best, and as I haven’t had much of an opportunity to use it of late, it is now probably not even that.

                “Rouille” would be the word, I believe.

                (Even if I know that the proper response to “merci” is not “bienvenu,” but “de rien.”)

                (“Bienvenu” is what you say when something is welcome, as when Signor Cellini had a son when he thought he was going to have another daughter and named him “Benvenuto,” as he was thanking God for a welcome gift.)

                In later years, Cerebus had a Sandman parody (the Roach was Swoon and Elrod was Snuff), which Neil Gaiman enjoyed (he pronounced it “toe-curlingly funny”).

                I have a question for you to pose to your husband.

                I’m always on the listen (that’s like a look out for ears) for new music, and I would like to explore the oeuvre of Hawkwind after examining that of Marillion.* Does Mr. BWOEH have any recommendations or starting places?

                If so, please pass them on, and thank him profusely for me.

                *

                “Marillion” took their name The Silmarillion, a Tolkien work…and Michael Moorcock’s view of Tolkien is that his legendarium is “Epic Pooh.” I wonder if Hawkwind fans sneer at Marillion and vice versa?

                (Written to John Hiatt, whose daughter is also immensely talented.)

             2. Anonymous Sparrow:

                Loving husband says the double live album ‘Space Ritual’ is a great introduction to the band. He says it was good summary of the band’s career to that point. He says Hawkwind is still producing music.

                ‘Hall of the Mountain Grill’, is another one, if you’re not into live albums.

                Although not a Hawkwind album, Mr. bwoeh highly recommends ‘Captain Lockheed and the Starfighters’. It was a solo album by the one time frontman, Rob Calvert. It’s an album of music and satire.

                If you’re into heavy metal, here’s a bit of trivia for you. At one time the bassist for Hawkwind was the late Ian “Lemmy” Kilmister. After leaving Hawkwind, Lemmy would go on to form heavy metal legends Motörhead.

                Marillion is Mr. bwoeh’s favorite band of all time. Or at least it used to be. He’s been listening to a hell of a lot of a band named ‘Porcupine Tree’ lately. Mr. bwoeh’s favorite musical genre has always been progressive music.

                John Hiatt? I remember the tune ‘Slow Turning’.

             3. BWOEH:

                Thank you so much for your response. It gives me much to ponder. It will also mean that I’ll complete hearing the special edition of Marillion’s Script for a Jester’s Tear.

                Since I like music and satire (so much more than what closes on Saturday night), I also will have to check out Captain Lockheed, assuming that Stormbringer allows it.

                I liked that you cited “Slow Turning” for John Hiatt, because it’s the title track of the album which followed Bring the Family, his commercial breakthrough as an artist (as opposed to someone who wrote great songs which others did well with, such as “Memphis in the Meantime” for Gregg Allman or “She Don’t Love Nobody” for Nick Lowe)…and the album also contains “Tennessee Plates,” which is a highlight of the “Thelma & Louise” soundtrack. (Neko Case is working on a musical version of that movie.)

                I’ve known who Hiatt was since the 1970s when Vin Scelsa championed him at WNEW.

                Heavy metal is a genre I know but have never really taken to: I’d rather hear Robert Plant sing with Alison Krauss than with Jimmy Page.

                Today’s music will come from Lisa Stansfield, Dar Williams and Warren Zevon. May all three be unfamiliar to Harry Dinkle!

                And Halle, too!

11. I still don’t know if this is a joke or actually real (similar to what happened last year)

12. well I was wrong about Crankshaft ending….wait a minute, isn’t today April Fool’s Day? AKA Crankshaft’s birthday.

13. Today’s Crankshaft

    Day 2 of Crankshaft’s Bean End Saga 2025

    Ed: I have spent $3 billion dollars worth of gardening equipment.

    Pam: WHY!?

    Ed: Why not?

    Happy April Fools

14. And he called it a killer shark issue……..

15. Banana Jr. 6000 wrote: I can imitate Batiuk’s pretentiousness, “and then this happened” style, constant parenthetical asides, and his need to make everything about his pet subjects. But I can’t think like he does.

    Don’t sell yourself short, BJr6K!

16. I’ve noticed that GoComics is down right now, which means they’re implementing the update now

    1. I checked the new GC and I’m afraid the archives to FW are behind a paywall

       And that killed the possibility of me coming back there

       1. I’m lucky my mom is agreeing to pay for a subscription. Cancelling Comics Kingdom as it has nothing good,and I can easily use Anna’s Archive (Don’t tell TB I pirated some later Funky strips!) for Crankshaft and Funky,and for Pajama Diaries. But it’s disgusting how GC wants us to subscribe to read archives.

          1. I highly doubt if I can get my parents to pay for a subscription for GoComics

             GoComics has become Comics Kingdom 2.0, which is what I feared it’d become

       2. Could be worse. I checked GC and found that my account no longer exists. Seems I made it a long, long time ago, when GC used actual account names and passwords rather than requiring an email address and other personal data for A-McM to sell to advertisers. So, with no email as an “account name,” the account vanished entirely. Or so it seems.

          I do find it funny that if I click on the “Help” link, I get a 404 Not Found error. Yeah, they were really, really prepared for this upgrade, weren’t they…

          1. My experience on the internet is that every time a website says “We’re changing things to improve your experience,” the exact opposite happens.

             1. From my vast experience in websites and tech support, I can tell you that they really are changing things to improve your experience. They just suck at it.

             2. @beckoningchasm and @Banana Jr. 6000

                In the business world, I have encountered many “system upgrades.” The days when IT departments could develop and maintain their own custom systems are long gone. Today, we see a reliance on one-size-fits-all software packages installed by consultants who rarely take the time to understand user requirements. As a result, these new systems always come with reduced functionality. The higher-ups always to respond with, “Make do.

             3. So many things are “reusable code” nowadays. You can find pre-existing freeware code that pretty much does whatever you need it to do, and apply it to your own website. GoComics and Comics Kingdom aren’t exactly the same, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they have similar roots or share some components.

             4. My experience has been that it is very, very easy for a salesman with showmanship skills to hypnotize upper management into using a particular product–especially if upper management never has a need for that product and won’t be using the new one. “I can print to my work printer using my phone while I’m in the shower? Ooooo let’s buy that!”

          2. Could be even worse. My brother has been a paid GoComics subscriber since the early 2000’s. Like yours, his login credentials were also tied to a UserID rather than an email address. He could not log in this evening, continually receiving a credentials not recognized error message. He tried to reset his password with his email address but never received a verification code to start the process. The sad part is his email address is on file with GoComics. They have his email address because that’s how they send him his daily comics lists.

             My brother contacted user support to have the issue fixed. He filed his request at around 7:30PM EDT. The canned response he received indicates his request was received outside regular business hours (after 4:00PM CDT). His request will be responded to in the order received, so much for paid subscriber perks. Get in line.

             I imagine GoComics Support has been deluged with support tickets. He can probably expect a response sometime on Thursday or Friday. I hope the poor guy receives his daily email tomorrow. Oh, BTW, his account was just renewed in February, not that he’d ever get a refund.

       3. Crap, Funky and Crankshaft archives paywalled past 2 weeks as near as i can tell. Along with everything else.

          This is so much worse than i was hoping. This may finally kill the legacy comic business finally.

       4. Now that’s the real fool of the hour; Commiting the same sins Comics Kingdom did.

          Even commited the same sin against snark that CK did back in the day; new comment system didn’t even bother to save the old one. Years of snarky takedowns vs. “Don’tl like it don’t read it” lost to the winds!

          Anyone got reliable tricks to navigate Arcamax’s backlog?

17. GoComics is inaccessible for me.

18. We don’t know for sure if Jeff will die. Honestly,I love anything sad,dark,or serious–so I’m looking forward to it. I really hope he lives,or at least long enough to be in Mindy’s wedding. I swear I’ll be a mess. Besides,prostate cancer is rarely talked about and it needs to be. I know it seems gross,but let’s do whatever and hope that Jeff lives. If he doesn’t,that’s fine with me,too. (I’ve lost both great-grandmas at age 7 and 9,lost my paternal grandma in 2020,and lost my counselor to COVID after my last visit in 2021. I also lost my great-aunt to ovarian cancer 2 years before I was born. I’m so used to death)

    1. I have to disagree with the “prostate cancer is rarely talked about” comment. Perhaps it does not get the media exposure that breast cancer does, but every man I know is aware of his prostate and the risk for cancer. If you are a male over the age of 50, your regular physical by default includes a PSA screening.

       1. Yeah, men know about prostate cancer, if only because the uncomfortable nature of the testing procedure is well-known.

19. I guess Jeff will need to buy a camcorder. One that uses full-size VHS cassettes.

    1. What will be on the tapes he leaves for Pmm’s next husband? “And yeah, she’ll spend a lot of time looking at Ed and saying, ‘What are you doing, Dad?’ when she can see exactly what he’s doing. I’d tell you this becomes endearing after about ten years, but really it doesn’t.”

       1. “For Batton Thomas”

          “For Flash Freeman”

          “For My Inner Child”

          “My reaction video to The Phantom Empire (complete)”

          Um, what else does Jeff do?
20. Pingback: EMERGENCY POST EMERGENCY POST – Some Illinois Dude Rambles About Shit

21. This is weirding me out. Because we all know that Jeff is the Ur-Batiuk Avatar. We know this because he’s the one that has the vicious, comics-hating mother AND he also has the “little Jeff” homonculus — clearly Tom at the age he was when the Flash “rearranged his molecules.” These are hyper-personal traits no other character has.

    Is TB predicting/portending/rehearsing his own demise here? I most sincerely and fervently hope not. I hope he’s healthy, cancer-free, disease-free, and ready to keep on keepin’ on for at least another 20 years.

    But this is giving me a morbid turn of mind.

    1. Batiuk did have prostate cancer himself some years back, so, in a way, this could be making Jeff EVEN MORE of an author avatar. (Assuming Jeff doesn’t die, of course.)

       1. The only salient question is, I suppose: What medium will he choose to record his postmortem instructions on?

          I have suggestions. TikToks, one to be loaded automatically for every remaining day in Pmm’s life. Perhaps a Jff voice for Pmm’s car, à la “My Mother the Car.”

          Can Jff perhaps create an AI with his personality so that he may entertain us with comix obsessions from beyond the grave?

          Whatever happens to Jeff, I have just one earnest prayer: Might he please take the other author avatars with him? Starting with Batton and ending with Les?

          1. Jeff would probably use a camera to record it

          2. Can Jff perhaps create an AI with his personality so that he may entertain us with comix obsessions from beyond the grave?

             That depends… does Jff even have a personality?

22. So this reminds me… what was TB doing during the great comic strip switcheroo on April Fools Day 1997?

    Having Les and Lisa interview Brenda Harpy about John Darling (who was murdered), naturally.

    *yawn*

    

    Meanwhile, Reuben Award winner Lynn Johnston and Reuben and Pulitzer Award winner Mike Peters had an absolute blast creating each other’s strips…

    1. I think Batiuk was unaware of April Fools ’97 because he must’ve wrote the “Who Murdered John Darling” saga a year prior

    2. Dilbert/Family Circus was the best one.

       1. Keane and Adams was an especially fun swap because they had different strip formats (and both did a great job making good jokes about the swap). I actually chose FBOFW and MG&G because they were stacked together right above Funky in the Toledo Blade… though I’ll hold Peters’ take on FBOFW up as one of the absolute best strips from that April 1st. Darned if a line like “I swear I’m taking you to the vet.” doesn’t just fit Elly Patterson to a T.

    3. Sure, Lynn Peterson and Mike Peters crossed over with each other — but by bringing in John Darling to his current strip, Tom Batiuk crossed over with himself. You want a switcheroo, Tom Batiuk will blow your mind with a switcheroo no one saw coming!

       (Or wanted, or liked, or cared about, or found entertaining….)

       (And, okay, yes, FINE, everyone saw this coming because it was in the middle of arc that had been going on for a while. Which is even MORE of a switcheroo if you think about it, because you didn’t expect an April Fools’ joke in, like, mid-March, right?)

       (Do they give Pultizers for this sort of thing? Switcheroo-litzers? Because Tom would like to mail in his application to the committee!)

       1. There were actually two “self-switches” in the Great Comics Switcheroo of 1997:

          Greg Howard and Craig MacIntosh traded the writing and art jobs on Sally Forth. (Greg Howard was the usual writer and Craig MacIntosh the artist.)

          Kevin Fagan, the creator of Drabble, drew the strip with his left hand instead of his right hand.

23. Hard to tell, but it looks like GoComics just wiped out my account. Using correct email and password throws an error; asking for a reset code and nothing shows up in the inbox.

    Way to kill it with fire, GoComics.

24. I was totally hoodwinked last year on April 1st, so I am skeptical yet entertained.

25. Wow, and up to now I’ve long praised GoComics for NOT being like Comics Kingdom.

    Guess that’s over.

26. *taps microphone*

    *clears throat*

    Yes, this is your co-captain speaking. I would like to make an official announcement.:

    April Fools.

    (Except for GoComics turning into a trashfire. That seems to be genuine. Sorry guys.)

    1. OOOOOOHHHHHHH, you got me! 😂😂😂

       I was like “it must be true; the only thing he doesn’t joke about (when it’s convenient for him) is cancer”.

       Owned, we got! 😂😄

       1. Your response, of KNOWING that it was April 1st, but falling for it anyway, was the absolute highlight of the gag for me.

          Glad you guys enjoyed it! I wrote the newsletter, and then Banana Jr wrote the post as if the newsletter was real. I thought he took my pitch and knocked it clear out of the park. So I am standing in line for him all day.

          1. In that case, you’ll really like this. I fell a day behind in my GoComics reading, so I read both my Sunday and Monday comic strips on Monday evening. I tried to go to bed but couldn’t sleep (thanks to blue light exposure and all that). Eventually, I got up to check if a friend had replied to an email I sent earlier. They hadn’t, but I noticed an email notification from Son of Stuck Funky about a new blog post. A new blog on a Tuesday? That was surprising! I read @Banana Jr. 6000’s blog and was shocked by what I found. It was overwhelming, so I decided I would check it out again in the morning.

             Like you and @Banana Jr. 6000, I also subscribe to Tom Batiuk’s newsletter. I was puzzled as to why I hadn’t received the same email as @Banana Jr. 6000. Did Tom Batiuk find out that I disclosed the content of one of his emails on SoSF and decided to drop me? That seemed unlikely—why would he risk exposing himself like that? Perhaps it was just a one-time glitch.

             I realized it was close to 11:30 PM MDT, which meant that the GoComics strips for 04/01/2025 would be released any minute. Intrigued, I logged on to GoComics. The website looked the same as it did the a couple of hours before. I thought, what if the big GoComics upgrade was just one big April Fool’s joke? Then it hit me: F- – – – – -CK! SoSF had April Fooled me again.

             Yes, you and @Banana Jr. 6000 played a fantastic April Fool’s joke on me, but it doesn’t compare to the prank GoComics is playing on its readers. It’s an April Fool’s joke? Right? RIGHT? (sobs). 😭

             1. The GoComics ‘update’ nightmare is gonna be really fun when the Crankshaft awards roll around next year.

                I’m ambivalent on the paywall. On the one hand, with so many newspapers dying it makes perfect sense to me that they would need a new way to make money. Comic artists aren’t doing it for free, so why should we expect all of it for free?

                On the other hand, putting up a paywall is just going to hasten the death of comics readership. There isn’t a soap strip on this planet, except MAYBE Dick Tracey, that isn’t entirely reliant on a healthy snarkdom.

                Maybe if the site didn’t run and look like complete ass, we wouldn’t feel so bad shelling out a few bucks a month for it. Seriously. I’ve seen Nigerian scam sites on scambaiting YouTube channels that look better than GoComics.

             2. ComicBookHarriet:

                GoComics, in their emails said, “This necessary price increase ensures that we’re able to support our creators, continually improve the site, and bring you the exceptional comics-reading experience you expect.” So hopefully the subscription price increase will convince some of the talent to stay.

                Yeah. It seems GoComics lost another title last weekend due the creator deciding on greener pastures. Phoebe and Her Unicorn by Dana Simpson, a recent Reuben Award nominee. She has ceased producing the daily comic to concentrate on graphic novels.

                From what I’ve read, the soap opera strips were left out of the Gannett/USA Today comic strip packages for a reason. Something about newspapers that don’t come out every day could play havoc on the continuity of soap opera strip narratives. I think Mary Worth would have been immune.🤣

                Is there a soul alive who t̲r̲u̲t̲h̲f̲u̲l̲l̲y̲ believes OpenWeb is a superior commenting platform? Boo, OpenWeb. Boo! Only OpenWeb can make nested comments a truly aggravating experience. JUST OPEN ALL OF THE DAMN REPLIES ALREADY!!!

    2. I fell for it SO BADLY

    3. I was convinced when I saw the post early last night but I started to clock in not long after.

       Well-played, you made something I think we all wanted to manifest willfully into reality in a way.

    4. Kind of figured it, but then, Batiuk’s mind is inscrutable. Any answer could be correct. All answers are correct. Still, well played. Kudos to the team.

    5. I noticed that the Newsletter was hosted on this site, and I immediately got skeptical, especially with the unfinished sample strips with continuity errors that aren’t the sort of continuity errors the strip itself has.

       BTW, I noticed that all the comments on this site from before the post-Les wedding “Fred drives his family around the old neighborhood for some damn reason” sequence are gone. Is that a permanent change?

       1. I think that was a side-effect of the site style being changed due to the old one being removed in mid-october of 2024

          I’ve also noticed the comments were gone as well

          1. That had occurred to me, but I’m not sure why the cutoff for old comments would be October 22, 2012.

27. GoComics:

    WHAT the FUUUUU

    It demanded my credit card, and doesn’t show me anything. They actually made themselves worse than CK. I’ve been trying for an hour, and all it’s let me look at is…9 Chickweed.

    Hey, everybody! In 2 months, this is what’s going to happen to Social Security, when the whole thing’s put in the hands of a teenager who wants to be called “BIG BALLS”!

    1. we truly live in the worst timeline

       first CK gets fucked over, and now GC

       1. Nah, not the worst timeline ever. We’re currently in Berlin 1933. Berlin 1945 was worse. Cross your fingers and hope that in 2037, NYC is liberated by the Canadians and not the Russians.

          The 4/1 spoof was brilliant, but really guys? It literally loaded at midnight! It linked to a SOSF image file, and not to Tom’s page. Also, please don’t reply to emails that come from “.ru” or Nigerian princes.

          And NOT a joke–In 2 months, our beloved Musktator is going to completely reprogram Social Security from smelly old COBOL to the new wave of the bright shiny future of…Java. Possibly using AOL Free Trial 3.5 floppies. If GC can’t do this right over a PAGE OF COMICS, how do you think that’s going to go? Our best hope is that our SS checks are replaced by pop-up ads for X10 spy cameras. We’ll still starve, but something something, maybe GREENLAND!

          Yes, he is 19 and wants people to call him “Big Balls.” Welcome to your fucking future.

          1. No politics, please.

             1. To whoever downvoted: it’s been site policy for many years. It’s right there on the sidebar, in fact. It’s an iron-clad rule, and IMO it’s a big reason why our silly site has worked as well as it has for as long at it has. And all I ask is that people respect it.

             2. And I hope to God the one downvote on Epicus’ followup was a misclick.

             3. “Doubleplusgood, this Victory Stew!” He nervously wiped the sweat from his brow, hoping everyone noticed his praise of the grey goo that was his day’s rations.”Did you hear?!” he said loudly. “Today, our weekly chocolate rations were increased to half a gram! And my 401K is the largest it’s ever been! The stock market has never been higher! The one downvoter–well, glad I’m not him!”

                The room went silent, as three men dressed in grey came in. They pulled him away from his stew. They never saw him again, and they never asked why. They never downvoted again.

                He loved Brother Funky.

28. Realizing right away that this was an April Fool’s joke (see my rare post @9:03 AM) makes me feel a LITTLE better about my periodic pathetic attempts at the Jeopardy Anytime Test.

    It was a really fun read for the usually quiet lurkers!

    Oh, I’m late for my daily dose of humility – off to watch Jeopardy!

    1. 😀

29. I love it when these April 1 gags go over. Nicely done. Special thanks to CBH and BJ6000 for their staggering efforts to keep SoSF alive and kicking. Now gather your things, we’re letting you both go. April Fools! Nah LOL, we’re giving you both corner offices. Yes, every office in a trailer is technically a “corner office”, but nevertheless.

30. Today in response to @beckoningchasm and @banana Jr. 6000 above.

    In the business world, I have encountered many “system upgrades.” The days when IT departments could develop and maintain their own custom systems are long gone. Today, we see a reliance on one-size-fits-all software packages installed by consultants who rarely take the time to understand user requirements. As a result, these new systems always come with reduced functionality. The higher-ups always respond with, “Make do.“

    In a comment on SoSF the other day, I said:

    As stated in my OP, I’m really concerned about discovering what the free subscribers will lose. The ability to save favorites; i.e., no more daily feed, so I have to read the titles one-by-one, like on ArcaMax? Will the free subscribers lose complete access to the archive? Limited to only two weeks or a month? No more emails featuring comic strips sharing a similar theme from GoComics? No access to the GoComics blogs?

    I’m also fairly concerned about this “modernized commenting platform.” I really hope it’s not OpenWeb. There’s no better way to ruin a forum. Ask any Comics Kingdom reader.

    We free subscribers did lose our ability to save favorites, the ability to create our daily feed, and complete access to the archive.

    😱 And guess what, folks? It is OpenWeb! (bwoeh face down on the table with a pounding fist)

    I wouldn’t be surprised if the same “Upgrades” were installed by the same computer consultants on both websites. Replace the red highlights on black of the Comics Kingdom website with the blue highlights on black of the new GoComics website? Try and tell me it’s not the same software package.

    To the The Comics Kingdom and GoComics. A bit of advice. The lowest bidder is never the best way to go.

    —————————–

    Hi there! It’s @User11458, you GoComics readers may remember me as @be ware of hill. I no longer have a list of “Comic strips I follow”. No daily feed. No bio. No saved comic strips. Things I built up over a decade and a half. Gone. Just shoot me. 👩🔫

    @Lay on MacDuff, @ComicStripChick, @ToonLoverCali, @Rusty’s Mom, @Lobo Lector, @Binky, @Binkie, @eve hill, @be ware of hill. 2011-2025. R.I.P.

    This evening on GoComics, I saw that Bill Thompson, a long time Funky Winkerbean/Crankshaft/SoSF snarker, posted a comment on Crankshaft. One out of a whopping total of four posted comments at the time. I posted a reply to Bill’s comment but was met with a screen reading “Something went wrong. Try again.” Thank you, GoComics. This is great! Way to go! /s 👍

    I wonder how many of my favorite Andrews McMeel comic strip titles can be found on ArcaMax and The Seattle Times?

    I read (past tense) over 80 comic strips a day on GoComics. The Golden Age of Online Comic Strips is over. At this point I’m not sure if subscribing to GoComics would be much of an improvement. I’m trying not to overreact but I’m thinking of taking a sick day tomorrow. I’m despondent. I can’t sleep. This sucks.

    To TFHackett, Epicus Doomus, Comic Book Harriet, Banana Jr. 6000, and to everyone in this community, this the last bastion of decent comic strip commentary left. (kneels on right knee, covers heart with right hand, lowers head) Thank you.

    1. I stand corrected. My favorites (a saved list of ‘Comics I Follow’) still exist. I’ll miss clicking the arrow to navigate to my next comic strip.

       I’m trying not to overreact but I’m thinking of taking a sick day tomorrow. I’m despondent. I can’t sleep. This sucks.

       Sorry to overreact. I did not take a sick day from work. I am no longer despondent. I got four hours of sleep last night. The new GoComics website was less buggy today, but there were still too many 404 screens. The changes to the GoComics website most definitely still suck.

31. I remembered that is was April 1 and so I came looking for the gag. Nicely done! That newsletter was really written in the Batiukian style, overly wordy, gratuitous use of big words when simpler words would provide a clearer explanation, and excessive self praise. That gag newsletter had it all.
    Do you think Batty browses this site?

    1. I think Batiuk is at least aware of this site

       1. Probably so, we know his lawyer certainly is…

32. This was another great April 1 post! The ONLY reason I twigged was because BJr6K had just written in a comment the day before about how he could imitate Batiuk’s style of prose writing — that triggered a little alarm bell for me. (Although as it turned out, apparently writing in Batiuk’s style was CBH’s role in this put-on!)

    Really, really well done. Even though I know it was an SoSF prank, I’ll still be looking for signs of “Jeff’s Story” appearing in Crankshaft for the next several months…

    1. The conversation you mention was a big help in selling the prank. I can only imitate TB’s writing style superficially. But it was always the plan for Harriet to write the faux newsletter, which made it seem more real than if I had written. Also, it was so well done that it was easy for me to respond to it as if it were real. I never felt like I was “acting” in any of that.

       Also, just to clarify what’s real and what’s not: I really am trying to be nicer. I don’t subscribe to the Batiuk newsletters; reading the blog posts is enough for me. And I wouldn’t comment publicly on semi-private correspondence. Finally, we tried to leave little hints that it was all a prank. I called it the “April Newsletter” which reminded the reader of today’s date. Also, I was writing about it on April 1, one minute after midnight, so it would probably have been the March newsletter).

       I’m glad everyone enjoyed it.

       1. I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. I fell for it,was excited that there would be awareness,and was even coming up with pre-story ideas.

          1. Well, I like you.

             1. Sorry if I overreacted. I’m autistic and I guess I skipped over the note that it was a gag.

             2. No, it’s fine. I knew what you meant, I was just poking fun at you.

                And i really am glad to have you here. It’s nice to hear from a more genuine fan of the Funkyverse, who’s also willing to engage with us.

             3. It’s gotta be hard to have a current nerdy obsession where the only other people you can find just as obsessed as you are snarky nitpickers.

                We’re not going to stop nitpicking and snarking on Batiuk and his strips, but you are welcome here, Alexa.

33. Today’s Crankshaft

    Day 3 of the Crankshaft Overspends on Bean’s End Crap 2025 Storyline

    I’m waiting for the Mopey-Mindy wedding because what’s happening lately in the strip just isn’t cutting it for me

34. I spent much of the morning beta testing–I mean, trying to use–the new GC. It is painful to me because I am a recovering programmer (programming is an addiction; you are never completely over it); it is doubly painful to me because when I wrote code for a living, it was for telecom systems, which are considered “safety of life” products and therefore are actually expected to work, which means they are actually designed and tested, things I am pretty sure were not part of GC’s “process.”

    So far, I have discovered that my old account (created before they decided to use email address as a key) is inaccessible–not gone, as when I created a new account I found my old username was still “taken by an existing account,” just stuck in limbo forever. So, I guess puddleglum1066 is history; long live HannibalsLectern (of course the new site can’t handle apostrophes or spaces in commenter names).

    Since I had to re-construct the account’s “my comics” page, I got to learn just how wretched the UI is. I am pretty sure the old UI allowed you to simply check comics in the index list to add them to your page; the new site requires you to navigate to each comic, then click the “Follow” button, then check your (only) “my comics” page in the pop-up dialog, then check “Save” in that pop-up. I think this might be to remind you that if you were a paying customer you could have multiple “my comics” pages, not that I can see any reason to do so. More likely it’s just lazy programming. Sorting the strips into some kind of order is an equally painful process, as the window doesn’t auto-scroll when you are trying to drag a strip from one end of the list to the other (I cannot imagine trying to do this on a mobile device).

    But those are just UI clunkiness. Next I ran into an actual bug: if you have a free account, your “my comics” page only displays the first three strips. The remaining strips are displayed as title thumbnails that must be clicked to see the strips. The thumbnails are placed after a big ad for the paid version. And that ad also seems to take the place of the fourth strip in your list–the last strip displayed in full is the third in your list, but the first to be displayed as a thumbnail is the fifth. The fourth is gone. Oops. For now, I put “The Comic That Has Its Finale Every Day” in that position, though I am thinking that would also be a good place for “Luann” or “9 Chickweed Lane,” as it would assure I’d never see them. But there’s no getting around it, this is an actual bug, and one that should have been obvious to anybody performing even the most rudimentary test of the software.

    Giving credit where it’s due, the commenting facility is better. Shame they had to throw out everything else good about the site to get it.

    OK, if you’ve read this far, I figure I owe you a comment about the strip itself… not that today’s strip has much to comment about. Somebody’s already pointed out that the bags of “silver iodide” in panel one are worth over a million bucks, and somebody else has already pointed out that the FAA isn’t going to allow Ed to operate a drone (I don’t think “toy” drones are allowed to operate over 500 feet, and anyway, there’s no way Ed’s drone is going to reach sufficient altitude to seed a cloud), and it occurs to me that none of this would have mattered before the hostile takeover by Funky Winkerbean Act IV. When “Crankshaft” was a comedic strip, the exaggeration and hyperbole (dark matter brownies, barbecue grills in space, Ed’s casual cruelty to children, vandalism and other law-breaking) were a source of humor. Now that the “quarter-inch from reality” crowd has shown up, these things are just dumb.

    And anyway, cloud seeding has a lousy success record.

35. Today’s Past Batiukverse Storyline: Funky and Cindy go to Carrie’s wedding and Funky behaves like a asshole there

    

    Ha ha it’s funny because Funky considers marriages to be the equivalent of suicide (seriously, I hate Act II!Funky)

    

    Carrie: Cindy, don’t you remember when you spread these godawful homophobic lies against Funky seconds after he broke up with you during high school?

    

    Carrie: Cindy, I’m deeply ashamed of who I used to be during high school and I’m even more ashamed to be even friends with someone who tried to murder my fiancee in high school for no other reason other than I was in love with her.

    (note: I have this incredibly fucking stupid headcanon which is that Carrie is married to Wicked Wanda)

    

    

    Funky: I never loved that bitch. I’m gonna file for a divorce the second we get home.

    

    aaaaaand Carrie was never seen again after this storyline

    1. Dang between the sportos and pretty girls, Batty has a lot of axes to grind.

    2. Holy fuck was Funky an asshole. Every single conversation he gets into he’s digging his wife with passive-aggressive comments. “Watch how cleverly I skewer this bitch!”

       Remind me, why exactly did Cindy agree to marry him in the first place? That never seemed reasonable to me. The lady with aspirations of celebrity media (which she was able to achieve), marries the assistant manager at a local pizza place? And when they’re in their twenties?

       1. Was Funky drinking heavily at this time? Because yeah, there’s a real nastiness there. The most offensive one, though, is that 3-30 one, where Cindy pimps out some meathead sporto to a sex-starved dweeb girl. At least we can say there’s proof that his “issues” with women didn’t deteriorate in Act III, that much is certain.

          1. this mini-storyline happened before Funky became a member of Alcoholics Anonymous

             1. He really was being awfully belligerent there, so I had to ask. Act II drove me away a few times, which is understandable, as it really was a beehive of stupid, pointless activity. It just wore you down after a while. So I missed some stuff, and I’m unsure of some of the chronology. It’s great when you post these, though.

       2. Act II Funky sure gives Dick Facey a run for his money in the “insufferable asshole” department

       3. He thought he was a bigger deal in high school than he actually was and he hates being reminded that he wasn’t. The dog’s breakfast he made of trying to go national stemmed from the same petty and stupid impulse.

       4. Why did anyone in the Funkyverse agree to marry anyone else? None of these couples have anything in common, except shallow surface interests. Most of them don’t seem to even like each other that much.

          1. There’s always an undercurrent of sarcastic cynicism, where every couple acts like they’re doing one another a favor by tolerating them. It’s a perpetual “battle of the sexes”, where every marriage is very sitcom-y, and full of zingers and such. And it never deviates from that formula.

             For my money, the weirdest one was Ann and Fred Fairgood, whose seemingly normal marriage was exposed as a sad loveless sham, complete with philandering, and shattered dreams. This all came on the heels of Fred’s stroke, and their son essentially rejecting them and replacing them with his dying/dead birth mother. I don’t know what they did to piss Batiuk off, but yikes.

             The Cliff/Vera marriage was the most absurd one, at least in Act III. The whole thing was so ludicrous, and so embarrassing, I don’t think Batty ever mentioned it again after the fact.

             1. Ann and Fred Fairgood, whose seemingly normal marriage was exposed as a sad loveless sham, complete with philandering, and shattered dreams.

                My suspicion is that Batiuk watched the Oscar ceremonies in the 80’s when the only award-winners were miserable slogs with terribly wounded people. They won Best Film and Best Actor awards by the handful. And Batiuk wanted his share. Comedy? Making people laugh? What is this, “Sullivan’s Travels”?

                No, if you want to win awards, you need to have miserable characters. And if you already have characters, make them miserable. And watch the mailbox for the nominations.

             2. As much of an asshole as Funky is, I think his marriage with Holly is the best one in the Funkyverse. They are always zinging each other, but in a way that seems playful and affectionate. It lacks the sitcom-y mean-spiritedness you mention. They’re the only couple that legitimately feel like an old, married couple. They snipe at each other, yeah. But it feels like they know this is the choice they made in life, and are more are less okay with it.

          2. At least the other marriages have pretext for them existing, however inadequate it was. Bull and Linda spoke to each other and had apparently genial conversations before they decided to get married. Les and Cayla went out on dates and spent time together. Rachel and Wally worked together, which led to Rachel deciding she wanted to help him. Cliff and Vera had past history. Mason and Cindy had several sequences together before they got engaged. Cory and Roxanne were in an army unit and got deployed together.

             I don’t remember anything like that with Funky and Cindy. It’s as if Batiuk wanted to keep Cindy in the cast and decided to “reward” Funky by having him marry his class’s hot chick. Never mind that the characterization that he gave her heavily suggested that she’d be leaving Westview ASAP for New York or LA or at least fricking Cleveland in service of her aspirations, WHICH SHE SOMEHOW ACCOMPLISHED ANYWAY. And never mind that unlike the other examples, there was NO relationship/friendship that would naturally lead to their getting together. He just wanted them married so they were married.

             It’s as if Marianne comes back in Crankshaft and we find out that she and Cody got married. Or Chien comes back and we find out that in the meantime she married Lumpy Black Kid.

             1. The Funkyverse marriage I hate the most is Becky and John Howard. These two should detest each other! She’s a driven workaholic with a need to prove herself, and he’s a lazy turd who wants to do nothing but play with comic books all day. Their values don’t match at all. Yes, opposites attract sometimes, but there’s no evidence of that happening either.

                On top of that, Wally was the love of Becky’s life, to the extent she forgave him for crippling her (though that story has its own problems). Her love is taken prisoner of war for a decade, is thought dead, found alive, comes back home, and SHE JUST WALKS AWAY? “Sorry, I made a commitment to the guy who owns the comic book store, even though I bitch about having to be the family breadwinner. He really likes the same old movies I do! You understand. I’ll tell Dinkle you said hi.”

                What a bunch of horseshit.

             2. The Funkyverse marriage I hate the most is Becky and John Howard. These two should detest each other! She’s a driven workaholic with a need to prove herself, and he’s a lazy turd who wants to do nothing but play with comic books all day. Their values don’t match at all. Yes, opposites attract sometimes, but there’s no evidence of that happening either.

                On top of that, Wally was the love of Becky’s life, to the extent she forgave him for crippling her (though that story has its own problems). Her love is taken prisoner of war for a decade, is thought dead, found alive, comes back home, and SHE JUST WALKS AWAY? “Sorry, I made a commitment to the guy who owns the comic book store, even though I bitch about having to be the family breadwinner. He really likes the same old movies I do! You understand. I’ll tell Dinkle you said hi.”

                What a bunch of horseshit.

             3. The Funkyverse marriage I hate the most is Becky and John Howard. 

                Same here, How the FUCK did John manage to get Becky to marry him? Did he threaten Rana and Wally Jr. with death if she said no? I guess we’ll never know

             4. @csroberto there was this big, dumb Act II story about how Becky and John bonded over old Casablanca-type movies. John’s mother tried to discourage him from dating becuase mommy issues; John had to overcome being an undateable dork; and comic books. This was all while Wally Winkerbean was still thought dead or missing. There’s a legimitately great Byrne drawing where Becky is insanely delighted to learn that Wally is alive. The love triangle was resolved with “apparently, Becky chose John. The end.” Once again, Batiuk wrote himself an interesting premise, and then took the easiest, lamest way out possible.

             5. The Funkyverse marriage I hate the most is Becky and John Howard.

                But again, Batiuk at least tried to set it up. They shared an interest and had time that they spent together, and even though Gross John went straight to asking her to marry her, that was consistent with his character. That Batiuk didn’t do a good job of it is a separate issue.

                I think I’ve mentioned this before but the pairing of Gross John and Becky was the weirdest one. He initially set it up evidently to kick Gross John in the crotch, by having Wally show up after going MIA in Afghanistan *right when* Gross John was in the toilet stall psyching himself up to ask Becky to marry him. The timing couldn’t have been more unbelievable and absurd.

                Probably should have just left it like that. If Batiuk felt bad about his partial avatar Gross John getting crushed by a relationship like that, he could have just had him get together with another woman Batiuk specifically created for that purpose. Like, for instance, Alex before Batiuk decided to make her a teenager ten years after her first appearance. (Still looking the same with the hair and the tats) But instead he decided that Gross John absolutely must have Becky. Maybe he felt sentimental about the previous story and decided to “fix” it.

                Of course, that fix required Wally to go back into active duty in another implausible development, where he gets captured again and goes MIA (He’s classified as 4F by the military. In the event of war, he’s a hostage) for ten years. To get Gross John and Becky together.

                And then, nothing. In virtually every sequence featuring them, there was resentment and apathy. They didn’t seem to even like each other. And Gross John clearly didn’t like Becky’s children. Becky spends all her time with Dinkle and Gross John spends all his time with Crazy, and if you didn’t know the strip’s history, you probably wouldn’t even know they were married. There was finally a sequence of them where Gross John was actually being supportive, but it was so unnecessary and awkward and late a sequence that it seems more than likely that Batiuk wrote it to fix their relationship that he’d been botching and undermining for something like 14 years at that point.

                And the point I don’t understand is why. He clearly wanted to have these two married, and yet when he pulled the extraordinary, implausible circumstances that brings it about, he can’t even begin to create a convincing relationship between them, or even write about their relationship at all beyond the standard sitcom bullshit he applies to every other marriage in the strip.

36. I don’t think there’s one single time that I looked at a 4/1 post here and didn’t initially believe it. Well done, everyone. Line, I stand in it.

37. Today’s Crankshaft

    Day 4 of the Crankshaft Overspends on Bean’s End Crap (2025 Edition)

    I have no idea what a tree cable is

    1. Still Today’s Crankshaft

       Ed: I also bought a bunch of useless shit that i’ll forget eventually.

       Meanwhile in Charterstone, California

       Looks like Wilbur’s new girlfriend is batshit insane, and thinks Dawn (Wilbur’s daughter) is gonna steal him away from her

       1. Go to Washingtonpost.com, view a past Mary Worth strip, and chanhge the date in the URL. You can see about a week and a half ahead.

          1. WAIT DID BELLE TRY TO POISON DAWN

             1. Well, don’t spoil it, dude.

          2. That reminds me, i wonder if there is a hack for seeing future strips thanks to the site redesign, maybe Josh at Comics Curmudgeon is going to start posting about Gocomics now.

             I have to admit i gave up on CC finally this year when i couldn’t take another lifeless post about Barney f’in Google.

             1. I still go there, but Josh has seemed to be on autopilot for a couple of years now. I guess he’s burned out and only has one guest host to rely on.

             2. i tried the washington post with a couple other strips, but it didnt work. Though it may have to do with who the syndicate is, because i noticed some telltale differences in the page.

38. Off-topic, but GoComics seems to have settled down a bit. I requested a password reset code and it actually arrived moments later. In the days following their relaunch, I found most of the comics I followed elsewhere.

39. Today’s Crankshaft

    Day 5 of the Crankshaft Overspends on Bean’s End Crap (2025 Edition)

    This week feels like it’s gonna drag for another two weeks

    1. Still Today’s Crankshaft

       Pam: What are those gigantic spheres standing next to you?

       Ed: I got them from some kid named Son Goten.

       (meanwhile in Universe 7)

       Vegeta: KAKAROT, WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE DRAGON BALLS!?!?

40. In response to a comment above, “Quark Strangeness and Charm” is a great Hawkwind album.

41. There’s a new TB blog entry. Cathy Batiuk has a better eye than Tom. The photo has a nice composition and I think it’s well framed.

    1. My dad always insisted on being the camera guy during family trips. Now my childhood is now documented visually with hundreds of poorly-framed, poorly-focused Polaroids of nothing in particular.

       After he died in 2006, my mom started going on trips with her friends, and sending me travel pictures that were genuinely very good. There was this one of an iceberg that i used as a backdrop on my work laptop, and coworkers would ask me where I got it. They thought it was pro quality, like those backdrop snaps Windows gives you. It was so much fun to tell them “my Mom took it!”

       Photography was seen as such a male skill at one point, that it resulted in a lot of skilled women being excluded. I wonder how many families had this happen.

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