I went to all the trouble of setting up a Batton Thomas betting pool, with options like “Will Skip start the week by making a comment about continuing the interview?” And the prick just rudely shows up on a Wednesday, hijacking a harmless week at Komix Korner. And re-uses that same smug drawing we’ve seen a dozen times by now.
How on earth did I fail to offer the option “yet another smug, insufferable book signing and not the actual interview”? In retrospect, that should be a standing offer in this wagering house. The Funkyverse is an endless parade of book signings for books no one would ever ready, by people who are incapable of writing them. My joss paper theory seems more plausible by the day.
(To make a house ruling: this week will not count as a Batton Death March week. So none of those wagers will be evaluated until the next fully-focused Batton Thomas interview week.)
If Tom Batiuk fulfills any promise to his readers, it’s the meta-promise he inadvertently makes to us snarkers: that his unhinged storytelling choices will be bizarrely entertaining. Who could forget Zanizbar, the talking, cigar-smoking murder chimp? Or Darrin’s decision to make a child’s toy of the handgun that killed that child’s own grandfather? Or Cindy’s late-life pregnancy, which was never resolved in any way? Or that this tiny town would have two people with almost-identical amputations, and no character would ever once comment on that? Or Timemop, and “humanity is our nation”?
But this kind of crazy is becoming less and less frequent. I often compare the Funkyverse to the infamous movie The Room. Crankshaft now feels more like 2010: The Year We Made Contact. Stanley Kubrick’s original 2001: A Space Odyssey could be dense and tedious at times, but it was also memorable and trippy, and told a strong story if you put the effort in. The sequel lost all the weird stuff, and told a straightforward, So Okay It’s Average story about interstellar Cold War cooperation, 20 years after the Soviet Union ended in real life. (The John Lithgow space walk scene is outstanding, though.)
The Funkyverse seems to be undergoing entropy. Its internal structure, what little there ever was, seems to be breaking down. I’ll tell you what I mean.
On June 1, 2024 – almost two years ago now – this blog made the decision to continue publishing, on grounds that Crankshaft was looking like a continuation of everything we that made the Funkyverse so compelling. And sometimes, it lived up to that meta-promise. The Burnings was probably the high/low point: an overhyped story about an out-of-date controversy, that did little more than demonstrate Les Moore’s complete immunity to the tiniest amounts of pushback.
But Batiuk has not been fulfilling that meta-promised. He has left certain tropes, like Atomix Komix and even Dead Lisa, mostly in Defuncty Winkerbean. Narshe recently gave an updated rotation of the frequent topics in Act IV Crankshaft:
– Batton Death March week
Narshe
– Ed malapropisms week
– Jeff as a stand-in for Batiuk to lament something related to his interests week
– Montoni’s week
– [Emily and Amelia] manager for [Lillian] week
– Dinkle week
– Idiots at a book signing week
That’s pretty accurate, though I would add two more to that list. The first one is a category I call the Legitimate Crankshaft Week. These are weeks that were just like what this strip contained before Funky ended. “Ed malapropism week” is the most common of these, making it a super-category to one of Narshe’s categories. But even native Crankshaft stories are less creative than they used to be. They’re usually propping up some lame premise like “bus driver shortage” for another milking.
The other new type is the miscellaneous week. These used to be rare, happening mostly at year’s end. But we’ve seen more and more weeks of generic, unrelated gags. And weeks that simply don’t adhere to the traditional Monday to Saturday schedule. The recent “Ed tries to scam eclipse observers” story ended on a Monday.
On a related note, I’ve been updating the “Act IV” menu that summarizes each week of post-2022 Crankshaft. And there’s barely anything to write anymore. If I can describe a week of this comic strip as “unrelated gags,” is the whole thing even worth talking about anymore? Is the entire system breaking down too much to be recognizable, even by our own definitions of what is entertaining about it?
Son of Stuck Funky 
I feel that it is worth talking about still, because the breakdown of Crankshaft and the Batiukverse may well be a genuinely fascinating scenario. Unlike late stage Apt. 3G, for example, which slid into increasing incoherence while the syndicate ignored the sad and obvious reasons why… Crankshaft masquerades as coherent while it continues to dissolve. It makes just enough sense that you think “oh, he’s trying” while it also makes you wonder “is this guy human?” when you think about a strip for more than a couple of seconds. It’s such a unique balance.
Perhaps, by studying the dissolution of Crankshaft, we are on the cusp of the next string theory or unlocking the key that will make us all recognize humanity as our nation!
We’re busy watching him deteriorate before our eyes. At some point, it’s going to be time to drape the sheet over the corpse and walk away.
The Batton Thomas betting page specifically says “Make predictions about the next installment of the Batton Thomas interview.” So look at this as a special bonus appearance by BT. Batton junkies who just couldn’t hold out until the next eagerly-awaited interview installment are nearly delirious with joy! It’s a chance to be entertained by the man’s dazzling wit, captivating anecdotes, and megawatt charisma, all in his natural habitat — a sparsely-attended book signing event in a failing small-town Ohio bookstore.
Incidentally, I think the betting page for the Batton Thomas interview is a really terrific idea. If you haven’t already got your bets in, click the link in B6KJr.’s original post up top, and make some predictions! It’ll be a fun way for all of us to get through the next week of the Batton Death March….
Just to make an official ruling: this week is NOT considered a Batton Thomas interview week. His mere presence does not make it one.
One reader on GoComics last week summed up my feelings perfectly when they mentioned the ‘character flattening’ of Ed Crankshaft. They noted that the Ed of old, the one who would accidentally burn down a fence, launch a grill into orbit, or flatten a mailbox, has been replaced by someone far less entertaining. I think they hit the nail on the head by calling this new version a ‘tepid wordplay comedian.’ It’s hard to get excited about ‘Wingless bones’ when we remember the agent of chaos Ed used to be.
I tire of the too many creator-centric story arcs featuring Batton and sometimes Lillian. They are a real drag to read. Fortunately, the snarkers give this excessively narcissistic, self-absorbed garbage the beating it so richly deserves. Those story arcs have no real substance or value. The cartoonist’s personal voice has become too narrow and ego-driven.
Thank you for updating the Act IV page Banana Jr. 6000. I wondered who was performing that arduous task. 👍
Seconding all of this … with particular thanks to BJr6K for taking on the joyless task of maintaining the Act IV summary page!
I agree with “character flattening”, but I think the bigger problem is that the Funkyverse has long ignored Crankshaft’s misbehavior. Even when Ed does destroy a fence, grill, or mailbox, or straight-up leaves Pop Clutch to die, the world just says “oh, that wacky bus driver! and smirks. He’s experiencing Villain Decay, when the universe was already bending over backwards to excuse his villainy. That makes Crankshaft different than, say, Plankton, who was genuinely intimidating at one point.
He shouldn’t have been allowed to ride a bunch of corpses’ coattails just because Batiuk has the wrong kind of daddy issues.
Agreed. The Pop Clutch death arc was a step too far. The tone-deaf Batty was certainly offensive with that one. As National Lampoon used to say, ‘That’s not funny. That’s sick.’ Sad to say Batty has written offensive strips before. Case in point, the May 16th Funky Winkerbean. I’d love to link the strip, but WordPress has denied my prior two attempts.
Sorry to say my SpongeBob SquarePants knowledge is lacking, so I do not get the Plankton reference.
As we know, Batty has lost his sense of humor. I don’t know if his bout with cancer or his car accident has anything to do with it. Anyway, we know he has an ego. His self-indulgent garbage relieves him of the need to come up with anything humorous. While it’s harder for the reader to take, it’s certainly easier for him to write.
Batty can’t even feature a week at the Komix Korner without buttinsky Batton Thomas making an appearance. His insincere, self-deprecating demeanor makes me want to puke. That insipid, overused image makes me want to print off a dozen copies and take them to the pistol range.
Mr. Batiuk, I implore you. Please destroy this vile creature.
If you do, please bring video evidence.
Loving husband works part-time at a gun shop with a pistol range in the basement. Sadly, the range’s “house rules” forbid recording because of privacy issues, and it can be a distraction to other patrons.
I could make a photocopy of Batton’s head and affix it to a typical B-27 silhouette. Since I will be aiming at the face, it will probably be better to tape Batton’s head onto the chest/center-mass of the silhouette. It’s sturdier there and will keep Batton’s face from flapping.
Would you accept a photo of a shot up Batton Thomas? How many ‘Betton Batton’ points would that be worth?
I can vouch for Be Ware of Eve Hill. She has a pistol range, and she knows how to use it! 🔫
I think the problem is much like it seemed to be in the last few years of Funky Winkerbean, at least as I saw it. Batty is completely checked out. It’s obvious he doesn’t care anymore and hasn’t for a long time. Maybe The Burnings was intended to wrap a bow on Funky but it obviously didn’t do that and it’s questionable if it’ll even be revisited so it seems to me like he’s just killing time until Crankshaft ends and wraps up his career as a cartoonist.
But how long will that be? Taking Funky into account then next year seems like a good stopping place since that would be the 40th anniversary. But with FW there was at least, in hindsight, set up to the ending because TimeMop started reappearing in the backgroud in the final years but there’s nothing like that with Crankshaft. The only thing that could possibly qualify is that the end point of the Batton Death March is Batton giving SKEEUP the “exclusive scoop” that he’s ending The Wrinkles in much the same way that Ruby’s retirement announced the end of Funky Winkerbean with maybe the final story being the wedding of Mopey and Mindy at Montoni’s in a replay of the St. Spires concert.
I’m just idly speculating though. It just seems very clear to me that Batty doesn’t care anymore and given that he’s nearly 80 I can’t imagine he’s going to want to do it too much longer. Then again going by the Match to Flame entries for the new Complete volume it seems like he doesn’t do much actual writing anyway and just farts out an idea whenever he has one instead of actually setting aside time to work.
I think somewhat differently here. I think Batiuk cares very deeply … about maintaining his self-image as a writer.
Not as a former writer. Not even as a Pulitzer Prize nominated former writer. He cares about being looked upon as a writer — a current, look-at-me-I’m-an-actual-bona-fide-active-writer kinda writer. (Well, in fact, as a Pulitzer Prize nominated active kinda writer. But you get what I’m saying.) Without a comic strip to write, Batiuk has nothing.
This means the quality of the writing isn’t as important as the quantity. Indeed, he may no longer be capable of “quality” in more than, to be generous, six or seven strips a year. But if Batiuk stops cranking ’em out, he ceases to exist. So he cranks away….
I mean, it’s not arduous work. It’s hard to imagine that Batiuk spends more than a few hours a week at it. And he gets paid to do it, and it keeps his self-image intact. (As long as he never looks at the comments. Must remember, Tom, to never look at the comments!)
My guess is that Batiuk will never voluntarily stop producing Crankshaft. It’s easy work and it feeds his ego, so as long as his health allows it, we’ll continue getting our daily dose. And the syndicate won’t stop him from keeping the strip alive as long as it’s turning a profit, which it most assuredly is … the number of newspapers carrying Crankshaft has increased since the winding down of Funky Winkerbean. Which means that as long as Davis (or somebody) is willing to clip-art finished strips for a rock-bottom rate, I think Crankshaft is going to be around for a while yet.
It’s like Lynn Johnston and her unmarketable kids’ books about a planet of poorly designed robots. She might lack interest in revisiting the Patterson family but she has to have something to do.
I’m with Y. Knotf on this one. Batiuk’s entire self-worth is rooted in “I’m a writer and you’re not.” He’s not giving that up until somebody makes him.
And he does it with the same smug, hateful expression Jeff’s Inner Child had when he won the damn lottery.
Indeed. From the man’s own pen, he “loves to write” but “hates having written”.
Which is exactly backwards. Tom Batiuk hates to write, but he loves having written.
“Hate to write, but love having written” is a fairly common set of emotions among writers. And it’s easy to understand — the process of thinking of ideas and choosing words and sentences can be stressful — but if you wind up with a novel or article or play or story or comic strip that other people like, you can be happy about the fact that you did do the writing.
What Batton said was that he loves to write, but hates having written. That’s a more unusual/less healthy combination of emotions — to enjoy the writing process, but to be dissatisfied with what you produced from it.
Batiuk truly has a talent for doing things we can’t predict, even when they’re things we know are coming. It’s genuinely astounding.
5/15: Dunking on the proles does have one thing going for it: no smirking.
I hope Hector Elizondo got more than scale for this walk-on role. And I hope Shecky Greene’s estate got royalties for the joke…
I hope Batiuk gets poison oak.
I wonder if Tom is inadvertently telling the truth about his book signings with the whole “I brought a book because that’s how many fans I expect to turn up” thing.
Having said that, I vigorously dispute the characterization of <em>2010</em> as mid. It’s not an epic, sure, but it is a well-told story, with an excellent cast (Roy Scheider, Helen Mirren, Bob Balaban, Dana Elcar, and the aforementioned John Lithgow!). And it was filmed when the Cold War looked to be heating up, so the political backstory worked well. If we’re going to ding 2010 for failing to predict the fall of the Soviet Union, 2001 should also take the hit.
</LHPuttgrass mode>
Hey, I never said it was a *bad* movie. It’s perfectly entertaining. I just think 2010‘s failure to resemble 2001‘s more out-there storytelling style was a big reason why it has that “mid” reputation. That’s why I was using it is a metaphor for what Crankshaft has become. It disappoints some, by virtue of not being misaimed pretentiousness.
I remember that being a reaction to 2010 at the time. I also think spelling out what actually happened to HAL-9001 removed the mystery of it (SEE ALSO: Star Wars prequels). And the idea of a computer having a mental breakdown didn’t age well either.
But that spacewalk scene is A+. It’s a great example of how to do realism well. It spells out all the boring mechanics of a spacewalk, and then shows you the pants-shitting terror of what it would actually be like to do one. And Lithgow really sells it. Great bit of acting on his part.
Hey, 2001 also thought that the Bell Telephone System, Howard Johnson’s and Pan Am were going to be viable businesses in the 21st century.
It also thought we’d have video calls, and pay for them by waving a credit card at a screen. It got *that* right.
Both Yesterday and Today’s Crankfuckery
(Wally Jr. walks up to the Komix Korner building, enters it, and beats John into a pulp)
RE: Sat. 5/16’s ‘Shaft:
So, that was four entire days TB dedicated to Batton Thomas sitting around the Komix Korner and signing one copy of his latest strip compilation book, for a guy he already knows. I can see why DSH John said he wasn’t feeling “very capitalistic” if this is how his in-store promotions turn out.
Oh, and by the way, “Snuffy Smith” offers up better dialect-based puns on its worst days.
This is where Batiuk’s need to be thought of as A Legitimate Writer makes him a worse person. The not-writers have no business intruding on his territory.
3/17: I’d rather have a Sideways strip than Smirko McPompous not realizing that AI writes better.
Also, people who use clip art as a crutch shouldn’t be all pious about cheating.
It’s adorable how Batiuk thinks AI can’t misspell words. And also that he thinks he can get us to think that he doesn’t like the idea of AI “writing”, given how Lillian was just peddling her AI slop book a few weeks ago. (As opposed to her usual slop.) Or maybe he forgot that the book was AI slop. But the beady-eyed nitpickers don’t forget…
We also remember the many, many times that he has misspelled words long before AI was in the public conscious. “Christhams”. “Thank’s”.
And the all-time classic “Ayres”.
Leave us not forget that Mr. Comic Books Are Fine Art managed to forget Superman co-creator Joe Shuster doesn’t have a c in his surname.
I guess this May 1990 John Darling came from the brief time Batiuk had three comic strips going simultaneously. It amazes me that he keeps posting these strips … they are invariably weak three-panel ideas embarrassingly stretched out well beyond their breaking point to seven full panels. Any person with an ounce of awareness would be working hard to keep these AWAY from the public eye….
https://tombatiuk.com/komix-thoughts/john-darling-take-523-2/
I mean, as a piece of writing, “second-rate” would be over-the-top and undeserved praise. So would “second rank” … although just plain “rank” would be appropriate.
Both Yesterday and Today’s Crankfuckery
(Batton sprints out of the Komix Korner, and returns with Ed Crankshaft, who beats John with a mallet)
3/18: And we’re back to Batton yapping about how great it is that he’s got zero idea why band director Harry Winkel is funny.