This blog has a longstanding “no politics” rule. But we have to tiptoe into it sometimes, such as when Tom Batiuk makes another saving throw for relevance. The July 25 Crankshaft was one such strip. It’s such a mess I have to respond to it in bullet point form rather than an essay.
- Tom Batiuk must have really liked this joke, because he shortened a week of Batton Thomas gushing over The Flash #123 at Komix Korner to squeeze it in. I wonder if we’ll get today’s Batton Thomas strip as bonus content, as an alrernate version on Arcamax, or if there will be a later week where… never mind, I answered my own question.
- Timing! July 25 is not the time for a joke about July 4 celebrations. It’s still better than this, though:
- Nice epiphany, Dinkle. It shouldn’t be distracting that the focus of a long story arc makes his next appearance in a one-off joke strip. But putting Dinkle back in front of his choir destroys anything that In The Name Of The Father might have been about. It is the final proof that Dinkle never realized that he is a clone of his father: an egotistical, abusive, widely despised band director.
- The fake name destroys the joke. Tom Batiuk loves his phony brand names… sometimes. And there’s no pattern to it. Today’s strip names the “Celebrate America 250” concert. The real names of the two competing celebrations were America250, established by Congress in 2016, and the Freedom 250, established by Donald Trump and the Trump Administration for their usual reasons.
Freedom 250 – not America250 – is the one that had the problem of artists cancelling once they found out what they’d signed up for. Country singer Martina McBride had an eloquent response:
I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to be a voice for those who have felt like they didn’t have one. It greatly upsets me that any fan who has been moved by my music may now feel like I’m abandoning the meaning behind those songs. I assure you, that is not the case. I appreciate every single fan who has reached out.
Martina McBride (@martinamcbride) / what used to be Twitter. Note also that Martina McBride gets actual fan mail.
Today’s strip is clearly referencing the problem of big artists like McBride cancelling their appearances at Freedom 250. The made-up name of the wrong celebration confuses the joke. But the clear intent also means:
- Batiuk picked a side, even if he thinks he didn’t. Poster Marty DaVille made this point. Mocking the cancellation fiasco technically puts Batiuk in the same category as comedians like Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert, who came under fire for daring to suggest that any Donald Trump project wasn’t quite as successful as its press releases claimed.
- He missed an actual good joke. The above problems aside, this would have worked:
- The punchline makes no sense if you don’t follow the Funkyverse closely. Dinkle – and other “content creator” characters like Pete and Les – spend their entire lives being handed every opportunity they want on a silver platter. If you didn’t know that, the punchline revealing that an elderly church choir had a gig at a national Independence Day celebration would be confusing. (I know I’ve been using the word “confusing” a lot.)
- And it misses another actual good joke. Considering the generally unimpressive roster of artists who did perform at Freedom 250, Harry Dinkle might as well have been a real-life headliner. You know who else cancelled? Milli Vanilli.
(Well, kind of. There’s some drama over who Milli Vanilli even is. But the band name is such a universal joke that there’s no need to process semantics. Or whether they performed or not. Or whether they performed or not, even if they did go on stage. Like I said previously, I did stand-up in the late 1980s. Piling on Milli Vanilli is practically a reflex.) - The church’s tax exempt status is an unnecessary detail. Batiuk seems to draw his word balloons before he writes what they contain. This often results in them being full of words that detract from the strip’s point. A better joke would have landed on something that actually happened in real life. Such as, Dinkle losing his job like Colbert did. But Batiuk wouldn’t dare even joke about that.
Batiuk crammed everything he could think of into this joke. None of it works, works together, resembles the real-life event it’s riffing from, or makes any sense.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Banana Jr. 6000,
Referencing our discussion from a few days ago, the real joke is: even Tom Batiuk himself, couldn’t stomach a full week of Batton Thomas.
Emojis for CBH:
💝💕💘🧡❤️♥️💖🫂🌺💐🌹❣️
I’ll still contend that it is pretty well-constructed for a contemporary Crankshaft gag, faint as that praise may be. The strip has two barbs and it hits its targets with both, even if the views that Freedom 250 festivities were underwhelming and that Donald Trump is thin-skinned and retributive are not exactly groundbreaking sources of humor. This is a pretty disposable gag, though, there is really no avenue to follow up on it and I very much doubt that TB has it in him to build workable political gags on the regular going forward. Even so, I’ve certainly seen worse pieces of political humor in comics… plenty don’t even bother constructing a gag at all.
There are much better places to take this bit in the context of the strip, though. An invite to the capital and a chance to place Dinkle in proximity to Trump is a great jumping off point for gags built on Dinkle’s megalomania… if only TB was still willing to let him be the cartoonish monster he was for so many years. Imagine a strip where a television crew thinks they are are hearing one of Trump’s bombastic speeches from the stage in panel 1, scrambles to go and cover it in panel 2, and finds that the speaker on stage in panel 3 is Dinkle. That’s a decent gag that is well-informed by the long-established character of Dinkle and effectively uses a common and well-understood view of Donald Trump.
While President Trump did once threaten to revoke the tax exempt status of groups/churches that spoke out against him in one of his many off the cuff is-he-serious/can-he-do-that remarks (answers: maybe and probably not), the tax-exempt revocation bit really works better in the world of the strip if it was Dinkle’s fundraising shenanigans that got St. Spires in hot water with the IRS. In real life, churches that lose their tax exempt status typically do so only when they are uncovered as fronts for explicitly non-religious business or, more boringly and more commonly, because they consistently fail to file their tax-exempt paperwork with the IRS.
I’ll still contend that it is pretty well-constructed for a contemporary Crankshaft gag
Oh, I agree.
While President Trump did once threaten to revoke the tax exempt status of groups/churches that spoke out against him in one of his many off the cuff is-he-serious/can-he-do-that remarks
So it’s the same thing Tom Batiuk does with his own lore: he expects people to remember small, irrelevant incidents, and build jokes off them.
There are much better places to take this bit in the context of the strip
Tom Batiuk could have turned Crankshaft’s signature red hat into a MAGA confrontation, since that is also their symbol. It could have ended easily: with Crankshaft throwing the hat away, disgusted at what it now represents. Basically the same way he ended the post office bombing arc.
I’m tired of politics being injected into everything these days. That said, a well crafted joke at any politician is fair game, and I usually enjoy them. Bloom County did it the best with timely jokes that were really clever. Batty, of course, always fumbles around in the execution of any joke, so we know we will be disappointed. But he’s desperately hoping he can score a softball interview with some little newspaper and he can talk about how he is not afraid to talk about the big issues in his strip.
7/26: We return to a familiar thing as people passively absorb behavior from Ed that in real life would result in him being shoved into a squad car bellowing about how he’s a war hero.
This doctor’s office would (and should) have fired Ed as a patient. Businesses do not have to allow customers to berate their staff. Especially considering how petty Ed is being here. This woman is just doing her job.
I wonder how many Cleveland area doctor’s offices have fired Tom Batiuk as a patient. And this is his way of getting revenge on them; by creating a world where they have to put up with him.
If his strips attacking the airline industry because they see a generic suburbanite instead of Tom Freaking Batiuk are any indication, this cog in the machinery stands for ten people…..and a small theater company that couldn’t handle him because he’s just too real.
And of course, the pompous ass Dinkle doesn’t learn squat about wasting his life…..
Today’s Past Batiukverse Storyline: Le Chat Bleu’s First Appearance (a repost)
Les: No, I was expecting peace and quiet, Le Chat Bleu.
I’d honestly wouldn’t know how to react if a cat suddenly shapeshifted into a human, like Le Chat Bleu
Le Chat Bleu: Oh, I’m just as every bit as real as you are, Leslie.
Le Chat Bleu: Oh, MERDE!
So if Le Chat Bleu assumed a feminine form as a human, why wasn’t it “La Chatte Bleue”?
I suppose I should be relieved that Batiuk didn’t show off how well read he is and name the character “Clavdia Chauchat” after the femme fatale in Thomas Mann’s Magic Mountain.
Clavdia gives Hans Castorp, the book’s hero, a copy of her x-ray.
By the way, today is Mick Jagger’s eighty-third birthday. Here’s the opening of a Rolling Stones song I don’t think we’ll ever see in Crankshaft:
Well, I’m waiting at the bus stop in downtown L.A
Well, I’m waiting at the bus stop in downtown L.A
But I’d much rather be on a boardwalk on Broadway
Well, I’m sitting here thinking just how sharp I am
Well, I’m sitting here thinking just how sharp I am
I’m an under assistant west coast promo man, yeah, yeah
— “The Under Assistant West Coast Promotion Man,” the b-side of “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”
Same reason “Chien,” (which I guess was meant to be a French version of “dog” in the sense of “ugly woman,” or possibly a euphemism for “bitch”) was rendered as masculine Chien instead of feminine Chienne.
And I assume that reason is: TomBa thinks French is fancy and highfalutin’, and wants to show off his erudition, yet can’t be bothered to look up the most basic rules of the language, or ask a French speaker.
It’s called writing.
Maybe he has the same fondness for la langue francaise that Gomez Addams did.
Though most of what we heard on “The Addams Family” was grammatically accurate.
(C’est vrai, Gomez, mon cher.)
(Tish, you’re speaking French again, mwah, mwah, mwah…)
The German language was “awful” for Mark Twain, and “crabbed but glorious” for Charlotte Bronte.
One day I have to delve into them music of Willy DeVille, who, with Mink DeVille, recorded an album called Le Chat Bleu.
Bloom County had an early strip where Limekiller said “vos lobes d’orielles sont comme tĕtes de poisson” to charm a woman.
“What did you say?
“Something like ‘your earlobes resemble fish heads.'”
Which is exactly what he said.
I’m still convinced that Chien got her (nick)name due to the collar/necklace that she wore. If you run a search on something like “punk chien collar for women”, you’ll see what I mean.
That’s actually canon. She said that people call her “Chien” because of the collar, although, in true Batiukian fashion, it was never explained beyond that (since everyone knows French, I guess?). (I had to Grandpa Google it myself.) So he managed to give an explanation while not actually explaining anything.
But it also means that we’re expected to believe that a bunch of high school students – who Chien in particular looks down on as being less intelligent than her – would (incorrectly) use a French word as a derisive nickname, when more obvious choices (Rover, Fido, Dog Parks (since her actual name is Heather Parks), B*tch) are readily available. Another case of Batiuk trying to be too clever, and basically failing at it.
Green Luthor, for some reason there’s no “Reply” button on your post, so I’ll respond here.
I guess I always took Heather/Chien’s explanation at face-value. While it may not have been friendly, I never considered that when FW characters used it, they were meaning some rude variant of “Dog”, and I thought that readers who did were reading too much into it.
As an example from my life, there was a guy I knew at Big State U that was from small-town Maine. Just about all his clothing was from L L Bean, which I guess was exotic enough to Midwesterners at the time that people called him “Beany”. This wasn’t necessarily good-natured, but it was based solely on his wardrobe, and not his diet or other possible uses of “Bean”.
As an aside, if you guessed that L L Bean is a major component of my current fashion (or lack thereof) you’d be correct.
I didn’t know Le Chat Bleu turned into an actual woman.
As if there weren’t enough women who inexplicably hit on Creepy Les, Batiuk had to make a catgirl, too.
It says a lot about Les that the symbol of his writing frustrations also morphs into an attractive woman. Paging Dr. Freud.
It was a one off thing and as many times as Les’ depression tulpa showed up afterwards it never again turned into a sexy lady to try and seduce him.
I like to imagine that Le Chat Bleu took the form of Lisa to taunt Les (as well as Summer) over Lisa’s death between the Act II and Act III timeskip
Still Gabby says—In the ST:TOS episode about Gary 7, at the end, Roberta, the receptionist (Teri Garr’s first role) she looks into Gary’s office, and his black cat familiar has turned into a beautiful woman.
Hey, BeeJ, thanks for the shout-out! I’m touched.
As for workplace cliches, every time I have been to my local DMV (BMV in Ohio), I have been treated quickly and courteously. I have no complaints. Same goes for our local Post Office. These clerks don’t deserve the “comedic” disrespect they so often get.
Hey, I give credit where it’s due. It was a good insight, and i wanted to include it.
If I recall correctly, syndicated comic strip creators typically have to get their strips to the syndicate six weeks in advance for daily strips, eight weeks for Sunday strips.
That would have made it pretty much impossible for Batiuk to do a strip about the St. Spires choir being invited to perform at Freedom 250 before July 4. The 1980s/1990s-oriented lineup of acts wasn’t announced until the last week of May, less than six weeks before Independence Day (and most of the artists dropped out soon after that).
Also, I don’t think the fake name for the concert destroyed the joke, because I could never remember which was “America 250” and which was “Freedom 250,” not that either of those projects made a great showing for itself.
The real question, to me, is whether Batiuk is going to try to turn this into an actual story or whether it was just a one-off joke.
As you know, I’ve never been shy to criticize Puff Batty for feebly and incoherently dipping his toe into allegedly “controversial” subjects that have been controversial for so long that they’ve simply become background noise in daily life, accepted and unnoticed by all but a few bug-eyed obsessives.
However, I’ve got to hand it to the man. TV hosts — podcasters — millions of social media denizens — columnists and pundits: They’ve all been conspicuously silent for ten whole years. Only one man has had the guts to speak up, to stick his neck out with a fresh, bold, brave new perspective, and actually mock the president.
That courageous man is Tom Batiuk.
I stand in line.
Except, of course, that by calling it “Celebrate America 250” he went out of his way to avoid mocking the president. Because no matter what his own personal political views may be, Tom Batiuk — or someone at his syndicate — knows that a majority of the unironic readers he has left are statistically likely to be over 65 and Republican. So f he wants to keep doing this, its best not to rock the boat….
He mocked the cancelation fiasco, which was unique to Trump’s version of the celebration, then tried to “both sides” it by giving it a vague name.
Calling the festival “Celebrate America 250” is, I’m fairly certain, a way for Batiuk to NOT take a political stance. The choir very specifically didn’t pull out of Trump’s “Freedom 250” or Congress’s “America 250” events. So if anyone complains that Dinkle (or Batiuk) shouldn’t be taking sides; or that their side wouldn’t retaliate in this way; or that politics has no business in a comic strip? Well, “Celebrate America 250” isn’t political. It’s a totally non-partisan, non-Republican, non-Democratic, non-real-world event. Oh, and the choir pulled out of it for non-specific, non-political reasons. So there.
Batiuk doesn’t want complaints. He also doesn’t want to have to think up another joke. Hence “Celebrate America 250” … The Elegant Solution™!
And totally not a gutless copout.
Today’s Crankfuckery
Ha ha it’s funny because Ed’s behaving like a total asshole to the hospital staff
RE: Mon. 7/27′ C’Shaft:
It looks like Bill and Ted are surprised to have found Crankshaft in his own comic strip. Given the past several weeks, can’t say as I blame them.
Anyway, here we are, and Ed’s back…and in front of a barbecue, no less. Since his usual July 4th spot was replaced by the riveting epic that was “In the Name of the Father,” I’m guessing this is the start of an arc where Cranky’s grilling escapades have made him a social media celebrity. I guess this also means that Saturday’s “Celebrate America 250” concert strip was indeed just a one-day “throwaway,” in every sense of the word.
This is stupid because this person should be infamous. Everybody should be talking about the dick moves he perpetrated.
Especially if they know his real name. People infamous for Internet videos aren’t known by their real names. Local abusers like Ed Crankshaft are. Especially when they’re also all over the local news for starting fires every five seconds.
Today’s Mary Worth is what this Friday’s Crankshaft is going to be: the strip claiming that Ed is a good guy deep down, and he’s being unfairly bullied by these Internet-addicted children. Just like Wilbur Weston thinks he’s changed, Ed Crankshaft’s going to think he’s a victim. When’s one of the worst human beings in the world, and would be widely despised be everyone.
Given how The Delicate Genius whines about being bullied when his deficiencies as a writer are pointed out, that’s my take too. It’s like how Batiuk made a villain of the woman trying to fire Ed’s dumb ass.
Come on, we were all thinking it. (And trying very hard not to.)
That font you’re using fits in very well with the real thing.
Thanks. It’s not perfect, but it’s the closest I’ve been able to find so far. (It’s called Vigilante Sidekick, if anyone else wants to use it.)
“Ed ain’t here, man.”
Meh. It’s been done.
Today’s Crankfuckery
7/28: The stupidity of this burns. It should be obvious he’s not a gamer but dead horses, they need to be beaten.
7/28: Does he look like a gamer, idiots?
Tuesday this week was the most tolerable strip we’ve gotten in about two months. It even had a punchline. But this idea for this week is still a headscratcher.
The idea must be to make a mobile game about blowing up barbecues.
Are you psychic?
Sadly, no. I see a man standing next to a charcoal grill and a can of jet fuel.
That’s worth some points!
Thanks.
RE: Wed. 7/29’s C’Shaft:
You know, Shaggy and Morty’s simple idea could blossom into a whole roster of Centerville/Westview-themed video games. I can just see it now: “Angry Keesterman,” “Call of Dinkle,” “Five Nights at Montoni’s,” “Grand Theft Love Letters,” “The Les of Us,” “School Bus Surfers,” “Super Mopey World,” and, of course, “Winkerbean Go.”
Although “Medical Malpractice: Don’t Fight the Cancer” didn’t do nearly so well. And “AA Stand-Up Routine” was just confusing. Plus, I don’t think anyone has managed to finish “Interview with the Cartoonist” yet.
Some dark part of me thinks TB half-hopes that even if his hopes for a movie didn’t pan out, maybe the ol’ franchise has some life in it yet. Say, what’s that TV thingy the kids all like? You know, where they sit with a remote control doodad in their hand and stare at the screen? Video games, yes, that’s it! Maybe some enterprising young whiz will see this strip and realize the potential!
Well, why not? They made two video games out of B.C. somehow.
7/29: What’s lost on Straw and Mann is that Ed doesn’t want to blast grills.
Congratulations, guys. You are offering money for the name, image, and likeness of a man who is basically unknown to the general public.
And Batiuk oesn’t even know the right word for it, calling it a “license.” Nor does he tealize it’s not even necessary; nobody needs Ed Crankshaft’s permission to make a game about exploding barbecue grills. And the hypocrisy of acting like they do need Ed’s permission, when Tom Batiuk routinely uses copyrighted characters, real people, and a child’s drawing in his own comic strip without so much as saying “thank you.” Insufferable.
Or, arguably, a man who’s so known to the public that he qualifies as a public figure. This is the man who launched so many barbecue grills into space that he doomed the planet Earth. He would be an international object of hatred.
This raises an important question: how well known is this destructive idiot?
I think we’re supposed to forget about Ed dooming the earth by launching barbecue grills into space and assume that he is not publicly remembered as the man who will eventually cause the end of humanity.
We’re probably supposed to see him as someone who got a big check from Alfonso Ribeiro.
But I thought we were going to recognize humanity as our nation. I’m so confused…
Well known enough to be a recurring fixture on national news and have people seeking him across the country for various reasons, but not well known enough that any of his antics are linked to The Burnings© in the post short term future.
Also, he’s gone international.
Two game thoughts I had within two minutes in pondering this week’s theme. 1) GORILLA.BAS with a skin swap. Red Ed against Blue Ed or against Keesterman or whatever. Done. 2) There was a Playstation 3 game called “Pain”, where you launched a ragdoll human into an environment at an adjustable position and power, and you tried to land a shot that would have the ragdoll get tossed around for the longest time – do that with launching a grill.
It’s interesting how making this kind of discussion shows that Tom’s presentation and discourse around “video games that could be made” is really no less shallow than it is for him and “comic books that could be made”, and yet he holds the latter medium in much higher regard.
Both Yesterday and Today’s Crankshaft
(ZZZZZZZ)