beckoningchasm

The Water Broke!

Sorry I’m late, folks! One of our clients had a server crash, and–and you probably won’t believe this–I forgot all about Funky Winkerbean! I know, right?

Anyway, those of you who had your bets on the “Bull Gets A Heart Attack” slot, please report to the cashier to collect your winnings.

…however. Those of you who bet on “Nothing Will Change,” I’d advise you to hold on your ticket stubs. The only seriously incapacitated person in the strip was Fred Fairgood, and he rarely appears now. I think Tom Batiuk enjoys torturing Bull too much to just fade him into Bedside Manors.

Besides, remember Dinkle. (Ugh.) First he was deaf, and now he isn’t. Admittedly, Batiuk loves Dinkle….

I guess we’ll all wait and see.

Good Things Watch: this episode was actually pretty well told. I assume that next week, or whenever, we’ll get the walls of unnecessary text, but for now, a really good example of “show, don’t tell.”

Terribull

Link to today’s strip.

I actually laughed at today’s episode. Not because of the “joke” or anything, but because of the way Bull is drawn in panel one. With his oversized head, he looks like a giant, enraged baby.

And the idea of a giant, enraged baby running out onto a football field, arms a-flappin’, all red-faced and colicky, is funnier than anything seen in this strip in a long, long time.

Other than that, now that we’ve gone from three full days of talking about Bull to actually seeing Bull in action, nothing’s really changed. All this has happened about a hundred times before. Bull is a terrible coach who hates his players and is certain the season is doomed. I almost put myself to sleep just typing that out, it’s so boring. Maybe Tom Batiuk has a point in having characters discuss things off-stage; it saves him having to draw action.

Of course, we’d miss out on the giant, enraged babies dashing out onto the field. Personally, I’d miss that a lot.

Is Tom Batiuk really going to be doing this for another five and a half years? Jesus wept.

Good Thing Watch: that giant, enraged baby. Every time I look at that, it makes me happy.

A Friend to the Animals

Link to today’s strip.

Just when you think hatred of Les Moore can’t possibly get any deeper, he steps up to the plate and knocks another one out of the park.

“It’s funny,” Les says, “but you’ve given me the opportunity to tell you how awesome I am, in that I beat Bull at tennis recently.”

Funky’s face in panel two: Here it comes.

“Like you,” Les continues, “he’s just a loser through and through–unlike myself, naturally, who is awesome at everything and should be admired and given prizes.”

What a wonderful friend. Say, Funky, what do you suppose Les says about you behind your back? You can be sure it isn’t complimentary! Because you don’t deserve compliments. Not like Les Moore.

Isn’t it just terrific that Les Moore condescends to share his time with the shuffling, gelid animals that inhabit Westview. How nice it is of him to pat them on the head and offer stories of his life to offset their weak-kneed misery. Without his presence, they might ~~be happy~~ never know the marvelous entity that is Les Moore. Has any man done so much for those who deserve so little? Allowing them to share his light, so that the shadows don’t fall so heavily on them…gosh! What a guy!

Les Moore is the one thing in this strip that puts it straight into fantasy, because in real life, no one would have anything to do with this loathsome man.

Good Thing Watch: Les’ head in panel one. It looks like it’s been thoroughly wrung out by the Hulk. A Scene We’d Like To See (tip of the felt tip to Mad magazine).

Bullpun

Link to today’s strip.

Lack of Les Moore crotch shots is a definite improvement, and the pun is kind of clever. I like the implication in panel one that Les is sticking his lips out as far as he can, trying to do a good duck imitation. It’s rather poor but at least it’s an attempt.

However, the strip is still just two guys talking. It’s a boring conversation about things happening to other people who are elsewhere.

It’s a strip designed to take up space. There is no other purpose. No plot is being advanced, no wisdom dispensed, and the pun isn’t that good. And when the action consists of someone pouring a pot of coffee into a mug, maybe it’s time to rename this strip to something more accurate, like “How sedimentary rocks form” or perhaps “I don’t care.”

Why not try to show, instead of constantly telling? I suppose the answer is, because showing is difficult. It requires work. Planning. And the reward isn’t worth it.

I think we’re past any changes in the way the strip unfolds.. Like Funky, it’s ossified and congealed into a barely moveable mass. Maybe we should look at Funky’s disgusted expression in panel three and figure, yeah, that’s about right. That’s how this strip rolls. Or stays put, actually.

In all honesty, I would love to find things to praise in this strip. Reading each painfully bad episode is a chore; there’s rarely any relief from the omnipresent gloom that hangs over this thing. It gets old, really fast. My recollection of Act I was that it was also not action-packed; like Act III it was just people taking, but were talking to each other, about each other, and at the end of the talking there was a joke, and sometimes the joke was pretty funny. I know that’s an awful lot to ask these days.

An awful, awful lot.

Sinners in the Hands of An Angry God

Link to today’s strip.

There are a lot of folks nowadays who despair over the state of the world. Folks who are religious tell us that, although things may seem bad, God is a kind and loving father who watches over us all, and offers hope to mankind with the promise of ultimate goodness. I guess my question is then, if God loves us all, why did He allow panel two to come into being? It seems to me that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed for a lot less than a Les Moore crotch shot. In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king, unless that man reads Funky Winkerbean. Suddenly, having an eye is the worst thing ever. If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out! Or, you know, burn the newspaper.

Perhaps this is God’s way of telling us that we’d better shape up, because the horrors of Hell are far more horrible than we are capable of imagining. In other words…things can get worse than panel two.

Okay, I’m scaring myself now. So, on a strip level, I hate to say it, but this seems more evidence that Tom Batiuk is well aware that his audience is composed entirely of critics, and this drawing of Les is his “Up yours!” to them. I guess my initial response would be “Grow up.” Tom Batiuk is not without talent. Why doesn’t he use it? If this is the case, I just find it very, very sad.

So let’s have some fun with it. Let’s make it a happy thing. Let’s turn that money shot into a funny spot. (Sorry.)

Recommended soundtrack: open a new browser tab, load this, and put it in the background. Suddenly Les Moore is magic!

The original works pretty well too, but I just love the parody of the parody. It takes something existing and makes something new out of it. A good lesson for people who are, supposedly, creative.