Epicus Doomus

Crashing Ugly Cars

So I checked in on the BatBlog, and saw a new “Match To Flame” entry regarding an automobile accident involving our favorite comic strip, uh, writer, I guess. Based on the pics he posted, it looked like a pretty bad one, involving an airbag deployment (those really hurt. On TV it’s a big fluffy cushion of helpful air, but in real life it’s like being socked in the face with a giant cartoon boxing glove) and paramedics and whatnot. And I felt bad for the boring old coot, and genuinely hoped he was OK and all.

Then, however, I got to the part about his PT Cruiser, and I thought wait a minute, BatYam is still driving a PT Cruiser? And I figured OK, I suppose that if anyone still had a PT Cruiser, Batiuk would be a good candidate, because you know. And then he was droning on about his coat, and how months later it still had the indentation from the seat belt, and I realized that he was in fact jabbering about an old car accident he’d had years before.

And apparently, this sequence of events was the inspiration for the now-legendary “black panel” Funky Winkerbean & Cell Phone Girl car crash arc, which led to the creation of Starbuck Jones, which forever altered the course of the Funkyverse in stupid, tiresome ways no one could have possibly foreseen. But, thanks to his unique writing style, it took me a while to ascertain this, as the story could politely be described as “meandering”, at best.

So he wrote a nearly incomprehensible story about a chain of events that led him to focus more on his writing, and, just like always, it was written in a weird, strangely circular, and really annoying way, that made everything less clear than it was before. Some things never change.

The 2024 State Of The Funkyverse Address

Happy New Year, all! The state of the Funkyverse is “still dead”. Dead as John Darling, Coach Stropp, and Bull. Not Lisa, as she never really died. But that’s a whole different story.

It’s been a year now, and SoSF is still here, and actually seems kind of solid. Thanks to all who made that happen, especially Banana Jr. and Harriet, who’ve gone above, beyond, and back again. Also, thanks to the commenters, who continue to adhere to SoSF’s very reasonable standards. Not a single reprimand or blockage in 2023. Well done, by all.

I still miss it. Not the strip itself so much, but the daily SoSF routine. It was always a mission to me, as my hatred of FW was organic, and personal. The fact that I only succeeded in fighting FW to a draw will never not irk me. And I miss the challenge involved with trying to make every daily FW strip funny somehow. It kept me on my toes, and got me through some hellish times. IMO, he ended the wrong strip, but then again, of course he did. What a jerk.

Speaking of which, while I’ll never stand for daily “Crankshaft” coverage, I’ve learned to tolerate it, as well as those who (gak) enjoy kicking it around FW style. And it’s the only remaining Batiukian game in town, so whaddya gonna do? So while hell will freeze solid before I start reading it, I’m giving the “Crankshaft” content my half-hearted blessing. I mean, everyone seems to like it, so what the hell. So carry on, and best wishes for a hilarious 2024, from your pals at SoSF HQ.

Jingle Bells, Crankshaft Smells, Batiuk Laid An Egg…

Courtesy of that blog of his. For one brief, magical moment, I thought that maybe this was some sort of fantastical custom FW-themed “Monopoly” board, featuring all the FW locations we’ve come to know, love, then forget. Oh, because that would be freaking spectacular.

“You will never pass GO, you will never collect $200.”

“Awesome, the pizzeria! I own the comic book store and the sandwich shop, if I land on the travel agency, I’ll own ALL the utilities!”

“Cool, the cemetery! I’ll buy that, and put up two headstones! Once you’re up to four headstones, you can buy a crypt!”

“Hey, why is Les Moore’s house the most expensive property on the board?”

The Montoni’s apartment would be Baltic Ave., and Funky’s house would be Park Place. And jail would be the cancer ward. And “Free Parking” would be “Free Park Bench”! Oh, I’d actually physically fight him for it if such a wonderful thing existed. I’d buy one right now if only that was possible.

Have a Merry Christmas, all, and a nice, relatively Crankshaft-free New Year, too!

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Batiuk?

Hey! Remember when Act III was mainly about Les Moore’s struggles as the single parent of a precocious teenage daughter? Well, then, go visit “The Komix Thoughts” right now and check out BatYam’s ad for “The Complete Funky Winkerbean Volume 3”, which drops on January 2nd, just in time for the holidays! He thoughtfully included a few holiday themed “teaser strips” in that post (just go there yourself, I don’t feel like linking to it) featuring Summer’s stunning election to the sophomore Winter Court, and going shopping for dresses with her bearded simp of a father. Those strips really took me back, and likewise reminded me that maybe getting away from Summer wasn’t Batty’s worst idea ever.

The Annotated The Komix Thoughts

“The final Funky strip shows the future Lisa reading her great grandfther’s book, Lisa’s Story- The Other Shoe. The book had originally been titled The Other Shoe – The Complete Lisa’s Story.“

It’s both pretty funny and kind of sad how even his personal blog posts are full of pointless filler and careless sloppiness. No one cares less about his passions than BatYam does. Except for that freaking cancer book, of course, which he STILL cares about way, way too much.

Is there really a (former) regular FW reader who needed that last strip explained to them? I mean, come on. He relentlessly shilled, flogged, hawked and pimped that book for like sixteen years, there was no mystery or confusion present in that terrible, terrible ending. We all knew exactly what it was and exactly why it was there. So who does he think this is for?

Then (I don’t feel like linking to it, just go look at it yourself) he actually demonstrated the creative process involved in slightly changing the title of the cancer book, like it was interesting to someone, somewhere, in some distant alternate universe, or so I assume. Given how he just did the last strip, it would appear that the Annotated Ending series of blog posts are finished now, and we’re all poorer for it. If this is indeed the case, the last Annotated Ending post was every bit as anti-climactic and sad as the actual ending itself was, which is no mean feat. How DOES he do it?