“But you’re a star TV news anchor and everything!” teen Cindy exclaims to old, worn-out Cindy in today’s strip. “How can you not be happy?”
Last time I checked, Cindy was a former local news anchor, who had previously been a has-been national anchor, and who was now the news anchor for a semi-professional blog in Los Angeles. So the conversation these two selves had moments ago wasn’t exactly accurate, if you receive my meaning.
Although… Cindy ought to be happy, given that her female existence has been validated by Mason Jarr, a man, coming into her life.
Mason arrived in Cindy’s life inexplicably, I might add, but needn’t, because everything in Funky Winkerbean is inexplicable. You know what else is inexplicable?
It’s still the evening of July 5. Talk about time paradoxes!
The older versions of the characters don’t remember this event (except possible Crazy Harry).
The older versions of the characters offer no useful advice. Here’s a thought for title character Funky Winkerbean: “Hey, kid, you don’t know it yet, but you’re an alcoholic; please don’t ever touch the stuff!” (Alternatively: “Kid, my advice is to start drinking heavily!”)
Young Funky doesn’t recognize old Funky from the Starbuck Jones–cellphone girl incident.
So… Cindy is going to be the latest character to be revealed—mirabile dictu—to suffer from depression, or self-doubt, or impostor syndrome. Why isn’t Le Chat Bleu there to taunt her?
Young Crazy is crazy indeed if he would voluntarily step onto a transporter platform. The car has something like a 0.02% chance of killing you each time it moves you around. The transporter kills the original 100% of the time.
By the way, comic books are “cool.” Working in a comic book store is high-fivin’ “cool”. And so it goes.
After that horror, stepping into the transporter doesn’t seem so bad.
Harry finally succeeds in finding a CD intoday’s strip. As Willy Nelson fills Snowball’s interior with music, Harry comments: “Its nice to see someone else still plays CDs.”
Why is that nice, Harry? You’re old enough to remember vinyl and vacuum tubes, aren’t you? If it’s obsolescence and inconvenience you’re nostalgic for, why not a gramophone, Harry? Why not Edison cylinders, Harry? Why not freaking sheet music, Harry?
In today’s strip, Funky & Harry load the band box into Snowball, whose hatchback has already lost its spring. Why else would DSH John be holding it up in panel 2? Oh, wait, by panel three, it’s holding its own weight. I guess John was trying to give the appearance of helping without actually exerting himself.
That explains a lot about his place of business.
Anyway, today’s comic is about two middle-aged guys reminiscing about high school antics as they prepare to have an antique mechanism repaired. That fits right in with the strip’s mission statement, right? Anyone remember that?
Today, DSH John suddenly appears, which is always unsettling. We can be grateful, however, that he has nothing to say, although he does smirk in the final panel.
BanTom favors us once again with unnatural dialog that exists only to introduce a pun. When Stephan Pastis does this in Pearls Before Swine, however, he builds elaborate chains of verbiage—so you know what’s coming, and the fun is in trying to anticipate the pun line.
The structure of today’s joke is much different. (To paraphrase the magnificent Alice from The Vicar of Dibley, and as a reminder, a joke is a story with a humorous climax.) Panel 1: Funky delivers the straight line, which contains the curious phrase “the band box is R.I.P.” Do people use R.I.P. as a synonym for dead in Ohio? If so, I haven’t heard it during my visits there. Anyway, he delivers the straight line: “Either the band box is R.I.P., or I bite the bullet and get it repaired.”
In Panel 2, in a case of premature jocularity, Crazy Harry delivers the punch line: “Biting the bullet would make you a very high-caliber person.”
And aye, here’s the rub: there’s still one more panel to fill. There has to be a second punch line, which I’ll not deign to reproduce here. And that utterly ruins the structure of the joke. Also, there’s smirking.
In today’s strip, we learn that Funky’s inept efforts to maintain the band box at Montoni’s have killed it. That’ll put a damper on the Cinco de Mayo festivities surrounding the pizza special advertised in Montoni’s window. You know, Cinco de Mayo, the world’s most pizza-oriented holiday.
My research into the band box a couple years ago revealed that the real band box at Akron’s Luigi’s has similarly deteriorated.