TFHackett

Mercy-Les

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20101021&name=Funky_Winkerbean — Click to view larger

It says more about Les than it does about Cayla and Susan: if he was really worth hooking up with, they’d be catfighting to the death to be by his side. Instead, each is content to let the other hang around as they take turns lathering his massive (and massively undeserved) ego.

I, for one, would be delighted to witness a “Spinal Tap moment” at this book signing. Not only was Spinal Tap a hilarious movie, it totally took the piss out of self-important artistés such as this “author”

Retcon Artist

When I just don’t know where to begin snarking, I resort to a bulleted-list format. There’s so much wrong here that this will be one of those times.

Les is “still not sure about having a book signing in a pizzeria”. If you weren’t such a pussy you wouldn’t have been browbeaten by Funky into having your event at Montoni’s. And is it a book signing or a launch party? Oh, who gives a damn.
“Meet LES MOORE author of ‘LISA’S STORY'”. Uh, I’m pretty sure that everyone in Westview already knows who LES MOORE is. And it looks like Funky went all out promoting the book signing with that huge, lavish sign. Looks like it’s handwritten on the back of a placemat.
“[M]y book, ‘Fallen Star’“…Are you talking about your manuscript that you lost in the city? The one that was retrieved by a bag lady who went on to become a literary agent who returned it to you years later? When did it become a book? I promised myself I wouldn’t waste any more time researching Funky Winkerbean history. The “unofficial” FW site cites Les as “author of a novel about the murder of John Darling”. TV Tropes says “In the later 90s, Batiuk returned to the storyline when Les wrote a book about the murder and through the writing process solved the mystery.” The web archives I’ve found only go back to 2004, and I’m not going to go to the microfilm. My assumption was: Les wrote the book, took the only copy of the manuscript with him to New York, lost said manuscript, had it handed back to him years later, and that Lisa’s Story is his first published work, which is why it’s such a big damn deal.
And if the book did come out around ’97, well, Les was not rocking the goatee and widow’s peak back then. He still had the helmet hair and goggles.
I hope those Cub Scouts go easy on Les. He does not interview well.

Talk to the Chair

“Author” Les Moore needs to fire “Publicist slash literary agent” Ann Apple, if the best she can do is arrange interviews like these. Gee, do you think “Ron Radio” is his “DJ name”? Pretty clever! I though Ron Radio might be modeled on Eric Bogosian in the movie/play Talk Radio, but I’m sure I’d be giving TB too much credit.

The Mourning Show

“Where’s the blurb whore?” “Oh, he’s out getting his feelings hurt some more,” answers Annie, clicking open her cigarette case. Poor Les: how can the rest of the world not feel his pain as he does? “My book, madame, is not a thing to be skimmed while driving!”

In the Funkiverse, where literary agents double as publicists, local tv presenters also direct their own shows: “O.K., I think we’re all set…when the red light comes on, look sad. Instead of looking like a smug douchebag. In five…four…three…”

Mo' Ho'

“Don’t talk to me about whoring, you little wimp! I survived on the streets of New York God Damn City for years!” Anyway, do we really need to see the word “whore” in the funny papers? Especially used by Les to describe himself? We’ve seen him give one interview only to get derailed two questions in. Boo frickin’ hoo. Man up, beardo.