Category: Son of Stuck Funky

It’s been a good long while since I’ve embarked on a character dive. Ever since Skunk Head John completely burned me out on comics, comic books, and various and sundry nerdery more than a year ago, I’ve been taking my cues from Crankshaft or the Batty Blog for what to talk about any given post.

But I feel like I’m really hankering for a single subject to sink my teeth into. So a few days ago I posted this little teaser. A strip that ran on September 2, 1998 and served as our role call introduction to what would be (sans one) the graduating class of 2007.

And so, I’m proud to introduce our next deep dive on the pivotal and unique Act II character.

Bulk Dombrowski

Sporting a shaved head, chinstrap neckbeard, and blank expression, Bulk would first appear on August 27, 1998.

Bulk is from a long and storied lineage of giant, often meat-headed, Scapegoat football players with dumb nicknames.

Following in the Neanderthal-like fossilized footsteps of Act I’s Jerome ‘Bull’ Bushka, in Act II and Act III a succession of faint copies would be created from his original stereotype.

In the Wally, Monroe, Becky, Sadie, Mickey and Susan class a threatening and stupid ‘Morton’ filled the Bull bully role. With no less than three dumb names attached to the surname.

Were these supposed to be siblings? Did Batiuk just forget what stupid nickname he’d given him? I don’t know.

Marblehead seems to have been settled on, and his distinctive pointy headed, high top, look allows him to be identified through the rest of the Class of ’98’s tenure.

With the graduation of Marblehead Morton, the Meathead mantle passed to Bulk Dombroski. And what a glorious career at Westview he had!

Like that time in October 1998 when Bulk wouldn’t let Matt Miller copy his homework. Probably because Bulk could tell that Matt was actually a 35-year-old Mormon missionary pretending to be a high school student.

Then, there was that time in January 1999 when he was used as visual contrast with Mooch Meyers.

He was a prominent figure in the September 1999 arc wherein Chien and Ally blow the lid off of the hypocritical new school dress code.

He showed up a month later at the homecoming bonfire during the arson mystery. Perhaps he was a suspect!? (no)

That November, Bulk, Matt, and the rest of the Scapegoats had to suffer though Les Moore coaching the team to a conference championship because Batiuk hates Bull Bushka and will never give him anything nice ever even though Bull is the greatest character in the entire strip and I will fight anyone on this and I need to stop ranting now so bleh

Bulk also had to suffer in January 2000 as Les Moore, went on a vain power trip masquerading as ‘teaching’.

And then…well…Batiuk just forgot for a while. Just forgot about any kid at Westview who wasn’t Pete or Darin. Were these guys still around? Had they graduated while Pete ad Darin were held back? Month after month, Year after Year. Nothing.

Then, August 29, 2004.

But by October of 2004.

Then again, in November…if we ignore the dumb colorist giving Bulk a sudden tan, there he is, suffering again under Les Moore’s watchful eye.

In September of 2005, we are blessed with confirmation that the smirking shitstain, Matt Miller, has finally left this world. (This world being The Batiukiverse)

But what about our sweet hulking boi, Bulk? Is he safe? Is he alright? Batiuk decided to keep us in suspense for an entire YEAR.

September 2006. The very beginning of what we finally had confirmed to us as the Freshman Class of 1998’s Senior Year at Westview.

What would be Bulk’s exciting adventures in his last year at Westview?

Uh…

When Act II morphed to Act III, the high school generation of Summer Moore, Jinx Bushka, Maddie Klinghorn, and Cory Winkerbean also included another muscle mammoth with a dumb name. The next in the chain. ‘Big Mac’ Ronald.

Heralding a new generation, with new, more open minded, ideas, Big Mac truly broke the mold. For he dared to venture into the place no musclebound linebacker had ever strayed.

Komix Korner.

Deep dive over.

Or is it?

(Duh, Duhn, Daaaaaah)

What can you say about 15 years?

15 years ago, Elizabeth Taylor was still alive.

15 years ago, Fidel Castro was still alive.

15 years ago, A Dance with Dragons was a year from coming out.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim was still in development.

The weekend after TFH put up his first post, Kick-Ass was in theatres.

A child born the day of TFH’s first post could be in high school, have a learner’s permit, acne, hair in funny places, a nose ring, a crippling addiction to TikTok and ennui.

A dog born the day of TFH’s first post is probably dead.

In 2025 we are further from the first post of Son of Stuck Funky, than the first post of Son of Stuck Funky was from the premiere of Titanic.

Snarkers, posters, commenters, comics, artists, characters…they have come and gone since 2010. But this place has remained.

Thank you to all those people that made this place what it was over the last decade and a half.

Thank you to all you wonderful people who make this place what it is now.

Most of all, thank you to TFHackett for starting this blog. Thank you to his partner in crime Epicus Doomus for orchestrating things behind the scenes for years.

And thank you Tom, for a lifetime of baffling and snarkable comic strips.

Stay Funky!

Coming up…

Thanks everyone, the fools who fell for it and the fools who didn’t, for playing along with Banana Jr’s and my April Fool’s gag this year. When I finished my draft of the fake newsletter, I read it first to my roommate and she was skeptical that I had gone too over the top. That is until I pulled up a random Match to the Flame post from Tom’s blog and read it aloud.

She agreed it was closeish enough to maybe fool people on first glance. Like a stunt double. And Banana Jr’s great narrative and staging provided the heart pounding action to hopefully keep readers from focusing too hard on the fact that The Rock in that short scene has a less pointy head that usual.

As Epicus put in in the comments a few days ago “No one else writes like BatHam writes, and I don’t think anyone could, no matter how hard they tried.”

The newsletter had a combination of made up and real facts. So I want a few solid clarifications before any of these made up facts in the post morph, through the power of Poe’s Law, into Batiuk trivia canon.

Batiuk HAS told us we’re getting a Blue Bombers and Wedding storyline in the future. We are assuming Pete and Mindy are finally getting married, but that HASN’T been officially confirmed.

Batiuk HAS NOT ever mentioned his son Brian getting or being married. That was all made up for the fake newsletter. Maybe Brian is single. Maybe Tom is keeping his son’s personal life completely private.

Batiuk HAS battled prostate cancer twice both in 2002-03 and 2011-12. It seems to have, thankfully, been caught early enough both times.

One thing Alexa Vortuba in the comments reminded me is that while I really DON’T want a sappy and preachy year long ‘Jeff’s Story’ pooly collaged together from old strips, stock photos, and clip art, prostate cancer is serious business.

Older gent commenters and lurkers reading this, please. I know it’s an uncomfortable meme, but make sure you get checked out. I watched Ryne Sandberg toss out the ceremonial first pitch for the Cubs today, and knowing it might be his last one, and knowing he’s about my Dad’s age, and knowing that my Dad is going to be stubbornly impossible to drag in for a test. It about brought me to tears.

On happier notes. We’ve got so many adorable widdle baby steak nuggets running around we really can’t keep track of them.