Category: Son of Stuck Funky

And The Cradle Will Smirk

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BAAHHHH! Oh, don’t mind me, I was just startled by that weird pacifier-sucking baby head floating around in the first panel. Absolutely haunting. As are those snow-covered stairs leading up to that apartment, a real death trap if I’ve ever seen one.

I don’t know about you guys but I never get enough of Boy Lisa MBA cracking wise about the technology these kids today something something what who cares. Oh sorry, I meant to say “Never get. Enough.”, sorry about the mix-up. And that side-smirk Jessica throws him, are women supposed to be smirking like that so soon after giving birth? Or at any other time? And what is that eerie glow in the room? That baby’s head looks strangely translucent today, doesn’t it?

Oh well, it’s been a blast as always but now it’s time to turn things over to the next young firebrand on the SoSF team…the always snark-tastic Beckoning Chasm! Until next time…stay Funky!

Ret-Kahn Time

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I couldn’t resist one last awful Khan pun to close out the week. I guess the retcon panel is supposed to imply that Montoni’s managed to somehow survive in the worst commercial space in the entire world even in spite of the fact that the business was owned and operated by a complete imbecile with extremely low expectations. So as I pointed out yesterday, nothing has really changed in that town regardless of the current state of “the economy”…it’s a huge fail-hole populated by depressing, stupid people is all. Knowing how these people think, they probably rub the burn scars they got from eating “pizza on a stick” fondly while reminiscing about “the old days”.

I’d like to believe that Old Man Montoni would likewise be amazed by how unbelievably narcissistic and self-absorbed these idiots are and that he’d be appalled by how they always make everything about themselves. But he did live there too, so I doubt he’d even notice that anything was amiss with these clowns.

You Just Kahn’t Win

Link to today’s strip

Huge news today, as in panel one we see that Funky has apparently hired some really strange looking kid (Wally Jr. perhaps?) to help out around…oh, wait. LOL, that’s just supposed to be Wally. My mistake.

I’m trying to recall a time when “things” WEREN’T “tough” in Olde Westview town…and I’m drawing a complete zero. It has nothing to do with “this economy” or the “times” in which we currently live. No, the reason every business in town struggles mightily to eke out a meager unfulfilled existence is because Westview is a remorselessly sucking black void, a vortex of failure, pain, human misery and soul-murdering realizations followed by weary, listless acceptance and total surrender to whatever dismal fate “the universe” happens to have in store for you next. A “successful” business in Westview would blow the entire FW paradigm to complete shit, as it would mean there IS a flicker of light and hope in that twisted hellscape and, as we know, that isn’t going to happen.

Well, it took him a while but Batom finally has his fictitious little town exactly where he wants it to be: devoid of any businesses other than a pizzeria and a comic book store. Utopia realized, not a deli or a grown-up (as opposed to “adult”) bookstore anywhere in sight. Perhaps they can find an oncologist willing to move into Khan’s old space, but I suppose that might just be too on the nose, even for TB.

Why So Kahndescending?

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So, after completely and totally ignoring their old buddy Kahn for several years, they bid him adieu with some jaunty, obnoxious banter, just so he’ll have something to remember them by. What a couple of swell pals. I like how Wally’s little joke suggests that FW readers are familiar with Kahn’s (they called him Khan back then) sketchy past even though he only appears once every decade or so, as well as Funky once again establishing his “if you can’t say something witless just babble like a moron instead” philosophy that’s served him so well through the years. And credit where’s it’s due, I love the look on Kahn’s face, that bemused serenity….it’s almost like he’s planning something, know what I mean?

As far as I can remember, Kahn is the first character to be written-out of FW since Susan Smith was snidely dismissed maybe three or four years ago. Coach Stropp died, but that doesn’t count. One has to wonder why Batom Inc. felt compelled to eliminate a seldom-seen character like Kahn in such an “official” way. I mean would it have killed him to just keep him where he was, just to give the impression that Westview isn’t a complete ghost town? Was getting rid of Kahn necessary for the sake of an upcoming arc (Funky expands the business, Cory accidentally kills Kahn) or was it just random? And what was with that peculiar conversation yesterday about “inquiries” into the place? This reads like it’s a set-up for something, which probably means absolutely nothing is forthcoming. And the name thing (Khan/Kahn), it’s all just so freaking weird.

He Kahn’t Be Serious (Or Khan He?)

Link to today’s strip

Prime retail space right in the heart of Westview’s famed Montoni’s District AND it’s adjacent to the town’s two surviving businesses…you have to pounce on that property, Funk-Man! That space is going to fetch a pretty penny per square foot…possibly even two or three of them. Someone savvy enough to open a 1940’s-50’s comic book-themed pizzeria in Kahn’s old spot would own that entire town within a few hours.

So Kahn has had enough of Westview, eh? Can’t say I blame him there, herding goats, avoiding drone strikes and scoring poppy pods sounds a hell of a lot better than standing around all day in an empty bankrupt deli while a bunch of rude fat annoying jerks completely shun you for some unknown reason. I can’t believe he actually BOUGHT his retail space as opposed to merely renting it, though. Man, did he get snookered, even if it was free.

As was pointed out in the comments yesterday (props to SoSF snarker bad wolf), TheAuthor has mysteriously changed and/or forgotten the spelling of Kahn’s name since his last appearance. Suddenly Khan has become Kahn, leaving snarkers everywhere as baffled and confused as they were when Les scampered down Kilimanjaro to race home and help Funky (Funkie??) name his ugly blue car. Perhaps it was all just a stupid mistake, however it definitely lends credence to the various theories regarding TB’s overall lack of interest and /or quality control in his long-running little saga. It’s going to be a while before he lives this one down.

Coming next week: Less, Kayla, Sumner and Key$ha enlist Darrin and Jessyca’s help when they discover Volume Two of Liza’s secret diary where she recounts her heroic (if ultimately futile) battle against lupus. Featuring Buddie the dog, Nutty Harry, little baby Schuyler and the Goodfairs, Anne and Ted.