Son of Stuck Funky – Page 734 – Son of Stuck Funky

Kahn’t Stand Losing You

Little known factoid: Chapter 18 bankruptcy is only available to Westviewian business owners. You are forced to sell off any comic book assets you may have and you must sit there in court while your creditors point and laugh at you.

So the “going out of business” sign WAS correct…Citizen Kahn’s is no more. That leaves two active businesses on Main Street…not coincidentally the two key businesses in town. Actually, this dopey “chapter” gag probably would have worked better during the Mr. Booksmith arc a few years ago, but it’s way too late for that now I suppose, as I’m sure Mr. Booksmith is long dead by now.

I’m still kind of stunned to be snarking on an actual Kahn arc…it’s like being a bird watcher and spotting one of those ivory-billed woodpeckers or something. I do remember when Citizen Kahn’s opened…it was the final panel in a “grab-bag” arc from a few years back, and I remember he was in attendance at Les & Cayla’s super-trashy front yard wedding but all in all Kahn is one of the least-used characters in the entire FW canon. Other than all those missing children, of course, but there’s no proof that they even exist anymore.

Finally, let’s take a moment to give good old Kahn some credit where it’s due: for a non-native Westviewian who grew up in a far-off land, that is one hell of a hand-lettered sign. It’s kind of strange how a guy who was able to pick up on that aspect of the local culture so quickly was unable to realize that selling sandwiches in Westview was basically business suicide. I mean seriously, I don’t even see a comic book rack in that place either, what was he thinking? I’m picturing a Westviewian family sitting around the table, staring at one of Kahn’s sandwiches like it’s some sort of alien artifact…”so what do we DO with this thing? There’s no crust, no cheese, no sauce! Must be some sort of ethnic Afghani delicacy. Shang-wich….am I saying that right?”.

Kahn’t Make Ends Meet Anymore

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Welcome to Main Street, Westview, Ohio…where the “American Dream” goes to wither and die a slow, painful and agonizing death. Where do I even begin today? Let’s go panel by panel here…

First of all…Kahn! That in and of itself is quite noteworthy. Take a look at Wally aka Master Of The Obvious…yes Wally, that “going out of business” sign really DOES give one the impression that Kahn’s deli may indeed be closing! How someone with those keen observational skills ended up working at a crappy pizza place is a real mystery. The fact that Kahn’s is right next door to Montoni’s makes their shock and surprise even funnier. Then again, when it comes to pizza these folks are nothing if not focused.

Panel two: Check out that look of total horror on Funky’s face as he realizes that a) he’s getting a glimpse of his own not-too-distant future and b) his position as president of the local chamber of commerce is even more of a sham than it was yesterday. And look at Wally, who appears to have just realized that if he’d said nothing he’d probably be back inside already.

Then in the final panel we see Funky roaring into “heart attack” mode, as if shoveling a never-used sidewalk will somehow fool the locals into believing that their pitiful “downtown” area isn’t an abandoned desolate death-hole, a monument to failure, disappointment and shattered dreams. Actually, knowing what I do about the typical Westviewian, that could work. I mean no one ever actually enters any of these places so who’d notice the difference?

Goodbye, Citizen Kahn’s…we’ll always remember you as an especially stupid bit of Batominc wordplay. Poor Kahn, he had pretty much everything working against him from the start: dopey cutesy business name, nothing to do with pizza or comic books…you know, everything.

(Misshapen) Head Shots

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I wonder how Rocky got Funky and Holly to pose for photos while wearing Cory’s helmet? Oh…I see what’s going on here…never mind. I was just temporarily confused by Roxanne’s incredibly clunky and unwieldy dialog there in panel five. An understandable mistake. Too bad Cory is leaving right when he’s starting to get obnoxious again, but meh, good riddance otherwise.

Starbuck Surprise

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Wait until the cackling corporal learns that Starbuck Jones numero uno was once under his very own roof…until his idiot of a step-father sold it to save his crumbling pizza empire. Look at him there in panel three…he’s nearly as punchable as Les with those eyebrows, that sneer and the wild gesticulating. If he continues his incredible rise through the army’s ranks I think there’s little doubt he’ll eventually be “fragged”, which is military slang for “being killed by your own men on purpose because everyone hates you”.

Man, the big Starbuck Jones collection mega-arc was just astoundingly anti-climactic. No one can “frag” his own premise better than Batominc can. I mean yeah, it isn’t actually over yet but then again it pretty much is, you know?

Half The Fun Times Zero Is Still Zero

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One has to wonder how things might have turned out for Cory had his mom expressed any sort of interest in his hobbies BEFORE he turned into an incorrigible, surly punk. But better late than never, I suppose, right? Comic book collecting: along with pizza and human misery, the glue that binds Westviewian families together. I love how Cory drops the tantrum (and adopts the standard side profile hatchet-face) as soon as he realizes his mother is blowing the Winkerbean bankroll on a comic collection he was too lazy and unmotivated to complete on his own. Now if only the annoying Funk-Man would just drop dead already, Cory would be all set.

And is it just me or is something really odd going on with Cory’s head in panel one? I don’t think regular healthy skulls are supposed to be shaped like that. Disturbing, to say the least.