Category: Son of Stuck Funky

Bull? Crap.

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History is made in the Funkyverse today as Montoni’s features an actual PAYING CUSTOMER! Yep, money and everything! Will Funky frame the bill and hang it up next to that band box thing? Does the drawer on the cash register even work? A funny touch there would have been to have Funky hold the bill up to the light to see if it’s real.

Small Town High School Extra-Curricular Activities Are A Nightmare For All Involved Month continues today as Bull hops on board the complaint train with his sad-sack-sorry little tale of woe. Poor, poor Bull has to somehow find the time to go through the motions TWICE this coming school year, first manning the helm for his perpetually horrible football team and then guiding the Summer-less (and thus irrelevant) Ladygoats during the upcoming basketball season. Oh the grim burden these gym and band teachers carry upon their shoulders (or shoulder, as the case may be). That school board should be ashamed of itself for forcing that beloved, obese and tremendously incompetent moron to do a little actual work for a change. No, I mean it…look at him. The work very well may kill him.

So does Annie only grace the girls’ basketball team with her presence when they just happen to have two all-time KSU-bound WHS legends on the squad, or was that just (ahem) a coincidence? Annie: kindly old basketball sage or spotlight-hogging front-runner? And, simply because I never run out of things to complain about with this strip, what of the boys’ basketball team?

Not Cool

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I know of something that could possibly act as a “cooler”. It’s called a “refrigerator”. It’s like a cooler, only bigger. Seriously though, nice try at one of those “these damned kids today” strips but no, I’m fairly certain that young people today are quite familiar with glass, what with their beer and bongs and meth pipes and all. This one reads like it probably should have been left in the outtake pile or maybe the blooper reel. Although I always love how he draws that creepy Komix Korner staircase, though, one of my favorite things in the strip in fact. It’s like a portal leading to some insane geek hell dimension.

And isn’t there probably a cooler full of drinks right downstairs in Montoni’s anyway? I take back that “nice try”.

 

For Worse Or For Worse-er-er

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Forget about Dinkle’s execrable, mind-numbingly stupid “joke” and ignore the ridiculous notion of DSH John actually WANTING to spend more time with his incessantly complaining, miserable one-armed wife instead of hanging out in his tree fort with his comic books all day. No, the one truly noteworthy thing about this otherwise awful arc is the fact that Batom managed to go an entire week without featuring Becky’s infamous pinned-up sleeve even once! I know, amazing, right? She’s just letting that freak sleeve fly this week and I for one welcome the change because that tri-folded pinned-up sleeve always annoys the hell out of me.

Hopefully this marks the end of “Pandering To Band Directors In The Hope They’ll Clip These Strips And Tape Them To The Band Room Door” week because we’re really scraping the absolute bottom of the barrel here now. You’d think he’d put a little effort into these seeing how it’s a subject so near and dear to him, but I guess not, based on how staggeringly flaccid and feeble this arc was. Par for the course, I suppose.

#worstonearmedcharacterever

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Today BatBrain tries to go “topical” by referencing that Tweety thing that’s all the rage with those goddamned worthless kids today, with their chullos and cell phones and all. I would imagine that the bulk of her student’s tweets would consist of some variation on “wow Ms Howard is a real bitch” and/or “why do I still take band, it sucks”. Anyhow, this entire week has been a dumping ground for all those band-related gags that have been clanging around in that pointy little head of his for god only knows how long, so it was kind of inevitable that his love of marching bands and hatred of technology would clash, I guess. I assume the strip where Becky proposes a “Pizza In 1930’s Comic Book Lore” band routine is coming tomorrow.

Panel three: Summer called, she’d like her gritty face back before basketball season, please. Seriously though, Becky, take the whole beleaguered band director routine down a few pegs, OK? It’s getting seriously grating now and we’ve all had just about enough. Becky always gets overlooked when you think about really annoying FW characters but when she’s around she’s a contender for sure.

Sweat Chullo O’ Mine

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Hey look, it’s Cody and Owen, who’ve been attending WHS for at least five or six years already, sweating their way through another horrible and joyless summer band camp just like we’re suffering through another horrible and joyless summer band camp arc! Mind blown. Much as with Becky, one has to wonder why they keep voluntarily participating in an activity that apparently gives them no enjoyment whatsoever. Again, kind of like us! Whoa. The fabled Westviewian masochism must be contagious.

One also has to wonder why Owen would elect to wear a wool cap with ear flaps in the middle of August, or why Cody doesn’t remember Becky losing her shit last year, or the year before that, or the year before that, or the year before that and so on. So in short, it doesn’t appear that either of these two dimwits will be graduating anytime soon. On the plus side, though, they’ll be able to legally buy their own alcohol soon, which should make the ride home from the prom a little more interesting provided that FW remains “true to form”. Owen really does have that “future FW fatality” look about him, doesn’t he? And Cody….yeah.

I have to believe that even the most easily amused band directors would think twice before clipping this strip and taping it to the band room door. Especially the ones battling any sort of mental illness which, based on the knowledge of band directors I’ve gleaned from reading FW, means all of them because teaching band is the most difficult and thankless job there is and everyone who does it is insane. Right?