First Class Jackass

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No, Le Chat, actually it’s a classic case of annoying wuss angst being relentlessly beaten into the ground by a sad old hack. There’s definitely a guy pretending to be a “writer” here and I don’t mean Dickface, either. I have never wanted to see a surface-to-air missile used more than I want to see one used today. F*ck you, Les and f*ck you too, Pulitzer (nominee) Boy. Charles Schulz must be spinning in his grave tonight, poor guy.

This is one of those exceptionally annoying FWs where Les is eminently punchable in every single panel, including the disembodied Sunday strip head. God how I detest and loathe this whiny, simpering moron and his pathetic cancer book. And I likewise detest and loathe the way BatBrain wallows around in his ridiculous writer fantasies, endlessly bitching about the joylessness of it all like it’s the worst possible way to make a living. If it sucks so much then quit, you can always just re-run the old strips “FBOFW”-style, no one will ever notice the difference anyway. What a pair of whiny sorry saps.

Dys-Funktion

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OMG that’s f*cking disgusting. I seriously think I’m going to vomit. Just thinking about it makes me want to retch. Seriously man, that’s the most frightening Funky profile I have EVER seen and I’ve seen them all. Man alive, is that a terrifying drawing or what? If you go from panel to panel it’s like the evolution of early man.

So Les can’t sleep, eat or get erections (bluuurgh) and he hallucinates talking cats who like to chip away at his self esteem. It’s so reassuring to know that Tombat can still relate so well with the everyday people who read his strip, you know? I think it’s safe to say that her comments today pretty much cement Cayla’s status as the least realistic character in the history of fiction because…well, I think it’s pretty obvious why. Nice to see that Montoni’s is as busy as ever too.

Coming next week: “Defenders Of The Faith” starring Les Moore as Tom Batiuk and you beady-eyed nitpickers as “Hollywood”! Cheer for Les as he defends the cancer book’s honor! Weep with him as he recounts the tragic sequence of contrivances that led to her horrible death! Come for the puns…stay for the wordplay! (Remember folks, “Lisa’s Story…The Other Shoe“ is still available wherever fine books collections of old comic strips are sold!)

 

 

Going To Be???

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Well, it’s already Friday so why bother moving the story along at all? Might as well devote the rest of the week to Les, his idiotic imaginary cat and his endless, incessant whining and just start (chortle) “fresh” on Monday, right? It’s been working for forty-plus years so why alter that successful formula now, you know? The way TheAuthor is wallowing in his clever little “writer’s anxiety” fantasy (like he would know anything about it) is just too sickening for words. If he seriously believes this is enjoyable to anyone other than himself he’s either totally delusional or stoned off his gourd on felt-tip fumes again. What a hack.

But Westviewian School Employees Are

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Oh, I see. So what Les is saying here is that those slutty Hollywood trollops only have sex with men that can help them. Unlike those lovely Westviewian lasses who don’t “sleep with” writers until they’re almost completely over their long-dead first wives and the movie-option cash starts rolling in, I guess. Way to denigrate a hundred thousand “starlets” in one broad stroke there, Lester. What a dick.

“Sleeping with…”, “on the make”…it’s 1959 in the Funkyverse, except for the cars which appear to be early 00’s Chinese gray-market economy models of some sort (now in robin’s egg blue!). I guess the trunk was optional, eh? I like the mismatched wheel wells too. That Les is really tight with that movie option dough, you know? I mean who’d let his own wife ride around in a deathtrap like that? You’ve heard of “unsafe at any speed”? This car is unsafe when it’s parked.

Be forewarned: Batiuk loves himself some “boy is the airport a hassle or what?”-style gags especially if Dickface is involved. And Les is definitely one of THOSE people where air travel is concerned too. Whine, bitch, complain, repeat. Remember that time he was storming around the airport and the plane being all rude and disruptive? What a jerk.

We Know The Feeling

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So in today’s installment of “Why Am I Reading This?” the Delicate Genius is concerned about working with the “script doctor” the studio hired to fix his shitty screenplay. I’m assuming that after the script doctor declares “Lisa’s Story” dead, the script coroner will step in. Too bad no one contacted a script abortionist when he first started writing it, but it’s a little late for that now. Speaking of hopeless lost causes, rumor has it that The Syndicate ordered TB to work with a “strip doctor” a few years back but unfortunately the poor bastard hung himself three hours into the job and they’ve had zero new applicants for the position since then.

Check out the peculiar frown on Cayla in panel two. Is that the look of a woman who’s just realized that she married a guy who hallucinates talking cats or what? She had her chance to bail on Les years ago but she blew it, so no sympathy here. And I am choosing to ignore Les’ weird assy pose in panel three because, well, just because. Some things just do not need to be elaborated upon.

If he’s not arrogantly strutting around like a smug pompous asshole and putting everyone else down via his annoying bits of asinine wordplay, he’s whining, simpering and cowering away from anything that might remotely inconvenience him, even if that thing is his life-long dream coming true. Les Moore: what a f*cking dick. Although I do really enjoy the sheer hatred he generates in the comments.