“Gee willikers, sure hope somebody will show up to my launch book signing party.” Les’ cloying humility is sufficient to melt the hearts of his two groupies, who, heads tilted, gaze at him in adoration. Silly Les. Even now, they are lining up around the block to pay tribute to Westview’s answer to George Bailey, “the richest man in town”. Wait until the folks learn that they have to buy a book and a large pizza in order to meet the Delicate Genius.
It says more about Les than it does about Cayla and Susan: if he was really worth hooking up with, they’d be catfighting to the death to be by his side. Instead, each is content to let the other hang around as they take turns lathering his massive (and massively undeserved) ego.
I, for one, would be delighted to witness a “Spinal Tap moment” at this book signing. Not only was Spinal Tap a hilarious movie, it totally took the piss out of self-important artistés such as this “author”
“Where’s the blurb whore?” “Oh, he’s out getting his feelings hurt some more,” answers Annie, clicking open her cigarette case. Poor Les: how can the rest of the world not feel his pain as he does? “My book, madame, is not a thing to be skimmed while driving!”
In the Funkiverse, where literary agents double as publicists, local tv presenters also direct their own shows: “O.K., I think we’re all set…when the red light comes on, look sad. Instead of looking like a smug douchebag. In five…four…three…”
Looks like the Book Launch is about to commence. Funky has brought out a table skirt to transform the pizza parlor into an upscale literary den. All the significant (living) females in the Life of Les are here: long-suffering Cayla, relentless stalker Susan, dutiful daughter Summer, and his “agent slash publicist” slash former bag lady, Ann Apple. Lisa is present too (when is she not?): this time in the (somber) cover art for the book. Except for the pink color, that book cover looks kind of familiar…
It’s amazing that Apple Annie had the money for a plane ticket: apparently she owns only one outfit (that damn pink jacket).
Linda: “…come to think of it…Bull’s relationship with me is like a dysfunctional marriage…”
Extra Saturday treat:
One of TB’s classic hatchet-faced female profiles!
Note from TFH: I’m handing over the helm of the good ship SoSF for a week to trusted first mate DavidO…I’m not going anywhere, my brain just needs a rest! I’ll be joinin’ you lubbers below decks as we sail the seas of snark!
Son of Stuck Funky 
