Aw! Little Skyler Fairgood’s only a week old, but he’s already talking and using a laptop! What? That giant-headed human is not baby Skyler but is in fact Our Cory? My bad.
Tag: Cory
“Rent” Control
TFH here, tippin’ the ol’ SoSF K-pot to Beckoning Chasm for two weeks of outstanding guest posting! Guest host DavidO brings the snark for a couple weeks starting tomorrow.
Before anyone asks: I’m not going to add “rents” (slang for parents) to the Batiuktionary…I actually have heard this usage (once) in real life, and it can also be found in that context on Google and Urban Dictionary. Now that we got that out of the way: war-torn Afghanistan provides the reader a welcome respite from the Taj Moore-hal. TB trusts us (for once) to discern that one of these interchangeable, faceless soldiers is none other than Our Cory. The soldiers having apparently exhausted every other topic for small talk, conversation now turns to the “rents” (in the past tense for reasons unknown). “They constantly invented new ways to be annoying.” At least they’re inventive; meanwhile their Creator constantly annoys by cycling and recycling the same tired tropes. The band director’s changed but being in the band is still an ordeal. The Scapegoats’ standout footballer is now the coach, but the team still loses. War was hell for Wally (who went MIA twice) and will no doubt be hell for cousin Cory.
Sunday In The Park With Joe
I’ve always been a fan of Joe Staton. He currently draws the “Dick Tracy” newspaper strip, and drew a comic book I used to read back in the day, E-Man. I actually first encountered his work in–believe it or not–the old Amazing Stories science fiction magazine. His style tends to be loose and casual, but he always knew exactly where the focus should be in the image, and he has a great sense of dynamics.
I mention all this only because his work is the only interesting thing in today’s offering. The corner bit from Tom Batiuk is basically the pimple on a model’s face. Although Mr. Staton doesn’t seem to’ve put a great deal of effort into this…I’m not sure if the robot he’s cradling was a friend or foe. His arm wrapped around Starbuck says “poor fallen friend” but his feet seem to be pointed toward “fiendish foe, who nearly had me.”
Although, I do think I’ve figured out why Tom Batiuk’s dialogue is so horrible. I think he believes that his readership consists solely of people who have never read Funky Winkerbean before, and who have no intention of reading it the next day.
Tom Batiuk also thinks that this thing called “continuity” or “consistency” is a sucker’s game. Remember last week, how issue seven was the only thing lacking in Cory’s care package? Well, now Holly is “collecting” more. (I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to collect a single issue of something and figure your task is “completed” unless you’ve set your goals pretty low.) You knew the pain wasn’t going to be just one week long, didn’t you? If I recall correctly, there were to be seven Starbuck Jones comic covers presented to us over the course of this arc.
And if each of those covers gets its own Sunday page, well, you can do the math I’m sure. At least we’ll see some artists whose work should be far, far better than the usual Sunday strips.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe this is the start of a globe-hopping adventure, a la Indiana Jones, as Holly travels the far corners of the earth to track down the complete set of Starbuck Jones comics.
…ah, ha ha ha ha ha. I crack myself up sometimes.
Jury-Rigged Plot Device
So today the huge Holly/Cory comic book caper mega-arc more or less “officially” begins! Yes, the seemingly-eternal wait is at long last finally over! Cory’s looking snazzy with his new “military spec” haircut…a lot sharper than his mom, who apparently gets her hair done at a lesbian barber college for the blind. No offense to blind lesbians intended, of course.
BatTom does a nice job capturing the look of FaceToFacebook’s layout, especially for someone who openly hates that dadgummed “technology” crap as much as he does. He also does a nice job capturing Cory’s sudden eyebrow injury in panel three, although I have no doubt that modern medicine (featuring technology!) can at least try to repair them so Cory can resume at least a somewhat “normal” life when he (inevitably) returns to Westview to a) work at WHS, b) work at Montoni’s or c) work at the Korner.
Not too long ago, The Grand Finale was a frequent topic around these parts (TGF being how TB decides to end FW). My present working theory is that Cory, who will escape the military mostly unscathed, will return home a “fine young man” who will begin dating and eventually marry (ugh) Westview’s resident “fine young woman”, thus bringing the Moores and Winkerbeans together at long last in a sort of unholy alliance of wry smirking, rapid aging and sudden weight gain which will culminate in the birth of Lisa Jr. on Xmas Day, at which point our collective heads will explode and SoSF will cease to exist. My back-up theory is that nothing whatsoever will happen, which is definitely far more likely.
At Least He Avoided Camp Custer
Some history-centric humor from TB today. Well, in fairness, “humor” is relative. But you all know what I mean. It’d seem to be that “Camp Alamo” would be a perfect place for a FW cast member, as bravely staring down death in the face of insurmountable odds is sort of what FW is all about. Except for the “bravely” part, of course.
Son of Stuck Funky 