Tag: Fred Fairgood

No Hllllp in Sight

Were it not for the strips last week, where Annie revealed not only that she and Fred were not in love “so much”, but that their marriage kept her from pursuing her dreams…today’s strip might provide a chuckle. Instead, all I can think about now is that Ann is going to pay Fred back for taking away the best years of her life. She’s going to be the one helping him regain his speech? I guess tomorrow Coach Bushka will show up to start Fred’s physical therapy.

Smotherly Love

Ann hears the nurse’s footsteps coming down the hall. She has just enough time to remove the pillow from Fred’s face and fix his glasses and hair, to hide the telltale signs of the fierce struggle that has taken place just moments before the nurse enters the room. Composing herself, Ann mutters some nonsense to Fred about the stroke being “God’s way of telling him to slow down a little.” Fred, enfeebled by the stroke, and near exhaustion from fighting off the murderous Ann, tries vainly to alert the nurse that his wife has just tried to smother him, but is horrified to hear his own voice sounding like Mimi from Rose is Rose. Thinking quickly, Ann helpfully “translates” Fred’s garbled speech for the nurse, who continues on her rounds, never suspecting Ann’s cruel plans for her husband…

Now I.C.U., Now I Don't

It’s plausible, I guess, for the next of kin to return to the hospital and not know that their loved one’s been moved to another unit. I can even accept that a hospital’s information system might temporarily be down (evil, evil technology!). What I can’t imagine is a hospital visitor, being directed to the fifth floor, asking “are the elevators working?” It’s kind of a given. Darin’s stupid, unnecessary question gets the slit-eyed, mock-polite, passive-aggressive reply it so richly deserves.

It's Just Aphasia Goin' Through

Withering Heights
January 18, 2013 at 5:00 pm
…[H]ospital treatment is nothing like day-to-day business at, say, a pizza joint. Things do not happen on the patient’s schedule, and there is much less certainty than, “Hey, I thought I said no anchovies!” So Batominc actually has the patient’s and the family’s point of view down.

And I guess that’s what’s happening today, as the neurosurgeon updates Ann and Darin on Fred’s status. Barring any glaring errors such as Pmc commented on yesterday, the surgeon’s summary to me sounds fairly straightforward and jargon-free. Certainly, a former high school teacher would be able to make sense of it. We’ll give Ann a break since she’s obviously under stress.

“So there’s going to be some residual aphasia,” says the doctor with complete certainty, prognosticating before his patient has even regained consciousness. Apologies to the three of you readers who picked “Survives, eventually makes full recovery” in this week’s poll. The Wikipedia defines aphasia as “the disturbance in formulation and comprehension of language.” Which equals, you guessed it: “Boxcar!” Pure comedy gold. Can’t wait for a frustrated Darin to yell at Ann, “Is he crazy?”