Holly – Page 72 – Son of Stuck Funky

Moanday, Rueday, Whineday

Monday’s strip was not available for preview, so I guess it’s time to speculate on what the new week will bring.

For the most part, I don’t think stories in Funky Winkerbean are told much past two weeks (whether the story ends then or not). There are exceptions here and there, like last year’s Frankie mega-arc, and the trip to Kilimanjaro (though I think that one was interrupted when Funky had to name his new car). Two weeks seems to be the default length for a “chapter.”

So if I had to guess about what we’ll get, I would say that we won’t see more of Holly and her comic quest in the coming week. I would guess we’ll get a week of filler–Funky at the gym again, Owen and Cody giving blood again, Dinkle going to some conference again. Something like that.

Of course, I could be entirely wrong. Monday might begin with John and Crazy driving Holly over to Tony Isabella’s house to get that last damned comic book.

There’s no real suspense to be had either way.

In other words, I got nothin’.

UPDATE: So I was wrong. In a world in which Funky Winkerbean exists, being wrong is no big deal.

Sunday the 20th

Link to today’s strip.

Sunday’s strip was not available for preview, so you get more of my ramblings. Lucky you! I’ll try to keep it to a reasonable length…which for me is, what, eighty paragraphs or so? Ha ha ha.

One of the problems I’ve had with this year’s stories is that a number of them (all the comic book ones, the “shot down helicopter” one) depend on sympathy for Cory Winkerbean. And I find that very difficult to muster. Admittedly, I’m not sympathetic to any of the characters, but at least the rest of them aren’t snotty, jerkwad criminals.

In that regard, I’m thinking of Cory’s theft of the Lisa’s Legacy Fund. Aside from a limply stern threat from Funky, Cory’s never been punished for this and so far as we know, never had to return the money. And yet, the instant he joins the army, readers are supposed to do a 180 and suddenly regard him as the best and brightest that Westview can offer (whose last name isn’t Moore, that is).

While I greatly admire those who choose to serve our country, in Cory’s case it seemed less that he was doing so for noble reasons and more for the sake of a “screw you” to Funky. In other words, nothing seemed to have changed with Cory other than his status from civilian to soldier. Has he changed? We’ve seen no evidence that he has, other than he seems a bit more polite on the phone.

And it would have been easy to show that military service has changed him for the better. All it would take is one Sunday strip, during the holiday season when Cory was back in Westview.

Panel one-the logo, with a smirking Cory head.

In the strip, Les goes out to the mailbox. Inside is a single envelope, addressed “For: the Lisa’s Legacy Fund.” Les opens the envelope, and there’s money inside, along with an unsigned note: “Plus interest!”

Les looks at the money and gasps. “Why, there must be almost eleven dollars here!”*

Cut to: Cory, dressed in his uniform and hiding behind a nearby tree, watching all of this happen and smirking to beat the band.

See how easy that was? Cory goes from being criminal-in-training to someone mature enough to try and redeem his past misdeeds. Win-win, right? (Granted, it would probably mean the loss of a comic book tribute Sunday strip. Win-win-win, I say.) And that honestly didn’t take more than a few minutes of thought to come up with that.

Which may be part of the problem. One of the things I’ve noted in this strip is that Tom Batiuk seems to feel that simply presenting something is the same as developing something–that the hard work is done when you say, “The producers want to change Les’ script” and that having to explain further is just a waste of time and effort. It’s certainly one reason why these characters remain so unengaging, and why their various quests rarely rise above “pretty boring.” Interesting stories require effort, and I guess with forty-odd years of this under his belt, Tom Batiuk feels that he’s above all that. It just seems sad to me–with a little more effort this strip could be much better than it is. Is it not worth that effort?

*I refuse to believe that the Lisa’s Legacy Run in Westview has ever raised more than eleven dollars.

Puff the Magic Wagon

Link to today’s strip.

I just have to shake my head at Holly. Riding around in a cart is “a good idea”? I guess it could be fun, and it gets you out into the open air, away from the human-stuffed Comic Con anchovy tin…it just doesn’t strike me as something she’d enjoy, and it definitely doesn’t strike me as something John would suggest. It looks like something Tom Batiuk saw somewhere and said, “Hey, I gotta use that.”

If he were a far more interesting person than we’d been led to believe, I’d think John would suggest going to see Homestar Runner’s skull in the background there in the first panel on the left. Or going to eat at Buster’s Crab. (Can you believe I didn’t get that for a couple of minutes? I’m getting senile.)

Physical activity for these three would be a choice of last resort. And maybe that’s how this happened. Maybe all sorts of suggestions were made, and Holly sighed about all of them, and Harry was no help at all, fitfully moaning into his blanket, and John, internally screaming from boredom, finally saw this cart thing, and pointed, and that’s how this strip came into being. Another deadline met, Mr. Batiuk! Whew!

Oh, and the answer to your question, John, is no. None of them are helping you at all. You’ll die alone and afraid, not knowing what’s happening to you. Enjoy!

Orange You Glad I Didn’t Say Batmana?

Link to today’s strip.

Is…is Orange Batman a thing? I know I’ve occasionally passed through the toy aisle (on my way to the ammo section) and I’ve seen various colorful toy Batmen (Ski Attack Batman! Scuba Stealth Batman!) and some of them have been a bit on the loud side, but then those are toys, brightly colored to attract children and provide an excuse (you know, so Mom can’t say, “But Tom, you already have so many Batmen!” “But M0-om, look, he’s or-ange!”).

But I really am curious, is Orange Batman an actual comic book thing? A character that a Comic Con attendee would dress as–or is this one of the many variants of Robin? Or Bizarro Batman? Is he one of the Aquabats? Or is he a cos-player who exhibits the same attention to detail that some cartoonists do? The only reason I ask is because nothing else in this strip is interesting.

I mean, I would have thought that Holly’s credit card company would call her about an airline ticket before calling about buying some comic book. Unless, of course, this loose comic book, stuffed into a box to be rifled through by endless grimy thumbs, somehow has a price in the hundreds of dollars.

How much would it cost if it was slabbed and graded and all that? A cool million? Would it be so costly that Bruce Wayne himself couldn’t afford it?

The Buck Stops Her

Link to today’s strip.

At long last, Starbuck Jones himself appears in the strip, and proves to be just as much a dick as everyone else. Of course, this behavior was entirely expected.

Also expected: contact with Westviewians turns Monday’s happy, sleepy-eyed merchant into a bitter scowler. And readers into head-scratchers.

The thing is, you cannot have issue #115 of Starbuck Jones so rare that it is snatched up instantly when it makes a rare appearance, while simultaneously making it nothing special, a comic you throw into a box to be thumbed at. Which is it? “These comics have been going like hot cakes. Notice I said going like hot cakes, not selling like hot cakes. They were getting all gooey and rancid, so I threw them into this box because I hate hot cakes!”

I know it’s hard for ordinary, non-Pulitzer-nominated people to remember long, long ago, back to Monday’s strip–that’s almost, like, caveman days, right? But you’ll recall Holly had a list. On Tuesday she was pawing through a box. What happened in between? “Oh, you’ve got a list? Let me see. Starbuck Jones #115. Since the Starbuck Jones comics have been selling like crazy, you might try looking through these bargain-bin comics. I always keep my rare stuff in there, because I’m a maverick who thinks outside the (long) box.”

A lazy answer is that the Starbuck Jones series has a rabid cult of fans (enough so that some studio has an interest in making a movie), but the general comic-book public never warmed to it. So the fans look for issues, but no one else does. Might as well put it in the box, one of those idiots will buy it. Again, it’s a lazy answer. And I guess we’re all used to lazy answers here.

But the inconsistency is ridiculous. For anyone trying to tell a story, this is not the way to do it. This is the way a five-year-old tells stories. “But werewolves aren’t affected by crosses!” “Wait, did I say he was a werewolf? I meant he was a vampire werewolf!”

Speaking of lazy answers, whatever happened to the Funky Winkerbean blurb at Comic Kingdom, telling us it was a strip that detailed the sensitive problems of contemporary young adults in a detailed manner? I guess they just figured, “If you have to know what Funky Winkerbean is, well, abandon all hope…”