Holly – Page 77 – Son of Stuck Funky

Une Semaine De Bonte

I would like to offer my sincere thanks to Tom Batiuk for this week. I really appreciate the attempt at humor, and while the strip never really rose above the level of, say, Blondie or Beetle Bailey (other than Thursday’s ultra-goofosity), it was miles above what the strip usually offers. This week was like a vacation.

Those of you who aren’t guest hosts…count your blessings. A guest host never knows from one day to the next what is being served up. Will it be something with one of the many hateful characters? Will it just be lame? Will it be mind-numbingly boring? Remember–you’re the host, you have to have something to say!

Here’s something I’d like to say. I never approach Funky Winkerbean with the attitude of Well, let’s see what can I hate on today. No, despite how poorly made the strip tends to be, I always hope that it will somehow be good, at least today. Because there are enough poorly-made, dull things in this world, and if something rises above that, then [insert Hallmark-worthy phrase here].

So, yeah, sometimes I will overpraise something that’s just mediocre, because I think that mediocre is at least a step up from terrible.

Take today’s offering. Previously in the week, a guy set out to achieve a goal, and through hard work and persistence, actually did so. That’s rare enough in the Funkyverse–what’s even rarer is what today’s strip shows: Funky Winkerbean saying, in effect, “Hey, let’s enjoy life.” When was the last time that happened? I can’t remember.

That, my friends, is a hell of a lot better than what we usually get. This strip typically takes the notion that “genius” requires no effort or talent (Les Moore’s entire life-story) or that those who are deemed “worthy” (criminal-in-training Cory) should have others (Holly) slavishly work on their behalf–without, of course, expending any energy at all, other than to say “I want.”

Today’s episode, though, says…you’ve worked for it. You’ve sweated over it. And you made it.

Enjoy it.

In this comic strip, that’s praiseworthy.

Besides, we should all be glad there’s not a fourth panel, where Funky says “I think I can get us a good table at a place I know called Montoni’s!” That would be double-secret barf-bag-worthy. I’m kind of shocked today’s strip didn’t end that way. Sometimes, it’s the things held back that make the biggest difference.

Sunday could bring all this crashing down, of course. While my thanks to Tom Batiuk are sincere, that doesn’t mean my eyes are closed.

See you tomorrow night!

Final War and Other Fantasies

Link To Today’s Strip

And here we are, almost at the end of the week…and perhaps, almost at the end of this chapter in the “Holly Buys Comics, Because Cory” saga? Not much room left for Holly to get what she wants, is there? All those pings!

My mutant super-power of being able to see future Funky Winkerbean strips–which is, trust me, the worst mutant super-power ever–is failing me at this point. So let’s speculate.

I see today’s strip leading to the following three possible conclusions.

1 – a bitter Holly lectures everyone how evil technology has ruined her quest (for the moment). She should have put her faith in people, and not processors. This scenario has the advantage of ending the arc with Saturday’s strip, allowing Sunday’s to be another comic cover with a smirk in the corner. Of course, we know Tom Batiuk is not a fan of short-and-to-the-point; the whole comic strip screams that.

2 – Holly receives an email from the winning bidder, which goes something like this. “I am sorry that my $11.54 bid meant that you did not get the comic. I did not know, at the time, that your son was in the service. I am therefore going to mail you the comic, free of charge, along with a personal check for $11.54.”

3 – Holly goes to the Komix Korner to, uh, drown her sorrows or something. And a smiling John Howard produces the comic! “I outbid everyone else, to a final cost of $15,011.54, just so I could give you the comic for free! Because Cory Winkerbean!”

Both 2 and 3 mean extending this by another week–which would be kind of difficult to do, since all it really needs is an extra couple of panels…D’oh! What am I saying? Funky Winkerbean specializes in stretching things way past the breaking point!

You know, I write these entries a year in advance (give or take 360-odd weeks) and I was a little surprised that everyone here already guessed all three of these outcomes. Of course, they’re all blindingly obvious. But maybe Tom Batiuk has a surprise for us! I guess we’ll see, together, how this flops across the finish line. In the meantime, I just gotta say this: Holly’s unborn clown face in panel one is terrifying.

The Gamesman

Link To Today’s Strip

“Unnatural hand gestures” ahoy! I don’t recommend looking very closely at panel two, because you’ll probably end up like me: wondering what the hell those body parts are supposed to be, and how they got there.

Panel three is pretty good nightmare fuel as well; those of you with small children might want to cut it out and paste it on cardboard, to see if you can use it to make the kids eat their peas. Tell them she’s hiding under the bed, and only vegetables keep her away.

I do have to admire the way she’s all prepped and ready to…watch the progress of an online auction. Not to actually do anything (strictly forbidden in the Funkyverse anyway)…but just sit there and watch, and hope no one outbids her. The excitement just never ends, does it? Well, that’s because it never begins either but you can’t have everything. You should have learned that by now.

Tactics of Conquest

Link To Today’s Strip

I always thought the term was “poaching” and not “sandbagging,” but what do I know? I certainly don’t have a Pulitzer nomination on my shelf. I would also think that someone snatching a last-minute prize wouldn’t “snipe”* it, but now I’m just getting all beady-eyed.

Judging by Harry and John’s wild gesticulation, the Starbuck Jones saga is something they find quite engaging. And it serves as a good illustration of one of Funky Winkerbean‘s problems: telling and not showing. Stories about people in comic books can be very entertaining, since those people are usually doing things or plotting to do things. Stories about people collecting comic books are not interesting. At all. Especially when they consist entirely of “I’m looking for an issue,” “Oh, well, here you are, then” stretched out over a week. As pointed out some time ago by BillyTheSkink (thanks Billy!), it’s the reverse of Monty Python’s “Cheese Shop” sketch.

What would be funny (in a rather “meta” sense of course) would be if the object of Holly’s quest wasn’t Starbuck Jones but instead something more in keeping with the general tenor of Funky Winkerbean. To wit:

Holly: “Good morning, I’m looking for a particular comic for my son, who’s serving in Khahnistan.”

Wensleydale: “Certainly, ma’am, we’re a comic shop. What would you like?”

Holly: “Have you got volume nine of the complete newspaper Spider-Man?”

Wensleydale: “Ooo–that’s the one where he sits on the couch while his wife works, right? And the other Marvel heroes keep saving him? And there’s the special Sunday strip where he almost orders a pizza but stops himself at the last minute? That’s a fairly rare item, I’m afraid.”

Newspaper Spider-Man and Funky Winkerbean are made for each other.

Speaking of artwork, initially, it looks to me as though the colorist here got Tom Batiuk’s notes in the wrong order. You’d think the second panel would be the one shrouded in an all-encompassing darkness. That is how my favorite character, the Pouncing Darkness, rolls in this strip. On the other hand, we all know Holly’s going to get this issue no matter what, so perhaps Tom’s doing a bit of subtle foreshadowing by having panel two suddenly brighten.

Hey, it could happen.

*Seriously, check out definition 6 on that page.

The Men Inside

Link To Today’s Strip

Forget those first two panels–that smug smirk at the far right is the real Funky Winkerbean pay-dirt. Ol’ Harry Lunaire is about to start lecturatin’ the folks all about the ways of them comical-book hunters.

You can see he is of a mind to speak on the matter; it’s too bad he’s not smoking a pipe so he can thoughtfully puff on it a couple of times before waving it to illustrate his points.

Other than that, I’m somewhat surprised to discover that the Komix Korner is large enough to have two windows. My previous impression is that it was little larger than a shoebox. A shoebox that holds someone’s bug collection. And, lastly, there’s the expression on John’s face in panel three.

That is an absolute masterpiece of sheer, unadulterated boredom. God, are you still here? And still talking, on and on? I am so sorry I asked you anything, John thinks.

And, well, that’s about all I can say. I mean, how long was the last conversation you had with someone who started with, “I just bid on a comic book on eBay”?