Tag: John

John Philip Snooze-a

I hope you’ve all enjoyed the stellar snark of Epicus Doomus these last two weeks as much as I have! A new mystery guest author sits in starting Monday, July 15! —TFH

Discuss: “Sousa marches sound best when they’re surrounded by a town square.” Well, for starters, it seems rather like the town square is surrounded by the music: it waves through the air like one of those advertising banners that gets towed by a small plane. And I’d wager that Sousa marches sound best when they’re played by, say, the United States Marine Band. When played by an ensemble small enough to fit in a gazebo that’s about the size of my bathroom, they sound, well, okay.

So in his retirement, “Harry seems to be working harder than ever”? Really? Harder then he did when he used to force his students to march in torrential rains? Harder than when he used to personally deliver band turkeys? Since he hung up his band director hat, all we’ve seen Harry doing is lurking around the high school and occasionally schmoozing with his fellow music educators.

Kemo Slobby

TheDiva
April 2, 2013 at 12:13 am
There’s a Lone Ranger movie coming out this summer, so for once Batiuk is (a year and) three months ahead of the time. I’m sure this is entirely coincidental, though.

I’m thinking coincidence too. It’s more likely that someone who thinks that Flash Gordon is still timely would expect teens to find the Lone Ranger relatable.

There is more to the Lone Ranger’s Creed, and it’s actually not too bad as far as creeds go. It doesn’t really apply that much to Owen’s situation, however, but that’s the kind of counsel you get when you go to the comic book guy for advice.

Lone Ranger Danger

Ray
April 1, 2013 at 6:50 am
This has GOT to be an April Fools Day joke!!

…and one that I hope you enjoyed! I had a lot of fun “spoofing” a page from the cleveland.com site and posting my fake Tom Batiuk interview. I spent the better part of the past week working on it, and got a little extra bang for the buck by posting a link over at the Comics Curmudgeon.

Maybe my prank was a little too well executed? Some discerning folk were taken in, at least for a little while:

“…by the newspaper“? Nah, that was all me. I even bought the reasonably plausible clevelanddotcom.info domain and redirected it to my hosted page. Other savvy snarkers sensed something was amiss:

Beanie Wanker
April 1, 2013 at 7:24 am

Cleveland.com’s Dick Hertz? Really? Ha…

The scariest part of the whole thing was how easy it was to channel Tom Batiuk. I think I spend wayyyyy too much time contemplating the Funkiverse!

Thanks again everyone, for playing along.

Still shaken after witnessing Alex being bullied in the halls of Westview High, Owen seeks out a trusted, responsible adult: his Dad his Mom his guidance counselor the principal his priest/minister/rabbi the owner of the local comics shop?!?…who is only too ready and willing to offer his useless advice.

Chamber Made

“Chamber of Commerle?” Oh, Chamber of Commerce! Well, Funky is the president of the local chamber, so it makes sense that he would try and solicit John as a member. Just think of the networking opportunities with the many other businesses in town: Jitters Coffee Shop, Citizen Khan’s Deli, the Village Booksmith…oh wait, they’re closed.

Epicus Doomus
March 7, 2013 at 12:26 am
…in addition to being the slovenly middle-aged owner of a dingy little comic book shop, John is also an undisciplined, scheming, disrespectful lying little shit as well.

Undisciplined for sure, and you can add “clueless business owner” to that description. Business at the Komix Korner may have seen a slight bump with the addition of a comic book sommelier to the staff, but John clearly operates the place as a clubhouse for his teenage boy buddies, and thinks himself daring for refusing to interact with fellow business owners.