Tag: Les

Oscar, Oscar, Oscar…

Louder
April 11, 2013 at 1:01 pm
Right, because Hollywood studios always have someone who has zero experience in writing movie scripts writing the first draft. That always happens.

Talk about putting the cart before the horse, huh? Though he can’t even get started on his screenplay, Les imagines himself and Cayla at the Academy Awards®. Even in his fantasies, Les must be self-effacing.
Hey, douchebag: there’s no “second place” at the Oscars®: you either win it or you don’t. And if Lisa’s Story were to be nominated, it’d be in the category of “Adapted Screenplay”. And oh, yeah: they don’t hand out Oscars® to made-for-basic-cable-television “movies”.  Anyway, it’s Les’ daydream: naturally, this high school teacher and part-time pizza counterman from the Midwest beats out the likes of Tony Kushner, Quentin Tarantino and Wes Anderson* to take home the statuette, as Lisa’s ghost, smiling approvingly, hovers over his left shoulder.

(*Just a few of the nominees from last year)

The Academy, as the copyright owner of the Academy’s “Oscar” statuette, and owner of its trademarks and service marks, including “OSCAR®,” “OSCARS®,” “ACADEMY AWARD®,” “ACADEMY AWARDS®,” “OSCAR NIGHT®,” “A.M.P.A.S.®” and the federally registered “Oscar” design mark, is required to protect its properties against unauthorized uses and infringements.

If You Give a Les a Cookie

After cancer, alcoholism, and post-traumatic stress disorder, the most prevalent disease in the Funkiverse is, of course, writer’s block. Today, Cayla brings the Delicate Genius a snack of milk and cookies. But if he doesn’t quit farting around and get cracking on that script? I’m pretty sure she’s gonna break Les’ ankles with a sledgehammer and keep him hostage in his study ’til he’s done!

Unsexytime

Well is this ain’t the clumsiest, creepiest, most awkward come-on in the history of man and woman! Les’ usually dainty hands grow into cartoony, clublike mitts, and his eyebrows can almost be seen to wag as he clutches cringing Cayla to his bony breast, as the exposition-laden dialog balloon looming over their heads threatens to crush them both.

For all of us who’ve wondered what Cayla saw in Les…why she suffered his devotion to his dead first wife…why she married his ofay ass…well, it’s starting to make sense now. It’s finally starting to pay off for her (and her daughter), and she sends Les back to the tower to spin some more straw into gold.

Script? Sure

$$$Westview Oncologist$$$
April 10, 2013 at 9:09 am
Let’s play “The Price is Right”. How much do you think the dollar amount is on this douchebag’s check?

Well, if it’s enough to pay a year’s tuition at Kent times two, it’s gotta be at least $18,692. “Ann also says I get to write the first script.” I’m pretty sure that Ann says that just to mollify your massive ego, which will then be crushed once “the producers in Hollywood” bring in some real scriptwriters to do the job.