Mason Jarr – Page 8 – Son of Stuck Funky

“B” as in “Boring”

Odd, isn’t it, how much Mason and Dullard resemble each other. Almost as if, on that night when Lisa was “assaulted,” both she and Frankie succumbed to the alcohol and passed out, and a passing student saw an opportunity…nah, Mason was probably five years old then, and besides, it’s too interesting for this strip. Wouldn’t it be intriguing to find out that Mason was a completely terrible person, and this was some complicated revenge scheme? Again, too interesting.

Better to make Mason pretty much clueless about the character he wants to portray, almost as if he’s never read Les’ book or spent any time with him. Nine hours in a sweltering parking lot, that’s enough research for Mason!

How to Make “Alien” More Terrifying

Link to today’s strip.

Seriously, can you imagine John Hurt going through all that agony, and out pops a little Les Moore? Which screams “Endings have to be earned!” before scooting off to hide in the ductwork? And it then confronts Harry Dean Stanton and says “I am the lord of language, and you are my acolytes!” The crew of the Nostromo would be screaming, “Please! Tear our brains out instead!”

“I guess some children were left behind!”

I mean, I get shivers just thinking about it! I’m going to leave the lights on tonight, but I don’t think I’ll ever go to sleep again!

Other than that, my God is Les being a little sh!t. Yes, I know he’s a douchebag deluxe (indeed, a douchebag supreme), but Mason is supposedly a friend. If someone were to treat me the way Les is treating Mason, I’d make my excuses and avoid that person. And of course, avoiding Les Moore is always a great strategy to employ.

On a serious note, Mr. Batiuk–when you’re offering a decidedly inferior product to your audience, it’s very unwise to remind them that there are superior entertainments out there that are much more worthy of their time.

People are Strange

Link to today’s strip.

Well, Mason, if you didn’t want to freak Les out, maybe you should have been a little more subtle…you know, less following Les around in your little black car, less parking right across from their house–you know, that sort of thing.

Or, as all of us have been screaming for days now, maybe you could have realized that memorizing an idiot’s driving patterns isn’t going to help you in a drama about a man suffering because his wife is dying. Has Mason always been this stupid? I know, I know, to ask is to answer.

Cayla’s remark to the contrary, it would have been nice if Mason had made Les and Cayla act “weird or strange.” They’ve been just as boring as they always were, and always will be. I would have settled for “interesting,” too, but that ship has sailed.

Flooding the Head

Link to today’s strip.

Not much that I can say about this one…we all figured it out, thanks to Charles. Seriously, it’s the most idiotic development I can imagine. In order to portray a husband devastated by his wife’s terminal cancer, Mason has to memorize traffic patterns and driving habits. It’s a whole new level of stupid, something this strip can, perhaps, take pride in at last (“I had the dumbest development ever! Give me prizes!”)

I’m reminded of the (perhaps apocryphal) story about the film “Marathon Man.” Dustin Hoffman went to extraordinary lengths to portray his character (which was far more interesting than Les), and Lawrence Olivier said, “My dear boy, why don’t you try acting?”

My dear Batiuk, why don’t you try writing?

Charles in Charge

Link to today’s strip.

Yes, our very own Charles called it. Congratulations, sir, you may pick up your prize at the ticket window.

I’ve never read it, and have no intention to do so, but my impression of “Lisa’s Story” is that it is (and I’m being generous I know) a story about a young couple, and how they cope with the knowledge that one of them will be dead soon.

Of course, I’m sure the actual book is all about Les, his feelings, his sufferings, how could the universe do this to him, and how will he mope, etc etc. Even so, I imagine that there isn’t anything in the book about how Les drives to work. The route he takes, the little quirks in his driving habits, how long he takes, what he listens to on the radio (“I need to know that for the movie’s soundtrack album!”).

Tom Batiuk seems to think everyone is as obsessed with trivia as he is. Fun fact: no one is. If this is seriously how Mason researches a role, how the hell did he play Starbuck Jones without traveling into space?

Look how manfully Les tears open the door. Almost as if he knew there’d be a “friendly” inside. Just imagine anyone else on the other side of that door, and Les would be getting the well-deserved (and long overdue) beating of his life. Which would be much more satisfying than anything this strip is capable of offering.