Son of Stuck Funky – Page 8 – Son of Stuck Funky

The Race is Not to the Fat & Middle-Aged

I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift,
nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet
riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but
time and chance happeneth to them all.—Ecclesiastes 9:11

We returned, and saw that the race was not to the fat and sweaty, nor
does the colorist know what color to make the cheeks of an overheated
fat guy. Yea, verily, we returned, and—what? The race is already
over‽ I told you you’d be incredulous about how this ends.

Time and chance happeneth to them all, but it would have been nice to
see some of the action. Now I know our favorite auteur is all about
telling and not showing, but this is ridiculous. Talk about cutting to
the chase: Batominc cuts past the chase.

Worst of all, Funky didn’t die.

Now let’s do Funky’s biblical scorecard:

Virtue	Funky’s score
Swiftness	NO
Strength	NO
Wisdom	NO
Understanding	NO
Skill	NO
Quick or Dead	Quick, but suffering

On Westview’s curve, that’s an A+.

The Autumn Lard

Today’s strip

The falling lard falls on his buttocks

Like the fall leaves of red and gold

I see your lips, they’re cyanotic

The glass of wine you used to hold

(with apologies to ~~Nat King Cole~~ Jacques Prévert & Johnny Mercer)

What’s this‽ It looks as though Funky Winkerbean has collapsed before the race has even begun, because of course he has.

Les: Is Funky okay?

The Universe: Of course he’s not, you fool! Did you think you could drag his obese, sedentary arse out of that pizza parlor once a month and turn him into an athlete? I’ll kill him and all of you, if it’s the last thing I do! Mwahahahahah!

Not to spoil anything, but you won’t believe how this ends. No, really: you simply won’t find it believable. The verisimilitude is quite literally incredible.

Update 11 October 2013:

Nat Cole? Jacques Prevert!—gleeb

The Blind Sided

MKay: I’m not all that into sports – is there a position in football in which a trench-coated player stands smoking in one spot, occasionally pausing to hurl a football a great distance? Because this guy would be GREAT at that!

Apparently Coach sees the same thing in Jarod in Today’s strip!

Team-work, strategy, nimble-ness, speed, stamina, co-ordination, not to mention grades be damned, this boy can throw a football!

Considering Coach goes around “rehabbing” people with shredded ACLs with no medical training whatsoever, this almost makes sense.

Still, like MKay, I don’t know a lot about sports, but doesn’t Westview already have a quarterback? It’s such a played out plot that I think we’re just one step away from a goal-kicking mule.

Not the Retiring Type

I was thinking about doing that, Crazy, and still am…’til then, though, I’m grateful for the work of awesome guest authors like Beckoning Chasm. Thanks for filling in the last two weeks, BC!

– TFH

“So she makes me come here [to Montoni’s] every day.” We know the feeling, Funkman: over the last three months, the majority of strips have been set in the pizzeria, a.k.a., the Chapel of Love, a.k.a. Center of the Funkiverse. Since today’s strip won’t be online until midnight, as a “treat” I’ve scanned the strip from my newspaper.

I looked through the rest of the funnies to see how other cartoonists use Photoshop for their Sunday strips. No doubt they all use it at least to color the panels, and a few more employ Photoshop to add small touches like background gradients. Doonesbury and Get Fuzzy are a little more judicious in their use of digital enhancement: used sparingly, it gives the panels a little extra depth. Tom Batiuk, or whoever colors his Sunday strips, pulls out all the stops, and the result is scenes that appear artificially (and dimly) stage-lit. Observe the two-tone highlighting on Funky’s big head. Where’s that blue light coming from? Have hours lapsed between the daytime first panel exterior shot and the interior shot in panel 2? Interestingly, over at Crankshaft, Chuck Ayers has a much lighter touch with the shading.

Runnin’ With The Drivel

Link to today’s strip

I was going to say that Funky’s blistered, fat and diseased bare feet (ugh) probably wouldn’t do wonders for Montoni’s business, but then I realized there’s nothing much to worry about there. Les is especially punchable there in panel two, if he has a facial expression that ISN’T obnoxious I’d like to see it. Then again, maybe not. Thank God this ponderous little slog is finally, mercifully over because I’ve had all I can take of these two sweaty assholes and their nonsensical babbling. Like I always say, any Les is way, way too much.