DavidO here again, back and snarking after some serious WordPress glitches. On to the snark!
Mentioning the fact that John Darling is Jessica’s murdered TV host father over and over was funny at first. Then it got REAL old. But now it’s funny again!
Though it may take the next six days for “him” to get out of the car and ring the doorbell, “He” is here! I can only assume from the excitement and clunky exposition that “he” referenced in today’s strip is Kevin Bacon.
Son of Stuck Funky 
He is now writing a parody of himself. How does he stay a year ahead of deadline? Just constantly reiterate prior information.
Nice hoodie, Summer, it’s fucking summer now. Put on a sports bra and make yourself useful.
Bonus points for Durrwood and Annie standing around smirking in the background. It’s the Westview national pastime.
Cayla ” He’s here…… Oh my god, Frankie has an AR-15 and a kevlar vest!!!!…..”
….sorry was hoping for something better than this crap that we’ll be reading.
Maybe, it will actually be Matt Murdoch that shows up!!
Maybe we will have a newspaper Spidey & Funky Winkerbean crossover!!!
Gahhh…..this stupid storyline has broken me. My will to snark has been killed. Sob….
Enough already of the elongated name references…….nobody talks like this….especially close relatives who shared a house.
“So your father, John Darling the TV personality, was married to Jan Murdoch, wife of John Darling. So John Darling’s wife’s brother is Jeff, your uncle from another comic strip.”
“Yes, he used to live in an apartment above Darin’s non-bio-parents back in the day. He and his wife Pam witnessed your mother Lisa struggling with Darin’s bio-dad Frankie in a van one time. Now they’re going to verify the story so we can use it against Frankie to prevent his reality show from being made.”
“How, exactly?”
“Sneers. Lots and lots of angry, hostile sneers.”
“Oh, oh! Let me help! Look at this! (angry competitive Summer sneer)”
“Yeah, that’s good. You’re in.”
“Hey, Pam and Jeff, come in! Thanks for coming by. Now, tell us about the time you witnessed poor virginal Lisa Crawford resisting Frankie’s rapey advances….wait! Pam and Jeff, where ya going?”
Jessica is supposed to be at least 10 years older than Dim Sum, right?
I remember a Peanuts storyline in which Snoopy was going to read War and Peace by reading one word a day.
This arc feels a lot like that, without the promise of actual story momentum and the story, you know, getting good and involving.
Summer: “Please note I am wearing my cerulean hoodie today as a show of solidarity with my imperiled family.”
Jess: “Oh. I thought it just meant your red hoodie finally died a terrible death.”
Keisha: “Yo! I came home too, people! Mom? Anyone?”
Summer: “It sure is great being home. Gee, wonder if that girl I used to shoot hoops with is around anywhere?”
Keisha: “….”
I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with this John Darling of which you speak
“Hi! I’m Summer, daughter of Les, who wrote a book about the TV personality John Darling.”
“I’m Jessica. My father was John Darling the TV personality. He was married to Jan Murdoch, my mother, whose brother is Jeff Murdoch.”
“Oh yes, I think I once overheard Fred and Ann Fairgood say they shared a building with Jeff Murdoch.”
“Yes, that’s true, but how do you know Fred and Ann Fairgood?”
“Fred Fairgood was the principal at Westview when my father, Les Moore, who wrote a book about TV personality John Darling, went to school there.”
“My father John Darling the TV personality didn’t go to school at Westview.”
“No, I meant my father, Les Moore, who wrote a book about the TV personality John Darling, did.”
“Oh, okay. I went to Westview, too, as did my husband Darrin, who was adopted by Fred and Ann Fairgood.”
“I know Darrin. He’s my half-brother.”
“Okay, I’m officially bored with this conversation. John Darling.”
Is Keisha mute and transparent now? You could wave it away by saying she’s catching up with her mom elsewhere, if not for the fact that Batiuk felt the need to show Cayla at the window shouting “he’s here!”
If Jan Murdoch was Jessica’s mother, why did John Darling get mentioned in this monstrosity of a sentence in the first place?
Kayla proves to be the most useful character by pummeling Les off-screen.
OK, I think I FINALLY have got this all down!
John Darling was a TV repairman, right?
Adopted? I know Darin was but why not just say parents and everyone know who they are so no reason to say the names. Does TB get paid by the word or something?
Thanks for all the introductions! So who’s the dood in the hoodie?
I’m reminded of this: “As we join our story we find Mary Backstayge, wife of handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women, talking with Greg Marlowe, a playwright secretly in love with Mary as they wait the arrival of Calvin Hoogvain, next door neighbor of the Backstayges and Pop Beloved, Stage doorman, who…”
At least with Bob and Ray you knew they were doing this as a joke. With Mr. Batuik I am not so sure.
“He” is Crankshaft. It’s the only way this stinking pile of crap can get any dumber!
With all of these connections and coincidences, I’d expect the characters to break out singing “It’s a Small World” if not for the fact that they would have to start with the line “It’s a world of laughter”.
I have an Uncle Jeff who is vastly superior to Jeff Murdoch in that he is neither an imbecile nor a Lovin’ Spoonful fan.
I just want to see some sort of fight between Les and Frankie. Never happen, though.
Summer clearly remembers John Darling the incompetent employee at Montoni’s who was fired for cause during one of those off-panel leaps forward.
You know, a different John Darling. Of the Mayberry Darlings.
All these characters, gathered around waiting on pins and needles to talk about a thirty-plus year old sexual assault…yep, that’s FW for ya.
I bet the “he” of “He’s here!” is actually Dead Comic Book John, because what this arc really needs is someone to show up and talk about how comic books are really good for dealing with rape, because comic books have long been “raped” by greedy movie studios and other people who fail to appreciate genius.
The dialog in this strip reads like a high school English assignment for a two page paper and the student only has one page of material.
Only has one page of material? You’re giving our hero too much credit!
I used to think that Funky Winkerbean was one of the worst-written comic strips of all time. I was so wrong.
It’s obvious to me now that Funky Winkerbean is hands down THE worst-written comic strip of all time.
Wow, it sounds even stupider when you write it all out like that.
The only reason for Pam and Jeff to appear is to tell everyone that the scene of Darrin’s inception didn’t occur like everyone thinks it did. “Guess what guys, Lisa raped Frankie, not the other way around…”
I’m guessing that what is going to happen is that Pam and Jeff will contact Frankie the Rapist and offer to participate in his reality show. They’ll set up an interview, which will inexplicably be broadcast live on National Television, at which time Pam and Jeff will recount the horrors that Frankie inflicted on Saint Lisa on that night. Frankie will be led away in handcuffs and there will be smirks for everyone.
What happened to the “comment like” buttons? I like to think that while Tom Batiuk doesn’t have quality control, that our snarking forum does. LOL!!!
Well I’ve logged into word press,anyhoo. Hope the feds aren’t monitoring my posts. LOL.
Wait…who is this John Darling character? This strip could use more exposition. And “Less” humor. My sides are aching from the non-stop mirthiness!!!!