Mr. Machina is my father. Call me Deus.

There’s several tropes to check off here; a known fact being repeated endlessly, (Yes, we’ve known there was a struggle in the van for about three weeks now) a wall of text expanding at an alarming rate and some very, very plodding story telling.
Today’s strip is much more enjoyable if read in Droopy’s voice.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

32 responses to “Mr. Machina is my father. Call me Deus.

  1. John

    “I really appreciate you coming. Because I frankly had nothing else going on this week.”

    ‘Well, it was on my way. But I don’t know if it’ll be any help. Quick, everyone, stare at my coffee!”

    There. Much more honest.

  2. John

    Also, Tom…having Cayla serve everyone?


    That cinches it. You’re trolling us.

  3. John

    I know I keep posting, but I’m genuinely infuriated by today’s strip.

    I don’t know what’s worse…that in Tom’s world, revealing past date rape is a “sit down and socialize enjoying muffins and coffee!” occasion, or that his ingrained sexist and racist attitudes will forever be haunting every single stupid strip.

  4. Gyre

    Have to ask again. What, what, WHAT is this guy supposed to tell us that we don’t already know?

  5. Epicus Doomus

    Cayla cheerily weilds her trusty serving tray as the gang gathers around a depressing old codger, listening in rapt attention as the old coot relates a sad story about a terrible incident he witnessed many, many years ago. In Westview lingo, this is known as a “house party”. So if you’re ever there and you’re invited to one, don’t go. I’d skip this “Centerville” as well, based on Jeff’s overall demeanor.

    You can tell that whatever’s coming next is going to be very, very serious business by the way Jeff is very seriously and contemplatively holding his coffee cup. Another one of those subtle tricks the author uses to convey the gravity of what we’re about to learn. And by “about” I mean “about” two or three weeks from now and by “learn” I mean “laugh at”.

    “Ahh, no biggie, I passed this place on the way to the nursing home where my wife dumped her woefully decrepit father, so popping by to relive a traumatic event I’d put in the past decades ago was no problem.” Only in FW.

  6. what
    I give up

  7. I could be writing my novel right now, but instead I’m reading comic strips on the Internet. What am I even doing with my life

  8. Andrew

    Wow, at least Jeff has aged better than Funky. Even if he does have a case of suddenly appearing slight cowlick during closeups.

  9. Jeffcoat Wayne

    I can only assume Miss Cayla is passing out coffee in order to keep everyone awake and alert for the next three weeks while Master Murdoch regales us with his story, yes’m.

  10. Rusty

    Stroke Dad and Jeff both lost half their neck when they hit a certain age. I thought most older men get that big old wattle underneath their chin? Anyway, “My wife, Pam.” Missed an opportunity to name-drop her sur name there, Batiuk.

    Assuming TB time-jumped Pam n Jfff 10 years to match the FW timeline, Crankshaft has to pushing 100. It must have been his healthy lifestyle.

  11. Rusty

    Another thing, Les is now at least 50 in this strip (52 or 53, if he ages every year since Act 3 started) yet he calls Jeffers here “Mr. Murdoch.” He’s about ten years older than you, Les, you can drop the formality.

  12. sourbelly

    “What’s all the hubbub………………………………..bub?”

    How could a story with this much exposition still manage to be so confusing?

  13. Come on, people, look at the positive. Jeff just said Pam was at the nursing home visiting her father. This confirms that a) there is indeed a ten-year disparity between Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean (even though both seem to take place in the current year) and b) Crankshaft is less than a decade away from being confined to a wheelchair and safely ensconced in an elder care facility where he can no longer harm himself or others. That’s the single best thing that could happen to the Funkyverse.

  14. Jesus pal, you came all this way from Middle-of-Hell-ville, and your telling us now that your information is sketchy???!!!! Why didn’t you just tell Jessica what you know over the phone, rather than have them create this damn folgers-moment-rape-revelation party,

  15. Epicus Doomus

    TheDiva: I was just wondering about that myself. I never read “Crankshaft” so I had no idea. So I have to assume the time jump is still a thing, but only in cases where it can be used as a cheesy gimmick, never within an actual story narrative or when it’s required to make a story arc make sense chronologically.

    This whole arc is a total clusterf*ck, but this part of it is just so wildly absurd and so perfectly representative of why this comic strip generates so much disbelief, confusion and disdain. The subject matter, the reason they’re there at all, the premise behind it, the idiotic character back stories, the ponderous, clunky dialog, the pathological Lisa obsession, the needless retconning, it’s all so perfect. You can just feel how he’s getting ready to really wallow in it now with the Queen Of Human Misery waiting in the wings.

  16. Crankshaft… is alive???

    Well that ruins my week.

  17. beckoningchasm

    Remember, when Frankie went to Montoni’s, he ordered a “cup a coffee.” Here, Jeff Keene is enjoying a cup a coffee. I think this is clear foreshadowing that he will betray them all to Frankie.

  18. sgtsaunders

    Jfff: “You want a toe? I can get you a toe… … Just enjoyin’ my coffee…”

  19. Gyre

    Something occurs to me. They could have handled this all with a single phone call. How many times now have they waited until they’re all gathered in a group when phones would have solved anything. And this doesn’t even require Batiuk to be in the 21st century and give his characters cell phones. We have had phones for a very long time. I’m pretty sure every single character in today’s strip knows how to use a phone.

  20. John

    Tom Batiuk: “EVIL TECHNOLOGY!”

  21. John

    But seriously, Gyre, these are Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft characters. This means two things:

    1) The obvious, sensible way of handling things is NEVER the way they’ll choose to deal with a problem. You say a “prom committee volunteer” is having an anti-gay demonstration? Hmmm, should we dismiss her, as she’s just a volunteer and doesn’t actually have kids going to this school?

    Naw! Let’s gather all the students into the gym and chew them out with a rambling speech about the student handbook!

    2) A discussion of date rape done against the Saintly Saint Lisa the Saint requires a social occasion. Privacy? Respect? What are those?!? Pipe up the coffee and break out the pastries, let’s CHAT!

  22. Beanie Wanker

    That steaming “cup a coffee” must feel real good the way he’s holding it. Maybe they could order some Moroni’s pizza so they can hold the slices in their palms.

    The War On Limbs rages on.

    Anyway, jfff looks like Hell. Fortunately his hair is all gray now, and no longer has the white racing stripes Ayrhead used to paint on his temples.

    Clearly, jfff was sent to lighten the mood in the room. “Call me Chuckles!” Looks like he’s about to describe how terrorists shot his dog. Wecome back to Worstview, Chuckles!

  23. bill mcneal

    Jeff: Call me Jeff, I’m the brother in law of Jessica’s father, John Murdoch. I just dropped my wife off at Bedside Manor.

    Les: Thank you for coming because I know that Centerville is a long, long distance away. We knew how to reach because you are related to John Darling, the beloved father, of unemployed and talentless daughter in law Jessica.

    Jeff: Yes, ten minutes is a ridiculously long drive. I’ll try to see if I can help if that’s possible. Especially since I am the brother of John Murdoch, the tv producer. Tv producer, John Murdoch the. He would never do something as lowbrow as reality tv.

    Les: Yes, of course. John Murdoch. John Murdoch. Daughter Jessica. John Murdoch. John Murdoch. John Murdoch. Did you know that Jessica’s father was John Murdoch, the tv producer? John Murdoch. Tv producer. Retcon retcon retcon The Great John Murdoch

  24. billytheskink

    Remember, when Frankie went to Montoni’s, he ordered a “cup a coffee.” Here, Jeff Keene is enjoying a cup a coffee. I think this is clear foreshadowing that he will betray them all to Frankie.

    Believing that TB is properly using common literary devices? Hahaha, you are too funny.

  25. Jimmy

    Two things:

    1) I always get annoyed at the way TB depicts people drinking coffee, though I think he picked it up from his good buddy Lynn Johnston. Who seriously holds a coffee mug with two hands? It’ll be funny when Jeff tries to dislodge his thumb from the handle, spills the hot liquid all over his lap, and threatens tort action against Les.

    c) Am I the only one looking forward to the “Misadventures of Crankshaft at Bedside Manner” spinoff?

  26. Black Sheep

    “They could have handled this all with a single phone call. How many times now have they waited until they’re all gathered in a group when phones would have solved anything.”

    But you can’t smirk through a phone…

  27. John

    I see the Comics Kingdom are defending Tom’s use of the one African American woman in westview as the servant to all of the seated, relaxing caucasian characters.

    “She’s the hostess of the house you moron! The hostess is SUPPOSED to serve guests drinks and maybe serve them a light snack!”

    This ignores that:

    1) The idea that a woman’s womanly duty is to serve food and drink to anyone entering her home is rooted in early 20th century ideals of gender and entertaining that don’t really apply to this day and age.

    2) This is a gathering to listen to a witness recount an account of rape and violation. It is NOT a “chat and chew”.

    You’re just proving that you and your sock puppets are know-nothing jerks, Tom.

  28. jackson53d

    I need a GPS for this story – where can I get one?

  29. beckoningchasm

    Yeah, I know, billy. I’d just really love to see something surprising and unpredictable happen. Sigh. “Forget it, Jake. This is Westview.”

  30. Saturnino

    “Assuming TB time-jumped Pam n Jfff 10 years to match the FW timeline, Crankshaft has to pushing 100. It must have been his healthy lifestyle.”

    I somehow seem to remember a jump to the future strip in Crankshaft some time ago where he was being pushed in a wheelchair by a nurse at the Manor……………………………………

  31. Bactching it with a cup a coffee

    That is one heart wrenching, life sucking cup a coffee.