I’m halfway ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille

Finally, after spending a week laboriously rehashing details we already knew, the
story arc goes somewhere. Too bad it’s Saturday and Sunday’s color strip will likely feature Les helping Pete move out of the apartment above Montoni’s.

And calling all you eagle-eyed nitpicking snarkers out there! Has Lisa’s journal *ever* been mentioned before? I mean, I know she left a massive library of reconning VHS tapes but I don’t recall anyone every saying anything about any journal.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

34 responses to “I’m halfway ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille

  1. Senor Tortilla

    OK, who called the “secret journal” plotline? Payoff!

  2. Cayla’s face is kind of creepy.

  3. beckoningchasm

    So, Jff basically contributed nothing except an off-hand remark about a journal. I’m pretty sure there must be an adjective like Batiukian to cover stories like this.

  4. flappy

    and Kisha still missing in action ,an Caylas wig grew 50% between panel 1 an 2

  5. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Ah, so Cayla has already found this “secret journal”, but kept quiet all this time. Must not have reached the part about being raped by Frankie, or she skipped ahead to the juicy cancer section first.Yet another example of one of Batiuk’s convenient and contrived plot twists: If Les hadn’t married Cayla, then no one would have a clue what “secret journal” Jeff is talking about, because Les and Summer wouldn’t have any reason to snoop around their own house being nosy about each other’s pasts.

  6. Are we getting to the beginning of the end, or just the end of the beginning?

  7. Merry Pookster

    Just as we all suspected.
    There never was a rape…nor was there any penetration at all.
    It was more like “Frankie the Limp Dick”.
    Then the most obvious… an immaculate conception producing Darin ..Son of Holy Lisa the Blessed Virgin.

    OB Dan used to call Les “The Grounded One”, who will beget the Grand Finale”
    And now it will be Darin who will die for the sins of Westview

  8. Rusty

    I thought Batiuk left Lisa on top of Kilimanjaro?

    That’s the best looking female Batiuk has ever drawn in panel 3.

    And good luck getting the journal’s pages unstuck, Les used to keep it in the studio bathroom for a little light reading on the john.

  9. Epicus Doomus

    Wow, I was way, way off. Not only do I always give Batom too much credit for creativity, I do it with brevity, too. I thought we’d be moving along into the scheme-foiling part of the story now, but it turns out we’re not even into the Lisa part yet! This is going to be absolutely harrowing stuff, especially now that the always-detestable Summer is getting involved. Drippy Lisa martyr porn plus Summer’s loathesome righteousness and competitive grit…that’s like my worst nightmare. Plus you have the rest of these nitwits lurking around too, not least of all “him”. Gonna be a long summer, folks.

    And look how Cayla has a secret Lisa connection too, because of course she does. Mostly likely she’ll have “found” this journal “while going through some things” in one of those magic Lisa boxes in that attic of theirs. Another shameless contrivance in an arc that might as well be titled “Shameless Contrivances”.

    beckoningchasm: Exactly what I though. Not much happened, wish I had more to offer….the definition of FW.

  10. Are we getting to the beginning of the end, or just the end of the beginning?

    Doug, this crapfest has just pulled out of the driveway! We’ve got a lonnng, terrible trip ahead of us.

  11. I refuse to believe Lisa’s journal has been stashed away, unremarked, for all this time. Les would have surely exploited it by now, or at least left portions of it uncomfortably sticky.

  12. MKay

    Oh, that Lisa! So plucky! So noble! I think we should all give up snarking right now and go erect shrines to her. Because she’s obviously not going to stop getting more amazing.

  13. That wide-eyed half-frontal-Moai expression on Cayla’s face is the manifestation of her realization that she will never, ever, escape the shadow of goddamned Lisa.

  14. O.B. Dan

    What a lo-ong, bad trip it’s been!

    Suckin’ out of Funky-town…

  15. I’m want to believe that Cayla found Lisa’s journal/diary and threw it out (along with the videotapes) when she moved into the house; but I suspect those papers and tapes are in the shrine room (aka the master bedroom).

  16. Chyron HR

    “She said at least she would have something interesting to write in her journal. That minor detail really sticks in my mind decades later because it was such a deranged thing to say.”

  17. beckoningchasm

    Maybe when they go to confront Frankie, and he’s arguing with (hm, who would actually stand up to Frankie and argue, rather than just fall back and smirk?) Kahn, Summer notices a suspicious book on the passenger seat of Frankie’s car, and–

    Oh good grief, it’s so hard to do this. Trying to come up with ANYTHING knowing that Tom Batiuk will instead come up with the lamest, most idiotic, dullest route…Funky Winkerbean is anti-creativity personified.

  18. A HREF

    My eyes got all beady and I am ready to pick nits (which after all are lice–an appropriate metaphor as Batuik has turned into a lousy writer)–again the time jump and continuity.

    From Wikipedia: ” In 1992, Batiuk rebooted the strip, establishing that the characters had graduated from high-school in 1988, and the series began progressing in real time.”

    OK–that means Lisa was like a freshman or sophomore in high school when she dated Frankie, which puts this flashback in 1987 or 1988 (Les was ahead of Lisa in school I believe).

    Why is everyone dressed and sporting hairstyles from the early 1970’s Tom?

  19. marcusaurelius1

    Oh and once again the comments today provide more laughs than FW does in a year.

  20. Helskor

    I’ve never been almost beaten and raped in a dark alley, but I doubt that, if I were, my first reaction would be that now I finally had something interesting to put in my diary. That has to be the clumsiest segue in comics history.

  21. Louder

    So, in all the years they were married, Less had zero idea that The Sainted One kept a journal? He did not go through her belongings after her death? But NotLisa just happened to find it and not tell anyone? I did not think it was possible but BatStupid has outdone himself in stupid. Way to go Tom!

  22. Rusty

    Les never found the journal because it wasn’t kept in Lisa’s underwear drawer. Truly, the clunkiest plotting anywhere. Let’s take 2 weeks to get Fred in to mention that Lisa mentioned 30 years ago that she kept a diary of all of her traumas.

  23. firedmyass

    To quote my favorite line from Pulp Fiction:

    “This is some f**ked-up, repugnant shit.”

  24. Epicus Doomus

    We should consider ourselves thankful that Lisa dutifully recorded every single noteworthy moment of her entire life for posterity, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to reflect upon her life and times as if they were mysteries of the pyramids finally at long last revealed. As time marches on, BatHead’s attempts to keep Lisa alive grow even more pitiful and more desperate. “Secret journal” my ass.

  25. beckoningchasm

    Yeah, why doesn’t Batiuk just introduce a clone made from Lisa’s DNA and be done with this endless Lisa-festish? Well, I suppose it would require some imagination and creativity on Batiuk’s part, and he’s given no solid evidence that he evinces either of those traits.


    Great. Secret diary. What next? A backwards talking dwarf?

  27. Epicus Doomus

    beckoningchasm: Or, as I’ve pointed out ten million times, he could have had Lisa SURVIVE instead of making her die her completely ridiculous melodramatic death, but then he would have had to sacrifice some of that attention he briefly attracted re: the cancer arc.

  28. Great. Secret diary. What next? A backwards talking dwarf?

    Unexpected Twin Peaks reference! Nice! 🙂

  29. The Dreamer

    In Lisa’s journal must be something so shocking about Frankie that it stops him from doing his reality show. What could it be? The only thing that makes sense is that Frankie is not the father. I mean think about it, Frankie is *nothing’ like Darin, doesn’t look like Darin. Was Frankie about to hit Lisa because he found out she was going out with another guy? Will Lisa’s journal reveal that Darin’s biodad is somebody else?

  30. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Hard to believe that Batiuk the comics book geek wouldn’t have Lisa appear in holographic form like Jor-el (or Tupac). No, he finds the Time-Life Series of Lisa VHS tapes much, much more plausible.

  31. I can't believe this

    Cayla is probably thinking, “Hey, why am I the one getting all the maid duties while my daughter is shuffled off into the kitchen to clean the dishes. All the white members of my ‘family’ are sitting around and smelling the roses.”

  32. O.B. Dan

    Yes, as the Pookster said, I used to call Les “The Grounded One,” and I waited for the second coming of Our Lady Of Perpetual Visitations to bring us to The Grand Finale, until, much like finding out waaaaaaaaaaay too young there is no Santa, Batiuk took away the only reason to actually try to make any sense out of his comics-page soap opera.

    I still call Les “The Grounded One,” but I no longer believe any meaningful conclusion will come of this strip, or in fact, a boatload of unended storylines.

  33. Didn’t Cayla go to Big Walnut Tech?
    Wasn’t she a jock-ette when she was there?
    Isn’t she about the right age to at least have heard “rumors” around the school of Frankie’s temper or a football player knocking some girl up?
    In a perfect world, this all would play into it. Maybe have her calling the BWT guidance councilor who would recall the future saint coming in and telling her what happened with Frankie. But no. LISA gets to resolve things from beyond the grave.

    A HREF – Yeah, Funky, Les, Bull & Harry WERE the Westview Class of 88. At least until TB apparently could no longer relate to people in their early 40s and he ret-coned them back to the 70s HS students of the early days of the strip. As a proud 1988 graduate, I can say there’s none of my classmates that have aged as badly as Harry and Funky have. The fact that there was such a big deal about the first time jump and the ’88 graduation has caused this confusion because the later revision was just sort of glossed over. (Tempted to go to TB’s spotlight panel at SDCC to see if they call him on this…assuming he doesn’t cancel again.)

  34. Black Sheep

    “Great. Secret diary. What next? A backwards talking dwarf?”

    Didn’t he used to be part-owner the comic book shop?