Homedumbing Lame

Link to today’s strip

Sound logic there, Funky, you could land a gig with several NFL franchises or TV networks with that kind of keen pigskin analysis. No, seriously, he’d probably be an upgrade in a few cities (all eyes peer eastward to East Rutherford or westward to Oakland). At least the question of how Bull keeps his job has been answered: turns out the school board is always composed entirely of morons. “Let’s stay the course and hope that the law of averages balances things out”, otherwise known as “the roulette strategy”.

Seriously though, way to sell the program there, Tubby. Sitting there on the bench, gorging on pizza while his young charges get the crap knocked out of them by other high school programs whose coaches actually pretend to give a damn, doing little other than complaining, being grossly overweight and nonchalantly mocking his team’s incompetence. I mean I realize that BatTom has been doling out the karmic revenge upon Bull for a long, long time but seriously, does he have to be so thoroughly unlikeable? (I meant Bull but it works the other way too I suppose).

Suggestion re: a possible winning, successful, revenue-generating future WHS sports program…competitive eating. That is all.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

21 responses to “Homedumbing Lame

  1. I think Bull is simply expressing the Funky Winkerbean philosophy: you can never win, so why bother? Stew in resignation now, you avoid pain later. Your heart can’t be broken if you never put it in play. Or something like that.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    He sure is, BC. “Life is but a brief interlude of ponderous boredom, crushing loss and inevitable futility, so shrug, smirk, grow fat and bask in the hopelessness of it all and engage in wry wordplay and banter with one another as if every pun might be your last”.

    That homecoming game gag is as old as the forward pass, I’d honestly be really surprised if he’s never used that one before at some long-forgotten point.

  3. Welcome to Westview High, where the school motto is “It’s The Students’ Fault.”

  4. Jeffcoat Wayne

    And with a stellar quip like that, it’s time for Bull to make his exit and leave his audience wanting more. Encore to follow Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Mon….

  5. Does the “ass” sign in the window describe the flavor, or the manager?

  6. bobanero

    Interesting that Bull is taking credit for winning the Conference Championship, when in fact it was Fishstick Annie who did all the work. Anyway, if a coach could be sued for malpractice, Bull would be in big trouble. I can just imagine his pre-game locker room speech – “Alright men, go out there and suck balls!!”


    Hey maybe Bull can find the football equivalent of Fishstick Annie to help him out. Too bad Frankie The Rapist left town, he would have fit the bill.

  8. billytheskink

    I had a theory that traditional doormat Kent State ruined football for TB, but it turns out they were a poor but not historically bad 14-26 during his time there. I guess he just despises the sport.

  9. Wednesday: “The football team is like a possum – they play dead at home and get killed on the road.”

    Thursday: “The football team members are so dumb, do you know what they got on their SATs? Drool!”

    Friday: “The quarterback is so stupid, it took him two weeks to figure out his AM radio works at night too!”

    Saturday: “I had to tell the team to whistle whenever they went to take a crap, so they could tell which end to wipe when they were done!”

    Sunday: “What I’m saying is, the team is dumb and bad.”

  10. John

    Yet another prime example of the pattern Epicus has noted several times previously. Tom will establish a premise, then spend the next several days restating this premise -without- actually doing anything with it. Then said premise will be dropped and not mentioned again from anywhere between six months to two years.

    Tom, that’s not writing. And it sure as hell isn’t cartooning. Take a sabbatical, by all that is holy!

  11. apauled

    Maybe TB plans to retire soon & is devoting a week to each character as a way of saying “goodbye”? Lame, but no more so than usual.

  12. Sgt. Saunders

    Frankly, I am somewhat stunned by Funky’s upbeat take on Bushka’s reappointment as football coach. Actually, upon further consideration, today’s whole two-panel presentation is very yin/yang, very Not-Westview/Westview. In P1, Funky indicates that based on past success, however limited, the school board feels that Bushka might actually be successful again and, like, they want you, Dude. You are needed. Very positive. But in P2, Bull will have none of it and coughs up a tired retort by stating, basically, that even he, The Ultimate Master of All That Is X’s and O’s, cannot begin to help the losers that have assembled as this year’s football club. Hell, Knute goddam Rockne couldn’t even lead this bunch to victory over Les’ snow team, much less Big Walnut Tech. Further, Bull is as disgusted with the lightheartedness of P1 as he is with his candy-ass football team – “Stick to the script, Beau Dandy, stick to the script.

  13. billytheskink

    Hey maybe Bull can find the football equivalent of Fishstick Annie to help him out. Too bad Frankie The Rapist left town, he would have fit the bill.
    He could bring in Matt Miller, resident bully of Darin and Pete, and Susan Smith’s abusive ex-boyfriend, was Westview’s star QB back in Act II. Yep, TB despises football, or at least, football players.

    Expect a variation of the old John McKay quote to appear this week alongside Flummoxicated’s predictions.
    FW: “What do you think of your team’s execution?”
    BB: “I’m in favor of it.”
    Except, Bull won’t be joking…

  14. Epicus Doomus

    John: Ah yes, the ol’ premise flog, we know it well here at SoSF, don’t we? Establish the week’s premise, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, then wrap things up with a wry, barely-relevant “observation” cloaked in wry smirking worldplay, the end.

  15. John

    Come to think of it, it’s been the meta-premise for the past three or so weeks. Almost the entire month!

    Becky: “You evil, stupid teenagers who are evilly stupid and stupidly evil! Because technology, that’s why! Also, I don’t have sex with my husband!”

    Harry: “You evil, stupid teenager who’s evilly stupid and stupidly evil! Because you asked a question, that’s why! Also, I can’t believe you don’t find my memories of soft drink bottles utterly absorbing!”

    Bull: “The evil, stupid teenagers are evilly stupid and stupidly evil. Because they just ARE, that’s why. Also, I’m apparently a coach again.”

  16. John

    I just can’t get over the Adult Westview characters’ view that the teenagers in Westview are unendurable.

    They use modern technology. The worst of their bullying involves horseplay, molasses, and wedgies. They don’t automatically and innately learn things without effort being put into their instruction. They don’t follow mild obscure wordplay, and every year precisely -1- student cheats, always in the same teacher’s class. They ask questions to clarify things. Oh, and one time they were going to skip class to show support for classmates being targeted by hatred.

    Gee, what terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE menaces the adults!

  17. bad wolf

    I just don’t remember anything–strip, show, movie– with a high-school setting where all but two of the students are a faceless mob, and the only named characters are the teachers. Batiuk seems to have really boxed himself into a corner here.

  18. apauled

    bad wolf: There were 2 sitcoms like that on TV when TB & I were both kids:

    “Our Miss Brooks”, 1952-1956 (& on radio before that) — starring Eve Arden as a spinster high school English teacher, some handsome guy as the biology teacher she was in love with, & Gale Gordon as the principal — the only student roles were the principal’s daughter, the boy in love with her (Richard Crenna), & his pal the dumb jock;

    “Mr. Peepers”, 1952-1955 — starring Wally Cox as a shy jr. high school science teacher, Tony Randall as his pal the playboy history teacher, & Marion Lorne as a giddy old lady English teacher — there were no student characters in that one at all.

    The glaring difference between those goofy but enjoyable shows & this sad excuse for a comic strip is that the shows were well-written, with engaging (however silly) plots & endearing characters who were fun to follow. If TB watched them with his parents like I did, he apparently learned nothing from those childhood influences.

  19. bad wolf

    apauled–interesting! i only know them both by name. “endearing characters”? yep, no influence on FW then.

  20. John

    Our Miss Brooks is one of the greatest sitcoms from the golden age of radio. Worth checking out at the library or buying on download or CD.

    If you wish to sample a story, numerous online Old Time Radio podcasts exist that play public domain episodes.

  21. Don

    “He could bring in Matt Miller, resident bully of Darin and Pete, and Susan Smith’s abusive ex-boyfriend, was Westview’s star QB back in Act II.”
    Except for one thing: Bull benched Matt in the conference championship game in Matt’s senior year, so something tells me Bull isn’t going to go to Matt for any favors.