Someone, Please…Make It Stop

Link to today’s crime against comedy strip

Wow, talk about a gag that got stuck to the bottom of the wastebasket under the liner and was only discovered now. A fitting end for a truly terrible and extremely stupid arc. Why even have long-running gags if you’re not even going to try to make them funny? “Wide asleep” sounds like something a roundtable of seven year-olds might come up with during a giggle fit after a few swigs of Mountain Dew. Just mind-bogglingly terrible. I don’t know how cashing checks for “writing jokes” this awful is even possible (or legal). Just remember this abomination the next time you’re reading one of those puff-piece interviews in “Parade” or the Plains Dealer regarding that Pulitzer nomination.

Special thanks to TFH and the rest of the SoSF staff for their tips, support and of course the opportunity to guest host the WWW’s premier FW snark blog, bar none. And special thanks to you, the snark brigade, who never fail to find the humor in these daily turds. Sometimes trying to find anything remotely “funny” about this strip is like trying to start a fire in a monsoon with some soggy matches and wet paper towels. I don’t know how TFH has done it for all those years, after that band camp thing and this football crap I’m just about ready to reach for the vodka and Xanax. Anyone can riff on Les talking to his dead wife’s ghost, but it takes a special sort of snarker to tackle, say, “Funky names his car”, for example. Excuse me, as I must now go and hit myself in the head with a brick until I purge the last two weeks of this strip from (what’s left of) my brain.

Until next time….stay Funky!

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15 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

15 responses to “Someone, Please…Make It Stop

  1. Very well done indeed, Epicus!

  2. flappy

    this is crankshat bad 😦

  3. Rusty

    Thanks for your yeoman service in pinch-hitting. There are days I just can’t be bothered to comment, the strips are so banal.

    I didn’t realize high school games in Ohio start in mid-August. Practices where I live have just started, the first game won’t be until a couple weeks after Labor Day weekend. I think Batiuk should explore just what, if anything, Bull’s wife Latina Lady finds appealing about him. Has anyone seen Jinx? Has she been wait-listed at Cal Tech?

  4. It’s hard to take old, stale ingredients left over from a terrible pie and make something tasty with them. Well done, Epicus.

  5. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Jesus, thhese kids look beat down. What is this the Junction Boys??!!!
    Bull needs to heed up to the advise of Coach Kaz from Gil Thorp…”Ease up, bro!”

  6. merrypookster

    I think Bull meant “Eyes Wide Shut” (with Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise 1999): A New York City doctor,(Loser Football Coach) who is married to an art curator (fellow teacher), pushes himself on a harrowing and dangerous night-long odyssey of sexual and moral discovery after his wife admits that she once almost cheated on him with Les Moore

  7. Jeffcoat Wayne

    “Running rings” in Panel 1 stands out like it should have been the link to today’s punchline, and yet, I have no idea how such a punchline could be achieved. I can neither come up with something funny or god-awful shitty. But “wide asleep” definitely wasn’t the way to go. Bull lying in the fetal position and crying in Panel 3 would have been a lot funnier than embarrassing himself with that pithy piece of dialogue.

  8. Gyre

    Problem is we have no idea WHAT they’re doing wrong. I don’t know, maybe Batiuk doesn’t know much about the specifics of football (he’s not a sports writer), but without that it looks like they’re being bullied.

  9. Here 4 The Comments

    I’d like to add thanks to Epicus for filling in and keeping us entertained!

  10. Here 4 The Comments

    Not sure what “running rings around you” is exactly, but it can be assumed all the other cartoonists run rings around Batty.

  11. Wow, Batiuk has been gleaning rejected jokes from “Family Circus.” Just when you thoight he couldn’t sink lower…

  12. It’s certainly telling that of all the Act I bits (sentient school computer, Les with a machine gun, talking autumn leaves, Crazy Harry living in a locker) THIS one – that the Westview HS football team is the worst team ever – is the one that Bat-ick kept. I think, as many of my fellow snarkers have commented before, it indicates Dear Author’s utter contempt for athletics. I mean, come on – my high school football team tended to be awful but even they had the occasional successful season. So it’s not like the team’s awfulness in any way shows ” contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner.”

  13. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Oh Lord, I hope this isn’t the preamble to a steroids story.

  14. Epicus Doomus

    Flummoxicated: His utter contempt for non-Summer-centric athletics, to be exact.

    Thanks much for the kind reviews, gang…cannot wait to see what sort of feebleness awaits us next week….

  15. “They’re running rings around you! What are you guys, Gollum?”