I Thought Nothing Was Supposed to be Something

Link To Today’s Strip

Nothing really surprising here, as Tom Batiuk takes one baby step at a time through this latest arc.  To be fair, that’s how most continuity-based newspaper strips work–Newspaper Spider-Man moves at a pace that’s positively glacial.  However, when your “action” consists of one sitting person joined by another, it is possible to move a little too slowly.  You want people sitting on the edge of their seats, not sitting back and snoring softly in the afternoon sun.

I’d be remiss in my duties if I didn’t point out two pretty amazing things in today’s episode.  In panel one, we have a small potted plant that is absolutely black–a darkness so complete that it seems no light can reflect from its shriveled, defeated leaves.

Not really that surprising, given that it has spent its lonely life in the Winkerbean household.  But next to that, we have a tea-pot that has apparently phased part-way through the top of the shelf and is now embedded forever within the wood.   There are some comic book characters who can do this, perhaps Tom Batiuk was thinking of them when he drew this.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

9 responses to “I Thought Nothing Was Supposed to be Something

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Once again, as has been pointed out dozens of times since Cory first shipped out, the fatal flaw here is that no one gives the remotest of shits about the Cory character, nor does anyone care that Holly and Funky are anxiety-ridden. When AREN’T they anxiety-ridden?

    “Funky and Holly spend the week waiting to hear if Cory died”…yup, that’s our Funkyverse all right. This is one of those arcs like the cancer one(s), if you snark on it you’re a heartless unfeeling prick hiding behind your online anonymity like the coward you are but you just cannot resist because you see it for the cloyingly obnoxious piece of shit that it is, you know? I mean who on earth is actually enjoying a story like this? Why would anyone want to follow the story of two dimwits sitting around worrying about the possibility that their son is dead? It’s not funny, it’s not interesting, it’s not touching and it certainly doesn’t “make you think”. And everyone who reads FW regularly knows there’s a 99.99% chance that it’ll go nowhere. So why else does it even exist if not for our mockery and ridicule, eh? Yet somehow WE’RE the bad guys (shakes head sadly).

    Yet there’s always that knowledge in the back of your mind with this strip because you know there is always a chance that he’ll just go for it and kill or maim someone at any time, which kind of keeps you on edge a little even though common sense tells you it’s a virtual certainty that absolutely nothing will happen. There’s that flicker of doubt, that very slight yet very real possibility that he’ll kill Cory and/or Rocky off and/or lop off a limb or two. He almost certainly won’t do it but he might, and quite frankly it’s why I keep reading the thing. I don’t want to miss it when it happens again.

  2. I’d like to think Cory is alive and deliberately avoiding contact with his parents, to pay them back for all the times they didn’t give a rat’s ass about him when he was growing up.

  3. He’s already done the POW thing with Wally so that’s out of the picture.

  4. Charles

    Because you know, parents of newly deceased children in the military only find out their child died from the news. The army’s certainly not going to let them know. Cindy needs to get involved and then we’ll find out what happened! Where is Cindy, anyway? Isn’t she supposed to be slumming with these two puds?

    You know, I think Batiuk’s probably the right age to have bought into all those horrible urban legends about troops going to Vietnam. Think about it. Any time a soldier goes into a warzone, the least you can expect is that he’ll lose a limb or suffer permanent brain damage. Then there are those who get outright killed. And those that don’t fit into those first two categories are those who are captured and held by the enemy for years for absolutely no reason except that the enemy is bad. They won’t use you for leverage or a prisoner swap, or hard labor, and they certainly won’t kill you despite the fact that they probably can’t even feed you or maintain a POW camp. They’ll basically keep you as long as possible because they’re big jerks.

    Those are the three things that can happen to you if you join the armed forces during wartime. And let’s also not forget about the fact that if you somehow survive, whether it’s because you suffered a permanent disability or because you got released as a POW after several years or more in captivity, no one in America will respect you. In fact, they’ll do their best to ignore you, and they certainly won’t appreciate or celebrate your sacrifice and service.

    What a doofus.

  5. bad wolf

    Carrie, he somehow did a POW thing with the same character twice. Never underestimate Batiuk’s willingness to recycle plotlines.

  6. bad wolf

    Charles, you make a good point. As far as i can tell, since 2001 there have been 2.3 million Americans stationed in Iraq or Afghanistan. In that time there have been 2300 American casualties, giving a base survivability of 99.9%. (and 23,000+ wounded = 1% total? Sorry, numbers may be confused between Irag and Afghan theatres).


    — In that time there have been 2300 American casualties, giving a base survivability of 99.9%.—

    You actually stand a better chance of getting killed by gunfire in Cleveland, OH than you do in Khandahar, Afghanistan. Add in the deathtrap that is Westview, Corey’s probably in a safer place than his parents. Also, add that he’s keeping busy, getting regular excerise and (presumably) having an active sex life…Corey has better odds of surviving in five years than Funky and Holly ever will.

  8. billytheskink

    Ah, watching television, a plot ripped straight from newspaper Spiderman.

    Charles makes a good point. It seems that the military’s communication is regressing to an earlier era in the Batiukverse. Later this week, Holly and Funky will probably go down to the train station where a mustachioed man in a top hat will be throwing movable type-printed parchment from a caboose while shouting “casualty list! casualty list!”

  9. Epicus Doomus

    This is all just a bunch of Batiukian anxiety-porn, because we all know Cory’s not going anywhere until the Starbuck Jones collection is complete anyway. Sometimes he flogs the living shit out of a premise until it loses all meaning, then other times he just flat-out bashes you over the head with it with all the subtlety of a jackhammer. This is both.