Month: June 2014

Dys-Funktion

Link To Today’s Strip

OMG that’s f*cking disgusting. I seriously think I’m going to vomit. Just thinking about it makes me want to retch. Seriously man, that’s the most frightening Funky profile I have EVER seen and I’ve seen them all. Man alive, is that a terrifying drawing or what? If you go from panel to panel it’s like the evolution of early man.

So Les can’t sleep, eat or get erections (bluuurgh) and he hallucinates talking cats who like to chip away at his self esteem. It’s so reassuring to know that Tombat can still relate so well with the everyday people who read his strip, you know? I think it’s safe to say that her comments today pretty much cement Cayla’s status as the least realistic character in the history of fiction because…well, I think it’s pretty obvious why. Nice to see that Montoni’s is as busy as ever too.

Coming next week: “Defenders Of The Faith” starring Les Moore as Tom Batiuk and you beady-eyed nitpickers as “Hollywood”! Cheer for Les as he defends the cancer book’s honor! Weep with him as he recounts the tragic sequence of contrivances that led to her horrible death! Come for the puns…stay for the wordplay! (Remember folks, “Lisa’s Story…The Other Shoe“ is still available wherever fine books collections of old comic strips are sold!)

 

 

Going To Be???

Link To Today’s Strip

Well, it’s already Friday so why bother moving the story along at all? Might as well devote the rest of the week to Les, his idiotic imaginary cat and his endless, incessant whining and just start (chortle) “fresh” on Monday, right? It’s been working for forty-plus years so why alter that successful formula now, you know? The way TheAuthor is wallowing in his clever little “writer’s anxiety” fantasy (like he would know anything about it) is just too sickening for words. If he seriously believes this is enjoyable to anyone other than himself he’s either totally delusional or stoned off his gourd on felt-tip fumes again. What a hack.

But Westviewian School Employees Are

Link To Today’s Strip

Oh, I see. So what Les is saying here is that those slutty Hollywood trollops only have sex with men that can help them. Unlike those lovely Westviewian lasses who don’t “sleep with” writers until they’re almost completely over their long-dead first wives and the movie-option cash starts rolling in, I guess. Way to denigrate a hundred thousand “starlets” in one broad stroke there, Lester. What a dick.

“Sleeping with…”, “on the make”…it’s 1959 in the Funkyverse, except for the cars which appear to be early 00’s Chinese gray-market economy models of some sort (now in robin’s egg blue!). I guess the trunk was optional, eh? I like the mismatched wheel wells too. That Les is really tight with that movie option dough, you know? I mean who’d let his own wife ride around in a deathtrap like that? You’ve heard of “unsafe at any speed”? This car is unsafe when it’s parked.

Be forewarned: Batiuk loves himself some “boy is the airport a hassle or what?”-style gags especially if Dickface is involved. And Les is definitely one of THOSE people where air travel is concerned too. Whine, bitch, complain, repeat. Remember that time he was storming around the airport and the plane being all rude and disruptive? What a jerk.

We Know The Feeling

Link To Today’s Strip

So in today’s installment of “Why Am I Reading This?” the Delicate Genius is concerned about working with the “script doctor” the studio hired to fix his shitty screenplay. I’m assuming that after the script doctor declares “Lisa’s Story” dead, the script coroner will step in. Too bad no one contacted a script abortionist when he first started writing it, but it’s a little late for that now. Speaking of hopeless lost causes, rumor has it that The Syndicate ordered TB to work with a “strip doctor” a few years back but unfortunately the poor bastard hung himself three hours into the job and they’ve had zero new applicants for the position since then.

Check out the peculiar frown on Cayla in panel two. Is that the look of a woman who’s just realized that she married a guy who hallucinates talking cats or what? She had her chance to bail on Les years ago but she blew it, so no sympathy here. And I am choosing to ignore Les’ weird assy pose in panel three because, well, just because. Some things just do not need to be elaborated upon.

If he’s not arrogantly strutting around like a smug pompous asshole and putting everyone else down via his annoying bits of asinine wordplay, he’s whining, simpering and cowering away from anything that might remotely inconvenience him, even if that thing is his life-long dream coming true. Les Moore: what a f*cking dick. Although I do really enjoy the sheer hatred he generates in the comments.

Hopefully His “Big Break” Involves 206 Bones

Link To Today’s Strip

In today’s installment of “Oh No, Not This Again!” Les Moore, the bearded dick with ears who always dreamed of being a big-time writer, is sulking like a baby because the studio that’s adapting his cancer book for a TV movie wants to fly him to The Big City to have him work on his terrible boring script. AND this request coincides EXACTLY with his summer vacation from his real job! Poor, poor Les, will the indignities never end?

So Les is going to La-La Land, the decadent and depraved heart of the very worst our disgusting popular culture has to offer. And he’ll be flying, but no worries there as Les has a very special (wink!!) type of flight insurance which I won’t get into here. Given how FW works, I’m sure Les’ flight will be pleasant and uneventful and he won’t have a single issue to complain about.

The cat hallucinations are getting confusing. Now he sees Le Chat every time he gets a little stressed about anything involving writing? Since when? The dead wife hallucinations were troubling enough but now we’re clearly in “mental illness” territory here. Perhaps he could hallucinate a more pleasant personality for himself while he’s at it. What an annoying weirdo.