Workin’ on My Dick Moves

Link to today’s strip.

Wow.  Just wow.

Just when you think a character can’t possibly be more of a dick, he descends into a full-blown scumbag.

Maybe I’m overreacting to this, but John knows Holly wanted that issue.  She spent the money to go across country to Comic Con, and hunted for that issue.  Got really upset when she couldn’t get that issue.  Even went back to an empty hall, hoping to find that issue.

She had no other purpose at Comic Con.  I’m sure they probably showed the teaser trailer for the upcoming Starbuck Jones movie, and instead she rode around in a little cart.

And now John wants to have a little fun for himself, at Holly’s expense.   How long had he had that issue with him?  A couple of days, I’m guessing.  I guess he was really just enjoying all her worry and anxiety, as well as a totally unnecessary trip to Tony [Isabella]’s house.   Or maybe he wanted revenge for having to do all that pedaling.

I’m sure Tom Batiuk and his various pseudonyms would say, “Oh, come on, it’s just a harmless bit of fun,” but I disagree.  It seems to be much deeper, and much darker, than that.

You think you really dislike these characters, then they do something to make you realize you’ve barely scratched the surface.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

23 responses to “Workin’ on My Dick Moves

  1. Epicus Doomus

    OK, so let me see if I’m grasping this correctly. SJ #115 is the rarest and most difficult to obtain issue of the run. Yet the SDCC was apparently littered with them. Not only that, but while Holly was pathetically schlepping around like a nitwit looking for it, John found one, purchased it and now wants to give it to Holly surreptitiously for a mere twenty-five cents. Now I realize there’s a certain degree of “artistic license” involved here but c’mon, this is just idiotic. It’s either a rare and valuable comic or it isn’t, can’t have it both ways. And why does it matter how she gets it? John is, after all, a COMIC BOOK DEALER, albeit a really awful and shitty one. He has the resources to just eat the cost of #115 just to make Holly feel good about herself? Rather implausible. And brain-bendingly stupid, too.

  2. sgtsaunders

    So he’s letting Holly get the Starbuck Grail for a quarter? I suppose so, he’s had it all weekend and the pages are probably stuck together.

  3. Rusty

    I stuffed this rare and valuable comic book into my flannel shirt.
    It must suck to be a friend of Batiuk’s and find yourself featured in the strip.
    And finally, John and Mopey Pete both apparently went to great trouble and personal expense to help her complete a comic book collection for the local asshole kid, who most likely threw rocks at their cars whenever they drove by him. No one has explained their willingness to help Holly and/or their fondness for Cory. They must love a man in a uniform.

  4. “I mean Hell, who’s going to pay that much money for a Starbuck Jones comic?”

    In real life, Tony Isabella looks like a fun Italian uncle. Batiuk has drawn him to look like a schlubbier, more disturbed version of Milton from Office Space.

  5. Howard and Nester

    Okay, Beckoningchasm, you’ve held out on us long enough.

    I think that Baffling Batman Logo is the new Les’s Yellow Shirt and deserves to be in the tag cloud.

  6. Jeffcoat Wayne

    “Oh, and be sure to place it in between issues #114 and #116, otherwise she’ll completely miss it and the whole joke will be for naught.”

    Unfortunately, Fat Tony misinterpreted John’s instructions, put actual salt on the issue, ate it, and died of indigestion because he found it (not to mention this entire arc) hard to swallow.

  7. DOlz

    @Jeffcoat Wayne, “Unfortunately, Fat Tony misinterpreted John’s instructions, put actual salt on the issue, ate it …” and it was the best pizza anyone in Westview had ever had.

  8. Gyre

    So he let her go thinking that she had missed out on the chance to get this essential comic for the entire time there and the entire time driving to this place? And he thinks she won’t question what it just so happens to be doing in a box full of 25-cent comics? And he thinks she’ll be looking in a box of 25-cent comics for a comic that’s been established to be very rare and expensive? That’s the premise of this?

    And just to let us down we see Holly just being given something yet again.This didn’t happen because of her determination or development. She could have just stayed at home and let John handle the entire thing from start to finish. Think about it. Collectors, eBay, Comic-Con? All that could be done by John.

  9. What makes this all the more disgusting is that at the end of the day, Holly will be grateful to be trolled by a hateful, condescending jerk.

  10. ComicTrek

    “Here, Tony, take this incredibly valuable and rare comic book that I’ve been hiding under my Batman shirt I’ve been wearing since forever…”

  11. Merry Pookster

    Remember when Mopey Pete had his “Alley-Con”?
    So this # 115, more rare/valuable then # 1?
    #1 which pulled two businesses out of near financial ruin…now tucked under a sweaty t-shirt.
    What a miserable existence.

  12. I want to make sure I understand. DSHJohn talked Holly into going on a very expensive trip to buy this allegedly rare comic, and while there he bought it and concealed it from her? So he could punk her at some guy’s garage in Cleveland?

    This is what passes for an act of kindness in Westview.

  13. These people can’t even do favors for each other without making some kind of passive-aggressive game out of it…

  14. billytheskink

    Between DSH’s inexplicable head games and Holly about to get yet another valuable comic book for a song, it appears that TB saved his longest, most-extended middle finger for devoted comic book fans and collectors.

  15. bigd1992

    speaking of Batman shirts, today is Batman’s 75th anniversary. I’m surprised there’s no mention of that.

  16. Professor Fate

    The end of the story liine is as heartwarming as a dead rat.

  17. From Tony Isabella’s Bloggy Thing:

    From here on in, no dealers will be allowed at my garage sales. I’d rather sell my Vast Accumulation of Stuff to fans and readers. If any dealers come to the sale, they will be refused service. I’m not kidding about this in the slightest. My garage sales are strictly for the fans.

    See my comment, which somehow got through moderation.

  18. bobanero

    Tomorrow, we’ll see a freckle-faced kid screaming “Look what I found in the 25-cent comic box at the Garage Con!!”

  19. bad wolf

    @TFH: I wonder how he spots the dealers? Weight, smell, or creepiness?

  20. Phas

    I suppose the alleged logic here is that John wants to gift the comic to Holly without making her feel like a charity case or something, but could just as easily been accomplished by giving her the issue at Comic-Con and claiming to have found it for a ridiculously low price when offered repayment.

  21. Epicus Doomus

    TFH: the Anti-Batiuk! Seriously, what is the issue this guy has with comic book dealers and collectors? It’s like you can be one but only if your “heart” is in the right place…and it’s weird.

  22. Occupy Westview

    “On Friday and Saturday, at random times, I’ll select a customer and ask them a trivia question that involves something from my career in comics. If you answer the question correctly, you get a coupon worth $1 in merchandise from the garage sale.”

    Isn’t that a bit egotistical?

  23. @Occupy–perhaps a bit, but I don’t have a problem with people being proud of their accomplishments. A little egotism isn’t a bad thing. It’s when the accomplishments amount to “nothing much” that a person might want to reconsider.