Whole Lot Of Dumb

Link To Today’s Strip

So which premise is more unlikely? That Holly could somehow scrape together $50,001 to spend on comic books she didn’t even know about until earlier that same day or that the detective that cracked the case that eventually made the comic books available to be auctioned off in the first place would hang around for that auction AND hand-deliver the comics to the auction winner whom he doesn’t even know? If you answered “both”, congrats. I know I’ve been pounding on this theme all week but seriously, someone over there at Batom Inc. HQ really needs to tap TheAuthor on the shoulder and snap him out of this bizarre comic book fantasy reverie he’s in, as it’s getting out of hand. It’s almost as if depicting DT delivering boxes of comic books was his goal and he wrote the “story” around making that scene happen. And that’s just f*cking weird.

Coming next week: the long-rumored FW/For Better Or For Worse crossover finally begins. Over in the FBOFW-iverse, Funky hits Farley the dog with his car just as Michael opens his rejection letter from comic book writing school at the same moment his gay best friend’s grandfather dies at his sister’s shotgun wedding. Meanwhile, the Pattersons visit Westview and debate the merits of Silver Age vs. Golden Age comic books while eating pizza. Or, alternately, they eat comic books while reading pizza, as if there’s any difference anymore.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

30 responses to “Whole Lot Of Dumb

  1. SpacemanSpiff85

    I’d be pretty pissed if two detectives and nothing better to do than hand deliver comics hours (I think?) from where to work, in the middle of the day.
    And that FW/FBOFW crossover would absolutely be all about whether Wolverine or Captain America was the superior character.

  2. So, in this epic cross-over adventure, Tom Batiuk takes the two top characters from Dick Tracy and has them–

    1. Direct a couple of clods to a comic book auction.
    2. Listen in and comment on the bidding, while lamenting that they couldn’t read more comics.
    3. Carry boxes of comic books.

    Well…let me be honest. I don’t think I’ve ever seen characters treated with such utter contempt. “Huh, Dick Tracy, you think you’re so great, so much better than Les Moore! Well, I think you’re only fit for hauling boxes, so there!”

    I’m sure Staton and Curtis knew what was coming (though the lack of coordination is still baffling). I can’t help but wonder why they would agree to this abasement. Dick Tracy, under their guidance has not been above a bit of whimsy but this…well, if these were my characters, this would infuriate me.

    I suspect that if there is a future cross-over between the two strips, it will finally satisfy everyone by looking like this:

    Bonus fun–here’s the same scene, snarkers, for you to provide your own dialogue!

  3. Epicus Doomus

    BC: I like it dialog-free, but I’d add more bullet holes and more blood.

  4. Gyre

    How grim, they couldn’t get the comic books that might very well be available for free at a number of comic book sites. When the story wanted us to feel so sad for Holly not getting comic books at Comic-Con, at least it was allegedly for Cory’s sake.

  5. Rusty

    Holy crap this is just insane. Did Holly cash out Funky’s IRA? That stupid early bid (for a crappy joke) by Chester painted Batiuk in a corner that only a boatload of cash could get him out of. So here we are, at the pre-planned celebration dinner for the post-auction. And as noted above, Batiuk makes no use at all of the iconic DT characters other than as extras in his long-running epic of a town where nothing ever happens.

  6. Why did Holly even buy those comics in the first place? She’s already completed The Great Starbuck Jones Fetch Quest, and she only did that to give her son something to do when he eventually came home from Afghanistan after getting his leg blown off by a land mine. She has zero reason to still be involved in this particular milieu, especially to such an expensive degree.

    Meanwhile over in Dick Tracy, Stanton and Curtis have taken great pains to ensure their characters interact with the Westview regulars as little as possible. I can’t say that I blame them.

  7. A HREF

    OK the last paragraph in ED’s made me actually LOL. Something I’ve not at FW in about thirty years.

  8. Nathan Obral

    Dick Tracy and Sam should have had Bronson Canyon and Double-E carry the comic book collection into Montoni’s instead. Oh wait, that would constitute cruel and unusual punishment.

    Actually, today’s DT is a rare achievement – a clean arrest by Dick and Sam.

  9. Nathan Obral

    You just watch. The phone bid wasn’t Holly.

    After all, Batom® has so little regard for basic writing mechanics. The lazy way out is for St. Les the Righteous Smirker to emerge and reveal that he told Mason Jarr the Goddam Movie Actor!!! that the comic book auction was taking place because Dick and Sam notified Les that the proceeds were going directly to Lisa’s Legacy Run.

    So, Mason phones in the winning bid, has the collection dropped off at Montoni’s, and uses his impending trip to Westview in order to pick up the collection.

    It’s like playing Clue with someone who is totally out of touch with logic and reasoning.

  10. Slager

    ha ha ha ha ha ha irony???

  11. Nathan Obral

    @BC: That last panel is extremely disconcerting. Either DT lost his dentures or he picked up one of the worst cases of Westview Smirk I’ve ever seen.

    But seeing St. Les the Righteous Smirker like that… it just warms my heart.

  12. ComicTrek

    Hemlock in the last panel (yes, that’s what I’m calling her from now on) reminds me of pre-Army Cory. Behold his role models, ladies and gentlemen!

    And speaking of Cory–did they even ask for his permission?? Hemlock bought the comics, yes, but they belong to her son.

  13. @beckoningchasm: Brilliant! I wouldn’t be too surprised if that actually happened one day. This time with the dialogue cut and pasted from the penultimate JD strip.

  14. Meanwhile, none of these idiots ever become aware that their bank was being robbed….mainly because they don’t remember that they have a bank.

  15. Saturnino

    “So, Mason phones in the winning bid, has the collection dropped off at Montoni’s, and uses his impending trip to Westview in order to pick up the collection.”

    Or he gives it to his pal, Les, as part of the kill fee.

    Then the IRS goes after Les for imputed income not reported.

  16. Gyre

    Going over the past few days to see if there was some justification, something struck me. Besides the fact that I just do not think a single major FW character is more than tolerable.

    This was really just any other FW story, just with two characters that will be forgotten afterwards. What about it couldn’t have been done any week?

  17. I’m guessing these questions will resolve themselves in some uninteresting way tomorrow, followed by a Stanton/Curtis comic book cover on Sunday that wraps everything up.

  18. billytheskink

    Since we hold pretty much all of the characters not named The Green Picther in contempt, it is actually kind of amusing that Holly, who either bought the comics or was in on Mason/whoever’s plan to buy them, let Crazy and DSH go and have their dreams crushed.

    Over in DT, however, Stanton and Curtis are taking a play out of Mark Trail’s playbook and having men with facial hair get arrested. Given who Westview’s most prominent wearer of facial hair is, I like this trend.

  19. Jim in Wisc.

    This was the worst, most pointless crossover I’ve ever seen, in any entertainment medium. No matter what they do in the weekend strips, this just can’t be salvaged anymore.

  20. Professor Fate

    My god this is even worse than having cross over with Spiderman and all he does is sit and watch TV (which is pretty close to what he does in the comic strip version anyway but stillllll).
    It is interesting (actually depressing) to watch who wins and who loses in the FW universe – the more unlikeable they are the more the world rewards them.
    And yes it’s just a comic strip but dear lord where did holly get the money to out bid the 50K guy? who one assumes would have a bid again once the other bid came in.
    This whole arc was so pointless it’s round.


    Well on the bright side, at least the new Dick Tracy team gets some publicity. I actually do like the new comic team on Dick Tracy.

    Also this crossover should help more people see just how bad Funky WInkerbean is as a comic strip.

  22. Jim in Wisc.

    @ $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$: Gotta agree with your bright side point. I’ve never read Dick Tracy before, but if what I saw this week is a good example of the strip, I’m adding it to my daily reading list.

  23. Jimmy

    I agree, no dialogue on Les’ demise.

    I have a preview of next week’s crossover. David Banner comes to Westview, reads some comics, doesn’t get angry. The End.

  24. Since we hold pretty much all of the characters not named The Green Picther in contempt, it is actually kind of amusing that Holly, who either bought the comics or was in on Mason/whoever’s plan to buy them, let Crazy and DSH go and have their dreams crushed.

    This isn’t about DSH’s and Crazy’s dreams, it’s about their business. Ultimately, since he runs a business and somehow makes a living by selling comics, his goal is to purchase the collection at a low enough price that he can resell the individual pieces for a substantial profit. If he didn’t plan well enough to know that someone else was likely to bid higher than $50 for the collection, he deserves to fail.

  25. Holly buying these comics only–and I mean only–works if what if Chester Chiseler was deliberately trying to disrupt the auction. Which I meant as a joke, honestly.

    Then, I suppose Zeke the Geek had to bid something, otherwise Holly outbid John so she could…uh…so John could…okay, I admit it: I’m lost.

  26. billytheskink

    This isn’t about DSH’s and Crazy’s dreams, it’s about their business.

    Certainly possible, but I’d be more apt to believe that if we ever saw DSH and Crazy do anything else to further their business. It seems that they mostly hang out around the store’s counter discussing Jungle Jim Toppers while the only 3 named kids left in Westview play video games.

    Your scenario, though, makes Holly’s actions even more spiteful, since she and Funky collect rent from Komix Korner. Still amusing.

  27. Nathan Obral

    @Jim in Wisc.: “I’ve never read Dick Tracy before, but if what I saw this week is a good example of the strip, I’m adding it to my daily reading list.”

    You can archive binge the strip on GoComics. Staton and Curtis took over DT on March 14, 2011.

    Probably the best way to appreciate their work is by reading the later part of Dick Locher’s lengthy tenure on the strip. The difference between Locher’s last week on DT and Staton/Curtis’ first week on DT is unbelievably jarring.

  28. Let me see if I have this right. Somehow, Holly found enough money to outbid the $50,000 opening bid[1] by Chester Mansiondweller from the Big Apple. Then, instead of using it to recover Funky’s treasured Starbuck Jones issue, which he sold to save their troubled business, she buys the Komix Korner knuckleheads a hugely extravagant gift for helping her find reading copies of Starbuck Jones for the vanished Cory.

    Meanwhile, Dick Tracy and Sam Catchem have taken up moonlighting for OnTrac.

    Have I got that? Are we going to call it “writing” again?

    1. 1. I assume Komix Korner’s $50 bid and the $50k bid were made simultaneously, otherwise Chester is a moron.  ↩

  29. @Nathan Orbal: During Locher’s final years, Tracy got so weird that it made Winkerbean look plausible. At one point Locher!Dick wet his pants and yelled “We’re doomed!!” when faced with someone Scooby and Shaggy could have taken down.

  30. Hadda Mae Kapupe

    Now that this crossover is such a success, here are some future crossovers:

    FooB’s Mike Patterson comes down from Canaduh to buy comic books from Skunky because they’re so rare in Duh-ronto. And besides, the government owns them all.

    Dilbert’s company has been contracted to install a computer system to keep track of Holly’s comic book inventory. Dilbert and Wally show up, with hilarious consequences, until Dilbert catches the cancer and Wally loses an arm in a pizza cutter accident.

    Somebody broke into Montoni’s Worldwide Headquarters and Office Suites, and stole all of Holly’s AND Skunky’s comic books! The culprit turns out to be Curtis. Westview Police were able follow and apprehend Curtis because he forgot to turn that “rap” junk down.