Hey gang, Epicus here to steer the S.S. SoSF through the rest of this…thing. Special thanks as always to the entire SoSF crew!
I really love it when one of Tom Ban’s carefully crafted little stories comes together all at once like this. You see, it’s not just all about how dumb, useless and stupid The Internet is, oh my heavens no. It’s also about Cindy and how her rapidly-escalating ugliness has reached a point where she’s just too haggard and hideous to be on TV anymore…even in Cleveland. Thus she has a hidden motive for seriously ACTUALLY considering “Buddyblog’s” offer, as in her opinion the internet’s “low res” video is just the thing to disguise her grotesque appearance enough to extend her pathetic dying career for a few more months, at which point she’d just be too old and grossly-deformed to do much of anything at all anyhow. Sounds like a plan!!!
Strong female characters bursting with “can-do” self-esteem aside, why do I get the impression that the Batom Inc. studio plays host to an old Packard Bell box (with zip drive!) running Windows 98? These hilarious internet gags would have played a lot better in 1999, but here in 2015 they just make him look silly. And boy, is he chew-toying the ever-living hell out of Cindy or what? Ever since she was demoted for being so heinous and old, every appearance has centered around how heinous and old she is now. It’s relentless.
And check out the Funk-Man in panel two. You can at least pretend to care, Funky.
Son of Stuck Funky 
So how old are Cindy, Funky, et. al. supposed to be now? Isn’t it in their late 40s? So, ABC fired as their evening news anchor because she was too old? Yeah, that might make sense, if in the real world ABC News didn’t have a female anchor just step down last fall a few months shy of her 69th birthday. And even at that, she’s still working for the network doing special projects. Once again, Tom Batiuk is “a quarter of an inch from reality.”
Is Cindy’s comment in panel two worth a “How so?”? It seems pretty self explanatory to me. A new job is usually a pretty good way to lengthen one’s career. Yet again you can tell that Batiuk started with what he thought was a funny punchline and worked his way backwards, and it never really came together.
You know, Cindy has a point–CGA resolution (320 x 240) should be pretty kind in terms of leaving out harsh details, and…hey, wait a minute–I was looking at the wrong calendar! Turns out it isn’t 1992!
Yeah, that makes sense, assuming you know nothing about computer hardware, web media, or humor.
“Low res”?
The two words that most “experienced” female TV anchors would likely say are:
“BO. TOX.”
(Okay, so I’m stretching it to two words, but details don’t account for much in the Funkyverse.)
Two words: bad writing.
We’re all in for it. I know we are. Buckle up, ’cause we’re in for a wild ride. But hey, no Les! Right? So this week may just be tolerable. Maybe. (Or not..)
Real life: “They Told Me I Was Too Old And Ugly…Fired Network Anchor’s Bombshell Accusation Rocks TV News Industry”. Everyone falls all over themselves to interview and/or hire Cindy. Huge lawsuit, undisclosed settlement, book deal. Talk of her own daytime talk show and a possible state senate run. Hero of the oppressed, role model and (wink!) she’s single, guys! She’s even been romantically linked to Mason Jarr!!
Funkyverse: Cindy agrees that she’s simply too old and withered to host the national news. She slinks back to Cleveland in shame, presumably hiding her ghastly visage from gawking onlookers the entire way. Then, after inflicting her monstrous mug upon the helpless citizens of Cleveland for a year or so, she decides that before she gets any less attractive she’d better get involved with some internet news program filmed in “low res”, probably by some flaky hipster film school-types. Downtrodden, depressed, pathetic and (gasp) she’s single, with only her beleaguered ex-husband to lean on for emotional support. She even once shamelessly threw herself all over Mason Jarr, the whole thing was quite unseemly.
Yeah, we’re the whackadoodles all right (eyeroll).
Of course, we’re the crazy people because we don’t adhere to Batiuk’s funhouse mirror version of How Things OUGHT TO BE. He knows damned well that in the real world, Cindy would be able to sue The Mouse for wrongful dismissal and win easily but his issues with litigation, strong women and just plain old fear of the outside world mandate that he tell us that in the ideal world, Cindy would be getting hers for making a fool of Funky all those years ago.
Look at it this way: if Batiuk were to make a story involving Cindy suing an enormous corporation, think of the vast number of things it would allow him to get painfully wrong.
@Jim in Wisc.: You are completely correct. Moreover, Diane Sawyer retired from “World News Tonight” by her own volition six months after the absurdist Funky Winkerbean storyline ran.
Should it surprise anyone that Batom®’s sexist abuse of Cindy is only met with nothing but utter apathy?
Two words: You Suck Tom.
@Nathan Obral: It would never occur to TommyBoy that his idiotic need to bash female characters for not giving way to stupid losers is why people ask “Waitaminnit? You mean that they still MAKE that strip?”
So, the last time TB watched video on the internet, he was using a Sega CD?
I do honestly enjoy the tiny steam line lassos, though.
Low res. Right because nobody ever watches internet on their tvs. Nor does anybody open videos in full screen.
It’s funny how much “dialogue” is spread out pointlessly in 6 days that could easily fit in a few panels.
How are you getting pictures for the site marquee ahead of time for future strips (Cindy drinking coffee)?
Also why on earth would Cindy be booted off her network job just because of her age? Diane Sawyer says hello.
Shit, most phones display video in HD now.
Anyway, so we have Cindy, who has been shipped off to some minor market (Cleveland is still a pretty decent sized market) explicitly because of her aging facade. But I would guess that she’s still pulling a good salary, and she must have some name recognition if this doomed-for-failure-startup news blog is offering her a job to anchor their “news broadcast”. If she’s lucky she’ll have a job for 6 months before buddyblog runs out of venture capital, then nobody else in the industry will hire her and she’ll end up waitressing at Montoni’s.
@ Nathan Obral And Diane Sawyer first took over the anchor desk for ABC’s evening news broadcast the day before her 64th birthday, about a decade-and-a-half older than Cindy is now.
Another thing? Wouldn’t Cindy have some severance package? Also why wouldn’t any competitor stations snatch her up? She apparently was good enough to hold a top anchor position for so long, so she should have some popularity in her industry.
I wonder who did the “Magical Appearing Napkin” trick in today’s strip–Cindy, or Funky?
I would open the FW video, but it’s still buffering on my brand new 486 Compaq. I hope no one calls on the telephone and kicks me off my conne….
Agggghhhhh, batom is so annoying. Then again so are Cleveland anchorwomen. Just look at what one of them had to say about Lady Gaga and how you can’t hear her over all of that…..
Heck, just email your thoughts to batom directly at 1234567@compuserve.com