Tag Archives: steam lines

Fake News!

Link To Today’s Strip

Finally, at long last, I can stop typing “Holly’s mom” over and over and over again. It’s one of the unforeseen pitfalls of following this strip, the way Batom forces me to train my muscle memory to repeatedly type otherwise bizarre and useless phrases hundreds of times, like “band mattresses”, “Atomik Komix” and “smug bearded piece of shit”. Anyhow, her name is Melinda. OK then.

When in doubt, drag some mother-in-law gags out. The very last thing FW needs is ANOTHER adorable old coot character but it would appear that this “Melinda” is THIS CLOSE to becoming another FW regular. I will tactfully refrain from pointing out that long-range climate change would probably not have all that much of an impact on a ninety year old woman but hey, FW has NEVER shied away from Topical Issues That Affect Us All, especially somewhat vague references to said Topical Issues. Personally speaking, I’d LOVE to see a four month long arc about Melinda’s house sinking into the Atlantic Ocean but that’s just me.

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Koo Koo For Cocoa Putz

Link To Today’s Slice O’ Holiday Cheer

Beck I hear you calling
But I can’t come home right now,
Me and the band are in shambles,
And Harry ain’t around

Just a few more hours
And he’ll tell me what to do,
I think I hear him cackling,
Oh Beck, what can I do?

Sorry. Sorry about the post title too. Maybe one day we’ll have a big SoSF contest and YOU can try to title these things. Trust me, aside from reading the strip it’s the hardest thing about this. Anyhow, today we see WHS’ incredibly lax security exposed, as John blithely saunters into the school toting some hot chocolate for his right-handed bride Becky without as much as a “visitor” pass to identify himself. Shameful in this day and age. Apparently our armless pal Becky needs to burn the midnight oil and spend endless nights toiling over having her band play some basic Christmas standards for an hour and apparently there’s some sort of cutting edge band software involved as well, software I assume Dinkle invented. I like how she has to identify her own husband by his full name so “casual” FW readers will know they’re married, as how else would they? I bet that if you were to (ugh) go back and check out the entirety of (gak) Act III Becky and John are in maybe ten or fifteen panels together total. Ten or fifteen too many if you ask me.

This has been mentioned in the comments before, but isn’t it, uh…”interesting” how every FW character’s “passion” is always depicted as a thankless miserable chore? Drawing comic books, making pizza, writing maudlin cancer books, playing tennis, teaching music…no one ever actually enjoys these pursuits, they merely endure them. It’s just a thought, but perhaps FW might be more popular if only its worldview wasn’t so perpetually downbeat. But you already knew that.

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Adeptable You

Link To Today’s Thing

Yes, Harry. We all vividly recall how you invented the concept of “crowdfunding” with your m**herf*cking door-to-door band f*cking candy fund raising drives. Geez, what a windbag. So apparently using a mouse and a keyboard at the same time is no biggie for ol’ Becks, as she’s gotten the Scapegoats Marching Band in on this whole “social media” fad all the kids are into with the phones and such. Honestly (and I’m just speaking for myself here) if I lived in Westview I’d definitely prefer to order my band candy online than to have Owen or Bernie at my door, that’s for damn sure. I mean life in that town is hard enough given the limited dining and reading options and how it snows non-stop for months at a stretch.

Perhaps Principal Nate and the WHS admin staff might want to consider the possibility that Becky’s shitty job performance could be attributed to Dinkle distracting her with his constant inexplicable presence. Just a thought.

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And The Bland Played On

Link To Today’s Strip

The good news: no comic books!!! The bad news: mail is still playing a pivotal role in the strip.

Let’s take a moment to talk about shitty storytelling. Holly has apparently just opened her invitation to the Big Band Alumni Reunion Event (sigh), which oughta be a real barn-burner by the way. Yet somehow, despite just finding out about it, she knows that a) her mother was also inexplicably invited, b) she wants to attend and c) she wants them to drive to Florida to pick her up. Which opens a whole host of mysteries best left unsolved, which they no doubt will be.

I don’t remember Holly’s mom being a character in the strip at all, which seems to indicate that the “goal” here is a) more “adorable old coot” humor and b) another excuse to trot out Holly’s Act I flaming baton trick persona, neither of which has generated a lot of clamor among FW’s (chortle) fan base as far as I can tell. Anyone who’s had anything whatsoever to do over the last forty years has forgotten all about Holly’s baton silliness and if FW contained any more “adorable old coot” gags it’d come with a year’s supply of Coumadin. Unless this Big Band Alumni Reunion Event (sigh) is just another excuse to have the loathsome Dinkle wobble down Act I Memory Lane yet again, which seems sort of likely given the premise here.

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A Proven Whiner

Link To Today’s Thingy

Ewww, yuck. The Delicate Genius is sequestered away in his dreary studio, slaving away on his cancer book prequel or sequel or whatever the f*ck it is, as Cayla waits on him hand and foot because he’s either too cheap or too lazy to buy himself a coffee maker for his garage office. What a dick. Hopefully this is just a one-off Sunday strip and not the start of yet another Dick Facey, The Delicate Genius arc, as I’m just not ready for another one of those yet. Get a load of that look on his face in panel three, all smug and self-satisfied with his wordsmithing, like he’s just too clever for this world. What a dick.

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Duh, Actually

Link To Today’s Thing

Hey gang, Epicus here to steer the S.S. SoSF through the rest of this…thing. Special thanks as always to the entire SoSF crew!

I really love it when one of Tom Ban’s carefully crafted little stories comes together all at once like this. You see, it’s not just all about how dumb, useless and stupid The Internet is, oh my heavens no. It’s also about Cindy and how her rapidly-escalating ugliness has reached a point where she’s just too haggard and hideous to be on TV anymore…even in Cleveland. Thus she has a hidden motive for seriously ACTUALLY considering “Buddyblog’s” offer, as in her opinion the internet’s “low res” video is just the thing to disguise her grotesque appearance enough to extend her pathetic dying career for a few more months, at which point she’d just be too old and grossly-deformed to do much of anything at all anyhow. Sounds like a plan!!!

Strong female characters bursting with “can-do” self-esteem aside, why do I get the impression that the Batom Inc. studio plays host to an old Packard Bell box (with zip drive!) running Windows 98? These hilarious internet gags would have played a lot better in 1999, but here in 2015 they just make him look silly. And boy, is he chew-toying the ever-living hell out of Cindy or what? Ever since she was demoted for being so heinous and old, every appearance has centered around how heinous and old she is now. It’s relentless.

And check out the Funk-Man in panel two. You can at least pretend to care, Funky.

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The Laffs Least

Link To Today’s Strip

“The Last Leaf”??? A “graphic novel” about Cayla?? But…but…she isn’t even dead yet!! Does not compute. But seriously, blech, oh no, what a shitty gift and etc. So typically Les-esque, they guy writes her a novel about how HE found love and how happy HE is, which in his mind if the most selfless and grand gesture he can make. Such a dick. And how thoughtful of him to rub the manuscript against his crotch before handing it to her, as if the gift itself wasn’t already bad enough.

And in the “things I never thought I’d ever say” department, note to Summer: put that hoodie back on…please. No one wants to see that, particularly in the morning. Why is she still there? Why are they lurking around in their parent’s bedroom first thing in the AM? Who DOES this?

Check out that look of smug, all-consuming self-satisfaction on his cretinous face as he explains his moronic gift, what a repellent display of Les Moore dickfacedness. “The Last Leaf”…give the leaves a rest already there, BatWrite. We get it, they’re a metaphor for death and the encroaching darkness of winter and so forth. It’s like he comes up with this stuff after staring out the window all day or something.

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