Anchor Aweigh!

Link To Today’s Strip

Well, now we know what Tom Ban’s vision of an internet entrepreneur looks like…a young moronically grinning dimwit with a weird ass-hand, to be exact. I like how Buddyblog tried to steal Facebook’s font, too. But the best part of all is that totally unnecessary first panel where Funky helpfully recaps the events of last week for those of us who were unable to keep up with the numerous twists and turns in this little story. I also like how his current wife grins like an imbecile as her husband obsesses over his ex-wife’s whereabouts from minute-to-minute (even checking his watch for emphasis). Very quarter-inch from reality right there. Or perhaps she’s just amused by Cindy’s desperate plight, which is definitely way more believable. Given how these idiots are always smirking all the time, you just can’t tell.

Looks like another week’s worth of awful gags about how useless and stupid The Internet is…sigh. Expect a lot of jabbering about “business models” (especially hilarious coming from a guy whose website doesn’t feature so much as a key chain for sale), “internuts” and jokes about how everything on The Internet is just a bunch of worthless crap. Also known as “March 2015- Bantom’s Revenge”.

I do know that this Michael Spencer guy is as punchable as any random character in recent FW memory, that’s for certain. I’m amazed he can use a computer at all with that tiny thumb and that ass-hand of his. It’s one of those weird FW characters who must be based on someone, as he’s just too specific looking to be randomly generated. I have a sneaking feeling that I’ll totally despise him by week’s end, if not much sooner. In fact, I think I do already.

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45 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

45 responses to “Anchor Aweigh!

  1. SpacemanSpiff85

    So….did Cindy just walk right into this company’s corporate office, stumble into this guy, notice his name was Spencer, but didn’t notice his name was Michael, and assume he must be the son? Or did she just assume this was a small, family-owned internet company and that anyone who worked there must be related? Like, was there no receptionist or secretary who directed her to this guy’s office, and tell Cindy who he was? I mean, if I went in for a job interview and the person I met seemed suspiciously young, I wouldn’t just automatically assume it was the president’s son. If Batiuk hadn’t been so busy cackling and screaming “Take that, Internet!” some of this might have occurred to him.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    SpacemanSpiff85: It’s totally insane. What caused her to believe a Michael Spencer Sr. must exist? She’s running around acting totally unhinged, meanwhile the “joke” is supposed to be that this peculiar-looking dipshit is awfully young to be owning an internet start-up model thing. It’s like Bantom has no idea how totally deranged this is, he’s just totally lost in this zeal to deliver his dumb internet zingers.

  3. DOlz

    @SpacemanSpiff85, I believe we now have the real reason for Cindy’s decline into obscurity. It has nothing to do with her age, but instead simply the fact she’s a moron. Of course we already knew that last week when she went to Funky for advice.

  4. Professor Fate

    Oh god the love child of Alfred E Newman has started a buisness.

  5. JerrytheMacGuy

    You would think that one would do a little research before taking the time and expense of going to California for a job interview.

    But then, that would require using the Internet and the Google.

  6. I think Michael Spencer and Sun from Luann would have a lot to discuss.

  7. Mr. Sulu! I thought you’d have learned how to do the Vulcan Salute properly by now.

  8. I assume the reason Cindy thought she needed to talk to this guy’s father is that he’s a young guy, and if I know my Funky Winkerbean, one of the repeated messages is that young people are utterly worthless and completely incapable.

  9. We’re dealing with the same baffled anger that animates Lynn Johnston’s hatred of the Internet. Y’see, back in the good old days, she and Batty thought that people loved them because people who thought that their intelligence was being insulted learned to keep silent because they learned that criticism was intercepted by their local papers. Now that we have a means of directly confronting people like them with their failings, they assume that a technological advance has somehow unleashed a plague of malcontents that didn’t exist beforehand.

  10. Also, Trudeau handled the well-meaning younger person obliviously insults an established character far and away better….because he cares, y’all!!

  11. Saturnino

    “You would think that one would do a little research before taking the time and expense of going to California for a job interview.”

    Any intelligent person interviewing for any job, anywhere, will have done some research into the company and into its management team in order to create a good impression and to have a meaningful interview. In any case, an in person interview probably would have followed at least one telephonic/skype interview during which the invitation to come out would have been made.

    It is now clear why Cindy’s current employer would be wise not to renew her contract.

    If Michael Spencer is wise, he will terminate the interview now so that Cindy can get started learning the pizza making art.

    If she’s good, she could become a professional competitor on many cooking shows.

    “Your ingredients are: Fish, and a Mason Jar. You have 30 minutes from NOW!”

  12. Rusty Shackleford

    Yeah, wouldnt they first use Skype or Hangouts to do the first interview? I don’t work for an Internet company and we do this for first interviews if the person is not local.

  13. Rusty

    What are the odds this guy somehow knows Mason Jarr?

  14. This week on Funky Winkerbean: Pluggers vs. Silicon Valley

  15. sgtsaunders

    Oh, snap! Oh no she di’int! The totally experienced news journalistic barracudess displays her deft style and insight into humanity within moments of beginning her interview.

  16. captaincab

    Paul Jones: “We’re dealing with the same baffled anger that animates Lynn Johnston’s hatred of the Internet.”

    I keep reading comments here about how Lynn Johnston is mad at online fans, can someone give me an example or two? Last time I read FBoFW was 2006.

    Good grief, look at the terrible lack of perspective in the last panel with the guy’s oversized hand, it’s so big it eclipses the left side of his body. Like I have said before, Batiuk should have just stuck with the classic ‘toon style, his “realistic” drawing skills are terrible. At least the strip wouldn’t be such a visual headache.

  17. billytheskink

    Innernet Entrepooners, amirite?
    They’re all like 35 years old, squint a lot, missing most of their left shoulders, greet you like American Indians in movies from the 1940’s, and have John Elway’s smile…

  18. @captaincab: She used to have a sort of letter column named “Coffee Talk” on the strip’s website. What used to happen is that any person who was “picking on her” (by talking about how stupid it was for Liz to immolate herself on the pyre of pleasing her idiot parents) got hit with the mighty ban-hammer.

  19. Jim in Wisc.

    captaincab said: “Good grief, look at the terrible lack of perspective in the last panel with the guy’s oversized hand, it’s so big it eclipses the left side of his body. Like I have said before, Batiuk should have just stuck with the classic ‘toon style, his “realistic” drawing skills are terrible. At least the strip wouldn’t be such a visual headache.”

    And I think that explains why Batiuk was never hired to take over one of the great Silver Age comic book series. Could you imagine what something like The Fantastic Four would look like in his incapable hands?

    BTW, how much do you want to bet, during the interview, Cindy is going to hand Mr. Spencer a VHS tape (was going to say DVD, but that’s too technologically advanced for this strip) with samples of her work. I mean, it’s not like TV journalists these days samples of their work posted on the evil, evil Internet.

  20. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Half-Asian Jeffrey Dahmer here is going to be mighty disappointed to find out that Cindy’s parts don’t match the one’s he’s missing for his woman suit. On the plus side, his BuddyBlog trap is working to perfection!

  21. captaincab

    @Paul Jones:

    Ah ok, thanks. I remember reading her little blog back then.

    “by talking about how stupid it was for Liz to immolate herself on the pyre of pleasing her idiot parents.”

    In case I get back into FBoFW what is this in reference to? Thanks again!

  22. DOlz

    @Jim in Wisc., “Could you imagine what something like The Fantastic Four would look like in his incapable hands?” Drawing Mr. Fantastic would have been a perfect fit for him. They could have had a story line about him losing the fine control over his malleable body causing to various parts to have odd shapes and sizes. Voilà, lack of talent and/or not caring covered.

    On a side note in a year or two TB might have one of his character do a sex change because of this, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/23/feminist-thor-comic-books_n_6920666.html?utm_hp_ref=business&ir=Business. Now it won’t be a man becoming a woman since TB is somewhat of a misogynist. So here’s how it could play out. Cindy realizes it’s a man world and that Mason Jarr has rejected her s̶t̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ advances because he is gay. So she decides without thinking it through to become a man. There you go TB a Pulitzer nominee storyline for you to half ass your way through.

  23. DOlz

    @captaincab, “by talking about how stupid it was for Liz to immolate herself on the pyre of pleasing her idiot parents.”

    It was about her forcing the storylines and giving Liz a prefrontal lobotomy so she and Anthony could get married about a decade after that ship had sailed.

  24. Nathan Obral

    Clearly, this new punchable bit character is a Spencer for Hire.

  25. captaincab

    @DOlz

    OK, thanks, so basically just mad at peoples’ reactions to the “New-runs” which I assume did some retconning?

  26. There’s just one thing I don’t understand: why did they replace Li’l Mikey Spencer with a cardboard cutout in panel 3? What’s that you say? BanTom can’t draw?

  27. batgirl

    @captaincab, no, it was the original FBOFW run, with Liz abandoning her teaching career and returning home to marry her childhood, um, neighbour (he was never a sweetheart) Anthony, a prototypical Nice Guy. Because everyone must come home and replicate their parents’ lives. There is no escape.

  28. captaincab

    @batgirl

    Thanks for clarifying! This chat reminds me of a funny Pearls Before Swine which made fun of the FBoFW new-runs, wish I could find it. I wonder if Pearls Before Swine ever had any strips where they made fun of FW?

  29. DOlz

    @captaincab, Nope she didn’t bother to do any retconning. Ms. Johnston, decided she had made a mistake not having Liz and Anthony get married. so before she ended the original run she decided to “correct” the problem. She just destroyed Liz’s character development hammered the storyline together with all the delicacy of a brick through a plate glass window. It actual makes TB look like a subtle story teller in comparison. It is also in large part why folks (myself included) who enjoyed the strip for years really despise the last couple of years of its run.

  30. DOlz

    @batgirl, oops I didn’t notice your reply before making my own. Your answer was more concise and to the point than my anger reply. Anger at Lynn Johnston’s handling of a beloved character, not you captaincab.

  31. captaincab

    Ha, worries DOlz, I understood you. 🙂

  32. captaincab

    No worries, meant to type. 🙂

  33. billytheskink

    @captaincab
    This chat reminds me of a funny Pearls Before Swine which made fun of the FBoFW new-runs, wish I could find it. I wonder if Pearls Before Swine ever had any strips where they made fun of FW?

    Pastis went after Lisa’s masked escort to… uh… videocassette purgatory? back in 2008.
    See the 4th comic down in this the Comics Curmudgeon post which also includes a pretty funny recap of a late-era FBoFW strip.

  34. Jim in Wisc.

    DOlz: She just destroyed Liz’s character development hammered the storyline together with all the delicacy of a brick through a plate glass window. It actual makes TB look like a subtle story teller in comparison. It is also in large part why folks (myself included) who enjoyed the strip for years really despise the last couple of years of its run.

    I was one of those folks who used to enjoy the strip a great deal. The Liz/Anthony marriage was one thing that turned me off. The other was how everything Michael did turned into a great success, in essence he was the proto-Leslie-Moore.

  35. DOlz

    @Jim in Wisc., Thanks a lot, I had managed to forget about Michael 🙂

  36. Professor Fate

    Re: FBOFW – Yes the last couple of years were awful – one weird thing was the characters she tried to make hateful- Anthony’s wife for example ended up being rather sympathetic – She had never wanted kids but Anthony had guilted her into having a daughter – while Anthony (also know as Blandthonly) who she was ascribing all the perfect virtues became weirder and obsessive and creepy in his actions – like his building his daughter a playhouse for her – IN THE BASEMENT. Not quite serial killer but the vibe was there. And what kind of man forces his wife to become pregnant against her will? it was all rather god awful and told with the delicate subtle touch of the Joker wielding a tire iron.

  37. Nathan Obral

    @billytheskink:

    Pastis went after Lisa’s masked escort to… uh… videocassette purgatory? back in 2008.

    Indeed, Pastis used – with Batom®’s permission and blessing – Batom®’s own drawing of Masky McDeath in PBS.

    Batom® apparently also gave Pastis permission (and his blessing?) to skewer the death of St. Lisa the Cancer Chew Toy in PBS for an entire week. It never even made it to the drawing board, as Pastis had second thoughts about making fun of a rather unfunny subject in cancer.

  38. Nathan Obral

    As for FOOB, I’ve always been of the belief that Lynn Johnston was deeply affected by Charles Schulz’s 2000 death, and never truly recovered from it. They were very close friends, and Sparky championed FOOB from the beginning.

    I would argue that FOOB started to deteriorate badly at that point and time.

  39. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    A part of me would love to have Funky Winkerbean be the character that has a sex change. But Butiuk would not have the wit, humor and irony to do such a thing.

  40. Epicus Doomus

    I’ve related this before, but back in the day FW and FBOFW ran right on top of each other in the local paper, so each day was a twin dose of ridiculous melodrama. The open-mouthed guffaws, the endless smirking…it was brutal. One day, for example, you’d have a dog dying right on top of a car plummeting off a cliff (just a hypothetical example but not far off the mark). I think they both helped me hate the other one that much more somehow.

  41. Well…next time I want more comments on one of my posts, I will definitely remember to mention For Better or For Worse!

  42. Epicus Doomus

    BC: Hey man, those sorts of threats will not be tolerated!

  43. bad wolf

    Hey, did someone mention FBOFW?

    Some of you may not have seen Shaenon Garrity’s seminal snark essay on the Foobpocalypse, Why I Hate Anthony.” It covers the bases pretty well.

    There was a lot of speculation at the time about Johnson’s state of mind following her divorce and ending the strip. At least one observation/speculation was that her daughter had gone off to do her own thing, but it appears that she has since joined Lynn working at what’s left of her studio. Along with Luann‘s Greg Evan’s daughter Karen joining the Luann crew full time (dropping a career in teaching/school administration), it seems the pull of a legacy strip is a powerful thing! Not sure if that’s a good thing.

    (Seriously, are we still complaining about getting banned for making too-critical remarks on the authors’ own website, ten years later?)

  44. As terrible as FBOFW was, it at least made some attempt at telling some coherent story. Lynn didn’t pull too many story arcs out of her ass, and she actually had a real gay character. Liz/Anthony and Michael story lines both really made me want to punch her though. The weird thing about them was that I believe that Lynn actually thought these characters were endearing, but in fact most readers couldn’t stand them. I believe it’s that way with most of TB’s characters too.

  45. ^Agreed. FBorFW had it’s awful moments indeed, but in my opinion it is pure gold compared to this baloney. (Or should I say pepperoni?)