“Vague” Is Just Another Word For Something Or Other

Link To Today’s Strip

Well, Cindy, you’re interviewing for the news anchor job and you’re a professional news anchor thus I would assume that your “role” will be that of a f*cking NEWS ANCHOR, you blithering idiot. Perhaps her career woes have less to do with her face and more to do with her total and complete lack of preparedness.

“Vague”, huh? You mean like the ever-cryptic FW timeline? Or like the way the epic Starbuck Jones arc just mysteriously ended off-screen with no explanation whatsoever? Or the way everyone just stopped talking about Summer all at once? Or how Darin supports a family on his pizza app salary? Or when Les has conversations with an imaginary cat? Yeah, vagueness really blows all right. I suppose the joke is that “internet business models” are always a bunch of ambiguous nebulous bullshit and that “internet entrepreneurs” always speak in meaningless circles which, even if it’s true, isn’t a particularly original observation. Of course this little vision of what an “internet start-up model” is like is ripped straight from something he saw on TV, but hey, it is topical in a vague sort of way so it all comes full circle in a vague sort of way…vaguely, that is.

I don’t know what the deal is with this “Michael Spencer” character (if that is his real name), but I do know I’ve seen people get punched in the face over WAY less than that astoundingly obnoxious face he’s making in panel two. He looks like a graduate of the Les Moore Eyebrow-Cocking Academy, it’s unbelievable. And isn’t it remarkable how Cindy’s “deadpan” face is almost exactly the same as her “duh?” face? Why, sometimes I can’t even tell if she’s being sarcastic or not (short answer: always).


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

19 responses to ““Vague” Is Just Another Word For Something Or Other

  1. SpacemanSpiff85

    So, as down on her luck as she is, Cindy flew from Ohio to California without knowing what the job is they’re offering her, or who she was supposed to be talking to? I guess in a universe where pizzeria owner’s wives can take off to NYC on a whim to buy comics and loan friends $50,000 (for comics, again) it’s not that big of a stretch.
    Really though, the guy who probably still doesn’t understand what a kill fee is should not be mocking other people’s business models.

  2. That does it, I’m out. I’ll see you guys on Monday or something.

  3. So, I’m guessing this little “Cindy Applies For a Job in Teh Interwebz” arc has been sitting in the bottom of a drawer since about, oh, mid-2000, and Batiuk finally got around to digging it out after needing a couple weeks of filler between Starbuck Jones arcs.

  4. Rusty

    I remember a tv commercial mocking internet/tech companies back in probably 2002 with a hipster riding a Segway or scooter around the laid back office space, plenty of bicycles shown in the background. Tom Batiuk remembers that commercial too.

  5. Young people are clueless and evil, and the internet is a horrible net of horror. IF ONLY YOU PEOPLE WOULD JUST READ THE NEWSPAPER–a PAPER of NEWS!!!–then life would be idyllic and you WOULDN’T HAVE TO GO INTO THE CORNFIELD!!!

  6. JerrytheMacGuy


  7. Epicus Doomus

    “We’re still developing the concept, but your role will be that of a transformative pioneer in a new chapter of digital journalism”.

    “TheAuthor not only entertains teenagers and adults alike with his portrayal of the students and faculty at Westview High but has earned high marks for his sensitive treatment of important social and educational issues. His groundbreaking series on teen pregnancy, reading impairment dyslexia, teen suicide, teen dating abuse and breast cancer earned Ban Tom high marks from fans, educators and community leaders.”

    They’re both equally vague if you ask me. Although the first one hasn’t been proven to be inaccurate yet, unlike the second.

  8. Today’s big lump of vagueness has been brought to you by “Shooting where the ducks are” owing to the fact that Batiuk’s real constituency are “young adults” (or what we call sixty year old people afraid of a future where their voices aren’t heard because they’re all dead) who fear this fancy Internet that they can’t use.

  9. Gyre

    Let’s side aside the fact that it was established day after day for a week what her job would be. When your employer is this vague about what you’re even supposed to do, I’d be worried.

    Now if this is all a hint that the job’s going to be a disaster, well then fair enough.

  10. @Gyre: Of course Cindy is headed for a fall. First, the non-job with the non-business model falls apart, then Mason Jarr shows off his girlfriend then she dies in a gutter, wishing she hadn’t tried to challenge Funky’s ultra-fragile male ego. This is because this strip is of, BY and FOR small-town, small-minded white men like Batiuk whose privilege has been challenged.

  11. Oh! That guy’s ankle! Oh, the humanity! The horror! The horror!

  12. We’re looking for a “transformative pioneer”, so of course we’re interviewing all the washed up news personalities who are basically waiting out the end of their careers in minor TV markets.

  13. billytheskink

    Cindy – “What exactly is this new story arc about here at Batom Inc?”

    Harry Hoo – “We’re still developing the concept, but we know it will be a transformative chapter to the new published art paradigm actualizing the weight of substantial issues.”

    Cindy – “Sounds like you’re just listing buzzwords as if that’s humor.”

    Keanu Reeves – “Welcome to half of 1993’s Dilbert strips.

  14. Merry Pookster

    Vague is what this entertainment value is…

  15. Old Man Miggle

    “Of course this little vision of what an “internet start-up model” is like is ripped straight from something he saw on TV”[…]

    …in 1999?

  16. Jim in Wisc.

    @Old Man Miggle: As I’ve said before, some of his stories are such a weird perception of reality, that Batiuk seems to be the living embodiment of Plato’s “Man in the Cave.”


    With a pitch that vague, it’s either Naked News or Cindy’s going to be interviewing people in a fluffy pink bunny suit.

  18. Professor Fate

    “Internet Bad. Comic Books – Good.” said in cave man voice.
    followed by “Ug no like fire – Ug will eat meat raw as has always been done.”

  19. bayoustu

    By the end of Cindy’s ritualized, Batiuk-ian degradation, I guarantee she’ll be sporting a Crankshaft nose! (Of course, there really IS no end to Batiuk-ian degradation, is there?)