Tag Archives: Michael Spencer

Set Up to Fail

Irony. It’s a word whose definition has been tortuously stretched since the mid-1990’s. So I don’t know if this situation is truly ironic, but boy, don’t you bet Cindy would love to have back that Channel One News set that she so blithely gave away to Westview’s high schoolers? I’ve seen hostage videos with more elaborate staging than what passes for a “news set” at buddyblog. All their budget must have gone into the signage on the building’s facade. Cindy, who yesterday was cracking snide about her boss’ youth, is taken down so many pegs that it’s surprising Batiuk didn’t resort to those Benday dots on her cheeks signifying shame or nausea. Or both.

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Echoes of a Summer

California! Home of palm trees, bicycles and bottled water. Cindy has picked up and relocated here, in a desperate bid to be near her younger, movie star boyfriend, but also having accepted a vaguely defined job with an undetermined salary from an internet startup who hired her because she was affordable. And not until she arrives on her first day does she meet, and proceed to dismiss, her new boss, who resembles a catatonic and even more androgynous Summer.

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Make ‘Em Walk The Plank

Link To Today’s Strip

It’s all so clear to me now. This “Michael Spencer” guy is actually an international spy whose mission is to destroy The Internet from within. He needs Cindy to attract hits to his website but to get her on board he had to reach out to his old pal Mason Jarr and call in a favor. “Anchors aweigh” is the big clue here, as “Michael Spencer” obviously picked up that bit of nautical terminology while he was stowing away aboard some big cargo ship bound for Culver City. It’s a dead giveaway. He’s trying to tell us something…I mean it COULDN’T just be some typically awful Batominc wordplay again…or could it??

Anyhow, it really should be “anchor” as I don’t see any other ones in the frame, do you? Cindy’s weird descent into insane idiocy continues as she accepts BB’s pathetic “offer” after receiving a dinner invite text from our old pal Mason. It took me a second to figure out how and why those two things could be related, as Cindy could obviously still have met Mason for dinner without stupidly accepting BB’s crappy deal. But I think the idea here is that by staying in California she’ll be closer to Mason, which is all the impetus she needs to throw what’s left of her career and her dignity into the gutter. I just can’t believe he wrote this without realizing how pathetic it makes her look, but then again yeah, sure I can. Cindy: the strong modern businesswoman who’s seen it all and who makes rash career decisions based on texts from boys she likes. 1/4 inch my ass.

I guess MS is one of those people who only looks fat when he sits, right? I mean yesterday the guy was a bloated doughy blob and today he’s zipping around sipping his trendy glacier hipster vita-water, completely jowl-free. Whatever is in that water bottle, start selling it in Westview fast before the FDA gets wind of it. Man, if I ever see this Spencer guy again it’ll be too soon. Except I might not recognize him at first, depending on whether he’s sitting or not. But let’s hope it never comes to that.

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The Endangered California Candor

Link To Today’s Strip

But wait a minute, how could BB know what they could afford if they knew they’d be relying on crowdsourcing revenue they hadn’t even received yet? Huh BanTom? Tell me, how could they know? Stop being all “vague” and TELL ME! How could they know, Tom? HOW COULD THEY KNOW??? It’s just amazing how he’ll completely contradict himself right in the middle of a story like that then get all mad at US (and the entire internet in general) when we point it out, like it’s our fault for remembering what happened yesterday.

And what the hell is up with this “reimagined digital content” bullshit? RE-imagined? Come on, Spencer my man, you gotta be kidding me here. And is it just me or has MS gained a considerable amount of weight since yesterday or what? He’s all pudgy and doughy all of a sudden in panel one then he goes from vaguely ethnic to full-on Don Ho in panel two. Again with the eyebrows, too. They’re like caterpillars trying to escape from his forehead and honestly, who could blame them?

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The P(ure) BS Model

Link To Today’s Strip

Add PBS to the list of things in Ban Tom’s shaky and off-kilter gun sights. What, did they do a “Comic Strip Writers Who HAVE Won Pulitzers” roundtable discussion recently or something? Anyway, they’re actually not very similar at all, as PBS provides hours and hours of entertainment while Buddyblog consists of a few assholes sitting on the floor and a wildly smirking weirdo chuckling to himself like a moron after every idiotic self-deprecating comment about what a joke his business is. Send Spencer to Westview and the integration would be seamless, I’ll tell you what. It really is uncanny, he could walk into Montoni’s right now and hold his own with any of them.

TheAuthor’s personal grudges aside, it’s same old-same old today as he bludgeons the premise into the ground once more. These Internet start-up punks are a bunch of dopey jerks with no “business model” other than mooching and yadda yadda yadda what choice does Cindy have anyway because she’s old and faded and etc. The only real question is how long will it take for this to play out? Does he wrap it up by Sunday or does it carry over for another (ugh) week?

 

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It’s All In The Deets

Link To Today’s Strip

Talk about unrealistic. In “real life” someone who actually said “skinny on the deets” would no doubt be lying unconscious and face-down in a quickly-expanding pool of their own blood within seconds. This Spencer (if that’s even his real name) clown is really pushing his luck, I’ll tell you what.

So BB intends to pay their new news anchor via a Kickstarter campaign, do they? Well har-dee-har-har, how very Web 2.0 of them, eh? Again we see TomBan struggling with his concept of how The Internet actually works, as what little he knows about it comes tumbling out of his confused brain like a big blob of mashed-up gunk that splatters all over the page in a confusing mish-mosh of interchangeable babbling that doesn’t actually mean anything. Around here we call those “weekdays”, by the way.

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“Vague” Is Just Another Word For Something Or Other

Link To Today’s Strip

Well, Cindy, you’re interviewing for the news anchor job and you’re a professional news anchor thus I would assume that your “role” will be that of a f*cking NEWS ANCHOR, you blithering idiot. Perhaps her career woes have less to do with her face and more to do with her total and complete lack of preparedness.

“Vague”, huh? You mean like the ever-cryptic FW timeline? Or like the way the epic Starbuck Jones arc just mysteriously ended off-screen with no explanation whatsoever? Or the way everyone just stopped talking about Summer all at once? Or how Darin supports a family on his pizza app salary? Or when Les has conversations with an imaginary cat? Yeah, vagueness really blows all right. I suppose the joke is that “internet business models” are always a bunch of ambiguous nebulous bullshit and that “internet entrepreneurs” always speak in meaningless circles which, even if it’s true, isn’t a particularly original observation. Of course this little vision of what an “internet start-up model” is like is ripped straight from something he saw on TV, but hey, it is topical in a vague sort of way so it all comes full circle in a vague sort of way…vaguely, that is.

I don’t know what the deal is with this “Michael Spencer” character (if that is his real name), but I do know I’ve seen people get punched in the face over WAY less than that astoundingly obnoxious face he’s making in panel two. He looks like a graduate of the Les Moore Eyebrow-Cocking Academy, it’s unbelievable. And isn’t it remarkable how Cindy’s “deadpan” face is almost exactly the same as her “duh?” face? Why, sometimes I can’t even tell if she’s being sarcastic or not (short answer: always).

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