Dad Will Love A Shoelace Dispenser!

Link to today’s strip, when it appears.

Saturday’s strip was not available for preview…

–which, when you think about it, must be an awful lot like what it’s like for Tom Batiuk, actual writer and drawer of the strip, over the past couple of years.  Let’s listen in!*

“Okay, I need a strip to end the week.  Where was I with these stories?  Oh, again…ugh! Open, file, browse…uh…NO NO NO.   Digging out the spreadsheet is too much work–why can’t new technology work the way I want it to?–the hell with it–I’ll wing it!  So…let’s do a comic book tribute!  Oh wait–it’s Saturday, not Sunday…  Hm.  How about…(pause)…someone waxes nostalgic about how things were better back in the 80’s?   I could have…uh…Funky…yeah, he’ll work–be all peeved that Sony’s mini-disc never really caught on.  Or maybe laserdiscs?  Yeah–I could have Funky holding one delicately by the edges and saying how great it was that you could ‘hold a real movie in your hands’ and it’s, like, Back to the Future, or Sinbad of the Seven Seas, or Stallone in Cobra.  Yeah, yeah, this is great.  Only…maybe too great.  I could probably get a week out of this.  A week?  C’mon, Tom, who’re you kidding?  Two weeks!  Yeah!  Lemme get out the ol’ sketchpad, and–

“–oh crap.  I still have to do this damn Saturday thing.  Damn it.  Just when I’m on a roll, too!  Oh, ah, let’s see, Bull tells student athletes, the ones he hates, to go get a few desks.  And he says ‘You might consider this a desk job!‘  Yeah, that’s good.  Or maybe something about ‘This is as close as you’ll get to TV coverage’?  Oh, that’s good, too–man, I sense another week coming up!   –no, no no!  I gotta get this done.  Okay.  Okay.  Everything is calm.  Mental coin toss.  Going with the ‘desk job’ thing.  Yes…[draws some stuff] another day’s work…worked out.  Time to warm up the VHS, the popcorn maker, and delve!”

*THE MANAGEMENT RESPONDS.  The preceding paragraphs are done in the spirit of satire, and do not reflect the views or thoughts of Tom Batiuk, the employees of Batom, Inc, the employees of Bantom, Inc, or anyone else real or imagined, including buildings and landmarks.  All rights and ownership are possessed by the copyright owners; any suggestion otherwise is the product of a deranged mind and authorities have been alerted.  All trademarks are the property of their respective companies.    People who were total jerks have been fired.  If this post contained actual content, you would have been instructed by the government to seek shelter in the designated areas now appearing on your television screen.  Authorities urge private citizens to stay inside their homes behind locked doors. Do not venture outside for any reason until the nature of this crisis has been determined, and until we can advise what course of action to take. Keep listening to radio and TV for special instructions as this crisis develops further.  This is not a test.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

21 responses to “Dad Will Love A Shoelace Dispenser!

  1. DOlz

    If there were ever a time for a stage light to fall on someone this was it.

  2. “For starters, we’d have to know what a joke is. That’s the thing where you smirk ruefully while complaining about your life, right?

  3. SpacemanSpiff85

    I see Les is using the royal we now. It was only a matter of time really.

  4. Jimmy

    That’s quite a SET up for this joke.

  5. Jimmy

    Yeah, I gave myself a down vote for that one.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    This Week In Funky Winkerbean!!!!!!

    Les and Cindy look at some old yearbook pictures. Les and Bull pick up a used desk.

    And there you go, the main reason why FW has never really “taken off” with the public at large. The “jokes” suck and everyone despises the characters. The “stories” are impossible to follow because they never end, make no sense and inevitably leave you feeling like a sucker for even trying to decipher them. Plus it’s always really, really boring. I don’t know what the f*ck this nut is trying to do here with this crap about the set but if I had to venture a guess I’d say it was all just for the sake of doing today’s “set” gag and nothing more. And that makes it even sadder in a way.

    Coming next week: On the way back from Cleveland, Bull confuses “parkway” with “driveway” with tragic consequences.

  7. @Epicus Doomus: You know you’re in trouble when the only person who actually likes the strip is Marge Simpson.

  8. Could be a IRL corollary here; via my Google alert: “tom batiuk”

    Funky strips look familiar: “Very often Funky Winkerbean seems familiar to those of us who live around here, as does Funky’s creator, Tom Batiuk. Be sure to keep track of the latest story – you may recognize events that we’ve covered at Brunswick Schools and The BEAT Video program. What fun!”

  9. Les may not be sure, but I am.

  10. sgtsaunders

    It’s still missing P3 where a suddenly lucid Bull turns on Les – “Never sur-I’ll show you .joking!” – and administers a brutal, Kaz-worthy beatdown..

  11. Nathan Obral

    Follow-up from Thursday, but it’s still salient this morning…


    Nathan Obral: “I have half a mind to drive down to the Elyria Chronicle-Telegram offices and demand that their copy editors (one of whom I actually know) actually READ this garbage.”

    You should! If you have an actual contact why not at least mention it to them? Didn’t a lot of papers eventually drop FBoFW because they finally started waking up to the fact it was getting really stale (what folks here have said anyways unless I’m mistaken)? Too many papers are carrying FW when they could be adding quality features like Mutts or Pearls.

    That’s the problem. The Elyria Chronicle-Telegram has carried Batom®’s “writing” since the late 1960s. It’s his flagship newspaper. Just going there and telling them that Funky Winkerbean sucks would be akin to thrusting a crucifix in front of Dracula.

    And as TFH noted above, people in Northeast Ohio still view Batom® as a hometown hero, even if they haven’t read the actual strip for decades. Why Chip Sansom hasn’t gotten the same treatment puzzles me…

  12. Nathan Obral

    Where did Westview High find that Bull Bushka at? The toilet store?

  13. DOlz

    @Nathan Obral, “And as TFH noted above, people in Northeast Ohio still view Batom® as a hometown hero, even if they haven’t read the actual strip for decades. Why Chip Sansom hasn’t gotten the same treatment puzzles me…”

    Because “The Born Loser” doesn’t have the depth, nuance, and bwhahaha … sorry I just couldn’t finish that line without breaking up.

  14. Rusty

    “Honey, did you ever notice that they call the studio on the local news a “news set.”

    “No, Tom.”

    (Scribbles furiously on Luigi’s napkin).

    “Nailed it!”

  15. JerrytheMacGuy

    Bull: As usual, the dialog in this comic strip is inane. Can it ever be out-ane?

  16. Funky Winkerbean started out as a local-interest strip that somehow gained national distribution. As long as Funky Winkerbean and his pals were generic everyteens in a gag a day about high school, I suppose it was alright. But, setting aside the mad descent into bathos, now it is once again a local-interest strip. That it retains national distribution is an accident of history.

    Witness this belated comment on the Mr. Clean episode:

    This is so great!!! I know and have eaten at this restaurant many times (I now live in Kansas City), have always loved the band box and put coins in the juke box just to watch the band box curtain open up and enjoy the band play, and have known the mystery man, Mr Clean / Keith, since I was 13 years old and yes, he can look at a juke box/band box, pin ball machine, and tell you what is wrong with it and how long it will take to fix it….and he is all of that and more…Super Keith / Mr Clean rocks, the band box rocks, Akron rocks, and so does Funky Winkergean [sic] and Mondelos!!! bmil [emphasis added]

  17. John

    Les: “Thanks very much for letting us have this old anchor desk. Because we’re totally on a sound stage in an actual, factual working TV studio. Because as an English teacher, I totally have the permission and authority to yank students out of school to acquire and transport new equipment. Because the rest of the staff like tubbo here have nothing better to do than drop everything and obey my whims. Look upon me, ye mighty, and despair!”

    Bald Man: “….uh….he’s joking, right?”

    Bull: “We’re never sure.”

    Headband: “I sure am glad we’re about to transport bulky, heavy items without any gloves or moving equipment! Seriously, don’t you even have a ‘jack or at least a big cart?”

    Les: “SILENCE, evil teenager.”

  18. Nathan Obral


    Funky Winkerbean started out as a local-interest strip that somehow gained national distribution.

    A whole lot of people were taking them mind-altering drugs in 1972. And that apparently extended to the top men at the Chicago Sun-Times’ Field Enterprises unit.

  19. Rusty Shackleford


    I bet a lot of people in Northern Ohio don’t realize that Chip Sansom is from the area. But I think the reason he doesn’t get the props that Batom does is because Chip is not a snarky butt kisser, he just does his thing. Batom thinks he’s an important artist making important contributions and enlightening us lesser humans.

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