Darin’ Choice

SoSfDavidO here, and I’m gawking at a well-trod troupe at this point, which is sort of like the pronoun game only the complete opposite. Today’s strip might as well have Darin turn and deliver the last line straight past the 4th wall.

Why does Tombat do this? Does he really think new readers are joining in and trying to follow this mess? In catering to them, he’s putting off his longtime readers with dialog that no one sane would ever speak aloud.

The gears in Les’s head are spinning like Darin just dropped some amazingly profound advice or something but it should be obvious the Lisa cash cow can still be milked. Sure, why not write about Lisa? Maybe it’ll get optioned for a movie!

lisacash

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28 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

28 responses to “Darin’ Choice

  1. SpacemanSpiff85

    Apparently Les doesn’t remember who Darin’s mom was. Kind of makes you wonder why he’d bother spending time with him.
    And how can you make a book out of “we were in the same school’?

  2. Gyre

    Tom Batiuk, you have dozens of characters you could do something with. Even if you have to push in Les writing about them, you could still explore so many different characters.

    So get the hell over Lisa.

  3. Gyre

    A double post I know, but it really says something that I don’t think we ever saw Les write a single page of this work. The work that’s supposed to show how much he cares about Cayla and their life together.

    In fact, if you didn’t already know that it was about her there is nothing in the past week’s comics that would tell you what the graphic novel was about. Cayla isn’t mentioned, even indirectly, once.

  4. Jon I Am

    Why is he encouraging Les with this B.S? It’s bad enough that he has a tape library of videos Lisa made for him that would make a hoarder blush, has written several books reminding the world “hey: my wife had cancer and died!”, and obsesses over Lisa almost every day. WHY does he need to write ANOTHER book about it? Let it go, already! I know people who have been wounded in war or suffered great personal tragedy that have gotten over it sooner than Les!

  5. Rusty

    Maybe he’s trolling us? There is nothing fascinating, in any meaning of the word, about two high school kids meeting. These two were only friends for at least a few years, their meeting was inconsequential at the time. I can only hope he dives into this project and Cayla divorces his ass.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    F*cking Batiuk, man. Lisa is not Darin’s “mom”, Mrs. Fairgood is. The way Batiuk always casually tosses that shit around really hacks me off, as that story was one of his very worst contrivances ever.

    This is nightmare fuel right here. I assumed he’d at least try to use today’s strip to work the SJ movieboard premise a little but nope, out of the clear blue sky he has Boy Lisa bring up his biological mother for no reason whatsoever. And just like that we’re in for a retcon overhaul job featuring high school Les & Lisa and that miserable f*cking pregnancy arc being retold for the five millionth time. It’s the worst possible FW scenario, nothing could possibly be worse than that. Batom is at his rock-bottom worst when he’s wallowing around in his Lisa memories, it’ll be revolting beyond words.

    And am I to believe that the fictional “Lisa’s Story” doesn’t cover how and when they met? Are you f*cking kidding me? If Batiuk is so desperate for material that he needs to dig this garbage up again he’s worse off than previously believed.

  7. Rembrandt36

    This is scary. We are about to jump back onto the Lisa masturbation train. Photo corner retconning of the whole, fucking, thing, AGAIN. And you know what? Maybe he’ll have Cayla leave Les so she’ll be the “bad” guy. She couldn’t handle the fragile snowflake’s obsession. That will give Batiuk his way how of the dynamic marriage that didn’t get him any awards, and then Les is free to mope EVEN MORE. Sadly, I think we are to blame. The reason that Batiuk hasn’t been fired is because all the Funky hate on the web means page hits for advertisers. They love him. They could give a shit what he does as long as people click to see what mess he has made. It will never get better… only worse from here out.

  8. Yes, Cayla will finally wake up, smell the obsession with a dead woman and get the Hell out. Yes, she’ll end up mutating into a Morlock because she didn’t respect Saint Dead Lisa Who Was Cremated, The Only Dead Person Who Will Ever Matter Ever. Yes, Les will mope because of his stupid inability to get on with his life. Yes, Batiuk will write revenge strips because of his refusal to understand how stupid this all is. Yes, I’m going to keep watching just to see how bad it gets.

  9. Nathan Obral

    Tom Batiuk, if you wonder why NO ONE reads your comics with an unironic eye, it’s because of trash like this.

  10. Professor Fate

    what Dolz said – but add windows crashing open and closing and spinning paintings and flames shooting out of the fireplace as in The Man with Two Brains.

  11. Epicus: Preach. My nieces are adopted, and the way Batiuk casually dismisses/ignores the Fairgoods’ place in Darin’s life in order to genuflect at the altar of BSD Lisa is disgusting.

    In other news, I am looking forward to the arrival of “How I Met Your Biological Mother Before She Died of Cancer” with the same enthusiasm I would bring to wading through raw sewage, and for the same reason.

  12. sgtsaunders

    And with a terrible swiftness, Cayla and her fast-moving Louisville Slugger closed out the Lisa Saga forever. “How I met Lisa: we were in history class together. The end” Cayla spit the words aloud as she typed, Les’ still-smirking face staring up from the floor with unseeing eyes..

  13. It’s official: Tom Batiuk is trolling us. There’s no other explanation (well, there are a lot of impolite things I could say, but I won’t).

  14. Mister Miggle

    The most horrifying thing is the dawning realization that THIS is going to be Les Moore’s summer adventure.

  15. Of course! thinks Les. And then I can write a book about how I wrote my first book about Lisa. And then novelizations about each VHS tape she left me. And an annotated edition of Lisa’s diary.

    Herewith the manuscript of each of those works:

    All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! All Lisa and no Cayla makes Les a great guy! …

    As he sits drooling at Bedside Manor, in what’s left of his mind, Les Moore pictures himself hitting home runs in an infinite regress of ever tinier baseball parks. As they reach the size of quarks, Les dies. No one notices, not even Masky McDeath the psychopomp.

  16. Merry Pookster

    I was just discharged from the insane asylum that Batiuk drove me to…and after reading this today…I’m self-committing back.

  17. Epicus Doomus

    TheDiva: It just totally sets my teeth on edge. Lisa wasn’t Darin’s “mom” and there’s simply no way he’d run around referring to her as such. It’s an insulting slap in the face to adoptive parents and children everywhere. Lisa was his “mom” for maybe fifteen minutes tops and that was eighteen years ago, so maybe Batom could stop carrying on as if it was the most formative moment of Darin’s life.

  18. John

    Darin: “What you should do for your next book is write about how you met my Mom.”

    Les: “….”

    Darin: “How you met Lisa.”

    Les: “….”

    Darin: “Lisa, your wife who died of cancer.”

    Les: “….”

    Darin: “Lisa, who was my bio-mom.”

    Les: “….”

    Darin: “Lisa, your dead wife who died who had cancer who died who had me as a teenager who died who-”

    Les: “….you know, I think vanilla is probably my favorite. Then again, there’s always chocolate. Of course, strawberry is nice too…*, oh, hey Darin. What are you doing here?”

    Darin: “…leaving.”

    **SLAM**

    Les: “Hmmph. I guess there WERE some children left behind. Now, back to ignoring my spouse, my job, my screenplay obligation, and my tasks for the Coming Looming Reunion!”

  19. John

    Last year alone, five of my loved ones, including my grandfather, all of whom were dear to me, passed away.

    In the years previous, I lost several others.

    I miss them all terribly. I think of them often. I try to find peace, acceptance, and comfort for the terrible hole the grief of losing them left in my life.

    Shouldn’t I be sympathetic towards Les? Shouldn’t I praise Tom?

    Not really and no ****in’ way.

    Les doesn’t mourn Lisa. He fetishizes her and won’t stop fiddling with her corpse.

    Tom didn’t kill off Lisa to tell a good story. He killed her off to win awards and accolades, which he’s been shamelessly craving and striving for ever since.

  20. Epicus Doomus

    Look at Boy Lisa’s nose in the last panel, it’s his original one. It must be some kind of quantum physics kind of deal where his giant Winkerbean schozz only exists when another FW character observes it.

  21. The Dreamer

    So Les is going to write a book about when he and Lisa were at Westview, and she was this geeky fat girl who somehow got date raped by a star football player, and high school Les (even more geeky than Lisa) is there to comfort her? Thats going to be a best seller?

  22. SpacemanSpiff85

    You know what the really hilarious thing about all this is? Someone suggests to Les that he write a book about their mom, Lisa. And it’s not the daughter he had with her. It’s summer now. She should be home. If Batiuk’s not going to use Summer for this, I doubt he’s ever going to use her for anything substantial again.

  23. Monotony

    I kind of love today’s strip. Something about Les’s perplexed silence as Darin meekly shows himself out the door is utterly priceless.

  24. Jimmy

    I’m going to believe panel two read “How You Met My Mother” until the producers issued a C&D to Batiuk.

  25. I know it’s been a couple days since this abomination of a strip ran, but I’m still throwing up a little in my mouth over the whole thing, especially the last panel. Les keeps bringing himself to new levels of punchability.