The Dud Pool

Link To Today’s Strip

No worries there Bull, as it’s a safe bet that you won’t be finding any jokes around here. TFH has helpfully informed me that this “time pool” idiocy has something to do with (surprise) comic books, which (surprise) instantly caused my eyes to glaze over as usual. In case you’re newer around here, that’s Funky, Holly, Crazy, Lisa, DickFace, Cindy and Bull. You see, back “in the day” Crazy had a magical locker that opened up into a far-out stoner hangout room where he listened to pizzas on his turntable, played air guitar and apparently lived. No, I’m serious. It might have been helpful to take a day to explain this to newer FW readers. Ha, just kidding, as there are no newer FW readers.

Anyhow, as usual BanTom retcons the past all wrong, as Bull and Cindy never hung out with drips like Les and Lisa. In fact, I don’t remember Lisa EVER hanging with the gang in Act I, unless her water was breaking or whatever. Holly (sigh) did however always wear that dopey outfit, so that’s accurate at least.

Retcon Lisa is just as grating as she’s ever been, dropping a “topical” reference where she refers to Carl Sagan’s old PBS show that was all the rage back when she was alive and still childless. She was way uglier than that back then too. I prefer her dead anyhow, so maybe I’m biased. Perhaps we’ll get to capture a glimpse of what FW might have been like if TB had allowed her to survive. My guess is that it would have been just as boring, but with Lisa.

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27 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “The Dud Pool

  1. bigd1992

    Feel free to pound Les though.

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    If I was one of his classmates, I wouldn’t be at all concerned that Crazy Harry was lying. I’d be thinking that he shouldn’t be at school if he’s high out of his mind.

  3. SpacemanSpiff85

    And wait, doesn’t Bull mean he’ll pretend to pound Harry back to kindergarten to keep the real bullies away from him? Or was it only Les he had that “arrangement” with? Get it straight, Batiuk.

  4. Guest Page Turner Author

    Yesterday, I said that I was actually looking forward to seeing what happens next. I forgot that in true Battic style, it takes a week to find out what happens next.

  5. Son when the devil is the flashback taking place? I thought we’d ascertained that Funky and the gang graduated in 1978. COSMOS didn’t air until 1980. To quote Crow T. Robot, “Space is warped, and time is bendable.”

  6. If Bull pounds anyone, anyone at all, he’ll instantly leap several levels to become almost my favorite character.

  7. Gyre

    This is still. padding. it. out. To the point where it’s just a single panel with another character adding in one new comment which is pretty unimportant. There is a limit to how much padding a story can have, people!

    I get that comic strips need to pad, it’s just an inherent requirement in the format. That’s why a lot of times I’ve held back from criticizing FW because I can understand that Tom Batiuk really needed to do it. But for crying out loud, if you’re going to pad this much I think you could at least have something like a conversation between a couple different characters wondering why they ever expected reason from Crazy.

  8. When did these guys graduate again? The original Carl Sagan Cosmos ran in 1980, and although I’m pretty sure PBS had it in reruns right along with the Tom Baker Doctor Who episodes, I somehow doubt it would have been a trendy reference point in 1985 or whatever the Hell this is supposed to be in.

    And once again, not only did Lisa not attend Westview High, she and Les were never an item back then (helping with the delivery of Boy Lisa notwithstanding). They didn’t really start a relationship until Act II “I Got Contacts and Somehow Straightened My Hair So I Could Pass for Conventionally Attractive” Lisa showed up.

  9. HAnzMFG

    According its very minor entry on the DC Comcs Database, a “Time Pool” is:

    “an invention of Ivy Town University Professor Alpheus Hyatt. It is a small portal that serves as a gateway through time. Because of its size, only small objects can pass through it. Ray Palmer a.k.a. the Atom is small enough and has used the Time Pool to travel through time on numerous occassions [sic].”

    Apparently the first appearance of the Time Pool was in 1962, and is most closely associated with The Atom. The Atom is naturally a hero most prominently featured in the dorky Silver Age of comics, where Tom Batiuk got his favorite comic books of Flash becoming morbidly obese, and Superman turning into some kind of lion-man. Looks like we’re in for a week more of obscure 60s comic book references and tropes nobody cares about anymore, but Tom Batiuk is sure to emphasize them as he is wont to do. Wasn’t there something about a reunion last week? My guess is Crazy Harry will send a small object (like a comic book!) and it will appear somehow at the Currently Happening Reunion. And it will be meaningful in some way to the characters, and we will continue to harp on this wonderful dreck.

  10. Epicus Doomus

    It been one of my most common complaints for years. Nothing actually happens, it’s all just talking about things that might happen or did happen in the past. And then when something finally does happen, it’s doesn’t actually happen at all. It’s totally uncanny.

    I always used to kind of like Harry’s secret locker hangout. It wasn’t some sort of “magical” thing, it was the kind of thing you’d daydream about during some boring class. Just a hidden secret room where you could escape and have some fun. But of course BanTom had to ruin that too, turning it into a mystical inky black void full of time pools. Tom Batom, deconstructing everything that used to be good about FW one brick at a time.

  11. billytheskink

    Good one Lisa… Pretty sure “time pool” is somewhere between religion and your ability to pull off that cardigan on the comprehensive list of things Carl Sagan did not believe in.

  12. ComicTrek

    Jeez, even the Retcon Kid Gang are just miniature versions of their old, hatchet-faced selves now.

  13. JerrytheMacGuy

    Someone apparently took down the ominous warning above Crazy’s locker:

    “Abandon hope all ye who enter here”

    It is a warning not only to the kids, but to us, the readers, as well.

    We are about to enter Batiuk’s Inferno.

  14. The sad thing is that Batiuk thinks that his dithering and ruining everything fun about his strip is good and helpful. He wants to make everything we used to like look tawdry and dull in order to show us a reality that is less than what we see out our windows. Why else would he declare it wonderful that people are allowed to grow into their eventual decrepitude?

  15. Rusty Shackleford

    @doug

    Was thinking the same thing, Cosmos was airing when they were in high school,.

    @nathan. I heard the news that Bloom County is coming back! Now for sure they need to can Batty and replace FW with Bloom County.

  16. 7dials

    You know, I was a hopeless nerdette with a scant handful of social contacts, untameable hair and bad glasses when I was a teenager. Maybe after he’s done turning Lisa into a (supposedly) snarky proto-hipster I could ask TomBat if he wouldn’t mind giving my own memories of secondary school a flattering makeover too.

  17. Jim in Wisc.

    Dear God, story arcs in Mary Worth move faster than this!

  18. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    It’s quite appropriate that Cosmos is mentioned in this strip. Carl Sagan is the one person with a more inflated ego than Tom Batiuk.

  19. Rick Brooks

    Epicus – thanks for the Ross MacDonald reference. Now that’s ‘writing.’

  20. bad wolf

    Okay, someone else here has a much better grasp of the timeline than i do but the archives tell us that 2008’s time jump was followed up with a 30th reunion arc, ergo Class of 1978. Cosmos aired in 1980.

    It’s such a big deal this year that i was thinking this was more like a 35th (interesting that he hasn’t put a banner up with the year on it) but either way, we may have some suggestion that the ‘real time’ conceit is getting abandoned.

  21. Why are these people having a 37th class reunion?

  22. I know it’s been mentioned, but I am convinced TB has not read enough time travel science fiction. If Harry went through his “time pool” and saw/ partook in the reunion, so did everyone else who went through the “time pool” with him. Meaning that Holly should remember some of this as well as Harry and not totally wave him off as being a mental case. Unless this is all a fabrication of Harry’s oxygen starved brain as he lay dying on the gym having suffered a massive hematoma.

  23. bayoustu

    Quarter of an inch from reality, eh? By BanTom’s yardstick, I’m 847 feet tall.

  24. Oh, they’ll agree to having their memories wiped, because they know when they got back to the past, they’d all kill themselves rather than face such a miserable future. And that would make the world a happy place, and we just can’t have that.

  25. Rusty Shackleford

    I’m already bored. Can’t wait for Bloom a County to return.

  26. Charles

    Since Batiuk has already screwed this up by essentially repeating his last panel in the last three strips in a way that they couldn’t possibly exist contemporaneously, he should go all meta and have this be a symptom of Crazy’s goddamn stupid time pool Have the entire gang experience this moment over and over, with a different character responding to Crazy’s repeated observation.

    Like so:
    Day One:
    Crazy: “I’m telling you. There’s a time pool in my locker!”
    Funky: “Pizza, alcohol, resentment, pizza, resentment.”

    Day Two:
    Crazy: “I’m telling you. There’s a time pool in my locker!”
    Bull: “If you don’t cut that out, I’m going to take you to the janitor’s closet and have my way with you! …..By which I mean, uh, I’m going to beat you up. Yeah. That’s it.”

    Day Three:
    Crazy: “I’m telling you. There’s a time pool in my locker!”
    Cindy: “I’m sooo ollllllld! I need more foundation.”

    Day Four:
    Crazy: “I’m telling you. There’s a time pool in my locker!”
    Lisa: “Is this my saintly side? I think it’s my saintly side. The other side’s the self-righteous side.”

    Day Five:
    Crazy: “I’m telling you. There’s a time pool in my locker!”
    Holly: “…”(Touches her face in concern)

    Day Six:
    Crazy: “I’m telling you. There’s a time pool in my locker!”
    Les: “Oh, how jejune.” (looks down his nose)