Past Dense

Link To Today’s Thing

Even time travel is a snore in the Funkyverse. Crazy discovers a time portal and the only thing that comes to mind is to invite his dimwitted pals to gawk at it. Then they make inane stupid “observations” in a way that suggests they’re not all that impressed. Totally Batiukian. Maybe they could travel back to 1972 or whatever and convince Batom to get himself a nice accounting degree or something.

God, is Lisa irritating or what? Why is she even there? I don’t think she even attended WHS in the first place. And I’m sorry, but retcon photo album corners go with sepia-tone, otherwise it’s totally inappropriate. And why is Crazy the only one that remembers any of this? Sigh. I hope they eventually jump into this thing, as right now it appears they’ll be talking about it for a week and a half.

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29 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

29 responses to “Past Dense

  1. SpacemanSpiff85

    Really? You can travel to any year and you choose “let’s see what we look like in our mid-to-late fifties”? Les is still a jackass, Lisa’s dead and still annoying, Holly and Funky are fat twins, Bull’s even dumber, Harry’s working part-time at a comic store, and Cindy looks about the same, just with a less idiotic haircut.
    After seeing all that, anything other than all of them travelling back to before the universe formed so they never existed wouldn’t make any sense at all.

  2. Nathan Obral

    “… a dimension not of sight and sound, but of CRAP!” – Tom Servo

    Tom Batiuk may be the only human being in existence to make time travel totally uninteresting and worthless. Good grief.

  3. Nathan Obral

    1) Didn’t St. Lisa the Cancer Chew Toy who was Cremated attend Big Walnut Tech? Not that Batiuk would remember, or even care… but hell, Frumpled Up Mary Sue made a goddam shrine for her at the behest of St. Les the Righteous Smirker, so whatevs.

    2) It **should** be sepia-toned with those goddam album corners, but clearly the colorists at Comics Kingdom don’t even want to bother anymore. Which is fitting, as Batiuk is only in it for the NCS T-Square Award in 2022.

  4. Epicus Doomus

    This might be interesting if he depicted his Act I characters as they actually were instead of in retcon form. Then they’d go to the future and make “meta”-type gags about how different everyone looked and etc. And there’s no reason at all why Lisa is there, she adds nothing, she isn’t funny and everyone hates her. Especially me.

  5. So basically, this is what Doctor Who looks like through the Batiukian lens: an odd eccentric living in a bigger-on-the-inside box that allows him to travel through time, but without any sense of adventure, wonder, curiosity, and especially humor.

    ….If this ends with the entire reunion being shot up by genocidal trash cans, though, I will allow it.

  6. bad wolf

    I wonder if TB can split a conversation up so much it requires two single-panel days to cover it… or whether he’s already done that and i just blocked it out.

  7. bad wolf

    re: Lisa–TB could also have substituted Lavinia, the other girl who died in the intervening years.

  8. SpacemanSpiff85

    Speaking of Lisa, she’s had a line every day so far. Neither Les or Funky, who are the two main characters of this strip now, or Holly, has said a word. I’m starting to think that Batiuk was just desperate to write Lisa again, and thought “high school reunion locker time pool” was the easiest way to do it.

  9. billytheskink

    Haha, it looks like Cindy has a pink one of those Egyptian pharaoh mummy chin beard things. Is that supposed to be her right earring? She’s in profile, so… Ouch!

    Frankly, I’m kinda enjoying this loopy time pool business. This strip is already inane, making it insane too can only improve things.

  10. Nathan Obral

    @TheDiva:

    So basically, this is what Doctor Who looks like through the Batiukian lens: an odd eccentric living in a bigger-on-the-inside box that allows him to travel through time, but without any sense of adventure, wonder, curiosity, and especially humor.

    Simply put, this is “Doctor Who The Hell Cares.”

  11. Guest Page Turner Author

    Seriously? This is what’s going on? Name a year! OK, 7934. What’s gonna happen when one of these folks steps into 7834. Or 12,619 BC?

    I love history, hell, I love the Back in the Future show. So why does this crap bug me so?

  12. Guest Page Turner Author

    Aww! Lost another loan to Ditech!

  13. Sgt. Saunders

    This is like a Noel Coward Sci-Fi play. Everyone is so blase about a so-called “time pool”, all the while standing nonchalantly in some sort of dimensional anomaly – Harry’s locker is literally bigger on the inside than the outside. Someone should mix some Space-Martinis.

  14. ComicTrek

    Sooooo, what point is TB trying to make here? My guess is that the Retcon Kid Gang will decide to meet their older selves–and realize that they’re going to grow up to be jerkwad failures who will never live up to their hopes and dreams. Flashback ends, and everyone smirks.

  15. DOlz

    They step into the time pool and emerge at THE reunion. Since none of the current cast members except Harry remember this event, they turn as one and shout at their teenage counterparts, “Who let those punk ass kids in here!”

  16. bigd1992

    I’m ready for a Terminator plot where Crazy is sent back in time to kill Les and save humanity.

  17. JerrytheMacGuy

    Geez, we’re missing all the fun at the reunion. Can’t Batiuk end Crazy Harry’s delusions and get us back to where we really belong?:

    Listening to the Big Band sounds of Harry Dinkle and the Bedside Manor Pops while reverently browsing the Lisa Moore Memorial display.

  18. Funky should go back to 300 BCE to meet Euclid, and finally get the hang of plane geometry.

  19. Eeeeccchhhh. He really doesn’t get the point of stripping away the coolness, does he? When Harper Lee does it, it’s so we can show that being both a loving father and out-of-his-mind bigot aren’t paradoxical; in fact, his concern FOR Scout/Jean Louise is what fueled Atticus’s need to chill with Klansmen. When Batiuk does it, it’s to prove that wanting to laugh is for moral monsters.

  20. Jim in Wisc.

    Sgt. Saunders wrote: “… all the while standing nonchalantly in some sort of dimensional anomaly – Harry’s locker is literally bigger on the inside than the outside.”

    Judging by the fact that they’re surrounded by total blackness, I’d venture a guess that the inside of Harry’s locker encompasses the infinity of the entire universe. And even that fact doesn’t seem to make even an iota of an impression on them.

  21. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    OK. II know. Let’s go back to 1970 and prevent Elyria Chronicle from publishing Tom Batiuk’s artwork!”

  22. As noted yesterday by Nathan Orbal:
    After 25 years, Opus et al. back in ‘Bloom’. Not a fan myself; I’ve always seen Bloom County and Opus as "Doonesbury Lite", and I really take exception to the article lumping him in with Watterson and Gary Larson. Still, “if Breathed ever decides to return to printing funnies on dead trees” I wouldn’t cry if my paper bounced FW to make room.

  23. The pool is full of nitric acid. “Let’s all join hands and jump in at once!”

  24. Epicus Doomus

    Coming next week: After seeing their future selves, the gang commits mass suicide. For the rest of its run FW consists of nothing but drawings of bricks…endless walls of bricks, as far as the eye can see. No one notices the difference.

  25. @Epicus – are you kidding? Everyone notices the difference, and Tom Batiuk finally lands that Pulitzer.

  26. DOlz

    @TFHackett, while almost anything would be an improvement over FW in the papers (including pictures of bird droppings) “Bloom County” won’t be the strip to do it. One of the things Mr. Breathed got tired of was constant deadlines. Based on what he said it looks like “Bloom County” will be an irregular feature on his Facebook page.

  27. John

    Meanwhile, at Cable Movie Entertainment:

    “So, how many people have posted bootlegs of our convention exclusive STARBUCK JONES trailer?”

    “….what?”

    “The trailer, man! Surely the entire internet is afire with illegal but oh-so-juicy posting of all our exclusive Comic Con content!”

    “….uh…I think there was something. Wait. Oh. No, I made a mistake, that was the trailer for the SMALL WONDER reboot. 656 million views so far! Must be a built-in fanbase.”

    “….let me get this straight. We told EVERYONE in Hall effin’ H that this was a top secret gift of exclusive footage just for them, to be seen by nobody else ever again….AND NOBODY POSTED A BOOTLEG?!?”

    “Yup.”

    “Well, crud. Guess we’ll have to spend money on an actual marketing campaign after all.”

    “There, there…”

  28. nedryerson

    The only place that “time pool” is going to send you is to an STD clinic.

  29. Rusty

    It would be great if they decide to travel in the future to the current reunion in the gym, but the locker is locked from the outside and they can’t get out.