She Lives, Sort Of

Link To Today’s Strip

And today we re-define “rock f*cking bottom” in the Funkyverse. Sheer self-indulgent, self-referential garbage, as aggressively awful as any individual FW strip I’ve ever seen. Once again the Great Author hauls out Lisa’s corpse and reminds us that she was nothing short of a saint, the grand martyr, always putting others first. “How special he is”…blurrrgh, pass the vomit pail please. Just revolting.

I do like how she looks a little like Wally in panel three. That’s what oncologists refer to as “stage seven”, I believe. This piece of idiocy might have made a LITTLE sense if it happened back when Les and Cayla first began dating, but now it’s merely another pathetic BanTom “victory lap” centering around that godforsaken cancer arc that he just won’t quit gloating about. Look at the effort and detail he put into making Lisa look as ill as possible, just totally disgraceful. What sort of person would enjoy something like that? It’s absolutely ghoulish, the work of a complete madman who’s thrown away the last eight years of his career patting himself on the back over a sub-mediocre and totally depressing piece of faux-profound drivel that did nothing but disturb and disgust people who were merely trying to enjoy the comics page. If he had any decency at all he’d retire right now and spare the world from having to endure any more of his pathetic depressing hackery, as he’s obviously completely out of ideas. I guess rehashing a Lisa memory that doesn’t involve her on her deathbed is just too much work for him these days.

And we haven’t even gotten to the “For Les” DVD yet, which promises to be even MORE repugnant and nauseating than this piece of garbage is, as difficult as that is to believe. I wonder if she donned her wig for that one like she did for her Summer videos? I seriously doubt that, though, as Les probably likes to remember his beloved wife like Batiuk does, with the cancer hat and death sweater, all gaunt and pale. I’m surprised he didn’t draw a chemo IV bag in the background too, just to drive his sick and twisted vision home with authority. The whole idea of a sick and dying person recording a video for a theoretical person she didn’t know and would never meet is so utterly idiotic it could only come from this lunatic’s felt tip, no one else on the planet would even consider doing something like this. This is exactly the sort of crap that drove me away from this strip for years at a time, what a piece of cringe-inducing claptrap, just shamefully terrible in every imaginable way.

And next time around I’ll tell ya how I REALLY feel. Stay tuned for Our Fearless Leader coming up next, until next time Stay freaking Funky!

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35 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

35 responses to “She Lives, Sort Of

  1. Oh fuck you, Tom Batiuk. Just cut to the goddam chase already.

  2. This strip is so unbelievably self-absorbed, it doubles as a Maxi Pad®.

  3. SpacemanSpiff85

    Why does Cayla look so distraught? Is she afraid Lisa’s going to say “haha, I’m secretly still alive and your marriage is fake” or something? I guarantee this isn’t the first time she’s seen Lisa like this. I’m sure Lisa made a tape titled “Congratulations! You were just lucky enough to have sex with the world’s best lover, Les Moore!”.

  4. bad wolf

    Lisa’s Horrifying Shade giving the camera the side-eye: “But I also love you a lot for blah blah blah…”

    Cayla’s Featureless Silhouette: “Is… is she coming on to me?”

  5. It is absolutely criminal that Tom Batiuk is getting a paycheck for this.

    And the brain-dead idiot reporters at the Elyria Chronicle-Telegram, the Medina Gazette and Channel 5 Eyeball News who shower praise on this depraved sicko for no apparent reason all need to have today’s strip slammed upside their face. With force.

  6. SpacemanSpiff85

    It’s also pretty hilarious that Lisa isn’t saying “I love you for being there for him, and helping him move on and love and live life again (HA)” but is instead saying “I love you cause you’re one of the enlightened who truly understands the genius that is Les Moore”.

  7. Rembrandt36

    This is a war crime

  8. Rusty

    Everyone kind of expected this self-indulgent nonsense, but it’s still amazing to see it play out in all of its horror.

  9. Mr. B.Lumpkin

    Make it stop.

  10. I think we can all agree that Tom Batiuk knows the only people who read his strip at all are the ones who hate it, and he’s just piling this trash in our faces as an insult.

  11. Jon I Am

    Yeah, called it (not trying to toot my own horn). I knew this would be about how awesome and special Les is. Ugh.

    I can’t believe I used to like this strip. Even Wesley Crusher wasn’t as much of a saccharine Mary Sue as Les Moore.

  12. Considering all the people in the comics industry that Batiuk knows, I find myself wondering whether John Ostrander (a talented comic-book writer who has actually experienced the trauma of losing his wife to cancer) has ever met Batiuk…and if so, whether he’s given him the smackdown he deserves.

  13. This only makes sense if you assume BSD Lisa is using “special” in the “rides the short bus” sense.

    I take that back. The special needs community doesn’t deserve to be insulted with comparisona to Les Moore.

  14. Yes. All hail the arrogant moron who thinks that Facebook is a fad. All hail the pompous shnook who lords it over his students how smart he is and how dumb they are. All hail the buffoon who publicly humiliated Chullo and Glasses because he’s too stupid to read a class list. All hail the annoying dick who punned his way up and down Kilimanjoaro. All hail the smirking clod who delights in mocking people who actually do things. All hail the shivering pillar of shit who stood there passively through most of your life, Lisa. And finally, ALL HAIL THE WHIMPERING GARGOYLE WHO WOULDN’T LIFT A FINGER TO SAVE HER IF HE KNEW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN BECAUSE MAKING DECISIONS IS SCARY AND WRONG AND SIMPLY TOO MUCH TO ASK OF HIM!!

    Les, to sum up, is not special. Les is the antithesis of special. If the Doctor met him, he’d declare that he’d finally met someone who was NOT important.

  15. Chyron HR

    Who is this Santa Lisa? Why all this howling hysterical sorrow? What kind of goddess has lived among us? How will we ever get by without her?

  16. ComicTrek

    End it. PLEASE. End it now. Between this and the time pool and all of the crap since 2006…

    It’s not emotionally effective. It’s stale. It’s over-saccharine to the point of actual tastelessness. To be honest, for lack of a better word at present, it’s just pathetic.

    When I said that this strip couldn’t ever get any worse, I thought I was just being snarky. But no, my friends. No. It’s true. And it’s a nightmare.

    R.I.P “Funky Winkerbean”: 1972 ー (1986?) (1991?) (1999?) (2006?)

  17. @ComicTrek: It’ll get worse. We’ll get more of Lisa being angry that death means not being able to bask in the warm glow of Les being a petaQ. More of Les making her suffering all about he feels. More of Cayla taking second place to a stupid ghost. More smirking. More comic books. More internet bashing. More Hollywood bashing. More of everything awful.

  18. @ComicTrek: There’s 2,374 more days left until Tom Batiuk can get his certificate of participation from the National Cartoonists Society.

    And as King Features Syndicate employs absolutely no editors, Batiuk is free to submit absolute shit and draw a paycheck, no matter what. Bernie Madoff would be impressed at how effective this scam actually is.

  19. Saccharine factory aside, my clunkmeter broke when I read the phrase “…then you’re someone who has grown to become important to Les.” Seriously, isn’t DSL’s widower a f***king English teacher? Why didn’t DickCheese smirk her into submission to proper, un-clunky syntax? If he wouldn’t save her life in the Neverending TimePool Saga®, he could at least have saved her from being rembered forever as a video sentence slayer on video. Just awful.

  20. Rusty Shackleford

    The newspaper industry is on auto pilot until the last of their subscribers passes away.

    Batty is just filling space. He got in at a good time.

  21. sgtsaunders

    Wouldn’t you just know it – it’s all about what a delicate snowflake Les is and just how lucky Cayla is. To quote Denis Lemiux – “Make me puke, blaaah!”

  22. DOlz

    In related news the CDC in investigating a sudden outbreak of diabetes in Ohio this weekend.

    @Paul Jones, nice Doctor Who shout out.

  23. You ain’t seen nothing yet.

  24. So in all other tapes Lisa looks perfectly healthy even though at the time she made these tapes she was starting to look sick. She wore a wig. However in the one that is for Cayla she is near death? I have the old papers and by the time she looked like this she was in hospice care. Why not more constancy and yeah it would have been better short before or after their wedding. Two years in it’s weird. Plus these tapes are not like they have been missing for years. They have been a thing so why bring this all up now? This set of strips almost feels like they were meant to be done earlier like years ago.

  25. Epicus Doomus

    It’s almost as if featuring Lisa in that terrible time-pool arc jump-started his Lisa engine and now he just can’t stop. IMO this is as soul-murderingly awful as anything he’s ever done, no joke. There are a thousand ways he could have worked some sort of Lisa video into the strip without it centering around the f*cking cancer arc, she was a regular in the strip for like twenty years. The way he wallows in drawing her all decrepit and sick is just appalling, he has no shame whatsoever. Perhaps there are times where we might be a little tough on the guy, but he deserves every bit of scorn and mockery for this piece of shit.

  26. As has been mentioned before, this is an outtake–something Lisa never meant to be viewed. I suspect that’s because she realized that Les was a douchebag of the first order and “the other woman” would only need a warning and a list of divorce attorneys.

    What’s more insidious is that perhaps this was meant to be viewed…on a tape to be viewed before Summer’s senior college year. In other words, Lisa didn’t expect to be “replaced” in Les heart for at least twelve years. Now that’s an ego and a half right there.

  27. @beckoningchasm: That’s right. She did have an ego that couldn’t abide the idea of Summer calling another woman “Mom.” No wonder she told Les to wait a looooong time to date again….she couldn’t take the idea of people living their lives without mourning her.

  28. Professor Fate

    And after all the buildup he manages to make this strip – featuring the dead St. Lisa about how wonderful Les is.
    The horror. The horror.

  29. Bati brought back St. Lisa to exalt the king of all douchebags just in some half-assed attempt to absolve Les of his ethical cowardice during his class reunion coma/time pool, didn’t he?

  30. Epicus Doomus

    BC: Remember, Lisa died in 2007. So, including the ten year time-skip, she’s been dead for EIGHTEEN YEARS now.

  31. @Paul Jones: This is why I like my Wraith: The Oblivion headcannon for these two. The way this storyline is going, it makes more sense. In it, to further his career as a cancer advocate and writer, Les been poisoning Lisa and paid a doctor off to make it look like her cancer came back. (Knowing she’d be too weak-willed to sue the hospital and possibly blow his cover.) Since one of Lisa’s Passions as a Wraith is to make Les a beloved success, that’s where the butt-kissing comes from and using Inhabit Arconi to make these extra images from the tapes.

    I know I’m a tabletop gaming geek, but it really works here.

  32. Rick Brooks

    Where are those technicolor vomiting GIFs when we need them?

  33. sgtsaunders

    So next year we’ll have Lisa – The Deluxe Edition, remastered with studio outtakes and alternative versions, on Blu-Ray with Les’ commentary and a bloopers reel.

  34. Lost Summer

    Disgraceful. If it wasn’t for this site which makes it possible for me to laugh at the usual ineptitude of this step I would never read this drivel. This strip today is off the wall sickening.