If Ever I Would Leaf You

Lisa’s beloved autumn leaves are falling so heavily that it’s all Les can do to keep up. Especially with arms that are barely thicker than the handle of the rake he’s holding. The Other Woman, properly chastised and accepting of her secondary status, presents Les with Lisa’s third-party hug along the second tape DVD. Her dazed grin signifies her complete submission to the Will of Lisa’s ghost. Les, meanwhile, appears startled that eighteen years after her death, Lisa’s recorded nagging continues.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

31 responses to “If Ever I Would Leaf You

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Oh my. So is this supposed to be taking place the next day? Wasn’t Les at a Godzilla film festival? Or was it just a very, very long DVD? Batom’s lost the thread so many times in this story it’s like a…uh, FW arc or something.

    So Cayla has accepted her Other Woman status and blindly follows Lisa’s commands now, eh? Color me surprised. I really do like how stunned Les looks. I’d love to see an arc where Les, who thought he was finally at long last over Lisa, is jarred back into severe depression by this newly-digitized footage. It won’t happen, but it’d sure be funny.

  2. louder

    You know, I think that is the first time that BatHack has drawn physical contact between the Other Woman and Less, and it’s by command of St. Lisa. The OW should give Less and swift kick in his nether regions and leave, but no, she will always be there to try in out do Cancer Victim, and that she can be deserving of Less. This has become one sick “comic”!

  3. louder

    Sorry for the poor spelling & grammar, I suck typing on my iPhone!

  4. And Les is just looking at her like “I’m sorry, do I know you…?”

  5. Cayla, as the zombie of this strip, misheard “slug” as “hug.” As in, “Give him a big slug, right to the gut, and when he’s down, gasping for air, kick his face in. Then kick it again and again, until it’s just a bloody mess with eyes. Then keep kicking. Text Summer so she can join in!”

    That’s how this strip rolls in my view.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    Meanwhile BamTon, completely lost in his weird Lisa fantasies, has absolutely no idea how utterly asinine this whole scenario is. In his mind, this is a tender moment between a loving couple…and Cayla too. The weirdest threesome of all time. Blech.

  7. Batty Stumperbean

    Am I the only one who read The Other Woman’s opening line as “Summer gave me a dud of a tape”? I almost couldn’t believe Batiuk would be that honest about this turd of a storyline.

  8. Spacemanspiff85

    I think this the most dialogue Cayla’s ever had, and has to be the only time she was the only one talking in a strip. Naturally it only happens she’s literally a proxy for Dead Lisa.
    You know what would have made this strip unironically awesome? If,after Cayla held out the DVD, Les said something like “Eh, that’s okay, I don’t need to watch it. I’d rather spend that time with you.”. Instead what we’re inevitably going to get is probably a month of Les sitting alone staring at Lisa on the TV.

  9. bad wolf

    After this insane week Cayla naturally…
    a) gives Les his walking papers
    b) announces that she’s pregnant
    c) meekly acquiesces to whatever the ghost she never knew in life tells her

    I could have run this question on Monday with the same outcome probability.

  10. bad wolf

    Might have been amusing: if Lisa assumed Les would marry someone she knew. “Look Susan, I know Les settled for you. It’s exactly what I always expected. Try to keep the crazy at a minimum around my daughter, m’kay?”

  11. Epicus Doomus

    So when you distill all this claptrap down, it’s really “about” Cayla helping Les get over Lisa by introducing even more Lisa into their marriage! It’s a brilliant plan when you think about it, a plan that only one person could have had the forethought to plan so far in advance…Lisa herself. Just amazing, there’s nothing that brave woman couldn’t do. Except go away, of course.

  12. Rusty

    Les will watch the dvd, but first they must put the porch swing away for the winter. Tradition.

  13. Oh dear. I stepped into the time pool and—you’ll get no spoilers from me—but I think there’s going to be another Pulitzer run. Next week, on a very special Funky Winkerbean.

  14. JerrytheMacGuy

    Crazy Harry found more than two “Easter Eggs” on the Lisa Tapes. There were three. “For Les”, “For the Other Woman”, and . . . “For the Other Man”.

    Crazy Harry kept the third one for himself, as he was the Other Man in Lisa’s abbreviated life. In it, Lisa fondly recounts their illicit affair of wild sex, forbidden comic books, and stolen U.S. Mail. She reminds him that while Les is noble, a saint really – Crazy will always be twice the man Les will ever be. The melancholy ends as she serenades Crazy with their favorite Paul Simon song:

    “I met my old lover
    On the street last night
    She seemed so glad to see me
    I just smiled
    And we talked about some old times
    And we drank ourselves some beers
    Still crazy after all these years
    Still crazy after all these years”

  15. Great. Either a Sunday strip or a long, boring week of Lisa either bawling her head off or cursing a blue streak because Les is cheating on her after she dies. The only reality this is based on is living with someone channeling crazy dead people. It’s not bad enough that Cayla has been brainwashed into accepting subordinate status to a vindictive, shallow, ignorant, self-important ghost without her passively handing The Best Guy Ever more of Lisa’s wild-ass guesses about a future she was too theatrical and passive to be a part of.

  16. Saturnino

    “Oh my. So is this supposed to be taking place the next day? Wasn’t Les at a Godzilla film festival? Or was it just a very, very long DVD? Batom’s lost the thread so many times in this story it’s like a…uh, FW arc or something. ”

    Yes, but remember time is different in Westview.

    They said goodbye and traveled to the movie venue. Then they watched the movie(s). For whatever time.

    Then they traveled back, not saying hello to Caucayla when they came back into the house and she was supposedly still watching the DSL festival.

    Then he went out and started raking leaves for wahtever time.

    Then Caucayla shows up with the DVD………….

    But not to worry, Crankshaft is getting just as bad, so there is some uniformity.

    You know, I retired seven years before I had to, because I had come to hate the job and didn’t care about what I was doing any more. I could not justify staying with those attitudes.

    I can only imagine what it is like being in this condition and feeling the need to fill time until 2022, while having to look at one’s self in the mirror every morning.

  17. Oh, no, Cayla, don’t do that. 😦

  18. A thought occurs. Perhaps Les is aghast because he has to work the DVD player of being a fad.

  19. Just unbelievable. So now Cayla joins thecultof DSL. How convenient that her tapes have been converted to DVD for convenient repeat viewing by members.

  20. Rusty Shackleford


    Batty’s ego will never let him retire. He thinks his stories are a national treasure. The audience for Crapshaft is dying off by the day, and I doubt there are any in the younger generations who seriously read this strip–they only read it to snark it.

    So with that said, expect Batty to become more like Lynn Johnston–angry at world that doesn’t get it, doesn’t value my work.

  21. Rusty Shackleford


    Good stuff! Be funny if the tapes got switched and Les has to watch Lisa getting it on with multiple guys. A cloud of marijuana obstructs the details but he can hear her voice as she shrieks in ecstasy while talking about how terrible Les is in bed. His less than average size I can deal with, but that a$$ won’t stop talking, he spouts off these stupid, cliched, lines he thinks are romantic…oh Harry, yeah, right there, that’s it!

  22. @Rusty Shackleford: It’s too late. We’ve already seen creeping signs of StaLynnist thinking in the past.

  23. Continuity Police Alert: TB forgot to draw the street behind Les in the first two panels. Mo’ bad Lisa juju from beyond the grave!

  24. Cayla, darling, Lisa didn’t make a tape for you. She made it for “the other woman” because “until death do you part” didn’t apply to her. And if you refer to yourself as “the other woman” in the future, you deserve all the happiness you’ll never get. Just saying…

  25. Don

    Okay, I’ll ask: why did Summer give Cayla the “For the Other Woman” DVD, but didn’t give Les the “For Les” DVD (because obviously the first that Les even knew about it – about either DVD, for that matter – was when Cayla handed it to him)?

  26. Following up on yesterday’s query I made about not seeing the comments at the CK site: turns out I was in fact viewing the comic via the NJ.com aggregation, because when I went to the CK site proper they were all there per Gerard’s note. (Thanks for helping me out.) One fun thing in the comments section there going on is this pro-TB troll named Red Ronin and the scuffles he gets into with the snarkers. They contend he is actually TB in sock puppet mode, which may or may not be true. HOWEVER, there is at least one potential tantalizing clue that TB has left making it more rather than less likely that RR is in fact TB: the original Red Ronin was of course a Marvel character, and its original role was as a combatant with… drumroll please… Godzilla. Now WHERE have we recently seen a reference to Godzilla in FB? Hmmmm…..

  27. Rembrandt36

    @Fred: I think Red Ronin is also The Defender.

  28. Merry Pookster

    Ever so often I find it necessary to point out how TB is the only cartoonist to create a swarm of unlikable characters. There is no enduring person portrayed anywhere within FW. All are pathetic, spineless,self-absorbed, disturbing, plain-ass stupid sad-sacks…..Another example of Art impersonating life in the world of TB.

  29. @Fred & @Rembrandt36

    I think your hypothesis that TB is Red Ronin/The Defender is quite plausible, in which case it’s somewhat frightening that he can’t see the obvious damage he’s done to the character of Lisa with this arc.

    Up until now we really didn’t know what the tapes she recorded contained and, even if it seemed a little obsessive for her to record greetings at milestone moments for Summer all the way through college, it could be assumed to be a way of mourning that she wouldn’t live to see and share those moments. Now, however, we’ve seen one and know the tone (ironically in a message to someone she doesn’t know at all) and it isn’t pretty.

    If she can be this condescending and nasty to an adult she doesn’t know imagine the content directed to Summer. The ony inescapable conclusion (as noted all week) is that Lisa was a crazy control freak. What does that say about Les? As awful as he is, if he had to put up with this harpy with enough bile to actually go ballistic and threaten a stranger from beyond the grave, one can only imagine what abuse he and Summer suffered.

    Good Job, TB. You came through with a story about bullying as promised. I just think the one presented is not the one you intended.

  30. Rusty Shackleford

    @fred. I think you are on to something here.

    So since Batty is reading what we write, let me say this: yes Batty, you are better than me, in the sense that you have a cushy gig that pays well while I have to earn my keep. You also draw better than I do.

    You feel better now? Then get to work and write a damn comic! Appreciate what you have. Appreciate your audience too.

  31. bad wolf

    Oh please with this old canard that TB is one of the trolls at the CK site. That pointless and baseless argument is reason enough to avoid that whole message board.