Tag Archives: the Lisa tapes

The tapes…which tantalize Onanism

Link to today’s strip.

Les’ fetish has never seemed so sick.  Of course he can’t let part of his shrine be glimpsed by an unbeliever.  I’m surprised he’s allowing Mason to touch them.  I’d have thought Les would have punched Mason in the face at such sacrilege.   (Mason:  “Huh, I thought I felt a light breeze just then.  Did I forget to close the door?”)

This and yesterday’s strips really should have Mason backpedaling furiously toward the door, his voice a gibbering quaver of terror as he makes his excuses.  But no, he sees these tapes as some rich vein of unobtainable treasure, sure to give his movie the gravitas it requires.  In this terrible, terrible comic strip everyone worships Lisa.  Not one person sees anything wrong with this.

As seen in the strips highlighted yesterday, even Lisa thinks she is an object of worship.  It’s clear to her that any “other woman” would never supplant Lisa in Les’ heart.  All this “other woman” can do is bake cookies for him, anoint his brow with oil, and make sure the Lisa shrines are properly dusted.  Les’ heart is forever bound to Lisa.  “Moving on” is something that Lisa (and Batiuk) cannot comprehend, much less allow.

Hey, Les, maybe there’s a tape in that bunch labelled “For the actor who wants to produce a movie about me.”  What do you want to bet?  And, if there is…what do you do now?


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“This is the voice of World Control”

Link to today’s strip.

Mason:  “So, Lisa made some videos before she died?”

Cayla:  “Yes, hundreds of them.  We’re all required to watch them.  They cover every aspect of our existence.”

Mason:  “…what?”

Cayla:  “Yes, we can’t make any kind of move, or any decisions at all, really, until we consult the library and find the tape that deals with the issue.  It’s Lisa’s way of making sure she always watches over us, always takes care of us.  I don’t know what we’d do without Lisa.”

Mason:  “Hmm…let me see if I understand.  When she knew she was dying, instead of being a loving wife and mother, she neglected both her husband and her child so she could sit in front of a camera and make films.   Instead of treasuring the time left, she decided to map out the future for her husband and child, by instructing them in how they should act and behave for the rest of their lives.”

Cayla:  “My life, too.  And I didn’t even know her.  Well, I didn’t know her then…but I know her now.”

Mason:  “What happens if you don’t do what she says?”

Cayla:  “I don’t know.  That never occurred to any of us.  All we can do is obey.  Besides, Les would probably get peeved, and that is forbidden.”

Mason:  (after a long pause) “My God.  I had no idea I was making a horror movie.  Welp, I’ve gotta go–gotta break some contracts and make a bunch of apologies.  Don’t call me!”

PS:  Is Les getting ready to jerk off in panel three?


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If Ever I Would Leaf You

Lisa’s beloved autumn leaves are falling so heavily that it’s all Les can do to keep up. Especially with arms that are barely thicker than the handle of the rake he’s holding. The Other Woman, properly chastised and accepting of her secondary status, presents Les with Lisa’s third-party hug along the second tape DVD. Her dazed grin signifies her complete submission to the Will of Lisa’s ghost. Les, meanwhile, appears startled that eighteen years after her death, Lisa’s recorded nagging continues.


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Tell Him It’s from Me

Um, not really. It’s also been watched by Crazy Harry and, at least in part, by Summer. Perhaps exhausted after delivering a lecture that’s gone from genial, to threatening, to condescending, today Lisa brings it all to a rather conspiratorial close. Speaking of Crazy Harry, I thought that this “found footage” that you, I, and Cayla have been suffering through was an “Easter egg” that Crazy happened upon:

Sunday, 9/20:

But it’s pretty clear that Lisa meant for this, and “the second tape”, to be viewed. And heeded.


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I think I drew the short straw in the author rotation, having to come up with commentary on the firehose of drivel that is this comic strip. Lisa expends more of her ever-diminishing breath lecturing her successor. There’s nothing left to say that has not already been pointed out by you erudite commenters. Someone pointed out how Stricken Lisa bears a resemblance to Wally, but when she musters a grin in panel two, she kind of looks like her creator, in which case, this whole filibuster she’s delivering in praise of Les makes sense: we are Cayla.


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Motherless Children Have a Hard Time

Gerard Plourde
September 30, 2015 at 8:42 am
More evidence of what a control freak she is. Does she really think that an adult entering a blended family would need this advice?…

Succinctly put, Gerard. All of the “advice” that Lisa’s spouting in today’s strip simply should go without saying, even to someone who was raised an only child. Meanwhile, swaddled in her blanket and with that dispassionate stare, she’s starting to remind me of poor Fleet Captain Christopher Pike in that old Star Trek episode, The Menagerie.

Edit: By the time I finished composing today’s post, Professor Fate had already commented on Lisa’s resemblance to Capt. Pike. A tip of the pink ballcap to you, Professor!


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Well, that escalated quickly! Well, maybe not quickly: I mean, who knows how long Cayla’s been sitting dutifully, paying rapt attention to her late predecessor’s condescending blather? But today, Lisa’ creepy claws come out as she threatens Cayla from beyond the grave. Where the hell does she get off? Is “Our Les” such a pathetic, cringing little milksop that he needs his first wife’s ghost to fight his battles? Don’t answer that…


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Say My Name

Not only is Les Moore “filled with great wit but also tremendous melancholies”…sister girl, he is a tiger in bed! Yes, folks, today we are invited to imagine Les in the throes of the sex act. Of course, the “awkward moment” that Lisa’s referencing could be one of those occasions when “Little Les” refuses to, “uh,” stand at attention? And Les cries out “this never happened when I was with Lisa!”?


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Kancer Komix

Previously on Funky Winkerbean:

I don’t know about you, reader, but I was so sure that yesterday’s postmortem, backhanded “I love you” to Cayla would serve to finally close a number of plot threads: the existence of the Lisa tapes, Les’ perpetual grief, and even Cayla’s second-class second wife status. I expected today’s strip to be a wacky Sunday throwaway: a Scapegoat football gag, perhaps, or hijinks with Cody and Owen, before Monday we maybe check in with Pete and Darin in Hollywood.

But Lisa’s not done with us, folks. And while I am loathe to deliver spoilers, and try to dissuade my fellow authors from doing the same, I must warn you: this goes on into tomorrow and this week. The story of a woman who, faced with a lingering, wasting, terminal illness, feels compelled to spend her last days on this earth recording messages for those she will leave behind. Lisa on Les: “He’s filled with great wit…” Certainly Les thinks this to be so. The rest of us see a pretentious douchebag. No wonder he misses this woman so.

For what it’s worth: Batiuk continues his laxity when it comes to using the photo album corner visual cue to depict events in the past. Could he be signaling to us that Lisa is in fact, somehow, still alive???


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So Crazy in Glove

Looks like His Craziness is tackling the Digital Lisa project starting with Volume One, Tape One: the Lisa we see onscreen still looks pretty hale and hearty. “I want you to have these so you’ll remember me…” Because if I don’t spend huge chunks of the precious time I have left on this earth delivering rambling lectures into a camcorder, I’ll be forgotten?

File this whole setup under “Batiuk Aims for Heartwarming and Hits Creepy.” Harry’s face is wayyy too close to the monitor in panel one, perchance to appreciate the enhanced quality of his baked videotape. And the white gloves, what’s he slipping these on for? “This calls for white gloves! And some lube…”


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