Haiku-ly Offensive

Today’s strip is same
Joke as rest of this week’s strips
What did you expect?

“Merry Gentlemen”
Not offensive to Batiuk
Workaholic? Ha!

Depressive also
Not offensive to Batiuk
It is his trademark

Nate’s “war on Christmas”
As long as Six Day War but
There are no winners

What will Sunday bring?
I’m on sleeve pins and needles
I know you are too



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

16 responses to “Haiku-ly Offensive

  1. Epicus Doomus

    He could have salvaged this IMO. Just have Nate tell her he was just yanking her chain in an attempt to maybe get her to lighten up a little, as her dour one-armed demeanor was bumming everyone out. Then he could say that maybe it’d do her some good to poke fun at herself once in a while, provided she’s not doing anything else that requires hands at the time. See, it’s funnier already. But alas, so it is written, so it is dumb.

    Seriously though, the faster these two dolts are out of here the better off we’ll all be. I can’t stand looking at Becky’s gratuitously-displayed pinned-up sleeve for even more more second and I can’t stand the look on Nate’s face as BanMan forces him to recite these horrible punch lines. It’s amazing how a character will pop up after years of inactivity and after a day or two you’re already sick to death of them.

    Look at Mason up there in the header pic, smirking ominously. It’s almost like he’s taunting us which in a way he is, I suppose. He’s bi-polar, remember, which means he’s part of the FW family for real now.

  2. SpacemanSpiff85

    I could see Batiuk stretching this out for weeks, if not months. I’d be shocked if this is the end of this kind of garbage.

  3. “Depressives” in Westview I’ll buy, but when’s the last time anyone in this town did any work? Making puns in front of students and lecturing about comic books don’t count.

  4. Definitely not funny and actually strains credulity. I’m tempted to posit tha he’s trolling his readers.

  5. SpacemanSpiff85

    @Gerard Plourde:
    Trolling takes effort. I think a better term would be half-assing it, but that’s kind of generous. “Who gives a crap”ing would be a better term.

  6. Remember… Batiuk has to stretch out Funky Winkerbean to March 26, 2022 so he can get that Golden T-Square Certificate of Participation from the National Cartoonists Society. He’s out to prove that it’s not about quality, but quantity.

  7. As we shuffle towards a stupid punchline of a Sunday strip that has the concert be cancelled owing to a lack of material, let us not forget that the man mocking the thin-skinned hired a team of lawyers to descend upon an earlier incarnation of this website with a Cease and Desist order because he didn’t like the phrase “No one can care about these unsympathetic and boring people and their trivial and pointless lives.”

  8. I dunno, the “what an excruciating joke” groan grimace on her face still makes me think Nate is kidding and both of them are in on the schtick, particularly since the entire week only lasted about 1 1/2 mins in FW real time…

  9. Rusty Shackleford


    It sure is about quantity. How is it that he hasn’t been canned? I didn’t realize cartoonists had tenure.

  10. Jason

    Why do I have a feeling this week’s worth of “mirth” is based on a very sad and fact-free conversation TomBat recently had with some very sad and fact-free friends?

    And why do I feel he sits back after penning each one thinking about his next Pullitzer?

  11. bad wolf

    Wow, not even an attempt at a topper to cap the week. No stars, would not purchase again.

    Based on the header I am still looking forward to Mason Jarr is Benedict Cumberbatch in “Oh Little Town of Death-lehem.” Surely there’s no way he can screw that up.

  12. Hannibal's Lectern

    Any chance this week’s strips were in fact ghost-written by Supreme Court Justice Antonin “Maybe They Shouldn’t Try To Attend The University Of Texas, If You Catch My Drift” Scalia?

  13. Merry Pookster

    Walt Kelly of Pogo fame:

    Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
    Walla Walla, Wash., an’ Kalamazoo!
    Nora’s freezin’ on the trolley,
    Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!

    Don’t we know archaic barrel
    Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
    Trolley Molly don’t love Harold,
    Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!

    Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
    Polly wolly cracker ‘n’ too-da-loo!
    Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
    Antelope Cantaloupe, ‘lope with you!

    Hunky Dory’s pop is lolly,
    Gaggin’ on the wagon, Willy, folly go through!
    Chollie’s collie barks at Barrow,
    Harum scarum five alarm bung-a-loo!

    Dunk us all in bowls of barley,
    Hinky dinky dink an’ polly voo!
    Chilly Filly’s name is Chollie,
    Chollie Filly’s jolly chilly view halloo!

    Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
    Double-bubble, toyland trouble! Woof, woof, woof!
    Tizzy seas on melon collie!
    Dibble-dabble, scribble-scrabble! Goof, goof, goof!

  14. Don

    Er, it’s not “God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen,” but “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen.” Besides – since it includes the words “Christ our Savior,” it should be banned from a “holiday” (as opposed to “Christmas”) concert without question.

  15. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    I’m pretty sure that by the 1st or 2nd installment of this witless arc, even the dimmest reader got the point: We’re too garsh darned thin skinned and too easily offended by everything and anything… said the cartoonist who hired a team of lawyers to shut down a web site that made fun of him.

    The forced attempts at humor aside, the most puzzling thing for me about this arc is the use of Nate as the messenger of PeeCee run amok. Nate had always been the calm, wise Voice of Reason when everything around him had gone crazy. He was cast as the “token cool black guy.” Remember how he kept the school from being burned to the ground over the Gay Prom Controversy by ordering the masses into the gym, and offering to open a can of whoopass for anyone who stood in the way? And didn’t he firmly put a stop to the nonsense between Stud Muffin Les and Slutty Susan?

    And now he’s a trite and stale parody of the easily offended? It doesn’t fit. Some would call it inconsistency. Batty calls it “writing.”

  16. A little OT, but did anyone else see the slam the Rowdy Reviewer did on FW in his “Why Charlie Brown, Why?” review? As in, “He (Charles Schultz) probably did a better job talking about cancer than Funky Winkerbean did.”

    Here’s the review: http://www.manic-expression.com/tv-trash-why-charlie-brown-why/ Just to tell you, his voice does take a while to get used to (he has some speech difficulties).