All Bias Herself

Link To Today’s Strip

Things get darker in Hollywood today, as Mason becomes disturbed by Cindy’s increasingly deranged jealousy. Meanwhile, Cindy begins cyberstalking Marianne Winters as her plan to destroy the Starbuck Jones franchise and Marianne’s career begins to emerge. Will she push Mason too far and trigger his bi-polar disorder somehow? Will she suffer a breakdown and retreat to the safety and comfort of her old home town pizzeria? Will Marianne use her youth, looks and stable personality to wrest Mason from the grip of the tired old insane hag Cindy? Will anyone lose a limb? Will anyone DIE?

Nah, just kidding, nothing is actually happening, as usual. The same internet Cindy snidely dismissed on Monday has suddenly become a source of absolutely rock-solid and totally verifiable proof that the Winters woman is a shameless man-stealing hussy of the first magnitude. The internet is just so funny like that, you know? One day it’s killing your career, the next day you’re using it to undermine your boyfriend’s career.  One day you’re making terrible jokes about how useless it is and the next day you’re furiously blogging about things that used to be or never were. There’s a word for it…yes, Batiukian, that’s it.

Note how she isn’t wearing her sunglasses in panel one, so he can really capture the desperate panic in her eyes. Well done. Ever since she skulked back to Westview in shame after meekly shuffling away after a national TV network discriminated against her because of her age she’s been nothing but an endless pit of ponderous “over the hill” tropes, one after the other. He hasn’t pounded on a character like this in a while, Funky excluded. “I was fired for being old”, “my ex-husband and I are old”, “I can’t get a job because I’m old”, “I got a lousy job because I am old”, “will this guy like me even though I’m old?”, “he likes me even though I’m old!”, “he’s bi-polar but so what, I’m old”,”note to younger self: you’re gonna get old”, “we’re getting married! I’m old!” and now “he will immediately succumb to the charms of his younger and hotter co-worker because I am old”. It’s like wave after wave of it, like an ocean of imminent defeat and self-loathing. Not only doesn’t he allow her any joy, he won’t even allow her to just be safe in the knowledge that everything is OK right now. I don’t know what he has against Cindy but it’s all pretty dark and brutal comic strip fodder if you ask me. Too bad it’s in the hands of AnAuthor with no imagination at all, you know?



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

20 responses to “All Bias Herself

  1. billytheskink

    You think Cindy’s insecurity is bad now, just wait until she visits Mason on set and the director proclaims her to be perfect for the character of Granny Mede, Jupiter Moon’s wise and ancient grandmother.

  2. Yeah, but I mean, this is Mason we’re talking about. Look at him–he looks like the star of a 1950s educational film gone to seed.

  3. Amid all this discussion about Cindy’s obsessiveness, she’s got the amazing ability to pop her glasses on in midconversation, seemingly with no effort on her part.

  4. There’s something about Cindy that really seems to rile up Tom Batiuk. I don’t know if she was the cheerleader who wouldn’t give him the time of day, but he sure seems to dislike her. Even when her circumstances are pretty good, she’s constantly awaiting the moment when everything comes apart.

    No wonder she was married to Funky, they’re the two characters Batiuk seems to despise the most.

  5. Here we are watching Cindy take TMZ as gospel and violating the first law of journalism: don’t believe everything you read. I mean, there are still people who think Lynn Johnston’s husband stole her money because she doesn’t know how to work an ATM and also because he stopped doling out an allowance for her after he left her.

  6. Spacemanspiff85

    I have a really hard time believing that Batiuk doesn’t cackle like a maniac each time he writes a strip with Cindy in it.

  7. Saturnino

    Marianne Winters = Penelope Cruz

  8. If the way he reacts to commenters who are less than worshipful of his genius is any indication of his behavior in high school, then it’s no mystery why he would have been unpopular.

  9. Continuity Police Alert: Compare the glasses from two days ago – they’re not the same ones. Today they don’t even look like sunglasses.

  10. Oh, and who is the 15 year old guy in panel 1?

  11. HeyItsDave

    I see there’s more clumsily-written dialog today. “You call it bias…I call it a track record.” I’m pretty sure T-Bats means that Marianne Winters’ behavior indicates a track record, but what he’s written for Cindy indicates that her “bias,” mistrust, and obsession with her age is the track record. Nice slip, Tom. You’re showing the petty little you again.

    @beckoningchasm: It’s pretty obvious that T-Bats uses the strip to deal with the impotent rage that still bubbles inside him from his days as the high-school loser. There’s Funky, once the most popular kid in school, now a fat alcoholic pizza slinger who never made much of himself, just kind of befriended the old guy he was delivering pizzas for and wound up with the business (which nearly failed when he tried to franchise his shitty flyover country pies.) And Holly, the cute cheerleader turned dumpy middle-aged hausfrau. And Cindy, the most popular girl in school, terrified of losing her looks and on a slow downward career spiral. Only Les really finds any satisfaction with life. He models Les after himself – hell, today’s comic-strip Les is virtually a self-portrait of The Esteemed Author – the high-school loser who has risen above all that. Kind of ironic, considering that even after nearly fifty years have gone by, Bats can’t seem to escape his own obsession about high school.

  12. HeyItsDave

    @Fred Blurt: I think they’re reading glasses. It’s like Batty’s shorthand for “old person” since he can’t seem to scribble an attractive 50-something woman without drawing her like she’s 19.

  13. ComicBookHarriet

    Kudos again to HeyItsDave! You’re on a roll this week.

  14. Professor Fate

    Isn’t Mason the one who is bi-polar? Cindy’s the one giving all sorts of “I’m dangerously unstable” vibes. And yet not in an interesting way.


    I’ll say this again. Mason Jarr is the only real likeable character in Funky Winkerbean. He actually talks like a person and his response in panel 2 is actually friggin reasonable and on point. And while these strips are soap-opera level drama, at least it IS drama!! I would rather watch six weeks of the Jupiter/Mason/Cindy love triangle than another strip of Crazy Harry tirades against Itunes.

  16. A HREF

    “OMG my boyfriend is around other younger more beautiful women. ”

    This isn’t a sensitive topic affecting young adults but middle schoolers.

  17. “soap-opera level drama”?? More like “ABC after school special level drama”.

  18. @HeyItsDave: Let’s not forget that Sporto Bull Bushka went from Les’s antagonist to his cretinous sidekick and Barry wound up needing psychiatric care after Les won valedictorian via a write-in campaign.

  19. Monotony

    @HeyItsDave fantastic

  20. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    AAAUUGGGHH! What’s with Cyndi’s horribly atrophied right leg?? Seriously, this guy was an art teacher.

    Clearly, the goal here is to turn Cyndi into Batty’s personal chew toy, since Lisa is, by most accounts, still dead. As everyone has already said, Batty is still taking (extremely lame) vengeance on all those who wronged him in high school – the attractive girls, the jocks… Why not have Cyndi score herself a Hollywood Movie Actor 25 years younger than herself, only to have her hopes dashed in dramatic and convincing fashion. She who highest soars, furthest falls! Bet Batso gets a golf-pencil sized woodie over beating up his characters this way.