Tonight There’s Gonna Be A Failbreak

Link to today’s strip

Yay! Another excuse to ditch the worst, most difficult and most demanding job of them all…writing for comic book characters! Somehow the star of the white-hot (and perpetually unfinished) “Starbuck Jones” feature film “heard” that Jessica and Skyler (who just moved to California a few short months ago) were inexplicably heading to Ohio to visit Skyler’s grandparents. And, incredibly enough, Mason just happens to have a private chartered flight to Ohio this very week! Unbelievable. And quite stupid, too.

So what the hell is this all about? Air travel gags? Fred Fairgood’s always-hysterical mutterings? John Darling? If Mason “heard” that Jessica was visiting Ohio, why didn’t he offer to fly her out there as well? How does he know Jessica and Skyler at all? How can Boy Lisa, who just a few months ago was using garbage as furniture, afford all this air travel back and forth to Westview?

Damned if I know. But apparently it made sense to Batiuk at the time, which of course means nothing, but still. At this rate Mason will be as old and washed up as Cindy is by the time this SJ movie hits the big screen.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

26 responses to “Tonight There’s Gonna Be A Failbreak

  1. SpacemanSpiff85

    Mason heard that Jessica was visiting Ohio when the two of them were sexting.
    I wish. It would be the first time something interesting happened in this strip in about five years.

  2. I can only repeat what I and many others have said. If writing what may be a successful film is so wearisome, there’s an easy out: quit. I’m sure everyone would be relieved to see you depart. If you took your misery and failure with you, then the movie might actually work. And, bonus time! You’d have a lifetime of regrets to stew over.

  3. SpacemanSpiff85

    That’s the thing. Neither one of them has to be doing this. Sure, Darin has a family (I guess he does, at least) to support, but apparently they were doing fine on the Montoni’s assistant manager salary. What’s tying Pete down to this job, though? I’m sure Comic Book John would be happy to hire him on.

  4. Mason’s not an actor, is he? He’s just there to provide convenient access to the things the other characters need. He’s like a Judge Parker supporting character.

  5. billytheskink

    I am generally a fan of the slacker comedy genre, but for it to work, you kinda need the comedy part.

    And by “the grandparents” Mason means Funky and Holly, right?

  6. DOlz

    I expect to see Terry Gilliam’s “The Man Who Killed Don Quixote” before the SJ movie is finished.

  7. Jimmy

    I actually welcome a focus on Starbuck Jones this week as opposed to this drek (I’m making an assumption based upon the header).

    I switched careers a couple of years ago to something that gives me work/life balance, allows me to pursue creative interests, and is emotionally rewarding. After reading this week’s FW, I realize I am miserable and need to go back to the salt mines to truly find happiness.

  8. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Sweet Baby Jesus, we humbly pray that Masky McDeath is their pilot, and their plane crashes into a mountain. Baby Jesus, hear our prayer. Amen.

  9. Rembrandt36

    How can Mason appear twice in the same panel at the same time? Smoke and mirrors? Oh sorry, one of them was Dullard…

  10. SpacemanSpiff85

    If Jessica and Skyler went to Ohio, couldn’t Pete and Darrin have gone along with her, if they really wanted to? Or are they just too cheap for that, and were hoping someone would come along and give them a free ride?

  11. What in blue blazing barnacles is going on here? What is it to Mason that Jessica and Skylar had gone back to Ahia to visit? He’s not related to them. And billytheskink makes a great point. Chances are quite good that she’s visiting Funky and Holly since The Author seems to have forgotten the Fairgoods and Jessica’s mom, the widow of John Darling Who Was Murdered. Maybe he can throw in a visit to Grandpa Frankie, Darin’d “bio dad”.

  12. Great. Wonderful. Freedom from being sought after and respected so that one can hang around the REAL America: a decaying Rust Belt town filled with defeated people who blame their problems on werewolves and space monsters.

  13. bad wolf

    Amazing. I’m sure we never saw Jessica leave Hollywood, but did we even see them arrive? Kind of skipping over some beats here.

    Sadly over at Crankshaft Emily and Amelia (light brown hair) make an appearance, which usually runs for a solid week. Was kind of hoping TB would give up on their CS shtick..

  14. HeyItsDave

    Nah, let’s make ’em suffer some more. It just seems more…Batiukian that way.


    This is a big budget movie. The type of movie that has SEVERAL people’s careers and livelihoods on the line. And these two idiots are going away at a critical junction. It’s not like they are not able to see their families. Durwood has seen his wife and child. Mopey Pete has NO family and has no fucking reason to leave. There is no reason BOTH of these guys need to leave. This is playing fucking hooky on your job!

    You know, Batiuk is trying to make us sympathize with the writers here and hate the soulless corporate movie machine. It’s doing the opposite, the producers and heads of this movie would be MORE than justified to fire these two.

  16. So I guess Jessica and Skyler are doomed to spending the remainder of their existence traveling back and forth between Hollywood and Westview, never actually arriving at either destination.

    And it looks like Mason is doing pretty well – beach house, chartering a plane to fly across the country – for an actor who has apparently yet to appear in a film that’s actually been released.

  17. Heads up Ohio peeps: July 29 is Ed Crankshaft Bobblehead Night at the Toledo Mudhens game…

  18. HeyItsDave

    @bobanero – Mason pays the bills by doing crazy-ass Japanese energy drink commercials while he’s waiting for Starbuck Jones to start filming. Arnie hooked him up.

  19. Epicus Doomus

    So Jessica flew out to visit Boy Lisa for Thanksgiving, then Boy Lisa flew home to visit Montoni’s for Christmas. Then Jessica moved to California. And now she’s flying back home a few short months later. That’s three trips in just five or six months. During the Thanksgiving arc, Boy Lisa was incessantly whining about how difficult everything was and living in a shabby apartment full of trash. So how on earth are they paying these airfare and moving expenses? Typical FW logic at work. One day everyone’s broke, the next they’re flying all over the country. One day SJ is an obscurity, the next it’s a huge sensation sweeping the globe.

  20. Jimmy

    @TFH: That’s for real? It seems to me the only people who know what Crankshaft actually is are the ones who openly mock it.

  21. @TFH: I foresee a reprise of the White Sox’s infamous “Disco Demolition Night.”

  22. Hannibal's Lectern

    Mason Jarr The Actor ™ looks awfully relaxed for a guy who has a beach-ball-sized black hole (probably from Ed’s tinkering with Lena’s antimatter brownie recipe) devouring his crotch.

  23. Merry Pookster

    Plane crash please.

  24. I have this idea that Jessica and son have never reached Hollywood yet, that after a few blocks away from Montoni’s they stopped to visit “the grandparents” and just kind of stayed.

  25. hitorque


    When the hell did Krankenschaaft pitch for Toledo? Deadball Era?

  26. Charles

    Mason’s not an actor, is he? He’s just there to provide convenient access to the things the other characters need. He’s like a Judge Parker supporting character.

    Great point. Batiuk’s not going to do it, but this would actually be a great symptom of bipolar disorder. He gets a ridiculous idea and decides to go with it, spending whatever money he needs for it frivolously. It would also explain why he wants to resettle in Westview when he has a California beach house and presumably a successful career as an actor.

    Batiuk’s also not going to explain why Mason is going to Westview either. If not, I’ll suspect it’s that he’s banging Holly. That’d be another bipolar symptom.