Incohe-rent

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These Hollywood producers really have the cash to throw around, don’t they? Presumably it’s on their dime that Mason and company have been able to fly to Ohio, then on to New York, on their quest to track down this forgotten actor. And today, on the recommendation of their leading man, they’re prepared to pay a year’s rent on Cliff’s New York city apartment, ostensibly in addition to a fat paycheck that will set him up for life. So thrilled is Cliffy with this turn of events that he’s unfazed when Mason offhandedly insults his current surroundings.

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19 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

19 responses to “Incohe-rent

  1. Wow, Tom Batiuk has absolutely no idea how the real world works. This is far more amazing and unbelievable than any Starbuck Jones adventure.

  2. spacemanspiff85

    If Batiuk really thinks Hollywood throws that kind of money around like that, he must be pissed every second of every day that nobody’s come to him begging for the rights to any of his strips.

  3. billytheskink

    I would not have pegged “making a Starbuck Jones movie” as an especially successful way to launder money, but the proof is in the pudding.

    Cliff’s about to get a non-crooked lampshade, he has no reason to ask questions.

  4. Gerard Plourde

    Who’d have thought that Mason Jarr, the movie actor, had that kind of leverage over the producers of the Starbuck Jones movie? What kind of blackmail material does he have on them?

  5. Someone call the syndicate–I think the dialogue for today’s Funky Winkerbean got switched with Judge Parker.

  6. Frank Kelly

    It looks like a rather nice NYC apartment building. Most New Yorkers would kill to live in a nice walk up like that.

    Yea! Mason Jarr, you are afraid of table reads but somehow have the balls to call the producers about having Anger do a cameo. And then subsidize his rent for a year.

    I love the consistency of the inconsistent inconsistencies.

  7. Mason: “How would you like a cameo in our movie?”
    Cliff: “I’d love that!”
    Mason: “Let me call my producers!”
    (Mason makes the call)
    Producers: “No, not a chance, his screen actor’s guild membership is expired and there’s no way we’re doing any more expensive reshoots.”
    Mason: “But.. he’s the original Starbucks Jones!”
    Producers: “He’s been completely forgotten about and by now is unrecognizable anyway. Get your ass back to CA, what are we paying for?”
    Mason: (To Cliff) “How about a special edition blue-ray instead when it comes out, signed by yours truly?”
    Cliff:”What the hell is a blue-ray?”

  8. Great. This makes as much sense as the advance they gave Mike Patterson in FBorFW. Perhaps he’ll end up as the wise old man when they make the film for Blood Cargo II: The Housening.

  9. Epicus Doomus

    “I just had the most amazing idea! Let’s find Cliff Anger and ask him to be in our new SJ movie! Yay! We found him! Let’s go!”

    “Here we are in the Ramshackle District where Cliff Anger lives. That is his building. Let’s go knock at his apartment door.”

    “Go away.”

    “I am in the new SJ movie. You were in an old one. Would you like to be in a new one too?”

    “Go away.”

    “Please?”

    “Oh, a woman. You may come in now. Yes, I am Cliff Anger. Yes, I am aware that is a pun, Mr. Jarr. I used to play SJ in old movies that everyone forgot about except, I guess, you three people. Here is some old stuff from my career.”

    (Reader must use imagination here. Take as much time as you need.)

    “Gee, thanks Mr. Jarr! Resuming my career after all this time will be swell! Free rent for a whole year? No way! And there’s plenty more where that came from too?? Wow, this worked out great Mason, Pete and Cindy! Thank God I’ve just been sitting here for sixty years or I might have missed you!”

    BanTom: the master of deftly sidestepping his own stories like they’re piles of dog poo on the sidewalk. The undisputed king of one-dimensional, cliche-dipped caricatures and the eternal overlord of shallow poorly-constructed mythologies and insane continuity lapses. The artist who says more with a thousand panels than most people could ever dream of saying with one.

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    OMG this is stupid–even by Batty’s standards. I do like the dumb sitcom smiles on Darin and Young Cindy though. And that usual middle panel that shows the exterior–pure genius. Batty has elevated this art form once again!

  11. HeyItsDave

    Man. Today’s strip. This is like reading some tween’s Mary Sue wish-fulfillment fanfic. Cringeworthy at best.

    So T-Bats writes this stuff a year in advance? How can he re-read this crap a year later and not be so embarrassed by it that he tears it up and starts over?

  12. Nothing particularly interesting in the panels involving humans today, so…

  13. However, even if this story arc is more of a flatline, there’s still reason to be happy:

    It could always be worse.

  14. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Why? Why would they agree to pick up his rent? Why even hire him? Why waste all this money for a cameo that could be done by an extra for much less money? Why cheat a struggling actor out of a chance to work? Anger Rage here didn’t contact them. He wasn’t looking for work? The only reason your hiring him is because the Mason Jarr idiot brigade here just thought it would be a “cool” idea.

    Fire these 3 idiots, movie execs. They’re not that talented. They’ve wasted money, and they are not even grateful for the opportunity they have been given. Maybe you can save this movie so that at least it can be Syfy movie of the week. At least then it can be lampooned as the next Sharknado.

  15. Mason: Hello, CME? It’s me, Mason, with a great idea!
    Producers: Hi, Mason, nice of you to check in. You’re fired. Might as well stay in Ohio with your two friends. Oh yeah–they’re fired too. Their belongings are already on the way back to Westview, fourth class. That includes the wife and son.
    Mason: But– but you can’t do this! I’ve got the original Starbuck Jones, Cliff Anger!
    Producers: –and?
    Mason: And I thought he could do a cameo in my movie.
    Producers: Which movie is that, Mason?
    Mason: Look, I’m engaged to a top news personality. You want me to turn her loose on this story?
    Producers: Oh, is that Holly?
    Mason: Cindy
    Producers: Whatever-y. Apparently she also has the opportunity to stay in Ohio. Oh wait, sorry, forgot who I was talking to. That means she’s been fired too.
    (silence)
    Producers: ..Mason? Not gonna pull the old fake suicide bit again, are you?
    Mason: Look, how about “Dino Deer 2: The EnDEERing.” See, it’s spelled–
    CLICK

  16. Funky Winkerbean: the comics equivalent of Jason Spieth’s 12th hole in yesterday’s Masters.

  17. Professor Fate

    What is truly amazing about this strip is just how sad, depressing and cringe worthy it is when the storyline is upbeat.
    And I don’t know for sure but dear lord a filming a cameo is what one, two days work at most? I mean the most he’d be doing is saying something like ‘here’s your blaster Mr. Jones” . If he’s one the screen for 30 seconds it would be a lot – He would have less screen time than Howard the Duck did at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy.

  18. Hitorque

    Having watched Batman vs Superman in 3-D on Saturday, I have to say “Stabuck Jones, Episode One: His Mom Was an Astronaut” might not be the worst thing in the world, assuming it ever gets filmed….

    I will say that Pete Rattabastardo *is* the unmistakable spirit avatar of Zach Snyder…

    Maybe Batiuk is on to something, and this haphazard, scatterbrained, half-assed method really is how superhero movies get made in the real world?

  19. Next Sunday: Cliff Anger wins the Nobel Prize for Acting in a Cameo Role, as well as a special Cable Oscar.