Dough’nt Make That

Funky is hopefully putting the brakes on Tony’s barely-lucid ramblings in today’s strip, hopefully before he comes up with a “Challenger” pizza, where you have T+73.162 seconds to finish 7 slices or you’ll “explode” with disappointment.

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25 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

25 responses to “Dough’nt Make That

  1. Jimmy

    I would like to remind everyone that Funky thought it was a good idea to offer breakfast pizza and to create an app for Montoni’s. How did those work out for you, Funkster?

  2. If we’re lucky, Funky will tell Tony off, then Tony will become upset and kill himself. It would be the most interesting thing that’s happened in this strip in years.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    If tomorrow’s strip doesn’t feature Tony being forcibly dragged off to Bedside Manor, this was all for nothing. I didn’t even get this one at first until I put the Neptune thing together…har har.

  4. I can’t decide who I hate more here: Tony for these idiotic ideas that nobody would ever find appetizing, or Funky for just sitting there groaning and sneering without having any better ideas. They’re both tiresome and stupid.

  5. I think it takes a pretty remarkable talent to take a character we haven’t seen in years and make him completely loathsome in only five days.

  6. billytheskink

    Ah yes, how could Tony resist making a Neptune pizza covered in some unappetizing combination of seafood? Reminds me of a joke I heard back in the 90s…
    What’s the difference between the planet Neptune and the state of Ohio?
    Neptune’s Great Dark Spot has disappeared, but Westview is still in Ohio.

    It is also worth remembering that, back in Act II, it was Funky’s idea to serve a completely uncooked pie as “gazpacho pizza” to a panel of pizza competition judges after the Montoni’s team’s oven had been sabatoged. “Overthinking this” indeed!

  7. About the only good thing that we can say is that this arc is almost over.

  8. Rusty Shackleford

    @thediva

    The entire strip is tiresome and stupid. Every single day.

  9. Gerard Plourde

    Consider, too, that if The Author is to be believed, this mess was written a year ago. In that time no editor reviewed it and questioned its content with so much as an “It’s not funny” or an “I don’t get it”.

  10. Saturnino

    “I think it takes a pretty remarkable talent to take a character we haven’t seen in years and make him completely loathsome in only five days.”

    Well, let’s remember, if Tony does in fact watch Science Channel, he surely must be aware that STD’s are running rampant in the retirement communities in Florida.

    Now considering he’s been down there for a while, he may even suspect (as we do) that he is in the end stage of something.

    That would explain a lot and would be more interesting than cancer and stroke.

  11. Meanwhile, on the other side, Crankshaft and Lillian are whining that the publishing industry is going away because Batiuk has no other explanation for the fact that the Saga Of Dead Saint Lisa sits on the shelves. Since it can’t be a long, painfully boring and depressing, despairing piece of twaddle no one would read, books must be going away.

  12. Not squid, Tony, but that faux “calamari” made from pig bung. Then he could have Uranus and Neptune on the same pizza.

  13. HeyItsDave

    Meanwhile, on the other side, Crankshaft and Lillian are whining that the publishing industry is going away because Batiuk has no other explanation for the fact that the Saga Of Dead Saint Lisa sits on the shelves.

    Across all editions, The Gospel of St. Lisa averages about #2,000,000 in Amazon’s sales rankings (which are highly flexible and ever-changing because of their incomprehensible algorithms.) But it’s actually a pretty good seller in some of the sub-categories, like “Women’s Health” and surprise! “Breast Cancer.” What I bet really irks the shit out of Bats, though, is that those rankings also include the gazillions of copies being sold for a penny.

  14. This is apparently the only pizza restaurant in Westview. Why the fuck do you need marketing gimmicks? You get the same ten customers every week, and all they care about is cheese and pepperoni and an occasional mushroom. And does anybody really know or care that someday eventually they’re going to be shooting scenes for a B movie in a nearby city? Do we even know how close Cleveland is supposed to be to Westview? When the band has an event there, it’s depicted as an all day bus trip, but then when Cindy worked there, she would come to Montoni’s for lunch.

  15. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Dear God in heaven……was this weeks strips a blatant use of padding or what?? This was almost as bad as those series strips about Crazy’s unseen Happy Dance!!

    This makes me appreciate how when Trudeau or Breathed were out of ideas they would just put their strips on hiatus for a week or so. Or show re-runs. Batiuk should learn from that. Just put a note saying he is on vacation……………….In fact he should do that permanently!!!. We wouldn’t miss anything and could enjoy older vintage strips.

  16. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Crankshaft – Crankie’s argument would make sense—if she was selling new books!!!. Presumably she is selling old books that she’s collected over the years. She probably has some rare collectors items and books long since out of print. A rare book shop would actually probably do well. What’s dying out are retail book sellers like Barnes & Nobles. Nobody’s buying Dead Lisa’s story in any format, Tommy!!!

  17. Batiuk should learn from that. Just put a note saying he is on vacation

    A week full of an empty white panel with “I got nothing” written on it would be several times as entertaining as this week’s strips.

  18. @bobanero Well, we don’t know what how many other pizzerias are in Westview. About the only thing we know about the city is that there’s a high school, Montoni’s, a country club, and a prison. We don’t know much else. Batiuk doesn’t flesh stuff out. He just seems to make stuff up as he goes along. He doesn’t build a world until he needs to.

  19. Jim in Wisc.

    bobanero wrote: Do we even know how close Cleveland is supposed to be to Westview? When the band has an event there, it’s depicted as an all day bus trip …

    I remember that, and thought it was pretty odd, seeing as you can drive from Cinncy to Cleveland (basically the SW corner of the state to the NE corner) in about half a day.

  20. billytheskink: It is also worth remembering that, back in Act II, it was Funky’s idea to serve a completely uncooked pie as “gazpacho pizza” to a panel of pizza competition judges after the Montoni’s team’s oven had been sabatoged. “Overthinking this” indeed!

    Not to mention it was Funky’s mismanagement that changed Motoni’s from a thriving a change to just have the original store left.

  21. Professor Fate

    This is the most pointless week of this strip I have ever seen in a long time – I find myself pining for a good solid week of silent letter opening.

  22. Epicus Doomus

    The guy spends weeks building up his SJ mythology then ends it with two morons jabbering about pizza for a full week. Worst storyteller ever.

  23. @Epicus – “Ends” it? This Starbuck Jones crap is going to go on for years. Nothing terrible ever ends in Funky Winkerbean.

  24. Epicus Doomus

    BC: The “Cliff Anger is re-discovered” part, I mean. He’ll be working this SJ stuff forever, no doubt. But this particular arc…four weeks, insane premise, completely skips over the story’s climax and winds it up with Funky and Tony babbling about pizza. If there was an Anti-Pulitzer…