Burn, baby, burn!

Link to what Bats hath wrought.

Wow. An entire week of Starbuck Jones and every bit of it has been peripheral to the actions of Funky Winkerbean regular cast members. I have to take back all the nasty things I’ve said about the writing in this strip – it’s obvious that Tom Batiuk is a genius – he’s managed to bring about a whole new comic (Starbuck Jones) while keeping the science fiction out and revolving the story entirely around the residents of his beloved Westview Ohio. Truly he is a master of his craft. Though I have to say that it would have been nice if there had been just a teeny bit of Mason Jarr hamming it up, or Marianne Winters’ cute little implied butt. No matter, there are still a few years to go until Bats gets that Lifetime Doodler Award or whatever, so I guess there’s plenty of time to inflict entertain us with the continuing interweaving of Funky Winkerbean and Starbuck Jones.

Oh, yeah, and before I forget – my wish was granted, too!

Mason, please, for the love of all that is holy, have Holly do her her Flaming Baton act.

— Me.

One last thing…we joke about this movie being “straight to cell phone” bad, but c’mon. We all know how bad it’s really going to be.

 

And…that’s it for my turn in the barrel. Beckoningchasm will be here tomorrow with some more high-quality snark, and I’ll be back in the comment section ruining T-Bat’s artwork.

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15 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

15 responses to “Burn, baby, burn!

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Well, that takes care of Owen, Cody, Alex, Klabinchnik and Holly. Now he just needs to figure out how to work Les, Cayla, Funky, Cory, Rocky, Wally, Buddy, Rachel, Becky, DSH John, Crazy Harry, Donna, Dinkle, Bull, Linda, Summer, Keisha, Lisa, Ann, Fred, that weird other kid Fred has, Jessica, Skyler, those twins, Frankie, the AV Club kids, Jarod, Wedgeman and Fitness Girl into the Starbuck Jones movie and we’ll be all set.

    Coming soon: After the extras are all felled by some bad pizza, Mason asks Les, Cayla, Funky, Cory, Rocky, Wally, Buddy, Rachel, Becky, DSH John, Crazy Harry, Donna, Dinkle, Bull, Linda, Summer, Keisha, Lisa, Ann, Fred, that weird other kid Fred has, Jessica, Skyler, those twins, Frankie, Lennie, the AV Club kids, Jarod, Wedgeman and Fitness Girl if they’d like to appear in his movie…one at a time over the span of the next six years. Les is especially compelling as Smug Annoying Asshole With Beard In Corner while Funky draws raves as Fat Sweaty Dying Man.

  2. Hey, kids! Did you know that you can walk onto a movie set and just start messing around with the pyrotechnics? Try it sometime!

  3. The irony is that When Holly did the flaming baton trick in Act I, she torched herself. The Lord of the Retcon strikes again.

  4. Gerard Plourde

    So is Holly going to be tapped to replace the AWOL Marianne Winters? Will Cindy then start tressing that Mason will find Holly attractive and dump her? Or will we coni\tinue to get these disjointed vignettes where Westviewers appear without rhyme or reason?

  5. Oh God, I’m doomed!!! *cough* I mean, see you on Monday!

    I think Tom Batiuk has been watching too many movies made by The Asylum, and he’s been thinking “I could do this!”

    And given the quality of stories from The Asylum, indeed he could. And has.

  6. spacemanspiff85

    This has been repeatedly stated to be a big budget epic, almost like Star Wars. And yet they literally have a guy dressed in a rubber alien costume waving a burning stick around as the special effects? I’m really starting to be in awe of how completely wrong Batiuk’s idea of moviemaking is. “Kill fee” was more believable than this.

  7. Rusty Shackleford

    Well I knew he would find a way to shoehorn in one of the west view regulars. And we all knew the result would be another crappy strip.

  8. We get another reminder that Holly’s brain got damaged setting herself on fire on this side and on the other, there’ Jeff bitching because his mother happened to die before her insurance money ran out.

  9. Never mind that in the real world, the spear (?) wouldn’t be flaming at all; there’d just be a white dot on the end to tell the CGI software where to put the digital flames. Never mind that if they were using pyrotechnics it’d be on a closed set with firefighters standing by with extinguishers in hand. Never mind that effects shots are usually commanded by the second-unit director, who’s a specialist in such things, and not by the primary director of the film.

    Just ask yourself… is there anything at all “menacing” about a fifty-year-old frumpy housewife replicating a high-school cheerleader schtick? I think “Starsuck Jones” deserves better than that!

  10. Hitorque

    Has Batiuk forgotten his own canon? The long-running Act I joke was Holly *couldn’t* do her flaming baton without burning up herself and everything around her…

    Nevermind the fact that a baton is completely different from the staff she’s wielding like that ninja turtle…

  11. Holly doesn’t look menacing to me.

  12. I understand Jim Kibblesnbits and the Lack-Wits being there, since they were going on a field trip to Cleveland.

    Why is Holly there?

  13. Saturnino

    “Why is Holly there?”

    She is serving Montoni’s Pizza, the official meal of the Starbuck Jones filming.

    And running the stomach pump……………………..

  14. Charles

    Hey, kids! Did you know that you can walk onto a movie set and just start messing around with the pyrotechnics? Try it sometime!

    Not only that, but if you’re improbably catering a movie set, you’ll always be standing right off camera next to the director, such that you can just waddle right into the frame and grab props from the actors and talk to them, especially those actors who the directors are talking to. Nobody will stop you. Nobody will ever ask what you’re doing. In fact, everyone will think you’re pretty cool!

  15. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    So, I’m guessing there are no stuntmen on this film. Because I find it hard to believe that Holly knows how to use that thing better than a veteran stuntman and special effects crew. In Star Wars, the crew actually hired trained fencers to teach the actors and stuntment to do the lightsaber scenes.

    That and the fact that this movie seems to be completely filmed in Cleveland leads me to one conclusion….This is a Uwe Boll tax shelter scam movie isn’t it? If it is at least I can look forward to Boll beating up Les Moore in a cage match.